00:01:17 Joli Knott: Hi everyone! 00:01:29 Sophie Jane Hardy: Hey Joli, hey everyone! 00:01:38 Sophie Jane Hardy: Totally get it Joanna, I have those days often! 00:02:16 Barbara Daughter: Good morning everyone! 00:03:08 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): It 00:03:30 amy palatnick: focusing on see/hear/love and equal playing field, everyone is whole and complete--all of that has been very helpful 00:03:37 Sophie Jane Hardy: I’ve had such ana amazing journey with the ‘whole and complete’ piece. I was unaware about how much subtle judgement I was carrying… I’m loving practicing creating an equal playing field in all my relationships. 00:03:45 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): It's always been in the background, but now it's more conscious and deliberate. I can say "check energetics" and I know what that means. 00:03:54 MaryAnn: FYI, I'm gonna turn off my video, I'm in a rural area and my connection isn't great. 🙂 00:05:53 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: That makes so much sense. I can also see this in my relationship with my partner. 00:06:56 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): Me too, Sophie Jane. I still don't completely understand what whole and complete means, in terms of a client wanting to change/uplevel. 00:07:20 AJ Frenzel: Absolutely Joli! I noticed when my kids were small, it was better for me to either be fully there, or fully away - letting my hub handle it. Thinking on it now, maybe my appearance interrupted their container? 00:10:28 Joli Knott: @AJ—that's a great question and I guess it would vary from situation to situation....But from what I’ve tracked with my daughter, being there always seems to add more to the container, as opposed to disrupting it, but I'm also specifically talking about school-run mornings in this instance. 💜 00:10:34 Aiyana McKenzie: Such great noticing, Joli! Great parenting 🙂 00:11:06 Joli Knott: Thank you @Aiyana! 🙏🏽💙 00:12:37 Joli Knott: Ooooooh--I've never thought of setting my time working on my practice as a container—love this! 00:14:24 Barbara Daughter: perfect ... so glad you brought this issue forward AJ as I too can use this suggestion for the time when I'm working on my business 00:16:04 Aiyana McKenzie: About 20 years ago when I first learned reiki, I practiced setting the container every day for years. This has made it so I can hold "space" for others. At first, it took about 20 minutes a day or more. Eventually, I could set the space of the room in a moment. I am seeing in this moment that practicing on “setting" my own internal energy every day is my current desire and I am committing to it in this moment 00:16:26 MaryAnn: Love that, Aiyana! 00:16:57 Barbara Daughter: Yes because you are whole and complete, Aiyana! 00:16:58 Randa Sultan: @AJ - the I am whole and complete exactly as I am... and you are whole and complete exactly as you are … is also a new application and intention for holding a safe space for both - huge shift!! 00:17:05 Joli Knott: So beautiful, @Aiyana! 💫 00:17:21 Aiyana McKenzie: Thank you, @MaryAnn 🙂 00:17:33 Aiyana McKenzie: @Barbara 🥰 00:17:52 MaryAnn: Sadly, I’m going to have to leave the call early today for a client event…I'll miss the live discussion, but will look forward to the replay. 🙂 00:18:06 Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): • **If left unguided, what happens in the coaching container is a microcosm of what happens out of the coaching container, in the real world** 00:19:52 amy palatnick: if they are codependent... 00:20:29 amy palatnick: good chance 00:21:27 amy palatnick: (oops) 00:22:05 amy palatnick: in processwork, this is called "dreaming up” 00:23:50 Aiyana McKenzie: Yes, being aware of projections I put on my partner in the beginning of our relationship allowed us to create a really loving, intimate bond. Without that awareness, our relationship would have broken apart. 00:30:26 Layne Mosler: Leveraging client projections sounds lovely in theory. But it feels like it's moving into the territory of therapy and I do not feel qualified to be working with people as a therapist. 00:31:53 AJ Frenzel: whole and complete human vs. perfect and finished person 00:32:11 Brenda: Jaonna -- that was it for me. 00:32:41 Barbara Daughter: that's an important point @ Layne 00:33:54 Melissa K: Whole and complete in our 'humaness' 00:34:59 amy palatnick: i think of whole and complete as: we each have the inner resources we need to get where we want to go, they just need to be accessed/drawn out. 00:35:18 Joli Knott: I was thinking about "transference” in psychology @Layne so was having similar feelings…. 