00:01:11 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I noticed the worksheets have not been added to the member center yet. Is it possible to have that done? 00:01:40 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): Thank you. 00:03:20 Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): https://jlicoachtrainingprogram.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/SDCC+2021-2022/Understanding%2BAccountability%2BStructures%2BResource%2BSheet.pdf 00:03:35 Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): https://jlicoachtrainingprogram.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/SDCC+2021-2022/Tools%2Bto%2BSupport%2BClients%2BBeing%2Bin%2BMystery%2BResource%2BSheet.pdf 00:04:31 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Sorry to be off camera for a few - eating just a bite before getting on camera. So happy to be here with you all! 00:04:48 Layne Mosler: Same here, Kelly! 00:05:49 Joli Knott: Same here, too 💛 00:10:16 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I love these questions! 00:10:55 AJ Frenzel: My intention was actually to make use of the resources in this group 😅 00:11:01 amy palatnick: I'm going to make personalized diagrams of all of the lessons i really want to remember. i will post them in the FB group 00:11:14 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I want to stay the course and complete as I have been completing. I want to connect with more people here 1:1. 00:11:17 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): ooo I love the idea of the diagrams, Amy! 00:11:52 Barbara Daughter: I commit to completing the homework to further ground my understanding. 00:12:01 Barbara Daughter: And to marketing 00:12:02 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I want to keep going, catch up on recent re-listening to recent calls, and enroll my next group program with the tools and energetics that I've been learning/ using in Sacred Depths 00:12:15 pollymolly: Thats my goal too Michelyn! 00:12:21 AJ Frenzel: To take the voice that I have in this program and let it out in the wider world; messy wisdom. 00:12:21 Deva Munay: PUT the teachings into practice in my upcoming immersion 00:12:21 Joli Knott: I've been stalling on writing the email/template to my would-be coachees to complete the extra 18 hours—I know I can do it, and once the email is sent, things will flow! 00:12:26 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): Love that Amy! I do that and call them cheat sheets. Can't wait to talk to you Wednesday! 00:12:31 Brenda: I want to listen to all of your marketing information and then do it 00:12:36 Aiyana McKenzie: I desire to connect 1:1 with more of the awesome women/people here. I commit to watching the videos I have not yet seen and organize the teachings I have learned 00:12:53 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I've had two effortless and beautiful enrollments using your enrolling structure, Joanna - I LOVE IT! 00:12:57 pollymolly: And to actually start his journey on my own when im done 00:12:58 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Reach out to invite in training clients, already getting amazing feedback in the facebook group, yay 00:13:02 Joli Knott: Thank you, Joanna--I will 💙 00:14:36 angela stringhni: I was doing really well on time, then had to care for family and all is late. Completely lost the plot. I am anxious on being late with the demands of this course and what I need doing to get the certification. So I need to catch up.. 00:15:01 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Me too! 00:15:30 pollymolly: oops, my first sentenced got lost 🙈 00:16:18 pollymolly: I hear you @angela 00:16:57 Deva Munay: Can someone please put the definition in the chat? thanks! 00:17:14 angela stringhni: @pollymolly❤️ 🙏 00:17:18 Joli Knott: I hear you, too, @Angela!! 00:18:56 amy palatnick: @deva: Taking action and following through on inner/outer goals you’ve committed to. 00:19:39 AJ Frenzel: Accountability= sexy..if you think terrorism is sexy. (acknowledging that I'm coming into this fully filtered and triggered, and committing to open listening.) 00:20:01 amy palatnick: LOL AJ 00:20:29 amy palatnick: (((Angela))) 00:20:42 Barbara Daughter: I’m with you AJ! 00:20:47 Aiyana McKenzie: I have probably been the ‘terrorist’ to my son and my partner at times (yikes) 00:22:16 Aiyana McKenzie: When I was a massage therapist, it was a very rare client who did the stretches and exercises I advised. They were the ones who totally healed quickly though. 00:24:05 Joli Knott: A lot of Asian ‘tiger moms’ guilt-trip their children into doing things…. 