Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Happy New Year. Everybody
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): welcome! Welcome!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright! Let me just get myself settled here.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Oh, yeah, she might. She might be a little late, so we'll see.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Hi, Hi, Sarah, you're off mute.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love your your mint green glasses. By the way, I don't think I've ever seen those I have. I never noticed it. It's so cute.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: This is this is what you wear when you can't find your real progressives. And so you grab your old readers.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have 4 different pairs of glasses that I use different moments. I get it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, everybody! Welcome! Welcome! We'll just wait another minute, so hopefully we can start together with as many people as possible.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Happy New Year!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am so happy that I had this session on my calendar for the first week of the year.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good to spend
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this this time with all of you, and start the year off with all of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for now if you can put yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on mute. That would be great. It's weird. I don't know what's going on with Zoom. Some of the Zoom Rooms
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you come in, and and people are just like automatically on mute. But now others not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know what's going on there, so anyway. we'll all have time to talk and share in a little bit. But just for now alright, let's get set
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and get grounded so that we can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be fully present as we come into our time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together today. So wherever you are, if it feels right to close your eyes, I invite you to close your eyes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it feels right to keep them open and go in words. I invite you to do that. I'm gonna close my eyes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whether your eyes are open or closed.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The invitation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is to use
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): these moments to give yourself the gift of arriving
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and being present.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I find
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one of the best ways to do this for myself is to tune into my body
Lea Artis: oops.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So if it's helpful, I invite you to find your breath
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and to notice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how the breath is feeling inside of your body
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): today as you inhale and exhale.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe noticing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where in your breath and your body you feel open and in flow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and where you feel there isn't as much flow without judgment, or even need to change
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just noticing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking a moment to give thanks for your body
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and for all the ways that it supports
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and serves you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then, maybe taking a moment now with your heart, if you wanna place a hand on your heart, bring your heart more online and present with you, giving your heart a little bit of attention.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): honoring your heart and all the ways that it serves you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then maybe giving some attention to your belly, to your stomach, to the place of digestion, not only a food, but of experiences and of emotions bringing your
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): stomach more online
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and honoring your stomach.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then maybe placing a hand at your throat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): bringing your voice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even more online right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): honoring your voice for all the ways that it serves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then taking a couple of nice deep breaths in and out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): honoring all of you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together. Well, as we often do, take a nice deep breath in and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): audibly exhale a sigh out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): breathing in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if your eyes aren't open, slowly opening them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking a moment to see the other incredible humans
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that are here in our circle today that we get to be with today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that we get to connect with today
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that we get to witness and be witnessed by today.
Hmm!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know about you, though, hopefully I'll find out soon, but I can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): speak for myself and say it is so good to be in community. I need it right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, I seem to have lost my notes. Give me 1 s here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there they are.
Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So not only are we in a New Year, but we are starting a new quarter
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or embody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you're like. I don't know what happened in the last quarter. And now we're starting a new quarter. Guess what? Not to worry, cause we're looking at myth of perfection. So throw any perfectionist tendencies out the window. We'll talk later on today about I don't know. Catch up! Isn't even the right word. We'll talk about how you can.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I hate saying, start fresh, but but how can start for how you can recommit if you want to recommit right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's always a great moment to reconnect, to recommit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It doesn't need to be the beginning of a program or the the very first day of the New Year. So we'll look at that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for our time together today for our 3 and a half hours. We're gonna be looking at one of my favorite topics because I always need it so much myself, which is you know, loosening up a little bit more that myth of perfection, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we are going to be spending some time first reviewing what we learned in sacred depth. Some of the pieces we learned in sacred death around myth of perfection.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then from there we're gonna do a deep dive into a related technique
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in sacred depths.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I very, very quickly mentioned, towards the end of the myth of perfection module that you can work with the shadow of perfection with your clients, but it don't go very deeply into that or what that means. We're gonna look a bit more that today. With a kind of a fun shadow technique.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for perfectionism that
I really love. And I have a feeling you're gonna love it as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it probably goes without saying. But I'm going to say it, anyway, even if we've worked on myth of perfection for ourselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): before. Probably most for most of us. It's a good idea to keep on coming back to it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And You know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I teach myth of perfection at least once a year, if not more, in sacred depths and other places, and I have for a long time, and even though I teach it every year for many years.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I still have to come back to working on my own perfection. Even as recently as right now, I'll just share a a short little you know, for the last
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 2 plus months I have really been wanting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to kind of start a new project which is to actually work on my Youtube channel, because. as you all know, I'm wordy and I don't think the Instagram thing is ever gonna work for me. And so, even though I'm still kinda doing it, what I realized is on Youtube, I can talk as much as I want all the things, and I think it would be a great marketing and visibility Avenue for me, except I haven't done it yet.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not for lack of ideas. not for lack of words to say.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I tell myself it's for lack of time. But the truth is, it's because of my myth of perfection. I'm like I have to take a shower beforehand, and I have to put on makeup, and I have to blah blah, you know, like all all the presentation of video for the public
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and so I just haven't done it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I am hoping that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through our time together today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I have it on my blueprint that this month I will start my Youtube channel. I'll let you know how it goes. And Lisa is thinking the same thing about Youtube. That's awesome, Lisa. Maybe we can do it together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it is so valuable to keep on coming back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What else do I wanna tell you before we jump in? So I said, We'll spend a few we'll spend some time towards the end, looking at how to recharge, get even more out of embody because it's a like a loose program. You know, loose container. I wanna just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): keep on pulling you all in as much as what is right for you. I am also, towards the end of our time today gonna talk a little bit about advanced depth. The next cohort is starting in April. I know some of you have been waiting to get in or to do it again, that special.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some special pricing and goodies for you if this is the year for you. But before we get into all of that, let's take a moment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and check in. How has your first week, almost week of 2024 been?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And how are you feeling about the year to come?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then I'd love to hear in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How has your first week of 2024 been? By the way, mine has been? Covid is in the house, and lots of other illnesses. I can't seem to get anything done. But I'm not letting that get in my way of feeling like good things are gonna happen this year. So how has your first week of 2024 been? And how are you feeling about the year to come?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And yeah, I love this idea of a Youtube support group. I will be in on it. Somebody wants to get it together.
Elijah Selby (she/her): Do you want us to speak up like, or do you want us to write? I'm sorry
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): share in the chat, for now we'll have time for just wanted to get clear. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, thanks for asking.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So Randa is saying, just barely started just landing home. And I don't have my feet into 2024 yet. Yeah, I think you're not alone on that. I think there's a lot of feeling of that for Christine. You also have had Covid. But you've been super productive and intentional. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's great. Cynthia has had a lovely first week. I'm so happy to hear it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Emily. It's been emotional, same here with lots of transitions, and allowing myself to be in it. Feel it with mindful awareness and grace. I love that. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for colleen. That last quarter of 23 was rough also. Covid. And your mom. Yeah, I'm sorry. But 2024 has started stronger. I'm so so happy to hear it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I won't read all of these out loud. I'll I'll let us all
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): read for a moment. That's so good to hear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just a little bit of a check in on where you're at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Lisa. It's been fantastic, and she hasn't done any work yet. No.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Well, hopefully, our time together will just strengthen all of us wherever we're at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): As we move forward.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cause all we can do is move forward. Okay, so let's jump right in. I wanna take some time first to go back and just have us reconnect with the idea of perfectionism and myth of perfectionism as we looked at it in sacred depth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's lots of different ways that we can define perfectionism. Some of the ways that I would define it for our purposes. When we're working with it with ourselves and with clients
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): perfectionism can be the need to get it totally right. Not a single thing can be wrong.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Perfectionism can be not being happy or settled
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or satisfied
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): unless it's absolutely perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Perfectionism can be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being in fight or flight. or even freeze if it's not totally right. Or, as you expected. right? So we, going into our surv, in other words, going into our survival instincts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then we go into this magical thinking that if we can like for me, it's fight right like. If I can just make it perfect in the then it'll safeguard me from disaster.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which, of course, isn't true.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Perfectionism might look like judging yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or others pretty harshly. if it's not perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So just kind of like a raise of hands. If you know any of these.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, seeing a lot of raised hands.
Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's way too easy to fall into right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we fall into this need for perfectionism or perfectionism, as we all know, it becomes an obstacle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right. Renee. The last thing I said was judging yourself or others harshly. If it's not perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we fall into perfectionism, it can become an obstacle. It can stop us from getting things done
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like the Youtube channel.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or maybe we get things done. But it takes us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so much longer than it needs to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My very first business website ever took a year. It could have taken. It was done in 3 months. by the way, but the end of the extra 9 months was going back and pops getting with it and not releasing it to the public unless it until it was perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So getting caught up, even obsessed in fixing unnecessary details instead of moving forward. Perfectionism can be an obstacle, and that we just don't even start
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. We just don't even start.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're waiting for it to feel perfect, or for us to have the perfect idea or know, have the perfect words like whatever it is until we even start working on it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Perfectionism can rob us of our confidence.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and, like I said, other has us judge ourselves terribly right, and then our energy gets strained from that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A subset of perfectionism that, I just wanna point out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is expecting that growth or transformation, or any kind of accomplishment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): should look neat and linear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): instead of messy and cyclical.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So I know I fall into that as well sometimes, even though I know better. It's like, Oh, yeah, this is just gonna go off without a hitch.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I put it out there, and it really does not go off without a hitch or off at all. And I'm like, Oh, it's not working. It's right. But it's just that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): growth. evolution, transformation, accomplishment is messing. And it's cyclical.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): perfectionism can show up as we know, basically in any area of life, our work. our client work, our creative work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our relationships. our homes, our appearance. our sex lives. our parenting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This program right? Like, maybe you've shown up for some of embody, but not all the ways you've wanted to. And you're telling yourself, well, I'm not getting anything from it then, or it's not right, or this, that, or the other thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Emily, what did you want me to say again? Which piece
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can just take yourself off mute.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It was I just again. Perfectionism is showing up to make sure I have the notes right? Expecting that growth, accomplishment should look neat and linear instead of messy and cyclical. Did I have that right? Or that's right. So yeah. And so the messy part, I think, is pretty self explanatory. What I mean by
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cyclical is that sometimes things can go really well, right like there, there's a spring, and there's a winter for everything. So things might look perfect at first, and then, if they slow down, or something goes sideways, or this, that and the other thing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we're in our perfectionism, we're like, it's not working when really it's just the natural cycle of things up and and down, right ebb and flow, growth and contraction.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. let's go a little deeper with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment and write down for yourself what are the places that perfectionism comes up for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): especially right now? So it might be in the outer world in terms of not getting things done or things taking longer. Or maybe you are getting it done. But you're beating yourself up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or beating other people up in your life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So where are the places and get specific? Right? Not just work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but where the specific places where perfectionism is coming for you right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Give you another half minute on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): As I was thinking about our time together today, I actually
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): had a revelation this morning about how I've been
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My perfectionism is showing up with Panina because I get so scared for her right like I want everything for her to be so wonderful and so perfect. And then I have a reaction when some things aren't, not with all the things with her, but right, but certain things. So anyway, I just share that as
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know brainstorming, another idea
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright for the places that you're identifying, where perfectionism comes up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is not helpful about your perfectionism
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and what is helpful. Maybe there's some helpful things about your perfectionism, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? We don't want to vilify anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what's helpful about it in those different places. And what's not so helpful about the perfectionism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Renee? I don't. What do you mean by the other side of this?
