00:00:57 Janná Giles: Hello Lovely-One 00:02:37 Janná Giles: Will it be recorded! I would love to join, but will be flying. 00:02:42 Janná Giles: ? 00:03:35 Janná Giles: (Not sure why autocorrect added that “!”😊 00:03:35 Joli Knott: Will Into The Depths be in 2023? 00:06:46 Joli Knott: I’m so happy to hear you share this, Joanna….I only feel like I’m integrating now material that we worked on a few months ago, so it's definitely a slow process for me! 00:10:52 amy palatnick: it's helpful for me to think of perfectionism as a tenet of white supremacy 00:12:24 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Interesting, Amy. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I was raised with intense perfectionism from both parents I’ve unfortunately passed it to my so too And it’s been a crippling energy in my life. 00:13:18 Sarah Van Hoy: I have no idea what you are talking about. 🙂 Omigod. 00:13:34 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Lol, Sarah. 😄 00:13:40 Janná Giles: Joanna this sounds so familiar. Holding myself back via perfectionism. 00:13:43 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Like a tool of suppression, it makes us/people stay small 00:14:18 amy palatnick: i do that with almost every client session 🙁 00:14:29 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Big old mirror being held up for me today 🙂. Appreciate that I'm not alone in this! 00:14:39 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Yes, Sidsel 00:14:41 Janná Giles: OMG the fixation on the errors instead of the wins… yes! 00:15:04 Deva Munay: That is me!! OMG -- i just finished teaching a weekend workshop to 35 people and got stellar feedback, but couldn't help to ruminate on the ways it could have been better. 00:15:04 Janná Giles: I feel like you’re describing me 00:15:30 Janná Giles: Yes, laser focused and obsessed 00:15:36 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Me too, Janna, Deva, and Kelly 00:15:45 Janná Giles: Not good enough 00:16:01 Joli Knott: I’m so glad your weekend workshop went well, Deva!! Congratulations! 💛💫 00:17:14 Barbara Daughter: 7 00:17:15 Nell Reid: 7-8 probably in many areas 00:17:16 amy palatnick: i think i'm a 9 🙁 00:17:18 Alta Felix: 7 00:17:21 Vlada Tomova: 7-8 00:17:22 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I'm a 10 in some (it's painful!) and maybe 3 in others - definitely varies 00:17:25 Joli Knott: 7-8 00:17:29 Sarah Van Hoy: 8-9 00:17:30 Deva Munay: 7-9 00:17:37 Janná Giles: Definitely depends on the area of life and circumstances 00:17:38 Angela Stringhini: 9 because if I gave a 10 would be even more perfectionist 🤣 00:17:38 Tina Dowdy: 8 00:17:41 Didi Orr: 8 00:17:42 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I used to be a 20 out of 10. I’ve worked hard to change and I’ve improved to a 9.5, lol 00:17:43 Sophie Jane Hardy: in my relationship 9-10… other areas more like 5 00:17:44 Randa Sultan: 4-5 at some things at home, 8 at parenting, 7 at work 00:17:52 Carla Sanders: 9. 00:18:00 Angela Stringhini: showing up 00:18:10 Deva Munay: teaching 00:18:11 Janná Giles: My business and studies 00:18:11 Sophie Jane Hardy: parenting is high… my expectations of my partner are high 00:18:11 Randa Sultan: at work and parenting 00:18:12 Tina Dowdy: In my work and in my cooking.lol 00:18:13 Nell Reid: parenting, coaching, 00:18:19 Nell Reid: when I do things for other people 00:18:20 Sophie Jane Hardy: work I’m more relaxed 00:18:21 Joli Knott: work and appearance 00:18:21 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Appearance. All is fine and settled, I got it-kind of vibe. Moving house with a toddler is a great potential to work with the myth of perfectionism. Total chaos. 00:18:22 Alta Felix: My online presence (posts, videos, lives) 00:18:23 amy palatnick: work, speaking, listening, projects, cleaning 00:18:25 Vlada Tomova: desire for certain appearance, relationships, parenting 00:18:29 Sarah Van Hoy: some places when i am seen / visible to strangers 00:18:30 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Cleaning, work performance, appearance, my behavior in relationships, parenting 00:18:36 Barbara Daughter: I find myself just noticing and judging lots of areas where there's room for improvement 00:18:41 Joli Knott: CLEANING!! 