00:35:20 Alta Felix: What is loveable about the something I am aware that I want to change? 💗 00:36:33 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): I think of whole and complete as: love is accessible no matter what I do/achieve/have/etc and no matter how the world reacts to me 00:36:40 Joli Knott: @Michelyn--great question and sharing! I wonder if shifting language might help? For me, I think of being "whole and complete” as being in the perfect place for the next iteration/evolution of myself to take place...does that make sense? 00:36:42 Barbara Daughter: Love that @amy -- access/draw out those inner resources 00:36:55 Aiyana McKenzie: I only raised my hand to share what I was noticing. That was that I notice I am willing to take risks in my close relationships to share dynamics I see, etc, and that I feel less willing to take these risks with clients 00:36:56 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Joli, me too, thought of transference as well 00:37:01 Barbara Daughter: and that's a helpful perspective @Joli 00:37:30 Barbara Daughter: & @Sidsel 00:37:30 Joli Knott: @Barbara 💜 00:37:44 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): <3 barbara 00:39:12 Aiyana McKenzie: @Michelyn, thank you for that discussion. I strongly relate to the “I have to fix this before everything is ok/I can love myself" 00:39:47 Alta Felix: I need to be perfect (chin up, hair done, dressed well, etc) in order to be worthy of the life I had 00:40:15 Sarah Van Hoy: I think it felt like they were threatened if I were different, separate. 00:40:17 Annelise Pesa: my needs were not important 00:40:21 Randa Sultan: I'm struggling with this question 00:40:38 Brenda: Constant criticism - I never did it right or was good enough. 00:40:39 Sophie Jane Hardy: My mum told me to be quiet and stop talking often, in a shaming way. It’s taken a long time to free up my voice… an ongoing project. 00:40:46 AJ Frenzel: that I'm not special (enough to feel seen) 00:41:14 Barbara Daughter: Why can't I be like my siblings/peers? 00:41:30 Alta Felix: My spiritual work is not good (had a total aha moment with this one right now) 00:41:34 amy palatnick: Absent parenting Overwhelming emotional dependence Abuse that wasn’t talked about Condescension Us against No communication about dynamics Absolute power 00:41:44 Aiyana McKenzie: Dynamics with caretakers:Taking care of them; need to be perfect or else total condemnation; work like a slave; sacrifice self/martyr; suppress self and put up a false front to be safe/make them feel comfortable; that who I am is ‘wrong' and that other children are smarter, prettier and more lovable... blah, blah, blah 00:41:53 AJ Frenzel: That I have to be the ‘good girl’ 00:42:02 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): go on no matter what and parent myself so my parents did not feel like they weren't good parents 00:42:42 Sarah Van Hoy: (competitiveness) <-- sigh 00:42:48 Annelise Pesa: i always was the strong one he was the weak so he had more help I had to fend for myself 00:42:53 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): competition! for love, space, time etc 00:42:55 Vlada Tomova: My physical needs were met (mostly), but not the emotional needs, nor my interests validated 00:42:58 AJ Frenzel: falling into birth order as level of importance 00:43:01 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: When my older sister would beat up on me, my mom would say, I don't want to hear about it, figure it out yourself. i felt like my voice didn't matter and it gave me a “fuck you" attitude toward my mom. that she didn't care that I was hurting. 00:43:07 Sophie Jane Hardy: My brother was a huge personality and I felt overshadowed often 00:43:11 Angela Stringhini: as the young child I was not respected and honoured, not able to voice myself 00:43:34 Alta Felix: anger towards me for being "most loved" and yet treated with less regard because I was the black sheep- uncomfortable duality 00:43:41 Melissa K: My siblings are 11-16 years older than me, where the shadow side of the dynamic is them either doting on me or scolding like a child 00:43:48 Randa Sultan: constantly judged for what I chose to wear or the things I would say outloud in a public setting... I still see my sisters look at me... which would make me shut up and just be the quiet little girl again... 