Renée Fishman: I mean, like
Renée Fishman: as I think about where perfectionism is coming up. I also am thinking about like there's places where it like definitely doesn't but like where I'm like, oh, I'm not perfectionist there, but then sometimes I'm like, maybe I need to be a little more on the ball there, and so like I'm beating myself up for like. Not exactly. That's why I was saying inner, too. So if it's showing up on the inner realm for sure. No.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another half moment with that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Elijah saying, My mind is really good at rationalizing and making myself wrong, no matter what. Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I mean not the only one. And
such a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, such an extension of perfectionism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Renee, how is it useful and not useful? But we're about to move on to the next question. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna do some free form writing. I'm gonna give you the beginning of a sentence, and I'm just gonna ask you to keep on writing for about a minute, a minute and a half just what wants to come through.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the prompt, the first prompt is. and you've got it in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being perfect will save me from
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being perfect, will save me from.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another 30 s with that, see what more wants to come through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being perfect will save me from.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then start to bring that writing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to a close.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're gonna do one more writing prompt. You might get some similar things off this one, but maybe some different ones. Let's see.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I put it into the chat I have learned from my parents, from media, from society.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc. Religion, whatever you want to put in there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that when I'm imperfect. it means that I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have learned from my parents media society, whatever you want to put in there that when I'm imperfect it means that I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take another half minutes. See what else wants to come through on this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When you're done, take a moment and read over
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what came through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with a coaching eye.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if, as you're reading through any thoughts of Oh, God! This again is coming up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): first of all, know that you're not alone. and also
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is part of human nature. Right? Don't apply myth of perfection to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm still working on this, it should have been perfectly fixed by now. Growth, remember, growth is cyclical.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that, Sarah. That's so beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And, Stacy, I'm so so glad of what you shared. Also in the chat
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we beat ourselves up so much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): client. Mark.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): would like to give you all opportunity to share what's been coming through for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know especially
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for not in the mood or not feeling well. It's like I don't want to do a breakout room, and of course you know what's best for you. But that being said
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's every time people go into breakout rooms, even if they weren't in the mood almost every time they come out, being, oh, my gosh! That was so nice! It was just so nice to connect with people and share and see and be seen, and go deeper into this. So if you are able to, even as if it's a little bit of a stretch.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we really recommend going into the breakout room. The people here are the best people in the world.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It'll be mostly groups of 3. There are a couple of groups of 2. I'll give you about 10 min total. So if you're in a group of 3, about 3 min for each person to share and I'll I'll keep some time for you. If you're in a group of 2 you've got 5 min
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll send you off. Enjoy each other.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And Jen and Gloria, let me get you got some. For some reason you're not assigned. Let me get you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you didn't put yourself back on mute, coming out of the breakout room.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Please do that, Vicky. You're here. Yay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's see before I'm glad you're here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd love to hear a couple
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of shares of what you're seeing, what's coming through so far. What's feeling important for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Christine?
Christine Thomson: The first thing that came up for me is that perfectionism is showing up in my business as far as content creation is concerned. And
I also have a Youtube Channel goal
Christine Thomson: because I can be
Christine Thomson: wordy like you, Joanna. I love to talk, and I don't have a problem with that
Christine Thomson: part of me. but I feel like in order to show up on Youtube. It has to be some sort of way, and I literally know that's not true. But my brain is just being ridiculous.
Christine Thomson: And being perfect will save me from embarrassment. and
Christine Thomson: when I'm imperfect it means that I don't have my shit together.
Christine Thomson: which is something that I find. I say not only to myself.
Christine Thomson: But I've said it to my adult children, too, like, you know, you really need to get your shit together, and
Christine Thomson: my middle son, who's somewhat like me. He's just like you need to stop saying that. And I'm like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): probably he's wise. He knows. Yeah, exactly. We know better. Right? If a client would say that to us we would call that out right away. We would create awareness
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that right away. We know better, right? But it's like what we say to ourselves on this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): completely different, we need to be more aware ourselves. Yeah. And what does getting your shit together really mean? I think I need to like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, yeah, good, good coaching, good self coaching there, Christine, I would create a definition for that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that. Yes.
Renee.
Renée Fishman: I have to say, every time we have one of these retreats feel like
Renée Fishman: shit goes down like in the morning, and my workouts, and like my stuff with my trainer where I'm like, I'm like, yeah, of course, this is happening today because of like the subject that we're gonna do and
Renée Fishman: that feel like all those patterns you talked about before. Right? I feel like
Renée Fishman: I'm really in like. That's not the only place, but it's a really good place like it's like the the fractal that like shows the whole where it's like.
Renée Fishman: you know, he's away. I was doing workout this morning, and I'm like, you know you gave me to you. Give me too much. I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna change it because I can't do it right. And then it's like I'm or I'm doing it. But then I'm like in the like.
Renée Fishman: I mean literally crying and pain, because I'm my body seizes up because it doesn't feel safe, and all those things, and then I get angry at him. And one of the things that
Renée Fishman: came up
Renée Fishman: for me just in a very rich chat I had with Caitlin and Lisa actually, in response to some things that Caitlin was sharing.
Renée Fishman: it's like a different kind of prompt, but like. if I were perfect. I would have fun.
Renée Fishman: And us.
Renée Fishman: I mean, that goes for a lot of things, not just my workouts, but like getting caught in my video. And that seems to be the theme of the day.
Renée Fishman: Forget my Youtube channel, just like putting together my reels. We're like, a year ago I would get caught in like using a caption app to subtitle, because I want it to be accessible right? And then like making for every word is perfect, but then never posting the reels. And now I found a new captioning app that makes them brighter. And
Renée Fishman: yeah, I love this. I'm trying to figure out what's going on. I'm just trying to figure out what's going to be. That's why I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I'm going to call you. And then I'm going to do that. I'm going to call you, and then I'm going to go back to the I'm going to call you, and then I'm going to go back to the I'm going to call you, and then I'm going to go back to that, and then I'm going to go back to that. And then I'm going to go back to that, and then I'm going to go back to that. And then I'm going to go back to that. And then I'm going to go back to that. I'm going to go back to that. And then I'm going to go back to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what a little bit of what I hear in that, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): III think this will resonate, if not for you, Renee, then for some others it's just feeling of like I can finally be present and enjoy once I get it right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But really the the presence, if if we just applied the like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna be present to this and enjoy and have fun in the process. no matter what we'd have such different experiences. Right? Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caitlin.
Caitlin FitzGordon (she/her): yeah. One of the things that came through for me was that perfection feels like this unattainable yet totally enticing
Caitlin FitzGordon (she/her): experience. Because if I get there I don't have to worry about being perfect anymore. Wanna be perfect. So I don't have to worry about being perfect anymore exactly to ourselves.
Caitlin FitzGordon (she/her): Totally. It's so drives this desire to just be like, if I could. Just if I get there. If I get there, I can just relax. And just like like I can have that now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, II can find that relaxation and presence and fun now. Yes. yes, you know a thing that just popped into my mind.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know, for whatever reason for what you said, Caitlin, that, I think, applies to probably many people in this group
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is that for those of us that are super smart and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we were younger like if things came to us really, quickly and easily, and we were kind of in some ways perceived, maybe in academics, or whatever it was, is like. Oh, you know, achiever and kind of perfect. In a way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we've been trained that that is the only way that it is okay for us to be, and it makes it even harder for us as adults when things don't come as quickly or easily, or we don't achieve in those same ways that we did when we were younger.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Randa, I'm glad you raised your hand. I don't know if it's about the comment you made earlier, but I was gonna address it.
Randa Sultan: yeah. So the perfect and perfect thing has shown up. I think I wasn't really aware of it for most of my life, until, like the.
Randa Sultan: And it would have come from a sibling, actually, because she's very judgmental and that sort of thing. So then I started looking at other people and never realized that there was a that was an external critic that became an inner inner critic. But yeah, the the idea perfect has shown up a few different ways. I talked to Brenda about this in my life, of actually like
Randa Sultan: being the perfect child, for being the favored because she was quiet and because she was managing and and mediating and
Randa Sultan: whatever. My dad had a lot of mental health issues. So that was the only one who could calm and quiet him down. So I was seeing in this light, and then it wasn't favored upon or in school. I always knew the answer wasn't favored upon in a relationship. Later I was
Randa Sultan: seen as perfect when somebody was struggling internally for years and ended up manipulated and kind of beat up for it for years. So this idea, perfect of like been fighting against it for so long that it's
Randa Sultan: the antithesis I'm like, no like I'm messy. I don't wear makeup. I don't really care what it look like all these things until the video
Randa Sultan: and you put a video on. And you're like, shit. Look at my, I'm purple today like I don't have the right lighting. I would never do it. I would never do real on this, so I never record them. I don't wanna look dumb because I'm intelligent, but I don't wanna show up as intelligent. I don't wanna show up as dumb. So just like.
Randa Sultan: yeah, this push and pull. I'm so glad you're bringing that up, because sometimes we can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): perfection, you know, or close to it, cause perfection isn't actually into shadow to in order to protect ourselves in order to make others feel more comfortable, etc. But the the it's always gonna be there. Those holes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Good. Thank you. I'm gonna take a couple more shares, Elijah.
Elijah Selby (she/her): Thank you. Hi, I just wanted to share really quick something. I showed this with my amazing group, Matt and Laurie but I
Elijah Selby (she/her): so often, and and you've heard me say this, Joanna, like when you do, the journal prompts, I have a lot of resistance. and I don't know what to say about that. But
Elijah Selby (she/her): every once in a while, when I relax into it, stuff comes through that's so powerful. And after I wrote the typical things like about being perfect will save me from being ridiculed from being yelled at, from people hating me that that was sort of like stuff. I already knew
Elijah Selby (she/her): what came through, and that feels really important for me, and I don't even know what to do with this. Is
Elijah Selby (she/her): that?
Elijah Selby (she/her): It saves me from being a nobody, from being nothing, from living a mediocre life
Elijah Selby (she/her): and not living life to my fullest potential, and that
Elijah Selby (she/her): just fills kind of like big. So it is. It is so big I got. I actually got chills, as you were saying that II could feel how deeply right. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you were saying, Elijah like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so I'm sure me, you know. Maybe some of those messages came in from personal experiences. But what really moved through me, as you were saying is, that's what we're hearing in the culture all the time. Maybe not words. But that messaging. If you're not perfect. You're a nobody.
Elijah Selby (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So of this work. To move out of the perfection is, is culture work
Elijah Selby (she/her): right? Which is why I'm saying it to you, because I know that. Yeah, it is. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kim.
Kim Church: I just had a I don't know for me in a hot about this the statement, if I were perfect and I wouldn't have fun.
Kim Church: It feels like there's so much more there. I wouldn't. If I was perfect I would be successful. I would be happy. I would have clients. I you know it's these automatic outcomes that necessarily don't don't necessarily require work.
Kim Church: that all of a sudden, if I do this thing that I think I can focus on, then all these other things are gonna come to pass, and that that's kind of
Kim Church: and and something I wasn't aware of. But I think I really
Kim Church: need to think about that a little bit more, and that I maybe I also. If I were perfect I wouldn't have to judge myself. I wouldn't have to wait for others to judge me. I mean, there's all sorts of things that come. But it's this. If then thing that's a a myth or a
Kim Church: and it's underlying stuff that's underneath.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, yes, that feels important in general, and I can't articulate it yet, Kim, but it feels particularly important for for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): With some of the like. Holding yourself back from action pieces. It feels like there's just such a correlation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there. Good! I'm glad that came through.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you all know, because we've looked at it in sacred depths. But just as as a quick review.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): perfectionism or being perfect, I should say actually. perfection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is actually
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a myth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's a cultural myth. right? For one thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's no such thing as any human being being perfect. That's that's not what we are here meant for. That is not what we are capable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of. and I say that with positivity not like you know. perfection is truly only for the gods.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and literally in some ways we have a God complex when we expect ourselves to be perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For another thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): who exactly has set these standards of perfection that we are trying to achieve editing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And how do those standards of perfection uphold societal power structure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How are we playing into that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For me? It's pretty powerful just to think about this right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But let's let's kind of take it a step further
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we're stuck in that myth of perfection.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What we are also engaged in is black and white thinking
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we're stuck in the myth of perfection. There's only 2 things that exist
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): perfection or failure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's it. right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And what often happens when we're in this myth is that we're ping ponging back and forth between the 2. I need to be perfect. I need to be perfect. I need to be perfect. I need to be perfect, and then it doesn't come out perfect or we don't. We're not perfect. And then we slam ourselves all the way to the other end. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure. I'm a failure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. I'm gonna try to be perfect. I'm gonna try to be perfect. I'm gonna try to be perfect. Then we're not because it's it's a myth we can't be. It's the situation. Can't every
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm a failure, right? We we just ping-pong back and forth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We never allow ourselves to just be in the middle ground.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is where reality actually is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is, where human life and existence actually is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is where the gold of life is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Middle ground is not mediocre.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It is where real life is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know you've all heard this before. But what's really striking you on this? Now, I'd love to hear one or 2 shares on this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's feeling important about this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, you can just take yourself off mute. If you're having trouble finding the the hand raise function.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aj saying, middle ground is not mediocre.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I need to say it's like hearing it for the first time. Right? We need to keep on hearing it. Branda.