00:18:48 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Parenting, work,writing newsletters 00:18:53 Didi Orr: In anything to do with work , relationships, and caretaking 00:18:57 Vlada Tomova: organizing my space 00:19:00 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Oh, yes, Joli, cleaning! 00:19:02 Randa Sultan: definitely group work, retreats, workshops, circles 00:19:15 AJ Frenzel: my business offering, my place in my family, kitchen crap, entertaining family & friends. 00:19:21 Annelise Pesa: coaching, fitness, being a good friend, parenting , 00:19:31 Melissa K: Cleaning, grooming, writing, work....and a multitude of silly things 00:19:33 Janná Giles: Anything I’m deeply interested in 00:19:45 Annelise Pesa: helful, I dont slack 00:19:55 Nell Reid: helpful - I put a lot of effort in and do things well. 00:20:10 Janná Giles: I learn a ton because of the impact of perfectionism 00:20:13 Nell Reid: not helpful - I am super critical of myself and affects my confidence 00:20:17 Alta Felix: Helpful: I create quality content and I’m mindful about what I say. Not so helpful: I spend hours drafting 3 paragraphs 00:20:17 Barbara Daughter: My perfectionism is helpful for proofreading & editing others' work. It can get in the way there too though. 00:20:19 Carla Sanders: Website and programs. It's weird. I have a beautiful website but I don't enjoy working with it so I don't show it off as much as it deserves. The website is practically perfect, but I don't like it, so it suffers from my myth. 00:20:20 Joli Knott: helpful = eye for detail 00:20:26 Vlada Tomova: striving for growth 00:20:26 Angela Stringhini: It helped me to achieve more 00:20:26 Brenda: Quality of work is high 00:20:33 amy palatnick: Not helpful: judgment about the “not perfect” Helpful: striving to do things well, in ways that please and satisfy me, in ways I can be proud. 00:20:34 Randa Sultan: helpful - diving into learning so much more about healing properties so that I can use these with my clients... 00:20:36 Didi Orr: Its helpful to me in noticing details and continuing to learn 00:20:40 Layne Mosler: not helpful: it takes the joy out of the work that means the most to me 00:20:40 Annelise Pesa: not helpful `I put too much on my plate and then something drops off 00:20:57 Janná Giles: Not helpful: I’m not as far along in my business due to perfectionism getting in my way 00:20:57 Carla Sanders: Art likes perfectionism because it adds up to excellence. 00:21:02 Deva Munay: I genuinely care about my workshops — i got “life changing" reviews in just two days. 00:21:05 Melissa K: It's helped me in jobs that required it. Others appreciated the 'extra'. 00:21:06 Randa Sultan: not helpful - with my partner previously having expectations, then constantly being disappointed and disgruntled 00:21:11 AJ Frenzel: I AVOID or procrastinate, & put on a face of anti-perfectionism 00:21:14 Tina Dowdy: Helpful perfectionism: checks for errors and makes sure all bases are covered Not helpful: makes things time consuming In the past, it was more about validating my worthiness… I’ve improved a lot here 00:21:16 Vlada Tomova: not helpful: hiding, coming to a halt in projects and personal situations 00:21:17 Carla Sanders: My mission suffers because perfectionism holds me back. 00:21:19 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I notice details snd gave high standards 00:21:26 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Unhelpful when it robs presence and purpose - it helps getting things done, moving on, doing excellent stuff stuff 00:21:26 AJ Frenzel: helpful - I haven't found that. 00:21:27 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): So mindful and specific about what I offer and so much love and detail gets poured into it. It helps my tracking and seeingin noticing the details. 