Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hello, everybody! Welcome, welcome!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just give us a moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's good to see everybody. I hope you're doing well. And I'm so happy to be here with all of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple of logistics and housekeeping things before we jump into our work for today. The first is I need to end our call about 3 min early today usually go at least the time, or even a little bit over. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): today, I'm gonna have to end just a few minutes before to Eastern. We will get done everything we need to accomplish, and if there are any leftover questions at the end of the call. I will make sure to get to them over Facebook
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or next week.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The other thing I wanted to mention, and Caitlin also wanted me to share this with all of you is that our small group.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sessions, the small group discussions are continuing to go strong. They're meeting every other week.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's just a reminder for you that you can jump in anytime if you are wanting to go deeper with any of the material that we're covering here in our training calls those small group discussion sessions are really valuable. If you know that you learn well by discussing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you're learning by, you know, that's a way of integrating so research has shown that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The way that humans learn best isn't just by listening. But it's by discussing. That's why we have shares in our calls, and I ask you so many journaling questions as well. It's like your own inner discussion. But what I love about the small discussion groups is that I give a lot of different case study questions in there for you to ponder. It's all targeted week by week to what we're looking at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know that sometimes it can feel a little intimidating to come to a discussion if maybe you're not sure of yourself or your ideas, but, as I'm sure you can imagine, the space is very safe. And all points of view are always welcome
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on a related note. Just a reminder for all of us for training calls, you know, whenever I ask for shares I wanna hear from you whether you have 20 plus years of experience, or you are just starting to do the work. Your voice is important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? So that's the small groups you can jump in at any time. You know Caitlin would love to have you and then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the last housekeeping piece I wanted to mention. You'll get
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple of emails about this, probably in the next week or 2, starting in the next week or 2. But I wanted to tell you now, in case you wanted to save the date
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on December fifth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is a Tuesday. It happens to be a Tuesday that we don't have a training call at noon Eastern. I'm gonna be hosting for us a special next steps call where I'm gonna be sharing about how we can continue our work together after sacred depths. A number of you have already been asking. I can't believe we're almost at the end of the program. But there is more work that we can do together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you want in advance depth, it's where we go deeper into transformational skills. We do powerful shadow work, archetype work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): dream work, impulse. Work? And it's much more intimate as well. So I'll be sharing about all of that. On December fifth you'll get an invitation, but if you want to save that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): date. That'll be at noon. Eastern.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? So all that being said, let's jump into our
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): topic for today, which is about creating accountability. We're gonna be looking at some specific tools and techniques and structures that we can use to support our clients in being more accountable to what they really wanna create.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And at the get go.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just want to say that the topic of accountability
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): isn't always very sexy. It's it's right. It's the it's kind of the resilience work. But it is very, very important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and my hope is that today's training will kind of help. You think about accountability in some new in different ways. It's also a great call where we're gonna be synthesizing some things that we have already been learning cause. We actually have already been learning a lot about accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so let's start here with just what is accountability. And for the sake of our call today, here's how I'm gonna define it. For us, accountability is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking action or following through on the inner and outer tasks
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you've committed to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking action or following through on the inner and outer tasks that you've committed to let me put that in. The chat
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sounds easy, right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And the thing is sometimes it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): especially if you've set up for accountability ahead of time. And you know we'll talk about all of that. We do follow through on a lot of our commitments right? But that being said.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm sure we also all know. Oh, whoops! I just did something to my notes. Hold on a second.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That be. We also all know that being accountable to our commitments is sometimes not as easy as it sounds.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not only just because of fears or limiting thought patterns which we've been looking at. but also because oftentimes the commitments that get articulated through coaching
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it requires our clients to do something differently than they've done before.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If it was just about them doing what they've already been doing, they wouldn't need our help right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and doing something differently requires effort.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So all that being said.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's our role as practitioners in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): client accountability
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cause? I think that's another important piece for us to explore. What's our role in this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let me toss this to you and try it on for size, and see if it resonates.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I believe that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a practitioner's role or responsibility is not to make a client accountable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or accountable to them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to the, to the coach
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): instead. I believe that our responsibility is to support our clients
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in becoming more accountable to themselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): versus us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also to support our clients, to learn how in general to become more accountable in all the areas of their lives.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): being or becoming accountable is it's a process of becoming. It's building a muscle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe the most important thing that I will share today is what I'm gonna say next.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can't make our clients do anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Period end of story. It doesn't matter how masterful we are. It doesn't matter how magical