Randa Sultan: The part that you said, how do they hold society power structures?
Randa Sultan: I mean that one is like a that's a rabbit hole. We could go down. I was like, Hmm, who's setting the standard. It's just like setting values. Your values are your values and someone else's or theirs if you accept that. So someone else's idea of perfection is perhaps not your own. Yeah.
Randa Sultan: I lost you so much? Okay, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, absolutely. It's so important to underline Stacy.
Staci Page: I think, like, what's coming up for me is this idea of when you said mediocre. It's like, Oh, special!
Staci Page: And the god complex. It's like working in this industry as a facilitator and a coach and a healer and a helper. It's like.
Staci Page: There's some complex around being extraordinary and very like on the forefront of leading humanity and helping evolution. And it's like.
Staci Page: Oh, the dirty, the like shadow side of being special is like mediocre.
Staci Page: but there's so much more freedom.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know just a feeling. Yes, I'm so glad you're saying this. It's so true, there's so much more freedom
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): allow ourselves to not have the expectation of perfection.
Staci Page: and even like perfection, as in being special in a way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, there's such a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's such an internal need. I have it, too, to be special to be seen as special. And it's like we all are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And also we're not
Staci Page: what freedom could come from that. And I think also that comes through in the marketing message like to be able to speak in words
Staci Page: that are not jargony, that are not special, that are not flowery, that are but to be able to communicate
Staci Page: from a place of like that mediocreness that reaches more people. That's hard for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Based on everything that you're seeing so far today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what would
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be a good belief to lean into that might make it easier.
Staci Page: I'm just hearing the phrase good enough
Staci Page: all the time now, like that's I. Might I even have it like on a piece of tape on the top of my computer.
Staci Page: Good enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, I love that. I love that, and I'll just share with you and with everyone. I mean you. In addition to my wordiness. If if you pay attention to how many emails I send out, which is a lot II wouldn't be able
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to do that if good enough, wasn't part of the deal at the at the end of every email that I finish writing. I'm like that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This is good enough sometimes. I don't even reread them right just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to be good. Fran.
Fran Darnell: I just was getting this image of like a stadium when you were saying that middle ground is not mediocre. It's the true reality.
Fran Darnell: Because when you're in the stadium, in the stands, you have the bird's eye view, and you can be like. These players need to go over there and do this thing over here, or like you're on the losing team. And you're just feeling like you're failing, and that is so easy to to be ping pong in those different directions. But when you're on the ground you ha! You have to deal with what you're
Fran Darnell: seeing in that moment, what your position at that time allows for you to do, and what your own perception of what is happening is giving you insight into taking action around or not.
Fran Darnell: And so and that is courageous.
Fran Darnell: That is not mediocre like, it is really courageous to actually be in the game.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hmm.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, I get chills when you say that it's so true. Yeah. And when you're in that myth of perfection, you're not really in the game in the same way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, thank you. Bruce.
Bruce Anderson: it's certainly not just a male thing. But but you know
Bruce Anderson: this is 2 things. This is a recovery process. For me. It's constant how much the myth of perfection it's every day. But but but a little different perspective. Is that
Bruce Anderson: it isn't for for me as a man I was raised. That it's the myth of perfection isn't just something I strive for that, that it's how I have to present my family
Bruce Anderson: to the outside world. So not only do I have to be perfect, but I'm very concerned that my children and my wife are perfect, and that's how they're perceived by other people.
Bruce Anderson: So I'm constantly trying to shield the outside world from the truth about how my family really is.
Bruce Anderson: and you know I do pretty good at recognizing that most of the time. But I trip myself up constantly.
Bruce Anderson: constantly. I trip myself up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I'm with you on that, and I don't think it's just a mail thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe at some point. Well, it's a patriarchal thing, whether it's male or whatever whatever gender you want to attribute it to. It's a patriarchal thing. Yeah, that I agree with. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. And I just wanna underscore this piece that Bruce Bruce just said of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we go into that myth of perfection for ourselves, our family, whatever it is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that freeze, shielding that from the outside, shielding the outside world from that or vice versa.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sarah.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Yeah, thank you.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: I'm going to try to articulate this, but you might have to help me. About 5 or 6 years ago I was talking to my mom.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: And she's a therapist. I think I've shared that before, and I just came into her kitchen. I was like God.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Why am I procrastinating on this like? Why am I doing this? I didn't really expect an answer, because this is Sarah. We've my whole life. This is, you know I've been plagued with this. which I see as connected to perfectionism and Adhd.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: And just being human.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: anyway, she just looked at me, she said. You know
Sarah MacKay Lynch: I thought about that with you, and I think it might have to do with kind of the chaos in our family when you were just a little baby, and that you've always had like a little kind of anxious, calm thing going on. And so maybe sometimes you're creating these things because that's just a state that you're really used to being in.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: and I don't know why. I just thought I would share that, because I think a lot of the people that I work with. II recognize a kind of a almost like a daily dose of anxiety.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: It's like they gotta bring it out and we can talk about it, and we can kind of like melt it away a little bit like fog, but it sort of seems to be something that's habitual.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I don't know. I just thought I would share that in case it resonates with anybody. Yeah, I'm so so glad you did. I have a feeling. It app. It does
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it does for me, too, and just share. Briefly, Sarah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why, that is important in this conversation around perfectionism.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: I think it is because
Sarah MacKay Lynch: for me. I guess you know, having been raised by 2 therapists
Sarah MacKay Lynch: when I can understand. Yeah, right in California, in the Bay area. Oh, my gosh.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: yes,
Sarah MacKay Lynch: I think
Sarah MacKay Lynch: It's one of the reasons that I felt almost. I can't say I've been saved because I don't really feel like. I haven't. As you know, I struggle
Sarah MacKay Lynch: It's one of the things that allowed me to
Sarah MacKay Lynch: sign up for courses like this, and I'm now actually in kind of an Adhd boot camp put on by Aaron Croft. That's
Sarah MacKay Lynch: great community.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: It's not slick. I love the not slick.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Well, if that's just something I'm habituated to.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Then how can I? And I've already.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: you know I've gone to therapy. I've tried the list of 5, you know 10 things you can do. I have my tool kit. I'm actually much better at working with myself
Sarah MacKay Lynch: to to get myself to keep going and not just get mired and stuck in perfectionism, I've actually learned. Oh, then there's a
Sarah MacKay Lynch: you know thesis antithesis. There's a corollary or an opposite action I can take. And so every time. I'm putting myself in a space with other people
Sarah MacKay Lynch: where we say, Okay, we have 2 h. What are we going to get done? I'm just working it.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: Yeah, I'm just, I guess what you said. Really, when you talked about being in the middle.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: yeah, I'm just going like, okay, this is the middle. I hate it.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: but I guess
Sarah MacKay Lynch: I'll just try it. It's about it really nothing. Fancy, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Mindy.
Mindy Quoidbach: so I don't know why, but I'm stuck on the word mediocre, and I felt drawn to address that word. What's coming to my head is a why can't mediocre be good enough sometimes mediocre? Is all that's needed right?
Mindy Quoidbach: And maybe mediocre sometimes is just good enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love it. Yes, I was inadvertently putting mediocre into shadow. And I love that you're calling it. You're right sometimes. Mediocre is exactly what's needed.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
Vessica: Well, I there's so many things happening for me on all these conversations. It's so amazing. And
Vessica: one of the things that I I'm just gonna put a little twist in here.
Vessica: is that I've thought about this a lot. I've really been with this myth of perfection, and II totally, you know in my own experience, realize that there's this, you know, hierarch, this patriarchal, whatever you want to use the term of a suppression that has happened, and how it's translated down into
Vessica: the suppression of the feminine, and how that, translated into a mother wound, and then it comes into like really deep level of trusting ourselves. And when I look at the word perfectionism, and you know what you were saying about. We're not God, you know, my, my, my percept, my percept experience or perception of a
Vessica: of our reality is that we all, in one capacity, really in inner in our inner heart. We are perfect.
Vessica: We're perfect in our uniqueness, we are perfect. We were designed, you know, and and this biological healing technology that is perfect, and it is the the you wanna call it the patriarchal. I have another term for it. But the the controllers of this reality who have inserted these like programs that keep us suppressed inside of ourselves. And the biggest thing that that is needed right now. And and you know, when you say that
Vessica: the perfection and the mediocre mediocre, what I'm really seeing is that
Vessica: it's the growth, it's the evolution. It's not mediocre. It's growth that we have to be comfortable with growth, and knowing that we all have a seed of being perfect in a reality, maybe in you know, in our divine perfection with our connection to source. And we remember that. And we're here on this planet trying to figure out what's going on. And then the suppression says this, and you have to be perfect. But it's really truth
Vessica: is that it's the growth.
Vessica: It's it's in the growing that we evolve. And so now I'm really in love, and I've always been in love with growing. So instead of it being like a myth perfection, it's like, Oh, this is where I get to grow, and I get to like, not revolt or or fight against, but realize, oh, my gosh! It's my right to be evolving in this reality into my higher version of reality. And and so I just wanna say that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, no, no, no, II love it. I'm so glad you're sharing that myth of perfection can oftentimes be remedied, remedied by a growth mindset.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is something we'll be looking at later in the quarter. And also I really appreciate you bringing into the conversation this idea that for those of us that believe in God, divine universe, it would ever wanna call it that we do have that perfect divine in us, while at the same time we are also imperfect, messy humans, and both can exist
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at the same time. So thank you for for all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Renee.
Renée Fishman: There's a couple of things coming up. the first one is when you were talking about. I'm gonna I'm gonna pause you there and it can you share the most important thing? Yeah.
Renée Fishman: when you're talking about what is the standard
Renée Fishman: like? What? Who set the standard of perfection, the thing that's
Renée Fishman: he's coming up for me. It's like.
Renée Fishman: what is the standard like? I don't know what it is, and for everybody it's a little then, but it's like it's this like chasing. It's like the
Renée Fishman: sitting down to do something when you're not even clear on what it is you need to do, because I'm like.