00:21:29 Carla Sanders: Procrastination yes. 00:21:33 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I am good at seeing how things can get better 00:21:38 Vlada Tomova: not helpful: not starting things at all 00:21:44 Joli Knott: I totally agree about the lack of joy (or sucking out the joy) as a non-helpful aspect, Layne! 00:21:48 Janná Giles: Yes, procrastination 00:21:51 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: But mostly perfectionism makes me stressed and unhappy and paralyzed me 00:22:00 Alta Felix: Embarrassment 00:22:09 Tina Dowdy: Used to be judgement for me 00:22:09 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): in the shadow side - I get things far but sometimes don't finish (especially those newsletters!) 00:22:09 Janná Giles: Doing it wrong or looking stupid 00:22:14 Sophie Jane Hardy: being criticised, being rejected, being hurt 00:22:16 Didi Orr: Doing it wrong and being judged as unworthy 00:22:18 Carla Sanders: criticism and rejection and maybe even Hell. 00:22:22 Annelise Pesa: being perfect will save me from living life as if I do not matter 00:22:25 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Perfect will save me from hurting someone, doing damage, being humiliated 00:22:30 Randa Sultan: save me from judgement, failure and shame 00:22:31 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): ..dying! 00:22:32 Barbara Daughter: others' criticism & judgment 00:22:33 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: This is silly, but what came up fir be was “Being perfect will save me from eternal damnation” Lol (and not lol) 00:22:38 Brenda: Being perfect will save me from criticism 00:22:40 Janná Giles: Pain 00:23:01 Deva Munay: rejection 00:23:01 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Wow, hearing the damnation and death comments makes me realize those aren't top of mind but they really resonate! 00:23:03 Randa Sultan: @barbara @brenda - yes! criticism 00:23:03 AJ Frenzel: harming others, being a bad example 00:23:04 Carla Sanders: Aiyana, not silly. A lot of us got that, in spite of a God that died to save us, etc. 00:23:07 Melissa K: Criticism, humanness and bad feelings 00:23:22 Joli Knott: Interesting--I got “being perfect will save me from having to do it again, making something well, looking stupid.” 00:24:04 Janná Giles: Watching my P’s & Q’s 00:24:09 Didi Orr: Not tolerating mistakes or struggle 00:24:14 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: So many ways I’d have wrote an encyclopedia to answer that 00:24:15 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): perfect by? don't get the question? 00:24:16 Janná Giles: Acting like an adult 00:24:17 MaryAnn: Wearing the right things, looking the right way, being liked by the right people, winning at sports, and getting straight A’s. 00:24:18 Tina Dowdy: Letting me know it wasn’t good enough 00:24:25 Barbara Daughter: My Mama expected me to be perfect by pointing out all the areas for improvement. 00:24:30 Annelise Pesa: by being a easy to handle child, obedient and with little or no needs 00:24:44 MaryAnn: Oh, Annelise, me too on that one! 00:24:48 amy palatnick: getting straight As, speaking well, being socially presentable and successful, being cute, all “good things” 00:25:00 Alta Felix: My parents expected me to be perfect by making sure my hair, clothes, posture, etc was just right whenever we would go out. They enjoyed the compliments. I would get in trouble if I ever left the house not out together. 00:25:04 Carla Sanders: Not perfect, but good. My personal standards for good were perfection. Because I was not good, I was wicked. And church said be like christ, who was the onlly perfect one. I blame it all on religion, in my case. 00:25:04 MaryAnn: Be perfect by not having needs that required a parent to actual do some parenting. 