00:01:15 Joli Knott: Hi everyone! 00:01:29 Barbara Daughter: good morning Joli & hi to everyone! 00:01:45 Angela Stringhini: Good afternoon everyone! 00:02:36 Aiyana McKenzie: Good morning, Barbara! Good afternoon Angela! Great to be here with all you wonderful beings! 00:05:08 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): AJ, I also wanted to appreciate and honor you for your honesty - so easy to pretend it's ok and move on when it's not yet ok. Felt really brave to me - thank you. 00:06:37 Barbara Daughter: yes AJ thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability 00:08:31 Sarah Van Hoy: softening the heart! so good. yes. 00:09:26 Layne Mosler: oh, i'd love to see that research 00:10:15 Janná Giles: I would LOVE to read that data on neuro-biology and discomfort/growth 😃 00:10:29 Brenda: me too 00:14:04 MaryAnn: Yes AJ...your courage and vulnerability of showing up and staying in the tension last week was so much appreciated. Thank you for the willingness to trust us all with your process. It’s helping me open up to do more of the same. <3 00:14:43 Aiyana McKenzie: 🙂 Yes, I agree with MaryAnn 00:17:09 AJ Frenzel: Kelly, Barbara, MaryAnn, Aiyana - and everyone - thank you for witnessing and allowing my big uncomfortable discomfort lead to a bigger learning for us. 00:18:15 AJ Frenzel: I remember this from sesame st! 00:18:33 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I totally remember this from Sesame Street- can see the pictures in my mind as you're telling it! 00:18:38 Barbara Daughter: I remember this too ... ;) 00:18:57 Janná Giles: I love this parable! Grew up on PBS! 00:19:54 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Such a great analogy! 00:19:59 Melissa K: I wish my parents had seen this episode 😉 00:22:10 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I was thinking the same, MaryAnn 00:22:27 pollymolly: Love this! feels good in my heart. 00:22:34 Barbara Daughter: Such an astute observation MaryAnn!! 00:24:11 Angela Stringhini: @MaryAnn so beautiful 00:26:49 MaryAnn: Yes…expansion is being in the sun and taking a breath. Contraction is physically going inward, tensing, and fighting against the force of the wind. 00:27:22 Barbara Daughter: Beautiful observations Kelly 00:27:49 Aiyana McKenzie: Thank you for that, Kelly. Oh how I relate! The refraction period has been so much worse for me many thousands of times. The programming for me to ‘battle' and ‘push through' has been in control. I am seeing that befriending this ‘pushing' 'waring' energy in myself is a great direction to go. How wonderful to learn to use this as a tool on occasion and not be controlled by it! 00:28:07 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Barbara ❤️ 00:30:54 pollymolly: how do you define fear in this context? 00:31:08 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Aiyana yes yes yes. And I feel like in the health and healing journey too, this theme shows up a lot... the pushing through can create some real resistance in the body... I've experienced it and worked with so many who've done the pushing through and then found health again through releasing that pushing through… powerful stuff. 00:31:18 MaryAnn: Yes, like an early warning system of something that MIGHT be an issue…. 00:33:27 amy palatnick: our limbic system is wired for threat. 80% of the neurons in the "reptile brain" sense threat. it's our biology! 00:33:51 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I was just thinking this, Amy! it's totally biology... and well created, just need to learn to work with it 🙂 00:33:57 Barbara Daughter: wow! that's fascinating @Amy 00:34:51 Aiyana McKenzie: Amy and Kelly, Yes, I was thinking that too. Many of us run fear on a continual basis in the background. Helpful to look at it directly and maybe get a sense of humor about it. 00:35:57 Aiyana McKenzie: I have been dealing with fear in clients by normalizing it and being friendly with it. Unless it's a big fear that triggers my own fears. Then I have often tried to ‘fix’ or get rid of. Fear in myself I have mostly suppressed until the last year. 00:36:08 Sophie: in me, fear becomes anxiety very quickly. I have to regulate myself a lot so I don’t go into catastrophising. I had a lot of fear around me growing up. I’ve responded by pushing myself to go faster, bigger…. 00:36:17 amy palatnick: what i notice about myself and people is that we want to look strong, solid, have it together. so we hide our fears. i try to be more aware of mine, just to name them. 00:36:45 Melissa K: @Sophie I really relate 00:36:49 Sophie: when I meet fear in others, I find it so much easier to go slow, stay calm and hold space with love 00:37:51 amy palatnick: My deepest fear in my life has been death, so i try to get friendly with death 00:37:51 AJ Frenzel: @Sophie I was just thinking the opposite. - that my anxiety creates the fear and in it’s uncontrolled state makes it super difficult to assess the difference between fire and burnt cookies. 