Renée Fishman: what is the standard of perfection? What? What am I even? How do I know if I'm there like I don't like no one. No one's told me what it is. It's like everyone's just guessing at this, at this thing. So it's so hard to figure it out. And then like, why, bother
Renée Fishman: is like the
Renée Fishman: that's like the big thing is like, what am I chasing after?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, and it relates we're not. Gonna look at that at it today we'll look at it later in the quarter it relates to one of the myth of perfection exercises we looked at in sacred depth, which is if we make a chart of what's whatever situation is like? What's the perfection? You know the standard right that we're going for there what is awesome and what is good enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): oftentimes just even starting to fill out the what is perfection here? When we start to identify some of those things, it becomes almost comical that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's what we're going after. But sometimes we even need that time to articulate like, what am I? Even. What is this perfection that I'm even going? Stir here?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is that standard?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's take just one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): moment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on this question, where in your life or work. You're probably many of you probably already started thinking you have this. But where in your life or work are you engaging
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in binary thinking
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so. Examples. I'm either rich or I'm poor. I'm success, or I'm a failure. I have. I've got spaciousness, or I have no time. I'm healthy, or I'm very, very sick.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm an amazing practitioner, or I'm the worst practitioner ever. I'm totally beautiful. I'm completely disgusting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My future is going to be incredible, or everything is gonna suck forever.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Where are some of the places where you're in that perfection? Ping-pong, game, perfection, failure, ping-pong game.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if you want to share in the chat. Please do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Rena's saying all of the things. Yeah. And more.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I came up with them because I know them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Stacy, sing in your finances. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): success or failure. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): either. I create perfect videos, Christine says, or I don't create them at all. Yup, that's where I am.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, I'm moving out of there. But that's where I've been.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? What are some other examples?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, Elijah, yeah, either I'm totally original in my thought leadership, or I have nothing to say. It, all right. Can't be anything else
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Bruce. The list varies from year to year. It's a bubble under the carpet thing. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have 3 months to explore the this whole first quarter to explore all of this. We're gonna take a break in a moment. And when we come back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna look at something a little bit different than related to what we looked at in sacred depth. But like I said earlier, it's a little bit different, a way of working a little bit with the shadow of perfection which we'll look at a little bit more. But before we take a short break.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What I what I just want to point out for now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is that want to remind you that one of our greatest tools as practitioners is creating awareness.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So just supporting clients to create awareness on any or all of the things that have already come through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so far today to create awareness on where the perfectionist thinking is showing up, because they may not be realizing it, to create awareness on why the perfectionist thinking is there what they think. It's gonna save them from, etc., to create awareness on this ping, ponging and the black and white thinking when perfectionism comes up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. Just that alone
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is so valuable. And then we can use our other tools, some of which we've already
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): reviewed in embody. Like rewiring right, we could apply a rewiring
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): process to any beliefs about perfection.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, I'll leave you with that, for now let's take
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 12 min to break. We're gonna come back at 1240, and we're gonna get into some deeper stuff from there. So I'll hang out for a few minutes if anybody needs anything. If not, I'll see us all back at 1240,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Eastern.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hey?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you are back
and can have your camera on, please put it on so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know that you're back here I never know after breaks on zoom what's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let's keep on going. But and like I said before the break, there's so many ways that we can work with myth of perfection.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): creating awareness and then working with beliefs or fears. Our biggies. We'll be looking throughout this quarter. We're gonna be looking at some other tools geared specifically towards myth of perfection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the rest of our time together today. While I had a critical amount of us here live. I wanted to go into looking a little bit at the shadow of perfection.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so. without going into a full training on shadow which
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): takes a lot of time and presence that's for advanced depth. We'll talk about that in a little bit for our purposes today. II wanna kinda just share this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): oftentimes in life when something persistently comes to bite you on the tush.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Specifically, if that thing is kind of an extreme thing like perfectionism. Right? We back to black and white thinking when something is extreme.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's usually a front or a mask
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's hiding something.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And the thing that the the extreme thing like perfectionism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That it's hiding
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is usually the exact opposite. Right back to the black and white thinking it's the exact opposite.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So in the case of perfectionism when we are trying to be perfect and we get caught in perfectionism. Usually it's a big cover-up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for a fear that we have something else inside of us. That's the opposite of perfectionism. for example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe we are so scared that we have a sloth
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inside of us, a lazy one inside of us, and we're just pretending to not be the sloth or the lazy one. And so we're going for perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or maybe we are so scared that we have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a mistake maker inside of us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we think that that mistake maker is so bad is just the worst thing that could ever be to be a mistake maker. And so we're running away from it, trying to be perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for maybe
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have a sloppy one inside of us. and we've decided that there's no nothing good to being sloppy. It is just an awful, terrible thing that we cannot be.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so we're running away from it, pretending it's not in us. and we run to perfectionism. Or
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe we're so scared we're mediocre.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we are unwilling to ever be mediocre, as you know we've been looking at. And so we're running
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to always be perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You with me so far on this. Does this make sense right? It's that black and white.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we're trying so hard to not be one of those things that I just mentioned.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Lazy mistake maker, sloppy, mediocre, because we deeply judge those things. We think those things are reprehensible. And so we try as hard as we can to not own that that might be a part of who we are right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're trying so hard to disown that part from us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that we run straight into the arms
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of the perfectionist.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It feels safer there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but as we've already seen today, it's not really
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's unrealistic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's damaging
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to try to always be perfect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Randa's asking, can this be if we just have the fear that that's exactly yeah. It can also just be. I'm scared. I have that. And so I'm not. I'm trying to not be that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But here's the other thing about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When we run, when we work so hard to run away
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from something that could be inside of us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like the lazy one, or the mistake maker, or the mediocre one, or the sloppy one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aside from all of the exhaustion and the pain of the pain, you know all the things we've looked at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We also miss out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on their super powers. and I promise you every part of our self has
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a superpower.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and oftentimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that superpower that we're we're of. We're missing out on because we're running away from this thing that we don't want to be is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one of the exact resources that can help us move out of the myth of perfectionism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let me give you some examples.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you, if you don't want to be the lazy one or the slop, if that's what you're running away from.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe the sloth can give you the gift and the superpower of having aligned spaciousness
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which ultimately gives you that spaciousness can ultimately give you the focus and the energy to get things done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm not talking about guilty spaciousness or spaciousness that you judge. Now, right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): talking about aligned spaciousness that you take advantage of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or here's another example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe the mistake maker that you've been hating on so much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can give you the gift and the superpower of not caring so much if you don't get it right the first time for the second time for the third time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and maybe that gift is what can ultimately help you crank out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some things to put out into the world and just be out there right? Put yourself out there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe the sloppy one really loves being sloppy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and even though you've been hating on this part of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe there's a gift and a superpower in there, maybe for you. It's that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you actually enjoy when things are messy or imperfect. It's like you get to be present to all of it, and you find the lessons and the beauty
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the messiness.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Instead of beating yourself up and pressuring yourself. and the more you find the beauties in the messiness the more you're willing to keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me pause here. What's resonating on this for you so far?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's feeling important on this Rose?
Rose Corrick: And well, I think you know, Joanna, that I've had a
Rose Corrick: most used to be a hate hate relationship with my sloth and but over time, over work on my shadow and understanding myself more and recently, it's really helped to learn
Rose Corrick: about human design being a manifestor. So it's an aside. But rest is incredibly important for a manifestor like 80% of my. And that's if you're all, if you're not burned out. Which I was. So, what I learned about the sloth is that my hatred? I mean literal hatred of it, I mean judgment, criticism.
Rose Corrick: Really disowning of that part of myself for a long time. What that did is, is it prevented me from getting the very rest that I needed?
Rose Corrick: And what I've learned about rest is that there are 2 parts to it. One is just physical rest where? And you can't physically rest. If you're judging yourself. If you're thinking you're
Rose Corrick: you know, a loser, you know. Even if you create the space, it's you're not rest. Part of it, though once you actually rest physically, rest is creating spaciousness. So I can't even go move into creation until I have that spaciousness. So my relationship with my sloth.
Rose Corrick: I mean I it's a very loving relationship. I don't even know that I call it a sloth anymore. I just, it's just this part that just needs a whole lot of space. And so I'm still learning. But it's really moved out of that hatred space and into.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna say, a love space like a really juicy love space. I love it. I'm getting chills and rose. I'm thinking back to our shadow. Retreat a year and a half. Now I remember you were like the sloth. I hate this part of myself, Joanna. How could? Why are you making me?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why, I just don't want right. And now to be in that relationship with it? Oh, my gosh!
Rose Corrick: And the part that that still kind of stuns me is to love a part of myself and still to not know. It's not like I'm manifesting like crazy yet, but it doesn't matter, because I'm manifesting more peace, more acceptance, more joy, and a little a little bit of stuff that's bubbling up. But it couldn't bubble up before
Rose Corrick: because of longly I disavowed myself so thank you so much for all your support in that. Thank you. Thank you for that share so powerful.
Nat Mossayebi: yeah, there was. There's something that you said about like finding the gifts. I just first of all absolutely love that like we're
Nat Mossayebi: kind of trying to dismiss or reject these unsavory parts of us, but actually like to really embrace them. There's like such. There's such a gift in all of them. And I'm like reminded of coming back to that
Nat Mossayebi: like really playful. You know the playfulness like the child, like children didn't care how they look like, or or getting it wrong or curious. So it's like really coming back to that child like energy. That was what was really coming to me. I love that. I love that. Yeah, it might be for you in your mistake, Maker. The superpower is being childlike and curious.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right beautiful. I love that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take one more share, for now, Caitlin.
Caitlin FitzGordon (she/her): I felt like when you said the sloppy one I was like, Oh, yeah, that's probably the one like I initially thought it was the lazy and sloth. And then it was expecting that when you said that like the the superpower.
Caitlin FitzGordon (she/her): I couldn't relate to it. I was like, no, there's no beauty in the messiness, and like. I'm not a neat freak like if you could see my office, there's clutter like. But it was really interesting. I expected to feel this like sense of relief like, Oh, right, there's how I get it. And I was like, I have so much resistance. It's like, Okay, this is the one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love it. Yes, yeah, it's like the one that you're like. No, Joanna, what are you talking about like? That's not. That is just bad, and I don't ever wanna make that be a good thing. That's the one you want to work with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good good. I'm so glad you're sharing that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright! Let's keep on going. I know there's some hands raised. But let's keep on going for right now, and we'll have time for more shares and questions in a little bit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So probably each of you have already been maybe thinking it might be one of the things I mentioned. It might be another one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but identify for yourself. What's one part of yourself that you've been trying to cover up underneath your perfectionism?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is it the mediocre one? Is it the sloppy one. Is it the mistake maker? Is it the lazy one? Is it something else? What have you been? What's one? Maybe it's a bunch of things. But for now, what's one thing that you've been trying to cover up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): under your perfectionism?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Heart that you're just like? No, that is not me. That cannot be me. I will not allow that to be me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We want it, we we actually want it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to be a part of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and please share in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you trying to cover up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole's saying? The one that's too much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for involve the mediocre, the basic one. Yeah. Mistake maker
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caitlin, the slothy one. Yeah. And you also see it because you get upset in it with others. Classic shadow move. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Seeing a lot of mistake makers, mediocre lazy, the stupid girl! Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): lazy -hmm
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): mistake maker, the one who puts in the effort and still fails. Yup, the failure, maybe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if even if you're like, no, this can't be true. Just go with me here for a moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whatever you just identify the part of yourself that you're trying to cover up and not be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. And Renee, you can work with the A. Adhd for sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But whatever it is for you, just go with me here for a moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): who, if there was a superpower
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hidden inside of that one, if that one had a talent that could be a real resource for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in your life. What would it be?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's the gift that this one could potentially hold for you if you were to actually accept it and be with a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and own it, and not be so scared of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You please share in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And also I'd love to hear a couple of voice to voice shares, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What gift are you seeing potential gift
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you haven't been leveraging, but actually could be really resourceful for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): brandishing abundant energy, fountain of insights, the value of just my being
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): less judgment of self and others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Gloria, is that a question?
Hmm.
Gloria Eid: yeah. I'm trying to find the see, the power
you think
Gloria Eid: so? Which are you not leveraging?
Gloria Eid: Which one are you failure, I guess? Yeah. Or the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the mistake maker, the one who like puts in the effort and and doesn't. When you shared in the chat earlier, I was gonna say, I don't think working with, and I should have said it. I don't think working with the failure is helpful, because, again, not reality. Perfection isn't reality, and failure isn't reality the extreme mistake maker, if you want to hype it up more than mistake, maker, I think.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so if you were, this isn't all of you right? This is a part of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this part of you sometimes in some situations, could be to your benefit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How could it be to your benefit? What talent does it have?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And you may not know it yet, too, you know. Part of it is like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we've rejected something for so long. We're not yet ready to see the superpower in it. You know. You're just starting to consider. But if you were to take a stab right for you and anyone else that's having a trouble. If you were to take a stab at it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What? What? What do you see as
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): possibly a superpower there?
Gloria Eid: Probably the re like being resourceful. But as as I'm sitting with this this one it doesn't really resonate. So I feel like, maybe it's like, still, a surface level one that I'm at. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what about you were talking about mediocre before.
Gloria Eid: Yeah. Okay?
Gloria Eid: Oh, maybe maybe it is really just like they're not good enough like
Gloria Eid: it not being good enough.
Hmm.
Gloria Eid: so don't apply myths of perfection. If we go with the average one for a moment or the mediocre. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you let that one. that yeah, what just came up?