00:25:06 Deva Munay: going with the program, not having my own voice 00:25:09 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Parents expected me to be easy, accommodting, not rock the boat or offend them or anyone, never complain, and always people please 00:25:09 Randa Sultan: keeping the peace, keeping quiet, following the rules that dad needed to keep stress-free, and filling in when mom couldn't, getting really good grades and being a "good girl" 00:25:12 Tina Dowdy: Same here Annelise 00:25:14 Janná Giles: Correcting my foreign language skills and grammar 00:25:16 Melissa K: Pointing out my physical 'flaws', holding high regard for my success 00:25:17 Annelise Pesa: @MaryAnn - we did ask to be born albeit I am glad we did 00:25:26 Barbara Daughter: Getting straight A’s; being pretty & dressing appropriately; being nice to others 00:25:42 Annelise Pesa: @Tina yes 00:26:10 Didi Orr: My mother, partner and myself 00:26:13 Janná Giles: Ouch… myself, my Dad, and my husband 00:26:15 Sophie Jane Hardy: my husband (though I don’t see it as perfection of course!) 00:26:21 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): My partner! 00:26:24 Annelise Pesa: maybe my husband i have to reflect on that 00:26:28 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): My parents and myself 00:26:31 Nell Reid: myself, my husband 00:26:37 Barbara Daughter: myself & my wife 00:26:44 amy palatnick: my partner and i do this with each other, and it quickly devolves into bickering 00:26:55 Carla Sanders: I'd like a lot of people around me to improve, but I am the only one I am holding to too high standards and perfection. 00:27:01 Alta Felix: I'd like a lot of people around me to improve, but I am the only one I am holding to too high standards and perfection. 00:27:01 Randa Sultan: likely my husband, although I stopped having expectations of too many people in my life as it always lead to disappointment, but that also leads to separation and emotional protection 00:27:05 AJ Frenzel: my husband, myself, surely my kids in certain ways, i'm sure. 00:27:09 Sarah Van Hoy: When my children were younger I had expectations around school that I realized were not aligned with their gifts. 00:27:12 Janná Giles: Yes, my business 00:27:12 Alta Felix: I’d say a lot of …* 00:27:22 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Good point, Randa 00:27:31 Deva Munay: my assistants — which is why it is hard for me to work with other people! yikes -- i'd love to change this. 00:27:38 Annelise Pesa: oooooooo yes !!!!!!! 00:27:38 AJ Frenzel: @Alta - “I'd like a lot of people around me to improve” That feels big. 00:27:53 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I mostly expect it of myself, but I have moments where I want it from others, feel frustrated, and then re-orient and realize I'm doing it - and let it go. But I operate in extremes - wanting perfection and then expecting nothing. 00:27:57 amy palatnick: i see my animals as perfect and they are 🙂 00:28:14 Tina Dowdy: Ugh! Mostly me. 00:28:56 Melissa K: Strangers on the internet - me - generally anything I am projecting on 00:29:56 Randa Sultan: love to you annelise… you're way more amazing than you are taking credit for... 00:30:00 Melissa K: @Annelise I hear ya. The perfectionist bag is heavy to carry 00:30:02 MaryAnn: So sorry I have to leave early today, such a great topic. I look forward to hearing your collective insights when I listen to the recording. xo 00:30:11 Tina Dowdy: Giving you a hug Annelise. I totally get it 00:30:15 Janná Giles: I live in Los Angeles, so the expectations are pretty magnified on appearance and actions in many different aspects of life. 00:30:31 Barbara Daughter: Exactly what Randa said ... Annelise you're amazing! 00:30:32 AJ Frenzel: @Melissa - “Strangers on the internet” - wow that hits. 00:30:38 amy palatnick: (((Annelise))) 00:31:00 Randa Sultan: Annelise - is that ok though? That you don't cook very well... could it be ok? 00:31:03 Carla Sanders: If only we can promote a new standard of Good enough woman, wife, mother. 00:31:11 Alta Felix: Witnessing you Annelise 🙌🏽 00:31:12 Vlada Tomova: <3 Annelise 00:31:25 Nell Reid: awww... big hug annelise. I feel you. 00:31:30 Anna Robinson: ❤️ 00:31:31 Carla Sanders: {{{{Oh Annelise.}}} 00:31:38 Tina Dowdy: ♥️♥️♥️ 00:31:44 Melissa K: @AJ So I'm not alone? 