00:43:50 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Alta, know that feeling 00:44:00 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: My sister was the prom queen, and sport star at our high school. I was often referred to as, “Erin's little sister" 00:44:09 Sophie Jane Hardy: Toxic males abusing power. 00:44:17 amy palatnick: i have a terrible pattern of falling in love with or crushing on my teachers 00:44:27 Annelise Pesa: trying to get attention and love , as my mum did not give it to me 00:44:40 Layne Mosler: obeying + going above and beyond = approval, love 00:44:50 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): A weird disconnect 00:44:55 Joli Knott: Being treated as “less than" in a male-dominated workplace…. 00:45:09 AJ Frenzel: wanting to be their friend 00:45:14 Angela Stringhini: I was not good with authorities because they wanted to box me and I always had a rebellion inside of me… 00:45:26 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Me too, Angela! 00:45:27 Tina Dowdy: not treated with dignity 00:46:30 Angela Stringhini: all this that i hold 00:46:46 Annelise Pesa: subconscious need to be seen and validated 00:47:13 Randa Sultan: after having trusted many coaches/therapists to guide me and having some of that broken... my usual way of being from family dynamics (keep the peace, be quiet) eventually I learned to speak up to allow my voice to be heard, that my opinion matters and that perhaps I know myself more than those outside of me... 00:47:17 Tina Dowdy: need to heard and understood 00:47:26 amy palatnick: I remain guarded 00:47:41 AJ Frenzel: over explaining myself to justify my value 00:48:01 Barbara Daughter: Need to be valued as the unique person I am, not "generic” 00:48:11 Brenda: AJ - I recognize that in me too 00:48:24 Sophie Jane Hardy: The safety of a brilliant therapist, allowed me to ‘regress’ consciously to the lost voice of my teen years, which was deeply healing and freeing. 00:49:26 AJ Frenzel: @Barbara - Yes that! I think that is what I is what I’m trying to say. 00:50:05 Joli Knott: @Barbara—big resonance here with the need to more than “generic”! 00:50:08 Annelise Pesa: wonderful example @Joanna 00:50:30 Sophie Jane Hardy: Could you say that question again? 00:51:01 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): the need to be their helper, that they dependent on me (haven't felt this with coaching, though, rather when I was teaching with my students) 00:51:09 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: Anxious about being “good enough” Do they like me? Am I being helpful enough? Is this worth their money? How can i be charging for this? They will think I am a fraud 00:51:10 amy palatnick: i stress when the energetics are off and have a hard time bringing it up 00:51:24 Annelise Pesa: am i delivering value ?? 00:51:24 Barbara Daughter: As my mother's confidant, that's a role I easily go into 00:51:30 Randa Sultan: am I providing enough value... needing to fix the situation... needing to see progress... needing recognition that what I am bringing to the table is valuable "enough"... even choosing this as my career in the last 6 years has been a fight to "prove this is a valid career" with family and at home... so proving my worth 00:51:54 AJ Frenzel: wanting to feel validated - & if not, it's that I haven't made myself understood. 00:52:08 Brenda: @Dava -- yes. anxious about being good enough & all your questions. 00:52:42 AJ Frenzel: @Randa - absolutely feeling all that. 00:53:53 Annelise Pesa: @joanna shortly I will disconnect from PC and I will connect from my mobile as I have to go somewhere in 30 minutes so will isten from the car 00:54:03 Sophie Jane Hardy: I think on elf the reasons I’ve been consulting so much, rather than deep listening and coaching is because I’m trying to prove I know a lot, reacting to my brother’s big, overpowering energy! 00:54:21 Randa Sultan: @sophie - I totally resonate with this too! 00:55:38 Melissa K: @Carla - I so relate 00:55:44 Joli Knott: @Sophie Jane—totally with you on this, although as the eldest sibling, I think I felt it was my job to be the fixer/problem solver all the time… 00:56:06 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): am wondering if clients and practitioners both bring in dynamics and patterns and also trigger them in one another. I sense a bit of shaming about 'bringing’ stuff in, as if one has to not make noise because that means one has not done the work..? 00:56:42 Angela Stringhini: Joanna Question please: How do we balance the giving and taking situation? 