Gloria Eid: like the the super power, and that would be like iteration, or just like like like
Gloria Eid: playing or like
Gloria Eid: not taking it seriously, almost like the joker to it. There we go. That feels good cause. The average one is so okay with being average. Right? And so then, okay, that was the one for me. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's important to remember
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we might not like these parts of ourselves, but these parts of ourselves. They're proud of themselves. This is who they are, right. So like in their best light, they they've got. They've got super powers inside of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This is by the way, also, why, in advance we take 3 days in the Shadow Retreat. There. There is a lot of pieces to it. And, by the way, we don't, the technique that I'm going to look at like this little piece that I'm asking. Now, you don't need to do this with your clients. The technique that we're going to look at in a moment will kind of cut straight to the chase. But just from practitioner point of view. I'm asking us right more
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or right now, Karen.
Karen Tasto: So what came up for me, and I never have worked with. This is underneath the at first sight, said the mistake maker, but it feels like what came to me under that is the dumb one
Karen Tasto: appearing dumb and I've never had. This was a big I've never considered that, but it really resonates, and I'm struggling to find the the gifts, and that the superpowers, except
Karen Tasto: humility.
Karen Tasto: I got, I think, like curiosity or seeking and learning wanting to learn.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it might be. We're gonna keep on going, we'll see. But I think those are really, I think those are really good starts right. The the willing, the want the willingness to learn and the curiosity.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Where could you use more of that? Where you're applying perfection right now? Where actually might it be way more helpful to apply curiosity and like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and a learning mindset
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): versus a set mindset. Is that helpful to think about that? Yeah, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Mindy.
Mindy Quoidbach: So I came up with the not special one, but I think it's essentially the mediocre or the basic one.
Mindy Quoidbach: And what keeps coming into my head is Well, 2 things extraordinary can't exist without mediocre. There would be no extraordinary. So
Mindy Quoidbach: mediocre is awesome because it allows for all these other things.
Mindy Quoidbach: and I keep coming back to that. And then also mediocre, is solid and dependable. What's wrong with that?
Mindy Quoidbach: So that's that's been kind of running through my head right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Stuff that. Yeah, I love that really, really nice. There is something solid and dependable. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good. I'm looking through the chat, Christine. You can absolutely work with power, hungry or manipulative if you want to. I know that's a biggie for you. You can keep on going with that one for this exercise, for sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole. Maybe the II don't know. Only, you know, it's gonna be different for everyone. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe the gift of remember the one who is too much loves being too much.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So maybe the gift of that one is knowing how to be visible and knowing how to really put yourself out there and be seen and heard.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe.
nicoleoffenberg: Yeah, I just wrote down, maybe it's the expressive one. Yeah, yes, beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Okay, so where this is, we're in a process of exploration. We don't need to nail it right now, right and again. We're doing like a little bit of shadow, what I say? In the beginning of 3 day shadow retreats, and those of you that have been there with me, you know. I say, don't expect to tie this up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): by the end of the first day, and we do a full hit right? Because it's elusive. It doesn't want to be seen. It doesn't write. So so we're I'm just giving you little seats here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That being said, I want to share this technique, which I'm
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is a way to cut to some things without getting into shadow with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): clients necessarily.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's do a demo and then we'll we'll break it down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who has got something that they'd like to work with as always. Raise your hand. And I'm gonna just kind of half intuitive, half randomly pick. Who I? What I think is gonna serve us best
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for our learning today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let's see.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle, let's go with you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then everybody that raised your hand.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I had like super sweaty palms hovering over the raise hand button.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Well, I appreciate you volunteering. Thank you. And opportunity.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Remember, no myth of perfection. It's all an experience. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what is the part that you want to work with
I wasn't in the breakout group with Regina, and she had shared the stupid girl
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): And that really resonated with me in my writing it. What was coming up was
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): this fear of appearing like, I don't know what I'm doing appearing dumb.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and II was. I was having so much emotion at the beginning of our time together, lots and lots of tears just coming, coming, coming, and I was having a connection to not being the smart one in my family. Everybody else was smart. I was not the smart one, so
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): it feels like a really old kind of hook in there. Then, as everyone was sharing in the chat which was so helpful, and you were expanding on on what people were asking and sharing.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I took it from the stupid girl
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): to first the not good enough one, but then it kind of went to the dumb one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So it's in there somewhere. I'm not. I know I don't feel so specific on the label. But yeah, and we don't need to be that specific. Yeah, I'm hearing some dumb, not good enough. And I also wrote down the one that doesn't know what they're doing so much it that so we can. We'll we'll kinda just work with all of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you shared. I was gonna ask next. And I feel like you've shared some of this already about when you decided that this part of you was not acceptable.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It sounds like this goes way up family. Yeah, as they, there's a need to prove.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, exactly. Exactly. Okay. Good. So what I'd like for us to do if it's okay with you is to have a little bit of a welcome to the World Party for the part of you, the the dumb one in you, the one who doesn't really know exactly what they're doing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because it's a part of you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is not going away, and probably this part of you has never felt welcome, not by others and not by you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Are you up for that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Assist? What wants to happen?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. yes. Okay. So if it's okay, you can close your eyes and take a moment and settle in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and imagine, Michelle. that you're a baby. Go all the way back to having just been born.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're going to imagine that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's a gathering of all the people in your life. and you get to choose who those people are. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): guardians, maybe future teachers that you'll have siblings.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): God, if you believe in God. There's a there's a gathering
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a party, because you've just been born.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and maybe there are streamers, decorations, party hats, big party cause. Michelle has just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): come into the world, and all of these people have gathered to celebrate you. and to welcome you into the world. Not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): an idealized version of you, not the perfect version of you that maybe in real life these people expect you to be. But instead, in this party, Michelle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In this reality. all of these people have lovingly gathered to welcome all of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to celebrate all the parts that have just been born, including the one that doesn't know what she's doing. The one that is done
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is it? Are are you starting to get a feeling and an image of the partner.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, is it? Okay? If it's outside absolutely, wherever right? So tell us a little bit about this welcome, Michelle, and also the parts of you that are dumb and don't know to the World party with love. Tell us a little bit about this party.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): So the day I was born it was snowing. And so this party is outside. And not only are
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): they're people.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): some of my, you know, living actual people, and then guardians and helpers and protectors and animals, creatures have gathered. It's
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): it's very exciting. This innocent new little spirit
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): has come into the world.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, I love it. I'm getting a feel of it with the snow, and I love that the animals are there too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's the energy of the party welcoming all of Michelle, all of who she is. Yeah, it's very sweet. It's very tender.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, I can just even see that in your body right now, that feeling. is it okay to inhabit your baby body in this scene you don't have to. You can observe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm wondering if it's okay.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. so being your baby body, and this welcome to the World Party. You get to choose who is holding you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and as you're in your baby body, just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): allow yourself to be held and admired
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and welcomed
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for all of who you are. For all of it all the parts
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be in your baby body with all of this love towards you.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): feel what it feels like to be lovingly held.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feel what it feels like for all of you to be welcome
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): into the world and celebrated.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does it feel like in your baby body?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Hmm!
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Feels born.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): There's
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): just this sense of awe.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): excitement.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm excited. I sense.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I sense their excitement, these kind of bright eyes.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Looking at me.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): And I I'm just.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): It's like I don't understand or know anything that's to come. But I'm there's just so much possibility, and it's it's
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): bright. kind of sparkly, and beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, beautiful. You're doing really well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Continue to feel all of that in your baby body feel all of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and as you look out at all those people you said, you see that their excitement
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): notice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): their excitement as they see you, and they see the parts of you that aren't so smart, too. Notice their excitement and their acceptance, and their love, and their celebration of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the parts they see in you that you don't know everything or what you're doing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does that feel like as you see that?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Hmm!
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): It's it's a love that's unconditional. It doesn't matter.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): yeah, there's just this. I am this innocent
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): little spirit, and everyone was looking at me without it's like, there's excitement without expectation.
Wow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and add expectation.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah. And I
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I just feel complete love again. It's like, I don't.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I have no idea what's coming. I have no idea. Even you know the forms of life and all the things that will happen in this little
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): infant moment.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): So I feel I don't even feel like there are
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): parts that aren't welcome like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes. beautiful. So you're doing so well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let your baby body have that. Let yourself have all of that, Michelle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): now notice where in your baby body you are holding the dumb girl, the one that doesn't know what she's doing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and let yourself inhabit more of that part of you as you're being adored for that, even
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can you feel that? Hmm, yeah, that part is in my shoulders. Yeah, good. So lean more into your shoulders. into this dumb girl, part of you, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you inhabit her.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): see if you can inhabit her with pride.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and she has a purpose. and see if you can inhabit her with love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What do you notice about this part of you right now?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): It's taking a lot of effort to stay in the baby.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, and you don't have to to, you know. Don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you? Don't know myth of perfection right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be in. However, it's showing up for you.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): II hold a lot of shame.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, they're yeah.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah, it's I. And I can. I can be with that shame, with love.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): But I'm I'm really seeing how much shame there is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I like. I often say I'm sorry, not sorry, right? It's.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know. It's not easy, but I'm happy that you're seeing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also that you're holding it with love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Continue to do that. It doesn't have to look any way other than it's meant to look right. Now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): come back to looking out through your eyes and see the love to all of you.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Can you connect back into that a little bit?
Yeah.
Ask this part of you, the the dumb girl
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from it's high, from her highest intentions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's funny to say, but from her wisdom, because you can be dumb and have wisdom too. Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does she want you to know?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Hmm!
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Very clearly. She wants me to know that
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): the
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): as like the
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): the smart on paper isn't
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): what isn't like, what we're talking about.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and that's really the standard
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): but she
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): has spent her life like doing all the things
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to look a certain way.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): but it it's let me see if I it's hard to find words for this. It's it's partly that your loved.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): no matter what like
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): E, even if someone says you know you're you're not very smart, or you're
whatever they would say that is, that has no connection to
you're receiving or
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): worthiness of love.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Let's slow it down. Hold on.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Can you feel that, Michelle? Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because I think this is revolutionary in a way for you, even if you already knew it cognitively. I want you to take in for a moment. That
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): smart on paper isn't the most important thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Can you feel that?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah, that that wells a lot out? I can feel the power of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And I think that this part of you, you know, we're calling it the dumb one. I think this part of you actually knows that incessantly, and wants even more for you than smart on paper.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're doing really? Well, continue to stay with it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What what else is coming through?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If anything, I just was asking cause I felt like you're about to say something.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Hmm!
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I think that that feels complete right now that
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): it's
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): no matter the label, the love
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): is
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): completely
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): separate. There's no if then.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and that the the kind of smart that
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): this part has has been striving for. It also knows that that's not
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): really
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): the part of the deep life that I want, or have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that that other kind of smart on paper can sometimes disconnect you from that deep light.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So perfect Segway, into what I want you to ask it now, which is that? How does it want you to use it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This part of you?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Mmm.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): it it really foremost. It just wants me to stop spending energy
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): on the other shit and just use that energy toward what's important in my value system, and that that deep work which
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): it's already my life. But it's like I spend so much energy
in the myth of perfection.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): mental energy. Sometimes it's actual time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Umhm, chasing the other.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): trying to prove.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment and let that truth sink in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and tell me if I'm getting this right. I think what I'm also hearing is like the depth actually comes from you when you're not trying to be smart.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, which is like, kind of a super power of this one. Right? It's not. It's it's not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for that plan.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): yes.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): beautiful. It doesn't get in the way.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Beautiful. Good
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): to continue to look at.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Left
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one more little experiment here now, maybe your perfectionists didn't like this part of you
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): like so much more like information, and then it goes down, has come in.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's bring your perfectionists to hang out with this part of you. Let's just have them be in relationship for a moment. See I to I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in their own talents and their own resources.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you noticing?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): There's less charge way, less charge, less judgment.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): And I'm just like there's this connection back to being in this forest in the snow, and the creatures and animals and the people.