😏 00:31:45 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Love to you, Annelise - so hearing you on all of these pieces. It runs deep, personally and collectively. ❤️ 00:31:57 Deva Munay: thank you for your vulnerabilty Annelise 00:31:58 Janná Giles: (((❤️))) 00:32:18 Randa Sultan: @Annelise, you are speaking to so many of us right now 00:32:22 Joli Knott: Sending you so much love, Annelise—I feel what you've shared deeply 💙 00:32:31 Wendy: Sending you lots of love Annelise and so sweet of your son, loving you and caring for you. <3 00:32:49 Barbara Daughter: Big hugs to you Annelise!! 00:32:51 Angela Stringhini: I think a lot comes from a religious background, that idea of God being perfect and so the “Virgin Mary myth”… it has put so much pressure on being perfect so that is the only way to get to “heavens and God”. This fundamental principle is everywhere 00:32:56 Melissa K: So appreciate you, Annelise 💜 00:33:02 amy palatnick: yes completely relate, too many spinning plates 00:33:24 Alta Felix: Please, no Anne!! I am so grateful for you, please know that. 00:33:39 Sophie Jane Hardy: loving you Annaliese. I really relate. thank you for your brave honesty. 00:33:41 Vlada Tomova: Annelise <3 I soooo feel you! you are not alone!!! 00:33:57 Melissa K: I end up zoning out when my plates are spinning 00:36:22 Brenda: You saying that I love her and that she is bloody amazing brought tears -- so in awe of you Annelise. 00:37:35 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): The expectation piece is so real and the self compassion from the heart so soothing 00:38:27 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Thank you, Annelise🙏🙏🙏 00:39:21 amy palatnick: i love the current movement towards vulnerability a la brene brown and others. <3 00:39:37 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yes, Amy, agreed 00:39:38 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): me too, Amy 00:40:20 Janná Giles: OMG yes, the dishwasher! 00:40:34 Melissa K: It's frustrating how it shows up in the little things - like the dishwasher 00:41:01 AJ Frenzel: The pressure to *appear* or *act* perfect. And how surface that is! 00:41:11 Joli Knott: I know—I stealth criticise how my husband loads the dishwasher by rearranging everything after he goes to bed! 00:41:20 amy palatnick: seems like fear is behind the myth of perfectionism 00:42:06 Barbara Daughter: oh yes amy ... fear is definitely a factor, especially in the context of culture 00:43:48 Barbara Daughter: I agree Angela about the religious teachings expecting perfection 00:44:12 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): <3 Deva 00:44:15 Joli Knott: Thanks for sharing that, Randa—the intersection with immigrant parents is a piece I recognise…. 00:44:27 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Sorry, it was for Randa<3 00:44:38 Barbara Daughter: Witnessing and honoring you Randa 00:44:53 Randa Sultan: @joli it's so interesting as I see where it comes from, so I have compassion and admiration for it too 00:44:56 Melissa K: @Randa I tried hiding my grades too - as well as trying to 'bad up' my image (though I wasn't convincing) 00:45:15 amy palatnick: spot on Kelly! 00:45:29 Randa Sultan: @melissa - why is it shameful to be "too good" or "smart"? right? 00:45:31 Joli Knott: @Randa—so beautifully said—like a love-hate relationship….! 00:45:40 Barbara Daughter: well-said @Kelly 00:45:43 Tina Dowdy: @Carla… I’m am so for setting a new standard … Perfectionism causes burnout and nothing good can come from that 00:45:54 Janná Giles: @ Kelly I see myself in what you’re saying; preparing to move from Los Angeles to Edinburgh, Scotland 00:46:00 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Yes, Kelly! 💛 00:46:18 Joli Knott: @Kelly 💜💙💚 00:46:29 Didi Orr: My perfectionism leads me to give up on anything I dint feel I can be perfect in. Mostly in work and relationships 00:46:44 Carla Sanders: This is an important conversation to keep having. I am blown away by how much emotion is flowing. I think this myth of perfectionism is a stealth problem. We think we are doing a good job and we are killing ourselves and hoping someone will appreciate it. 00:47:00 amy palatnick: or robots! 