00:38:46 AJ Frenzel: I think I’ve also been projecting to my children that idea of ‘healthy fear’ which feels really super limiting to them. 🙁 00:39:17 Melissa K: @AJ I totally relate to that too. Fear/Anxiety feels like a chicken & egg scenario 00:40:13 Barbara Daughter: yes @Melissa & AJ -- fear/anxiety and anxiety/fear ... hard to discern which comes first or even which one I'm experiencing 00:40:31 Carmen Miranda: So powerful. I have to run, but will look out for the recording. 00:41:21 Melissa K: @barba 00:43:16 Aiyana McKenzie: @AJ, when my son was little, he did things that regularly risked his life and I would save his life. I had to teach him to have some 'healthy fear' at least around not jumping off cliffs, drowning or being in the middle of the road. 00:43:16 Melissa K: @Barbara Totally. I think it's like a feedback loop or continuum. There are times I can identify a fear, but other times it sources from a subconscious program running beneath the surface of awareness.. 00:46:06 Sophie: @aiyana I have a little 20 month old daredevil. he is fearless! I’m preparing myself for a few years of teaching healthy fear! (without projecting the kind of fear I was surrounded by as a kid where I was told everything was dangerous) 00:46:08 Angela Stringhini: Question Please: What if when you sit if our fears we tend to fix it? that was what I meant to ask when I mentioned safety and ideal “safe place” 00:46:48 Angela Stringhini: Question Please: What if when you sit with your fears and we tend to fix them? that was what I meant to ask when I mentioned safety and the ideal “safe place” 00:47:05 AJ Frenzel: Imposter syndrome - what you just said is immensely eye opening. I heard you say something like: befriend that part of you that fears being seen as an imposter. 00:47:51 AJ Frenzel: I haven't seen past the idea that the fear is ACTUALLY BEING an imposter. 00:48:42 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Aiyana and @AJ and @Sophie, can totally relate - earlier in life, I had to regularly catch my kid to save his life often - no fear about anything. Starting in preschool, though, his anxiety showed up and became really pronounced and it's been a journey of working with his fears and anxiety - and recognizing mine - and healing for both… 00:48:48 amy palatnick: i think of anxiety as fear without an outlet. repressed fear, festering. 00:48:51 Tina Dowdy: and being a high achiever can also be fear based 00:49:08 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yes, @Tina! 00:49:56 Aiyana McKenzie: @ Sophie 🙂. I also checked my fears so I did not project my unhealthy fears on him (my son when he was little). For example, I have a terror of heights. He has none. When he was 2 and 3 and climbing high or coming to cliff edges, I practiced not projecting my own fear onto him and inflicting my fear on him (by breathing and owning my own fear) while also teaching him to be safe. It felt like tight rope at times, lol 00:50:01 Barbara Daughter: yes definitely fear can drive the high achievers 00:50:46 Aiyana McKenzie: @Kelly, your share makes my heart feel tender. How wonderful to have you for a mother. 00:51:18 AJ Frenzel: Heights is a very rational fear -yes! I used to have an irrational fear of *bags of flour* which I'm sure came from watching “the facts of life” on tv. 😂 00:51:26 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): @Aiyana ❤️❤️❤️ 🙏🏼- mirroring your comment right back to you, love 00:52:42 Sophie: @aiyana that’s SO inspiring, thank you. I was literally making myself do deep breathing the other day when he went headfirst down a huge slide laughing. I was shaking! 00:53:05 Sophie: @AJ that made me laugh out loud 😂😂 00:53:59 Sophie: @kelly wow that sounds like a big journey with your little one. 00:54:52 amy palatnick: have to let go of one trapeze to grab the other one 🙂 00:55:09 Barbara Daughter: indeed @amy! 00:55:13 Aiyana McKenzie: I was thinking the exact same analogy, Amy 😄 00:55:26 Tina Dowdy: The uncertainty: will I get there? or What will happen if I DO get there? 00:55:41 Sophie: I was literally drawing a stick person flying between trapezes!! 