There's this connection to the wisdom of nature as well. and that
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): like more of the laws of nature, the cycles of nature as part of that wisdom rather than this on paper crowd. Yes, yes, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. This one holds so much of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so I think if the perfectionist, if the perfectionist
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): the perfectionist, is seeing that like oh, there's this deeper kind of thing, this essence. It isn't doesn't exist on paper. So she's
more willing to
say, Okay, do your thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): She's more pleasant to all that, in a way, with all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, good. So take one more moment with all of the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): new relationship to between the perfectionists and this other, one must be in gratitude for all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then, when you're ready, you can open your app.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): so beautifully done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Before we go any further. I think there might be something happening in the room sound? I don't know, or if it's
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): oh, so beautifully done, Michelle, what so much that came through, and all of that? What are some important pieces that you're taking
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): so much.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): so much. It's a lot to
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Not that II want to keep absorbing. I loved. I loved the image in the in the forest
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): with little baby self. and that feels as I'm kind of coming
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): back that feels really meaningful because my birthday is coming up and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): had a really difficult birth.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): My mom had a difficult birth, and I was sent away a couple of hours away right after I was born for like a week or more I don't really know, and the last few years
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I have done this like
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): kind of a retelling of that story and a reimagining, and I write to that little infant every day, and I visit her and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): I. The healing that has happened from this has been really incredible. And so I feel like this. I can fold that in this year
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): as a part of being with that little baby, and just love. see even more of her, and love even more of her parts.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): And how are you feeling about that? I don't know if her name has changed. But that dumb girl of yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you seeing there? How are you feeling about that?
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): yeah, that that label doesn't even seem to fit. Really, I might have to find a different one.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): or you know, I could just keep it as sort of an irony and a reminder of again, like the value system that has been set. That is not my value system
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): so, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like the part of you that is dumb is really the deep part
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of you
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that has this kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): wisdom. That's not the paper wisdom, but is about like you, said the cycles, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so much more than what just gets written down on paper.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): Yeah.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): yeah.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): what's something you feel inspired to do? Maybe something where the perfectionist has been blocking you up until now, what? What the next step
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): happen that you feel inspired?
Hmm! Definitely the birthday piece.
and
hmm!
I'm just sitting sitting more with this part and giving her appreciation. Really affirming her gifts and what she knows and what she brings.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): rather than starting to send her new messages where foods are like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Could you use her more when you go to write a newsletter? Could you use her more? Where in your life do you actually want to kind of use this part of you
aside from everywhere. Well, it was interesting when I said my shoulders, it was just right there. and
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): And so I know in my body. I'm I'm tall, and I have had a like a postural audit of kind of shrinking.
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): and so I think even that something as like, you know, it's okay to be casual and relaxed in my body. And it's also okay to, you know, really be my full height and broad. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so if
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): look out into the world and and yeah, be my full self
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): love that I wanna really encourage you to bring that movement like in general. And then, before you go to do things that maybe your perfectionist has held you back on, or has made you feel bad about. Come back to that feeling.
Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): thank you. Thank you so much. Sorry about the noise
Michelle Marlahan (she/her): we got through it. It's all imperfect. Great on queue. Alright, so much. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. In a few minutes. I'm gonna ask us to look at this from a practitioner point of view. But first I wanna make space. If there are a couple of shares about how Michelle's process touched you personally on a personal level. What did you get for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in ball?
Inbal Sansani: I used to have this idea. I had like a red mark on my hand. and for, like the first 10 or 11 years of my life.
Inbal Sansani: I had this story because I'm the oldest, and I have 3 younger brothers.
Inbal Sansani: and they all had
Inbal Sansani: the brisk, the circumcision ceremony. So I had this idea that I, of course, also had a party when I was born.
Inbal Sansani: and that Mark was from the Rabbi's cigarette, which is such a random thing. But it didn't when he was like holding me, and it's just, and like I never had a but Mitzvah, like they all had their ceremonies.
Inbal Sansani: but, like there was a part of me that just assumed that the same sort of celebration happened when I was born.
Inbal Sansani: and there wasn't, and it was such a part of of of the culture. You know that boys are more celebrated, especially in in Israel.
Inbal Sansani: So
Inbal Sansani: And so it's like, you know, like being the oldest, and being the first to do a lot of things, but also, like I can do it as well, or even better than
Inbal Sansani: than than the boys. And it still comes up like.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, like that. Like, I'm more willing to do manual labor that I'm more of like,
Inbal Sansani: yeah, it has negative connotations. But like a pioneer or a Kibut snake, or like not as like soft as like the 2 youngest ones. So it was so like this idea of having a ceremony.
Inbal Sansani: You know, celebrating my birth. So it's like at that level. And then all all the parts.
Inbal Sansani: was very, very moving, because there was some
Inbal Sansani: idea that that happened because it was so stark that there wasn't. It was like a big deal for people to come from the cities to the keyboards like it was. There were no cars like, wasn't something that happened on a regular basis? Yeah, it feels like, because of all of that involved, this in particular could be really valuable for you. You know you have to get to the second part. And, by the way, for everybody, even when you work with clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take myth of perfection out of it. Just to do the first part of this process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Ha! Support a client to have a welcome, you know, visualize that welcome to the World Party for themselves to be loved and celebrated and adored.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): At birth. It is such a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I've seen this with over and over with clients. Such a powerful thing, and I think especially because of what you're sharing in ball to to give that to yourself could be so so beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And you mean without the second part you can do it. Welcome to the World Party right, and and put the client in there in their baby body. If they, if that is feeling safe enough for them. For some people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because of maybe a relationship they have with a parent, you know, always give the option of who they want to be there and held, and whatever. But for some people it will make more sense for them to observe and move through it, and it can just it. It can be very powerful that way as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you. Renee.
Renée Fishman: It's interesting just on the thing you just said, cause I
Renée Fishman: was having a hard time imagining that for myself, like that, welcome to the world, and
Renée Fishman: all parts of you are loved.
Renée Fishman: The other big thing that came up for me, aside from like myself in that situation, was when
Renée Fishman: was when Michelle said, smart on paper isn't what we're going for.
Renée Fishman: I just noticed this huge shame well up in me
Renée Fishman: like. well, now, I'm a complete failure
Renée Fishman: like it, like not in a way of like embracing the dumb part, but in a way of like
Renée Fishman: shaming the smart part like cause it's like.
Renée Fishman: Oh.
Renée Fishman: so I've wasted my life, if like like, because I
Renée Fishman: I was smart on paper. and I got rewarded for like being good at school.
Renée Fishman: which is is more where I and frame that like, the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. Well, and it's like we don't. Wanna. We don't wanna vilify any of the parts right? So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's not about making the smart on paper part any less than or not amazing, or we shouldn't have that right. But it's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about balancing it out
Renée Fishman: balancing. Oh, right, there's like a part of me that knows half of them. There's another part of me that it's like in in that back of my thinking of like
Renée Fishman: I was good at school, and I'm bad at life, and like all the people who were bad at school seem to be good at life, so it's like I chose the wrong path.
Renée Fishman: I can be like smart, but I'm not athletic, right? I don't have good control of my body, but it's like the people of good control over their body or smart, and it's like, so it's constantly like that. Ping Pong you're talking about. I'm glad you're calling yourself out there on that black and white thinking right? It's just it's another
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): version of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it'd be good to work more with that, Renee, I think, do some writing on it. And to kind of see
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, maybe even
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): start the writing with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's possible to be smart on paper and good at life, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a almost as a lawyer. See if you can defend that statement
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the writing. Let's see what wants to come through there.
Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): personally or practitioner point of view, what do you want to pull on? How are you understanding that process that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we just shared?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What do you want to say about it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What do you want to pull on. Who wants to share
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica?
Vessica: I love how at the end of the process that she was like, well, I don't really have that
Vessica: like it was, the distinctions were integrated. So there wasn't that separate part of her. And I think that's really oh, a good awareness. Where, at the end of the experience where someone's not having that poll to being not smart or stupid one, or what have you whatever showing up? That part was really important cause. I think that shows the integration. And then also I love how you
Vessica: I loved the part where you actually had the perfection, or that myth, the perfectionist, that part that that part of her actually witness, that you had them witness each other.
Vessica: and in that moment of witnessing I felt like a like II felt like a
Vessica: a energetically. I could feel like the softening and this like like hand in hand, kind of like we're in this together. Experience and the energetics of just the witnessing of both parts see each other in their fullness.
Vessica: if that makes any sense and I also just wanna say that I recognize that since she had already been working on this for herself, she was perfect for this, and with most clients things might come up, and I appreciate like, for example, I I'm seeing I do breath
Vessica: breathwork around rebirthing, and I can see like doing if there is any kind of trauma step, or any kind of stuff that isn't so pretty to work through with the breath first, and then bring this in as that, like doing the breathwork and helping with that to release it and then doing the welcoming from a new place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, I love all of that. And just to pull on some pieces for all of us. So wonder, so number one. It turned out that Michelle
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that that part of the technique was pretty easy. She was like, yeah, my perfectionist has softened up, and you know, but it could have easily been like, Oh, my perfectionists! Still perfectionist in like she's got so much judgment. Right? And so then you just you use all your skills that we all have learned to continue to work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with the resistance. It came up for Michelle earlier in the process where she went into her shoulders, and she was like, I have so much shame. Right? So we just spent a little more time there, and I didn't make I didn't tell her not to have shame or resistance. Right? We just. We we continued to work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with it, and just allowed
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and met I the as a practitioner. I met it with friendliness. I didn't go into like Oh, my God! Something has gone wrong here, right? Cause I know resistance is gonna happen. I know there's so much shame around
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): these parts of ourselves. And we just continued to be, and to. I continued to give Michelle permission to lean in more and to be more accepting and owning of this part, so the resistance could come up at any moment. And we've all because you've been through sacred depths because you have been in embody. We all have the skills to support a client to move through that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Elijah?
Elijah Selby (she/her): I wanna start with an apology because you may have answered this. I just wanna acknowledge my son's here, and I have my attention didn't pulled away for a moment. So please just tell me if you've already answered this fears that I have when doing like when I imagine doing this with a client.
Elijah Selby (she/her): Is, for example, like I loved how Michelle, just like it, felt so beautiful! How she was like I feel so loved like the description of the snow and the animals, and every and like feeling like it, was such a celebration, and
Elijah Selby (she/her): it felt so good. But then I was like, oh, my gosh! What if a client's like? Oh, they're all judging me, or they're all being negative, so I don't know if you already answered that, but it scares me like, okay, then what? Right? So there's a couple of things on that cause that could happen for sure. So one thing you can do just to that could up end it. In the first place, is as you're starting to give the instructions on the welcome to the World Party. Name it. Say there might be some people that re this, that, and the other thing. You have choices right. This is completely choose your own adventure, so you can either choose
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to not have those people at the party at all. You get to choose exactly who's at the party, or and I would encourage you if it's possible for you to do this, but if it's not, it's not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Can the highest
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): version of your mother be there? Right. This is you know, and and you can kind of like negotiate that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with the with the client. Right? So it's it's always we work with. What's there. We and name the resistance and all the pieces.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And that's why. Also, you know, I did say earlier is for some people, it's gonna be too much for them to go into their baby body, possibly because of trauma or relationship, or whatever. So they get to choose who holds them, and then they get to choose whether they're in it, or they observe it, and all is good, and we always just work with where a client is at stretching them
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. They we don't need to be in their comfort zones. For this. We don't want them in their comfort zones for this, but not stretching them so much that it's going to be very dysregulate
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for them.
Elijah Selby (she/her): Good. I'm glad you asked. Yeah, thank you. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Leah.
Lea Artis: So obviously, there were
Lea Artis: technical issues.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I didn't. Wanna interrupt Michelle in the middle of the process. I knew that the sound was coming from her. But hopefully you could hear.
Lea Artis: Well, yeah, I was gonna ask from a practitioner point of view. Like, when do you make that choice? Right? Cause the sound wasn't bothering Michelle? I think it was coming through louder on her computer.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I it didn't seem to be distracting her at all, and I could go with it. And so I just figured I'd let everybody else in the room, who was observing, Go with it, too. I was prioritizing the client, and she was fine, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if I would have it, would have seemed like she kept on opening her eyes or moving, or felt like she wasn't in the process because of the noise. Then I would have paused and said, hey? It seems like there's background noise. Do you want to close your door, or is this a good time to do this
Lea Artis: or whatever it is? Yeah. And as the person like facilitating, if you're noticing the issue coming up. But you're like in a deep process.