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We can't make it happen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I share this with people as early as sales conversations.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am not there to make it happen for them, and I can't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And just so, you know, you know, in case you've been judging yourself as a practitioner.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have certainly had some clients over the years who were not accountable to themselves on certain goals.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and with those clients we looked at every fear and every shadow and every limiting belief, and every habit and every everything under the sun. and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't think that it's because anything went wrong.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Those particular clients in those moments
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): they either weren't ready
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or they didn't really want it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know for certain, because I they have told me
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that the work that we did together was still by and large, a huge success to them, and valuable to them, because they transformed through the work they came to understand and know themselves better than before. They came to accept themselves in new ways.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): They accomplished other things
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right, but it just was not the right time for them to accomplish certain things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Also.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I've had my fair share of clients who have become accountable and taken action and made beautiful progress towards their goals. But they've done it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): slowly. Didn't happen right away. They weren't accountable right away in the first session for the second session.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that's because some of their stuff had been ingrained since childhood.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or because, while we were working together, a major event happened in their life, and they it was more important for them to to turn towards that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Going slower
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is not a failure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going to say that again. Going slower is not a failure. It's usually called how real change happens.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I want to invite you to think about throwing away the notion right now that you're some kind of godlike figure that can will your clients to do things?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's not gonna serve you. It's not gonna serve them. Of course.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we wanna use all of our tools to co-create accountability, to leave no stone unturned, you know, to support our clients, to move at a pace that is optimal for them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But at the end of the day it's really not up to us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And one thing that I often say, I may have shared this with you already, but
even if I did, I mean I'll share it again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What I often say, and I learned this from my first coach is that as a practitioner
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can tell you about the river. I can tell you where the river is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can help you find directions to how to get to the river. I can walk with you as you go to the river.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When you get to the river banks I can help you figure out how to cross the river. I can even hold your hand as you cross.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but what I cannot do is put you on my shoulders
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and take across the river.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): please.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let me pause on all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's sparking for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so far?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's feeling important so far?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd love to hear a share, too. Hold up.
jodigolda: I love this all so much because
jodigolda: I mean, I could feel how, as a coach like when I sense like that the client is doing their thing, and like
jodigolda: that, they said that they were gonna do especially on the session, like when it feels like it's really syncing in and there like, got it and gonna do the thing, and then that feels
jodigolda: great.
jodigolda: And then, when they don't do the thing I'm like, Oh, man, you know. And it's like, What did I miss? What didn't I do? So I'm appreciating. That it's not mine
jodigolda: to carry on my shoulders.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, it's really not just like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can take credit for supporting clients when they get things done, but not take credit for like them getting it done same on the flip side, right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's so important to remember that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright, let's keep on going
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as always. Before we get to outer pieces. I want to kind of unpack a couple of more inner pieces around accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some kind of mindset and energetic pieces that we want to approach accountability with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So first thing, I kind of just mentioned it. But I wanna say it again really explicitly, because a lot of practitioners get this wrong.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Don't make your client results
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for action taking
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): don't make your client results or action taking for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There are a lot of wounds that people carry around this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from the ways that their parents approached accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A lot of parents do both of these things. They make their kids results about them, and they kind of ask their kids to do things for them. Right? My! My child's accomplishment or lack of accomplishment is a reflection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, just do your homework for me. I'll be so proud of you if you do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If we bring this into the container that it's about us, or it's for us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Remember, energy follows energy. A client is going to sense this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if that client has had this experience in other places in their life, of somebody else making it about them or for them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When you, as the practitioner, do it, it will either trigger your client to rebel or to vehemently not take the action or to take the action, but to take it from a misaligned place, or a place of guilt or feeling oppressed because they have to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For some people clients. Accountability in general
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can be really triggering. because at some point in their lives they were shamed