00:24:29 Joli Knott: (i.e. “If you love me, you will do X!”) 00:24:42 amy palatnick: Yikes @joli <3 00:25:03 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yes, Joli, I have a client right now and we're working through healing the effects of exactly this… 00:28:06 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I just love the connection between how my parents/grandparents/teachers held me accountable, and how I do that or don't do that with clients. Super cool well of potential exploration for me. 00:31:51 angela stringhni: @Joanna; The way you defined accountability as a co-creation and the ability to use an archetype to support is life changing not only how I will show up in the container, but also with myself and family . 🙏 00:31:52 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): @Aiyana yes, the clients who do the homework move through things so much quicker but the pace is theirs to set, right? 00:32:05 Joli Knott: Loved what you shared @Kelly, and so happy that you're working on healing the effects of the parental guilt-tripping so many people experience… 00:33:20 Joli Knott: @Amy I know--right?! 💜 00:33:23 angela stringhni: @Michelyn….so true to see those programmes 00:33:35 Aiyana McKenzie: @Michelyn, that is a great exploration 🙂 And, yes, clients do it at their own pace. I didn't hold anyone accountable at all when I was a massage therapist. Looking back, I can see that would have been a wonderful addition to offer support in co-creating support that works for them. 00:34:14 amy palatnick: clients sometimes can cast us in the role of the parent/teacher etc. In Processwork, it's called "dreaming up” 00:35:01 Aiyana McKenzie: I was in an on-line event this weekend where the woman kept scolding and shaming people for not having their cameras on. She got intense about it. It felt icky to me, like we were 'bad’ if we didn't do what she said and that we had to do it FOR her. 00:37:41 Alta Felix: 5 00:37:49 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): 4.75 00:37:52 amy palatnick: such a tricky question 00:38:10 amy palatnick: lately i feel like a 3 00:38:13 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I'm a 1 without help, 5 with. I'm so aware of this that I set up buddy structures whenever something is important to me. 00:38:26 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Actually, I'd adjust my 4.75 depending on the area... 00:38:26 Barbara Daughter: varies considerably ... I can be a 5 with following a food plan but a 1 with getting to bed at a decent hour 00:39:35 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I judge myself pretty harshly for this "1" without support. Time to re-evaluate. 00:40:18 amy palatnick: always held myself accountable 100% out of fear of not being perfect 00:40:19 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): I'm realising I rarely have external containers for accountability…. used to do stuff myself and not reach out for help?! Good one to journal on. 00:40:27 Brenda: I held myself acountable for school. I learned to sightread piano because I didn't practice. 00:40:29 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I'm aware that the self-judgment if I don't show up high is brutal - my accountability is so rooted in fear and shame - it's served me well in many ways, but it's kind of exhausting 00:40:33 Vlada Tomova: too rigid in some situations and too loose in others! 00:40:39 angela stringhni: I am very good in keeping myself accountable, I would say. but what I find is that there is always interruptions that seems to appear out of this world, and keeping rescheduling those family commitments and so on, is really time and emotional consuming.. 00:40:43 Nell Reid: feel like it was all about pleasing my parents and having them not be disappointed in me 00:40:55 Jen Youngquist: I held myself accountable for the most part. The less my parents had to be involved generally the better my life was. 00:41:04 Brenda: @Angela -- so relate to the emotional daring of rescheduling 00:42:23 amy palatnick: I never needed outside accountability and realize i don't seek it now either. i either succeed or not, but it's all on me. i reject support 🙁 00:42:33 Aiyana McKenzie: Growing up (home, school, church), how were you held accountable? The expectations were of perfection by their standards. There was zero support to meet these standards and serious judgment and punishment if (when) I did not meet them. My sister gave up trying, became an obese drug addict who gave up on life. A part of me has always felt pulled in that direction too. This is the first time I have looked at that. Interesting.. 