00:47:23 Carla Sanders: Well said Kelly! 00:47:24 Barbara Daughter: Royalty 00:47:30 Barbara Daughter: that's who set the standards 00:47:39 amy palatnick: fear of humiliation 00:47:46 Carla Sanders: God did it. 00:47:53 Randa Sultan: What is the definition of "perfection" 00:47:53 Vlada Tomova: yes, or robots!! 00:48:47 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Randa, was just looking it up in the thesaurus: Perfection is a state, variously, of completeness, flawlessness, or supreme excellence. The term is used to designate a range of diverse, if often kindred, concepts. These have historically been addressed in a number of discrete disciplines, notably mathematics, physics, chemistry, ethics, aesthetics, ontology, and theology.[1] 00:48:48 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: When I attended University, I got o er a 4 point GPA and still didn’t feel good enough. I got every point possible to receive, getting 100% plus extra credits, and I still felt I wasn’t good enough. This showed me I was striving to feel ‘good enough’ via means that would never work. 00:49:27 amy palatnick: with perfectionism, we are bound to fail! 00:49:52 AJ Frenzel: I can see in my daughter the discomfort in being recognized or praised for anything. It’s heartbreaking and an ongoing challenge to navigate helping her be able to celebrate herself fighting the spiritual bypassing of denying her perception. 00:51:03 Randa Sultan: @ sidsel - thank you! when it comes to science,, crystalline structure, mathematics etc it makes sense... when we add this onto human structure and behavior it falls apart 00:51:11 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Yes, I used to just strive for perfectionism full time, but then hit a big wall years ago and have bounced between the extremes you’re describing. Yes, real life is in the daily dance of showing up, creating, doing our best and not ‘achieving perfection’ 00:51:34 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Alta, you’re gorgeous! 00:51:51 Joli Knott: Yay, Alta!!🤩💛 00:52:06 Vlada Tomova: YAY Alta! 00:52:15 Randa Sultan: yess @ alta@ 00:52:17 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Bravo, Alta!! 00:52:41 amy palatnick: Alta I love that you re-invited everyone! Are you saying that is part of the perfectionism? it sounds like that was getting around your perfectionism. xoxo!!! 00:52:42 Alta Felix: Thank you, everyone!! 🙌🏽🥰🫶🏽 00:52:48 AJ Frenzel: Alta ♥️ 00:54:43 Alta Felix: Amy- inviting them was a way for me to get around the perfectionism. It was like reminding myself that it’s okay that it did not go as planned the first time- I didn’t fail. I learned a lot. 00:55:07 amy palatnick: @alta, yes, that makes sense! 00:55:19 amy palatnick: you can't blame yourself for the tilt of the earth! 😄 00:55:42 Alta Felix: @amy! 😂😂 so true! 00:55:51 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I have been playing with being more fully real when I lead healing events. People have been LOVING it! I have found the more I reveal my real self (within a contained boundary of being grounded and ok inside myself), the more others connect with me and also open to the REAL energies they are feeling. We end up laughing and letting go and having a much more enjoyable time. 00:55:57 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): Impactful how you showed up brave and true to the work, Alta 00:57:12 Carla Sanders: I just remembered that my parents would criticize or punish our failures, and say very little about our successes. Their rationale: You are supposed to do good/be good. Our job is to correct you if you are bad. That is how they set me up for perfectionism. 00:57:32 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): That my son will be emotionally neglected if I don't show up emotionally intelligent 110% of the time 00:57:35 AJ Frenzel: I make a black and white of where I fit in a made-up hierarchy of my surroundings. 