00:56:44 Aiyana McKenzie: I know a business coach who begins her group coaching by having everyone climb up on a trapeze and make that leap physically (with a big net underneath) 00:57:06 Barbara Daughter: Yikes @Aiyana 00:59:32 Aiyana McKenzie: I agree, Barbara, lol (though she is highly successful) 01:01:09 amy palatnick: also role playing being someone in the audience and how you would feel in that worst case scenario 01:01:41 Tina Dowdy: I believe what seems irrational is very real to the person experiencing the fear... because of how that "reality" is imbedded in their nervous system based on their life experiences 01:02:59 Barbara Daughter: great point @Tina 01:03:20 Jacque Alderete: It helps to clarify the fear that shows up, if it's always associated with loosing something. The brain never likes to loose something - so it's just a function of the mind to feel fear when it anticipates loosing something. That's super helpful to know as a human being, but also as a practioner 01:04:15 Angela Stringhini: even if the discomfort is to befriend the fear… 01:04:23 AJ Frenzel: There is Always something at Risk ==> There is something at risk be staying in comfort 01:04:40 Annelise Pesa: immunity to change too?? 01:04:40 AJ Frenzel: *BY staying in comfort 01:04:48 MaryAnn: Yes, AJ. Completely! 01:05:27 amy palatnick: ““And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin 01:05:32 MaryAnn: Safety = familiar...not necessarily safe. 01:05:35 Barbara Daughter: good points Jacque & AJ 01:08:05 Angela Stringhini: So that idea of being safe as a beautiful place is a lie we tell… 01:10:34 pollymolly: Yes, to me autumn is really a beautiful way of showing that letting go is ok 01:12:15 Tina Dowdy: This topic today is just so exciting to me. loving this! 01:12:39 MaryAnn: Being at choice with how we address a fear/change/growth…means the difference between having a sense of agency in what happens next, or having to face what happens by default if we don't act. 01:13:01 Barbara Daughter: well said @MaryAnn 01:13:31 Barbara Daughter: that's powerful @Annelise ... thank you for that observation 01:14:44 Annelise Pesa: @Barbara ❤️ 01:16:56 Annelise Pesa: just truly loving this, and Joanna and all 01:17:41 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Such a great analogy, @Vlada - of the tree shedding leaves and being seen in your nakedness... just beautiful 01:18:57 Aiyana McKenzie: ooh Vlada, that is a sexy image! 01:18:58 amy palatnick: wow vlada! how beautiful and sensual 01:19:19 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Totally beautiful and sensual image - love that! 01:19:26 pollymolly: Love that Vlada! 01:19:31 Barbara Daughter: yes if we want our roses to continue to bloom, we have to "deadhead" them 01:19:31 MaryAnn: Loving the nature metaphors for change. Great for creating awareness! 01:24:20 amy palatnick: fear of success quote: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/928-our-deepest-fear-is-not-that-we-are-inadequate-our 01:24:34 Vlada Tomova: Thank you, everyone 🌺 and yes, totally @Barbara 🫢 01:24:54 Aiyana McKenzie: Sometimes it is a very real thing that a person's family or community will cut them off emotionally if they lose weight, get wealthy, etc 01:25:38 Tina Dowdy: Yes! @Aiyana 01:26:51 AJ Frenzel: Fear of hurting others has been a big one for me. 01:27:09 amy palatnick: seems like there is a big connection/overlap between fears and limiting beliefs 01:27:20 Aiyana McKenzie: @Aj, me too 01:27:35 Aiyana McKenzie: I see that too, Amy. I see it in myself for sure 01:27:39 Barbara Daughter: yes @amy -- curious about exploring this more 01:27:43 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): It is wired in us so strongly to have belonging (even when painful), that part of surpassing, or losing connection, is huge. 01:28:22 MaryAnn: Yes, Kelly. Word 01:28:46 Annelise Pesa: getting to know fear better , i dont fear fear anymore ! 01:29:08 Aiyana McKenzie: Take away: Facing fears directly (with friendliness) is essential for ongoing growth/expansion 01:29:14 Janná Giles: That softening our response to fear is the most powerful. 01:29:32 Tina Dowdy: This session was so much fun for me... I really love the Befriend approach - it really takes the shame out of what is completely normal and makes it so safe to grow. <3 01:29:37 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Taking away: - The belief that we can do anything in life to remain safe and secure is kind of a lie we tell ourselves. 01:30:07 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Beautiful session, thank you SO much! Off to a client session, so must pop off - love to each of you, and thank you so much, Joanna! 01:30:07 Joli Knott: I'm so sorry I haven't been contributing in the chat or voice-to-voice—I am somewhat frantically trying to pack ahead of our trip to the US! But it's been great to listen in! I love how we can reposition fear to showing our growth edge and how leaning into it WITH help/support can make all the difference for growth 💜 01:30:11 Tina Dowdy: … and taking the shame out of women is a mission of mine 01:30:16 Barbara Daughter: I think the aspect of self-agency in working with our fears -- befriending them -- is so powerful 01:30:18 Angela Stringhini: Takeaway: I am finding really challenging to embrace the fear when there is no support and I am looking forward to learn how to deal with it.