Lea Artis: and it's disrupting you. Would you try to remedy it as well present, right energy follows energy. So if if me as the facilitator, if I can't be present.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): then it's not, I'm not gonna do a good job.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I would pause there too. I so in this situation, you know, because, like a whole group, was observing a demo, I knew it was just, maybe a little distracting for some other people, but I was kind of willing to sacrifice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that since we were in the process, but if it was too distracting to obviously, if it was for the client, and then, if it was too distracting for me that I wasn't there in my full presence, I would say something also. And how do you like? What were my minds going is like, how do you manage that when it's like something you want not pull people out of like. It's
Lea Artis: cause. I don't know if there would have
Lea Artis: been the recognition far enough in advance of, like the pre questions versus in the process. Do what I'm talking about, cause like when she's in the process
Lea Artis: to pull her out of it. You would have to then drop her back in right like. And that's like a whole other
Lea Artis: mechanism or of thought. So that's kind of what I'm trying to think about.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I mean, every situation is, I'm so glad you're asking. And this is why I love these Demos. It's like so many different issues come up in all the different ways. It's so great. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm working, let's talk about like obvious distractions right every now and again a client will show up for a session, and she'll be like I'm in the car, or they'll be like taking a walk, whatever, right? So something like that, unless they can get to a client. Quiet place. I'm not gonna do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): any somatic process at all. But if I'm here, if they are outside or there is a noise, or there's something distracting them, and something comes up that's like, it would be great to go deeper with this and some kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): somatic process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Then I I'll just say that, you know, before you know I want, I think it would be helpful for us to do this. Is it possible for you to get to a more quiet place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You know, etcetera, and there's nothing wrong I'm seeing in the chat. II happen to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not be so sensitive to that. So I. It was fine for me, but I'm seeing the chat some people are saying, like as the practitioner, I wouldn't have been able to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and there's no shame at all in saying, You know, I wanna do this to you. But the sound I wanna be fully present, and there for you, and it's a little bit too loud, or the your cell phone service keeps on going in and out sometimes that can or whatever is so to do this at a time when Xyz.
Lea Artis: yeah. And then
Lea Artis: I guess, cause for me it's not so. I hear all that. And then it's like.
Lea Artis: and maybe I'm just. I guess the point I'm kind of thinking about is like
Lea Artis: sometimes I'm not as I can drop in, or I'm already dropped in, and I'm not as aware of somebody else meeting that
Lea Artis: drop in space and time. And so I'm
Lea Artis: and that's I've had. I'm just recognizing that. And so I'm also conscious of the fact of like, okay, say something. The child knocks on the door, even though the kids are not supposed to be on the door right
Lea Artis: like. Then they come back. And then it's like, okay. Then we have to kind of find a way to bring them back into it or get them to resettle
Lea Artis: And I'm not sure the best way to do that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like I don't know if I would like start all over and like maybe just do a grounding exercise. I guess I could figure it out. But well, right? So number one. Yes, I think you can figure it out like you. You will be able to do that in the moment. But what II will say
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): my typical answer always coach the what? Based on the who for some people they might need, maybe something really triggering happened outside, or whatever they might need. More, a little more grounding time first.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but really by and large.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): half a minute of grounding, and then dropping right back into where they ended, or 30 s to a minute before, like ve. Very rarely will you need to spend a lot of time resetting, and then have to start from the beginning. Sometimes you will, right? But II think that's not gonna be the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the what's the word like. Mostly it's not going to be that.
Lea Artis: Yeah, okay, that's helpful. It's just helpful to think through, because
Lea Artis: you know, of course, on a call about perfection. This should happen especially.
Lea Artis: It's like literally working with the shadow. The shadow just fucking shows up, and it's like you get to deal with me, and it's like anytime in a shadow situation. I mean, I think that's the other thing we're not talking about is like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for me. When you work with shadow energetics. You better be fucking ready for it to enter the room. So right? So that's why this isn't a shadow training, as as you know, because you've been to one of my shadow trainings. There's so much to it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I was just dropping some of that as a little bit for practitioners, you know, in general, and for those of you that have been trained in shadow. But I want everybody to know, like with what's Leah saying this technique, it cuts that it cuts that out when you just go straight to the welcome to the World Party, and then there might be some resistance
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to the part that isn't loved. But it's not gonna be. This isn't like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for most people this isn't going to be like deep explosive shadow work. This is. This is a way to do some of it in pretty easy way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Gloria.
Gloria Eid: you may have mentioned this already, but would you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Would you go ahead and start by giving any kind of like framing or context about the exercise that you're going into just considering. Yes, so I gave some words for that in the resource sheet. You don't need to give a lot. But and I said this to Michelle in the beginning.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): would it be okay for us to have a welcome to the World Party for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And for this part of you, because it's it's never really been welcomed. It's never really been celebrated, you know. Would it be okay for us to to welcome it and celebrate it in a way? And that's you know. Maybe then a client has some resistance, and you have a little discussion about that. But that's you don't need
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): much more context than that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, definitely, especially if this client don't talk. Don't start talking about the shadow that keep it like I'm saying it. Keep it as like welcome to the world. Yes, yes, and
Gloria Eid: the reason behind my question also is and you again. You might have already addressed it in some way, too, but
Gloria Eid: for folks who have, who already, who know that they've had a traumatic birth. Like, it's not about replaying or going back to an actual birth. It's actually just designing what they
Gloria Eid: what they want. This party to be. Exactly yeah, okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): exactly. And if a client, remember, always coach, though it based on the who. So if you know a particular client, needs it before you drop into the more like somatic part. The visualization part first. Have a conversation, say, like, if you, if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you were planning a welcome to the party, welcome to the World Party for yourself, you know. What would it be? What would it look like like? Get it? Get it out cognitively, and ha! Ha! In a light energy, right? And then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): go into, then drop into that in a more somatic way.
Gloria Eid: Well, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? And always always ask. is it okay for us to do this
right? Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Stacy, exactly. I was asking some of those background questions just for us as practitioners to do some more learning, but there's no need for that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and this you can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but you don't have to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? What else do you want to pull on?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, Renee, I'm glad you're asking that I meant to address that as well. So just like any kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know visualization. There are some clients that don't know how to visualize, not don't know how they don't. They're not able to visualize in their mind. They're not gonna be able to see party this and that. You can still do this feeling right? Feel what it feels like?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So you're not gonna tell them. See this. See that? See? The next thing? You're gonna ask them to feel feel, but it feels like to be in the room, feel the people around you feel that they have party hats, whatever it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): involved.
Inbal Sansani: There were 2 things
Inbal Sansani: when you were inviting Michelle.
Inbal Sansani: you know, like to ask that part of her the the dumb part. And
Inbal Sansani: you were saying, you know, just like normalized, or that. you know, might be hard or funny, like to ask it for for wisdom. I think
Inbal Sansani: specifically in this case.
Inbal Sansani: so just like helping to like massage that. And then immediately, like.
Inbal Sansani: Whoa, like, let's slow it down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, she was saying a lot of different things. So okay, to work backwards from what Imbal is saying. I'm so glad you're pulling on these things. Number one. I slowed Michelle down. Part of it was because there was a lot that was coming through that was so important. And I wanted her to feel each of the things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we're always aware of that and somatic work. We're always slowing it down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another little reason why I did it is because she was getting a little too smart and sophisticated in her thinking, of course, is so like Meta, what we were doing, but also in somatic work, sophisticated thinking, we we always want basic. We want the dub one somatic work. We want the simplicity in it so like the slowing it down. And I repeated back to her
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the simple basic of of the wisdom that was coming through to come back to that without you need any of the context or the complex ideas.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's see. What if a client, and just seeing in the chat. has resistance to the welcome
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to the World Party. So that's a little bit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Renee. What I was sharing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who was I talking about it with? I can't remember
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Gloria, but we we had a discussion a few minutes ago, Renee, about maybe you talk about it cognitively first, or whenever there's resistance, everybody remember, whenever there's resistance to anything, it might be that it's just not right for that client on that day, wherever
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or it might just be resistance. And you all have tools
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for working with resistance. Right? You welcome it. You don't make it wrong. You ask question. You get curious about it right? What is it that this is bringing up for you? What? What is the resistance? What is the fear in this sometimes that can loosen it up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): enough to go forward.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if it doesn't need to just do another myth of perfection exercise
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not every client on every day is, gonna be up for any given
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): technique?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? And so we always just work with what's there?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? What are you observing? What are you noticing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you seeing? What questions do you have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anyone want to share
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being smart can get in the way of depth? Yep, we want want
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to honor everything.
Randa Sultan: I have a question. Yeah. What if someone has trauma from birth?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we've been talking about that right? Every always coach, though what? Based on the who for some people it's not gonna be appropriate. That's first of all, that's why you always want to get permission. Right? Is it? Okay? That's why you don't want to start with the birth right? We're not starting, you know. This is this is a party in a separate reality, right? So that can help
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): first talking it through cognitively sometimes can help, and then sometimes it's just not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's not the right exercise for that
Randa Sultan: and does it help. Because I when I noticed when you were guiding her, you're like the dumb girl. So she we already knew what her method perfection was. We already had a label and a name for it. Would you like? Say, this is a client? Because I'm like, I know that when we did the not good enough piece we're like, Hey, we can do one not good enough coaching session. Let's try that on.
Randa Sultan: This one almost sounds like there needs to more clarity. Or do you need that even to begin with, on the myth of perfection for for them to understand where it's coming from, or a name, or to label it, or something
Randa Sultan: to work with on the coaching. Yeah. So it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): likely you're not gonna just pull this out. You'll be in right discussion with a client on a topic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Some of the pieces will come up from the first half of this call. You'll notice that there's some kind of myth of perfection going on, and you'll
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): identify you know, through even some of the questions that we asked in the first part, like, What are what are they scared of? Why? Why are they running towards perfection? To kind of identify
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a place that you can work with with this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): technique like a place that they're thinking is bad or wrong.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That they're they're wanting to deny because of perfection.
Randa Sultan: Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it totally does. So just like needing some background, needing some information. Because then I heard you say, like, this is the the where does where does she live like you had a name for it, and then identification for it, and that, like clients aren't.
Randa Sultan: But like we are who we like. I know what she looks like. You know, we've done this before. It's a new thing for a lot of the clients. It's a new thing, and they're just like, I don't know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So you're not gonna do this in a 30 min. If you have 30 min sessions, this is gonna be more 45 min sessions, because we're longer, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there is a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. And there's a conversation that's gonna happen before. And you know exactly. Exactly.
Randa Sultan: I have one other question, and this is somatic. All of the stuff we've been doing. It's all very similar to the wisdom, the connection, the body, part, the what vision, all of the feelings and everything.
Randa Sultan: I think with every single client. I've had. Nobody shares with me like when we're on the on on the call here. Michelle's like it looks like this. It lives over here. This is what she has to say. This is her wisdom. I'm literally staring at my clients with their eyes closed, and they're not sharing a word. So I'm guiding them kind of blindly. Is there a way that you find that works to prompt them to share? Because II feel like they drop into their space, and I'm guiding them. And at the end they come out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love this question. So it's always about connecting the dots for people
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and giving. If you know that's like your people have the tendency for that. Then, in the instructions beforehand.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you just speak to it. So you say there's sometimes sometimes for some people. When we do this, we're like so deep in the experience that we we're like we forget to share. But it's so important for me as the practitioner to be tracking you as you're moving through this. That will also help me take you to the places that are gonna be most helpful for you. So throughout this process, I'm gonna be asking you to actually out loud, tell me
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or this or that, and if you don't answer, I'm gonna ask you again. Right? So you just you just connect those dots.
Randa Sultan: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Renee.
Renée Fishman: I feel like I may have like missed the nuance of this. But like at the end. You were asking her for the
Renée Fishman: dumb one to meet the perfectionist, can you? Just if I'm getting that right? It's like with the noise in the background. I got very hard to like attune to that. And what
Renée Fishman: like? What
Renée Fishman: like, what the what you're looking for, I mean, I don't know you're not looking for anything, maybe, but like what the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): why you're doing that, what's gonna explain? Yeah, absolutely. I'm glad you're asking. So first to know that last part is optional. You can end it before you bring the perfectionist in. That's gonna depend on time. If you or if you sense, it will be helpful.