00:57:39 amy palatnick: I realize i don't go all the way to failure, i’m either the best or “normal” “mediocre" which is even worse than failure for me! 00:57:50 Sophie Jane Hardy: my husband is the best, I feel so safe with him” then “why is he being such a jerk, he doesn’t care about me” 00:58:13 AJ Frenzel: OOOH AMY! 00:58:16 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Thank you for pointing out the binary thinking, Joanna. It is a way I tend to view the world. I tend to swing to extremes in thoughts and feelings in my parenting, career, relationships, health, etc 00:58:23 amy palatnick: lol sophie jane, me and my partner do the exact same thing 00:58:25 Alta Felix: @sidsel, thank you! 00:58:33 AJ Frenzel: Middle child thinking. 00:58:47 Alta Felix: Me too @sophie! It’s funny to think about it 00:59:10 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I do that too, Sophie, lol 01:00:32 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Hello Beautiful! I think I have time Thursday and Friday. We’re arriving home tomorrow night. 01:00:46 amy palatnick: @aiyana, are you inviting us all? 😄 01:00:55 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Lol, oops. 01:01:20 Vlada Tomova: 😄 01:01:34 AJ Frenzel: with clients - my filter of anti-perfectionism, wanting to pull them down from holding themself to what I perceive as too high of a standard. 01:02:42 Randa Sultan: would you use that wording "your perfectionism" is showing up? 01:03:30 Randa Sultan: thanks! 01:04:39 Layne Mosler: I might say 'the' perfectionism…rather than ‘your' - to detach, start to dismantle the sense of ownership around the perfectionism. 01:04:57 Randa Sultan: @layne - thanks! 01:05:03 Layne Mosler: 💜 01:05:08 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: My mom was an extreme perfectionist. At her memorial, there was a line of women her age that waited in line to tell me how perfect my mom was and how inferior they felt in comparison. It kept them from spending time with her. And it wasn’t accurate. It was an illusion. Her dark side came out with me. She just hid it from the rest of the world. I see how much happier her life would have been without perfectionism, and how much closer she could have been to all these other women. It inspires me to get over the perfection infection. 01:05:44 Barbara Daughter: That's a beautiful share, Aiyana 01:06:06 amy palatnick: great tool! (3 columns) 01:06:13 Sophie Jane Hardy: I love that. theee columns. 1. what’s perfect and idealistic. 2. what’s ideal 3. what good enough and realistic 01:06:15 Joli Knott: That's a powerful story and insight, Aiyana--thank you for sharing 💜 01:06:21 Randa Sultan: perfect/unrealistic? ideal truly good enough? 01:06:40 amy palatnick: wow Aiyana! <3 01:06:40 Annelise Pesa: Beautiful and moving share Aiyana 01:07:09 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Aiyana, that's a powerful observation and share. Good teaching through what and how she lived, and the potential impact (dark side) of perfectionism. 🙏🏼 01:07:20 AJ Frenzel: I love “Truly Good Enough” vs just “Good Enough” 01:08:53 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): AJ, I agree - that “truly" helps! 01:08:57 Tina Dowdy: That was a very powerful share Aiyana 01:11:10 Barbara Daughter: yes @Kelly -- insidious! 01:12:24 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Thank you for witnessing🙏 Tina, Barbara, Kelly, Annelise, Amy, Joki 💛 01:13:13 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I like the Columns. It’d be good for me to post that on my wall 01:13:48 Vlada Tomova: wow .. Aiyana .. thank you for sharing! and everyone for chiming in (made me look back and read!) such a tremendous wisdom .. it just opened up something in me 01:14:07 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: 🙏 Vlada 01:15:00 amy palatnick: seems like perfectionism might be an ally for some people 01:15:07 amy palatnick: but a beast for most of us 01:15:30 Randa Sultan: ow wow @Aiyana thank you for that deep insight share 01:16:54 Randa Sultan: I also just realized by harshness on others that I hire... I have high standards for myself that I also impose these on others, and am highly critical for when things aren't "done right" or "done the way I want"... If