00:42:37 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): relate, Amy 00:42:43 Brenda: Someone else making me didn’t work because I would resent it and rebel and not do it. 00:42:45 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I was shamed for NOT doing things, rarely praised for doing things. I inhale praise; shame doesn't work as a motivator for me. 00:43:19 Aiyana McKenzie: When things were important to me, like keeping my room clean or brushing my teeth or getting good grades, I did it 100% and fully on my own. 00:43:30 Deva Munay: The group holds me accountable – knowing i have others to show up for is easier than showing up for myself. Running a marathon -- I was accountable to the race date. Sometimes i feel like a rebel and self-sabotage plans -- it feels very childish but i catch myself doing it. 00:43:33 angela stringhni: They wanted the best for me, it felt cared by, it was sweet of them.. 00:43:36 Barbara Daughter: familial motivation -- standards of what's proper 00:44:19 MaryAnn: @aiyana, @michelyn, relate! 00:44:27 Aiyana McKenzie: @Angela, that is awesome! 🌸 00:46:34 MaryAnn: Natural deadlines (race date, when we are responsible to complete something for a deadline or other person) help a LOT. It's much harder to set your own arbitrary deadlines. There's some psychology around this that I've read about in the past…helped me be more forgiving to myself to realize this factor. 00:46:40 Aiyana McKenzie: @Amy, interesting insight that you reject support. I admire your ability to go for what you want. If you could bottle that quality, I would purchase it from you! (and you would be a mega-billionare from world market!) 00:46:57 Barbara Daughter: so true @Aiyana! 00:47:13 amy palatnick: @Aiyana LOL 00:47:22 Carla’s iPhone: Yes @michelyn. That is what I remember. 00:47:31 Aiyana McKenzie: That makes sense, MaryAnn about the external deadline 00:49:37 amy palatnick: I once asked a therapist to be more Dominatrix-y with me. She yawned and relaxed back on the couch (constellating the Dominatrix to come out of ME.) 00:49:39 Aiyana McKenzie: Last minute has been my 'way.' The self induced stress doesn't work for me, but the method works well in that I do meet the deadlines (even if by hours or minutes) 00:50:03 Joli Knott: Love that @Amy—lol! 00:50:04 AJ Frenzel: Near-sightedness with time is the favorite explanation I've heard on this. 00:50:21 Deva Munay: Time blindness – knowing how long something is going to take is not clear to someone with ADD or ADHD. – wow, that lands with me! thank you @Barbara 00:50:35 Aiyana McKenzie: @Amy, lol (I need to find my own inner Dominatrix 🙂 ) 00:50:59 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): @AJ and @Barbara time blindness and time near-sightedness. Oh yes! This makes so much sense to me. Love those terms. 00:51:32 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Amy and @Aiyana, hilarious! 00:52:22 Vlada Tomova: Many people actually get their best and even most brilliant ideas in the pressure of the deadline! 00:52:38 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And yes, @AJ and @Barbara and @Michelyn, wow, on the time blindness, yes! I overcommit so often,being so blind to the time things actually take me (I'm such an optimistic overestimator….) 00:53:21 Aiyana McKenzie: @Kelly, me too! Now, I usually remember to add 10X the time I automatically think things will take 00:53:44 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): @Kelly, I keep wishing that Blueprinting worked better for me, so I would have a way to manage my commitments better. But it' 00:53:55 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): It’s quite exhausting to be a child without external accountability, I'm realising! I feel like it's a limit that I've missed all the way through and that i've therefore had to uphold myself - with great success, but that part of me is tired! I'l let her rest during this class in a warm and puffy bed with a hot water bottle and some soothing words, I'll champion her and hold her accountable from now on<3 00:54:07 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): But it's too easy to set aside time in my calendar for something and then do something different when that time ever shows up.... 00:54:11 AJ Frenzel: @Kelly - until I learned about time-blindness as a concept, I always said my chronic lateness was due to my optimism. 😊 00:54:25 MaryAnn: @Joli, TOTALLY. Being expected to manage time, but it's one of those things that often kids aren't taught. I had experience too. 00:55:02 Barbara Daughter: @Michelyn -- that is SO ME! 00:55:05 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I think so much of what we expect of kids, we don't teach them… 00:55:16 Barbara Daughter: yes @Kelly! 