Renée Fishman: But can you, when you say, end it before that? So you mean just like noticing, like so welcoming this part like to the world
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): having the dialogue, but not getting to the place of now let's kind of bring the perfectionist in. You don't have to. That is kind of like an optional
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): part that you can add if it feels appropriate. and if there's time for it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the reason why you might want to include it. And I said this to Michelle. You may not have heard it while we were
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the process is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the perfectionist is the is a part of you that might have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): been scared of this part, or judged this part before. We already did all of this work or not liked this part, and so I want to bring, you know, if you're okay with it, I want to bring in this part to see if there's like a little bit of a different relationship. Now, if we can establish a little bit of a different connection between these 2, if they can be friends
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little bit more
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So it really, it's purpose is about the party was like acceptance from all these people
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the imagination.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That helped more of an inner acceptance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But now, let's see, can the perfectionist love, and accept and celebrate this part a little bit as well. Can they come together a little bit more as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So and I said to Michelle beforehand, I don't know if you all noticed, I said again, this next part is, gonna be an experiment. We don't see how it goes. The perfectionist could have come up and been like, I hate you. Whatever we would have worked with it would have been great. It would have been an opportunity for more except self acceptance and love. If that happened, we didn't get to the part cause it didn't feel appropriate, based on some things that Michelle was saying. Sometimes you can even have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the perfectionist, and then, whatever the part, hold hands and ask them to to balance out their energy inside of the client right? Because really but Michelle already found it, because we went from like this extreme dumb one to the this beautiful aligned place between the black and the white, thinking, the perfectionist and the extreme dumb, which was the deep one, the one who
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): throws out some of the the like smarty pants in order to find the depth and the presence underneath. So we didn't need that part necessarily.
Renée Fishman: So
Renée Fishman: what do you do when cause this is happening? Sometimes with clients, and even in myself, when there is no dialogue like when there, when like, you know, when you're asking, when you're dialogging, and it's like, what's the
Renée Fishman: what's the wisdom? What's the wisdom that you're done, has and like? What if the client doesn't have any wisdom from it? So a couple of things I'm so glad you're asking cause this gives us a chance to review some. Befriend your fear things a couple of things, number one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's all exactly as it's meant to be. Nothing is ever wrong. Nothing has ever gone wrong.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So that's number one. We need to remember that energetically as practitioners.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's amazing when the dialogue can happen. But what I want to remind everybody is that that's not the sole purpose of any of this work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The bigger purpose, whether there's the wisdom of the dialogue that comes through or not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is the getting regulated and the being able to hold with love and acceptance these different parts of ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So even if the the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but words don't come, or ideas don't come from questions that you ask
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the holding of sacred intentional space with that part and supporting a client to get more comfortable with that part is actually the biggest job of all of this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So so long as we're okay with that as practitioners, energy follows energy right? And we can say to our client, that's totally fine, that that you didn't hear anything, that nothing came that was just like a that's a a side piece, right? I just so you're doing so well in holding space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for this part of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then you can explain more on that, if need be, after the process
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that make sense.
Renée Fishman: Yeah, I think it does. I guess my question is, what if they're not? What if they can't be with it right? What if there's still that like? No, there's no loving acceptance here. There's not like there's just so much like
Renée Fishman: external like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we're getting more into like question, like resistance questions. Like you were asking before, Renee. But I'll just say for now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a great thing to do in that moment is, say, what's the part of you that that is not wanting to go forward with this? Or what's the part of you that's judging this part of yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): kind of loosen up that part a little bit
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): night. That's kind of like classic resistance, archetype kind of stuff there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So whenever a client in any of these processes like has resistance or judgment to a part of themselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it is never, ever, ever their highest self for all of them that is, having resistance to a part of themselves. It is always another part of themselves that is, having resistance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So then we just want to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a little bit like. So then we go to that right, and maybe that's all we do for that day. But that is big and important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is that helpful for everyone just to kind of to remember
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so long with whatever coaching we're doing, whether it's a semantic process or not. I always go in. We learned this in sacred depths. I wanna remind you this, I always go in with whatever comes up is exactly perfect. Speaking of this is when some perfect is perfect, right? It's exactly perfect. And it's a clue. And it's information. And I'm gonna go with that right. I'm not gonna reject anything. I'm not gonna make anything wrong. I'm I'm gonna go with what comes up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be attached to. We needed to do this technique. We needed to get to the end of this technique if it needs to be diverted into something else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I always know that if I'm fully present to my client, and I'm working with what comes up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I'm loving them. And I'm loving myself. We're gonna get to exactly what needs to be gotten that day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That is the next step.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kemp.
Kim Church: Oh, sorry I didn't. I didn't need to unmute.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I, Sarah, sing in the chat. Can I repeat what I just said about. It's never the client, but our highest selves are never going to be the ones that are resistant to any other part of ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's always like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to use ifs or internal family systems. Language is always gonna be like a protector part that is judging another part of ourselves. Thank you.
Sarah MacKay Lynch: That helps.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in ball saying, there's something so precious about this technique. I can see the odd perfection I see in babies and how much I wanna grasp onto that for them. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Fran.
Fran Darnell: yeah, that involves prompted me. I was thinking about this earlier, but I didn't raise my hand in the Quaker meeting that I've
Fran Darnell: not the one I was raised in but the one I've been attending more recently. They hold baby welcoming ceremonies
Fran Darnell: and to have the opportunity to attend one, and it was really powerful to be in this space, where. much like in a Quaker memorial service or a wedding ceremony, everybody sat in worshipful silence, and then out of the silence spoke blessings, or prayers, or wishes.
Fran Darnell: and and they were. There were wishes around like acceptance of challenging parts, and also for the parents as well. So it's just making me yeah, feel how powerful this is. A practice could be for every individual as adults, because so many of us, you know, have not had those kinds of experiences. And a big part of the repairing that we can provide for ourselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 100. I'm so glad you're sharing that. Yes, and so exactly. Why, I was saying just the first part of this technique, just the welcome to the World Party part right to to have that opportunity to be celebrated and welcomed without expectation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of who you're gonna become or these parts are, gonna be bigger. And this is not right, like all all of that stuff. But to just be welcomed to the world
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): fully as you is such a.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We all need that right. We almost like need it every day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. Well, I'm really really excited for all of you to play with this. I highly cannot recommend more coming to the practice session this month with inval.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not only so that you can each have an opportunity to practice the technique as a practitioner, but so that you get to experience it and be held in love, and just have that space for yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to be in it. So those practice sessions are always just so beautiful, and so much comes out of them. And I really, really wanna recommend that if you can make it, please do for yourself, for yourself as a practitioner, but also for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We only have 9 min left. So I want to do a couple of things in the next 9 min. I do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Instead of taking 8 or 9 min to talk about advanced. I do just wanna take 2 or 3 min to talk about advanced depth. I do have a couple of spots open for the cohort that's starting in April.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it is, and I know some of you here have been in advance. If you feel called to share in the chat just a little bit about what that experience has been like for you. It, is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it I? But I think it is just a paradigm, shifting experience where? Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from a practitioner standpoint you get so many new tools in your toolbox. They're mostly all around shadow. But honestly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the bigger value I don't know. Value isn't the right word. What you but what you get even more from advanced steps
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is to do your deep shadow work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And to we, I mean this technique that we did today is a little shadow. It's just skimming the surface of what we do in advance, and what you get for yourself, you will see yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and everyone else, and your life in a different
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): way. plus you'll walk out with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so many tools.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): new tools, somatic tools, shadow tools to work on with your clients. plus.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You'll also walk away with learning a lot more about young and archetypes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and dreams.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Plus. We get to be in person for one of the retreats, and I know I always say this, but this is my brag. If you have not been with me in person for a retreat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you will be so glad that you came. You will like not not just about the ritual that we do, and all of that. But the love in the room is palpable, and you will become a different practitioner and facilitator from that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's so much more that I wanna say, but because of time, right now, I'm just gonna say, this. this embody group
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is getting the lowest price
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on, advanced as a thank you for being sacred deaf students and for being in embody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't even remember the price. Hold on. Let me just take a look.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So the regular rate is $8,700. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for all of you. even less than the people that are graduating sacred depths now. if you'd like to step in. It's $6,300 paid in full, which is such a deal.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or a $397 deposit. Now and then 15 payments of 397, beginning in April. There's a lot of bonuses. But here's the special thing for all of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you choose to step in, then you also will get another full year of embody as my gift to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): starting in July. So it's like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, I can't. It's a lot. It's the value is incredible. Embody is gonna look a little bit different. Once we're done with this year, because I know everybody loves the retreats. I'm gonna move it to 5 retreats instead of 4. They're gonna be a little longer. We're gonna take out the monthly reporting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so anyway.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll drop the link for you if you have done advanced before many, many people do it more than once.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you get
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a special graduate advanced graduate rate. Do I have it here?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, an extra $1,500 off.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So it would be $4,800 for you if you've already done advanced.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Have a conversation with me, Caitlin, in ball, if you are interested.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That was just my very, very short
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): spiel. You'll be able to read about each of the intensive retreats in the brochure. If you're thinking about it, let's talk
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This this group is like who II would just love. I'd love for some of you to be there, it would make me so happy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, and the deadline for that special rate of the 6,300, or the 3. The payments of 397 is good until January 20. Fourth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but we have 4 min.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple things I want
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everybody on. Where are my notes? A couple things before we
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): number one?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): To continue the work from today. Please come to the practice session and also thank you for all the love about advanced in the chat. I haven't. I've just been like eyeing it on the side. But thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): come to the practice session with involve. You will be happy that you did
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): come back to see if you identified the mistake make or the sloppy one whatever you identified over the next few weeks. If you can give that part of you love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): kind of be loving on that part of you connecting with that part of you. Work, soften it up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little bit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What I would like for everybody to identify right now is on an outer level. So in in an area that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you identified the beginning of our time together today, where perfectionism is messing you up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's an imperfect next outer step that you would like to take
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over the next
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): days
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have on my blueprint to do a Youtube. So as an example, I am going to make a Youtube video and I will. I will be accountable to all of you. I'm gonna let you all know that I did a Youtube. Video.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what is it for you. Elijah, too? Okay, I've got an account. Maybe we can be accountability partners. We're gonna do Youtube videos.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple of other pieces.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I promised a visibility challenge last
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): quarter. It was during the holidays. It wasn't the right time. I laid it all of it out in our last community call before the holidays. We're gonna start this Monday, January eighth. I'll be posting in our Facebook group to give you prompts and instructions if you want to play along imperfectly. You don't have to be ready for it. Spend 1520 min a day on it for 5 days.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're doing the visibility challenge. Then.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I want to remind you that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in addition to the practice session with Inbal. Come, if you're wanting more support, we've got our calls twice our Q. And A. Calls twice a month. Come.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ask me something. Ask in Facebook. Some of you are asking me via email and private messages.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just do it. I am here. I am here to support you. I want to support you. What do you need? Right? So, even if like, you're not listening to the monthly recordings, and there's not time to come to the QA. Calls, although maybe there is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you just have a question, ask me right, get what you need from the space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, we're exactly at 2 30 before you go for those of you that are still here. If you could please note for yourself. What are you taking away from our time together? And if you can share it in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): please share it in the chat, and I would love to not have the last word. I'd love to hear one voice to voice. What are you taking from our time together today?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who'd like to share.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Brenda, saying, whatever comes up is always perfect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): love it. Anyone want to share a voice to voice.
Staci Page: Kim is saying things in shadow need more love. Zoom, I would say mediocre, coming into new relationship with mediocre.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, I love it, I love it, I'm not. I need to do that as well. Christine, did you want to share?
Christine Thomson: Thank you.
Christine Thomson: No.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, I thought you had. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, everyone. I'm sending lots of love. Keep me posted.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll see you soon. Bye.