00:58:43 Joli Knott: @Vlada—I feel I struggle around the same issue, too…. 00:59:38 Joli Knott: Oh! That's beautiful, @Vlada!! 00:59:50 Barbara Daughter: well said Vlada 01:01:13 Sophie Jane Hardy: <3 Randa 01:01:21 Tina Dowdy: I feel the same miranda <3 01:01:54 Tina Dowdy: sorry - Randa :) 01:02:05 Aiyana McKenzie: 🌸Randa— so much love and support to you 01:02:45 Sophie Jane Hardy: Thank you for bringing this Randa. Sending so much love and support your way… “Nobody knew me”… I really relate. Feeling brushed off. 01:03:44 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: i hear you Randa -- yes. so relatable. 01:04:14 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Thank you, Randa 01:04:20 Barbara Daughter: honoring you Randa! 01:04:22 Aiyana McKenzie: I relate too, Randa. Thank you for your beautiful share 01:04:36 Joli Knott: @Randa 💛💫 01:04:40 Wendy: Beautiful share, Randa. Thank you. Very relatable. 01:04:41 Brenda: Randa - Thank you for your share. 01:05:01 Iamlove: randa i so hear you! Thank you for sharing! Beautiful and brave 01:05:49 Vlada Tomova: Thank you for sharing, everyone <3 01:06:23 Randa Sultan: thank you for the incredible space and energetics here from all of you 01:07:13 Melissa K: @Randa You've been on a long journey - honoring your strength & tenacity 💜 01:08:36 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: “The more I can do, the more value I can have.” For me, this belief makes perceived useless /casual conversations and “stupid movies” feel like a waste of time. I have a hard time relaxing. Even relaxing often has to be doing, “I’m meditating, doing yoga, practicing improving on …” I am getting better at this, but I can see how I have been trying to “prove” myself worthy for decades. 01:08:53 Brenda: Joanna -- I am also interested in the balance of giving and sharing 01:09:57 Joli Knott: I so relate, @Deva! 01:11:31 Randa Sultan: @deva... so true! 01:12:15 Aiyana McKenzie: In Buddhist teaching, being unaware and reacting to someone else's reaction (projection) is part of the chain of suffering. 01:15:14 Deva Munay, Big Sur, CA: That is brilliant! 01:20:14 Angela Stringhini: Question Joanna Please: Where do we get the character/behaviour of those ideal character archetypes ? 01:22:30 Randa Sultan: sorry loves.... need to sign off - see you all next week! 01:23:23 Tina Dowdy: Question: I do not see Ideal Leader characteristics on the handouts - can you elaborate please. 01:24:33 Angela Stringhini: @Tina, thank you it answer my previous question..about ideal parents and siblings 01:24:55 Amy Palatnick: this gives me chills. 01:25:15 Tina Dowdy: @Angela - oh good. youre so welcome :) 01:25:57 Sophie Jane Hardy: Such a good story, thank you. Brave leadership 01:30:02 Carla Sanders: more blessed to give than to receive... a religious teaching. I wanted to be good and acceptable more than anything 01:30:35 Joli Knott: @Carla 💜 01:31:05 Carla Sanders: That's on top of the worthiness/deserving/enough parts 01:32:10 Alta Felix: To continue to recognize how my parents beliefs have an impact on how I show up for myself, my business, and my clients. 01:32:45 Joli Knott: Wow @Sidsel!! Good for you 💛 01:33:30 Angela Stringhini: @Sidsel thank you so much for sharing this, so much true to keep the energy field clean and get strong, so beautiful; thank you for sharing > 01:33:42 Barbara Daughter: Honoring you Sidsel 01:34:01 Layne Mosler: So wise, Sidsel. 01:34:12 Aiyana McKenzie: That is awesome, Sidsel! Cheering for you! I feel inspired too, because I realized a few weeks ago that I need to cut off my family as soon as possible and build my own strength before then possibly opening to connection with them again. Your share feels comforting to my heart 01:34:43 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): <3 thank you Joli, Angela, Barbara, Layne and Aiyana<3<3<3 01:34:56 Alta Felix: Thank you! 01:35:02 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): champinioning you, Aiyana<3 01:35:05 Angela Stringhini: thank you so much, every session gets better, i love this course, thank you Joanna 01:35:07 Joli Knott: Loved our call--thank you @Joanna and everyone! 01:35:08 AJ Frenzel: thank you all