00:55:18 MaryAnn: @Kelly YES. 00:55:24 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): yes, Kelly 00:55:39 Vlada Tomova: Sometimes ideas don't even start to flow before the pressure of a deadline for me, for example. So one of my challenges is to create a series of meaningful intermittent deadlines along the way of a bigger goal, or a project. 00:55:51 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @AJ - so interesting. I think we could throw some optimism into the mix of justification as well 😉 00:56:10 MaryAnn: Managing time, managing money, communication skills and relationship all feel quality-of-life critical, but most people are not intentionally taught these things. 00:56:14 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): The word GOAL just shuts me down every time 00:56:25 Barbara Daughter: absolutely @MaryAnn 00:56:38 Vlada Tomova: @Sidsel <3 wise words! 00:56:40 angela stringhni: This is beautiful Joanna 00:58:08 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): <3 Vlada - my heart 00:58:10 Barbara Daughter: I agree @AJ re: optimism & chronic lateness ... I always think I can get more done in the allotted time 00:58:32 Layne Mosler: Michelyn, I am curious—is there a word that lights you up, and/or that you use in place of GOAL? 00:58:49 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Sidsel ❤️❤️❤️, yes to rest and gentleness. It takes a lot of energy to find it within ourselves without guidance… give her rest. 00:58:56 Deva Munay: this year I am really wanting to get more organized and keep my space tidy -- it is something I have struggled with my whole life -- I want it, but struggle so much with this! How can I create a natural deadline for something like this?? 00:59:50 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): @Deva--invite someone over! Having company always motivates me to clean. 01:00:21 angela stringhni: Taking us out of those boxes how we should fit in ….this has been a the most sacred of this journey. Gratitude 🙏 01:00:37 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): YES Kelly<3 my heart here too 01:00:41 Deva Munay: @michelyn -- love that ... need to do it more often. 01:01:00 Barbara Daughter: great idea @Michelyn 01:02:20 AJ Frenzel: @Deva - I'm listening to “Keeping House While Drowning” and she has really powerful perspective shifts on organized and tidy. Recommend. 01:03:07 Joli Knott: Thanks for the recommendation @AJ 01:04:59 Barbara Daughter: @Deva - also for some folks having things put away makes those things "invisible" to them so if they want to remember what's on that piece of paper, they have a hard time remembering it if it's filed away 01:06:41 Deva Munay: thanks all! 01:08:27 Joli Knott: That's totally me @Barbara—I feel seen!! 01:10:20 Barbara Daughter: : 01:10:31 Barbara Daughter: 🙂 @Joli! 01:10:41 Joli Knott: I love the “how do you want me to hold you accountable?” question! 01:10:50 Erin Borbet: I'm sorry - I have to leave early today. Wonderful topic and cant wait to finish the recording. Thank you all! 01:11:38 angela stringhni: I think much of not being able to keep accountable is the fact the person does not believe he/she is not able to achieve or accomplish the “goal” , or due to underline fear, self-esteem, programme, filters, and so on. Basically all that we have been learning has also to be considered when we hold the space for accountability… 01:12:04 Barbara Daughter: yes @angela! 01:12:36 Joli Knott: Agree @Angela 💜 01:14:18 AJ Frenzel: @Aiyana Yes - the expectations on children to just *know* and even to be able to do something after being shown or taught once. This includes asking kids to limit their own screen time when impulse control is one of the last childhood brain developments. (Like age 24? 26? by the time it's fully formed?) 01:16:44 Annelise Pesa: Amazing Joanna, the connection to how accountability was handled for them when they were young is huge 01:16:45 Barbara Daughter: good observation @AJ 01:27:11 amy palatnick: I'm wondering if all AJs clients need this time, if group coaching would make more sense? 01:28:34 Brenda: Can you please put the name of the book in the chat? 01:29:13 Barbara Daughter: The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin 01:29:22 Layne Mosler: Barbara, I've been thinking of The Four Tendencies during this entire session! Thank you for bringing it up. There's a quiz, too: https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/ 01:29:46 AJ Frenzel: I’m a huge Gretchen Rubin fan, too! 01:29:59 MaryAnn: Thank you all...sorry I was not fully present. Just moved and not yet settled! 01:29:59 angela stringhni: I love this session so much, thank you 🙏 01:30:07 Joli Knott: Thanks for today! 01:30:09 Alta Felix: Thank you!! 01:30:09 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): thank you! 01:30:10 Barbara Daughter: thanks everyone! 01:30:11 AJ Frenzel: THanks all!