I made the same "mistake" I would go back and spend hours correcting one social media post... and I sometimes just choose to take over and redo the work that someone else does for me too... 01:17:50 Deva Munay: yes -- totally relate to that Randa ... ai 01:18:17 Vlada Tomova: yes, me too @Randa 01:21:26 Sidsel Nelund (Si-sel - she/her): that's a beautiful exercise to also really treasure what is 01:21:30 amy palatnick: love it! so simple 01:21:45 Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Totally love it - the honoring of all that is 01:21:45 Deva Munay: LOVE THAT IT HONORS WHAT IS 01:21:50 Janná Giles: I love it 01:21:51 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: Thank you, Randa💛 01:21:57 amy palatnick: and helps open the mind and see the positives 01:22:02 Janná Giles: It’s so real and balanced 01:22:12 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): It's like the last word is the strongest and leaves a bigger imprint 01:22:25 Barbara Daughter: It honors the emotional aspect of the not-perfect but probably also helps to self-regulate the emotions 01:22:44 Barbara Daughter: Yes Michelyn 01:23:05 Randa Sultan: Can you repeat some of the neverthelesses? 01:23:09 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): Yes, Barbara! 01:23:11 Vlada Tomova: it acknowledges both sides of a situation, and leans towards focusing on the positive - and with that rewiring the situation 01:23:16 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: This reframing makes my whole body relax. I love it! (Even though… nevertheless ) 01:23:27 AJ Frenzel: The repetition of the *issue* starts to take its power away. 01:23:34 Layne Mosler: Oh, this is going to be so interesting. 01:23:36 Barbara Daughter: exactly @AJ 01:23:36 amy palatnick: it would be truly good enough to miss a day! 01:24:01 Barbara Daughter: good observation @Vlada 01:24:26 amy palatnick: @AJ totally. Naming it changes it!! 01:24:31 Deva Munay: Even though there are a handful of things that i could have improved on in my workshop ... never the less it was kick ass and life changing in the way that it was! 01:24:33 Joli Knott: Love that @Vlada 01:24:43 Barbara Daughter: Awesome @Deva!!!! 01:24:54 Janná Giles: I’m going to do it, but in an effort to create as much ease in my life preparing for and overseas move, I’ll skip posting in the group ❤️ 01:25:01 Randa Sultan: thanks loves... I think this one we could go on and on about! must sign off... 01:25:06 Alta Felix: I love all of these! 01:25:06 Joli Knott: @Deva 💜 01:25:42 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: This reminds me of EFT even though we’re not tapping 01:26:00 Sarah Van Hoy: Yes, it reminds me of EFT too. 01:26:42 Michelyn.com (MIKE-uh-lin): I do this a LOT in client sessions. Bring the part of themselves forward for discussion that is causing trouble 01:27:49 Janná Giles: I see the back and forth a ton! 01:28:44 Barbara Daughter: So how do we say we're willing to be in the challenge? I missed that 01:28:54 AJ Frenzel: I tend to hold others to a higher expectation than I hold myself. My mess could never be perfect. (STILL based in that idea the Perfect exists!) 01:28:56 Janná Giles: So much… 01:29:04 Barbara Daughter: okay thanks! 01:29:11 Janná Giles: Compassion and love 01:29:20 amy palatnick: looking forward to trying the exercises! 01:29:21 Sophie Jane Hardy: that I can do this course imperfectly (today I could hardly tune in due to family mayhem!!) 01:29:30 Alta Felix: Clarity and kindness 01:29:32 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: I’m feeling a desire to perfectly stop being a perfectionist, lol 01:29:41 Barbara Daughter: lol @Aiyana 01:29:41 Alta Felix: Lol 01:29:47 AJ Frenzel: Truly Good Enough 01:29:49 Aiyana Lynnet McKenzie: And I look forward to doing the exercise for 5 days 01:29:50 Vlada Tomova: @Sophie thank you 🙂 01:29:50 Nell Reid: yes -desire to be kind and loving to others... so many of us are struggling trying to be perfect and feeling like failures. 01:29:53 Annelise Pesa: 😂 01:29:54 Joli Knott: Thank you for today! 01:29:58 Alta Felix: Thank you!!!