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): around, not being accountable by parents, by teachers by employers.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In other words, and maybe you know this for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): They experienced
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a power over accountability structure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a power over accountability structure, where the parent, the teacher, the employer, whatever it is. felt that they were higher then better than took power over.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in order for the client to accomplish something right? Or maybe
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it was a punitive accountability structure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You are. Gonna have a consequence.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? If you don't clean your room, you're gonna be punished in some way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you don't do your homework.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not just a natural consequence of not doing well in the class right but at home punished in some way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it for us as sacred depths practitioners. We really believe that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our jobs are not only to support our clients, to become more accountable to themselves. so that they can get done what they want to get done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I also really feel that part of our role is to help our clients change their internal oppressive accountability structures
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from power over
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to empowered together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from power over to empowered together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and part of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is also helping our clients, build ownership
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): around their goals right again. It's not about us. It's not for us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but it's about supporting our clients to build ownership around the actions that they want to take.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does this make sense so far?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? And ask one question, and then I'll open up again for some thoughts and shares. Because I think this is really big stuff.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment and define ownership for yourself. Ownership of goals or actions. What? What is that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria? Saying? Personal responsibility? Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): integrity. And he's just saying, yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What else?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How else are you defining it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Self encouragement to take action? Yes, I love each of these
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self-confidence. Beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I do it because I say so. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just in terms of this power over piece and this ownership piece.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But Bree is saying, it's my choice. It's my own choice and opportunity. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so a couple things just for us to be conscious of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Number One. Be conscious and aware of how you talk about accountability
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with your clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And what archetype are you showing up as
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a lot of times?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if we're not aware of it, if we haven't done our own work on it, we might show up in that archetype of the parent, but not ideal parent right? We spoke about some of this in terms of when we looked at energetics to right, what archetypes do we show up as so we we wanna make sure that we're showing up with? Maybe in that moment the client needs ideal mother energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or ideal father energy, or maybe fierce warrior energy or right something else. But how are we talking about it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We also want to be conscious of our filters when it comes to accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you might be a get it done, person, you have a plan. And right you get it done. But maybe that's not how your client operates right? They operate in a different way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And we also wanna remember, we looked at this way back in strategizing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): accountability needs to be measured, based on the who, not on the what.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): including the different rhythms that people have. So remember, we spoke about consistent doers, deep thinkers and processors, tipping pointers, doers that need lots of breaks. We want to know what's this client's natural pace of getting things done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let me pause here for a moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's sparking for you around? This
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): idea of not making results about us or for us?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then these learnt accountability structures in terms of power over or punitive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if you don't have any shares yet, I've got some journaling questions. Kristen.
Kristin Jensen: Hi, yeah. So what keeps coming to mind is like what this is like for a neuro divergent person.
Kristin Jensen: Like most people with Adhd, for example, are going to have a very, very long history of
Kristin Jensen: intense frustration, and probably shame around not being able to get stuff done. Because of their executive functioning challenges. And there's just a lot of shame around that, because we live in a world that people expect that you'd be able to do things that you want to do, and it doesn't always work with our brains. And then there's also a factor called persistent demand avoidance.
Kristin Jensen: which
Kristin Jensen: it's this thing where basically you push against whatever somebody's proposing to you, yes, even towards yourself. Yes. So it's extra spicy and challenging with those of us who are no divergent with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Absolutely. I'm so glad you're bringing that into the conversation. And I think the concepts all still apply right. We wanna help them understand those internal structures so that they can have more compassion towards themselves. We wanna help them understand what their natural rhythm is. You know how the the best ways for them to get done, and we want to check
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our filters. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I give a small example of this that I think
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): might be helpful for everyone. You just reminded me of this actually just happened a few weeks ago. I wasn't coaching but I was email back in emailing back and forth with a friend and colleague of mine and she was she wanted. No, no, actually, we were having a conversation. And then we emailed afterwards. Anyway, she wanted my advice because she was thinking of bringing on a business partner
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for her business. and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I quick
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I because I wasn't in coaching mode. I quick went to like, look at her numbers, and you know, and it didn't make sense for her to take someone on to share the profit. And I was just thinking she just needs to like, do this a little more, and that a little more, and it's kind of telling her all of that. And then she, the email, came a few days later. And she's like, you know, I so appreciated what you shared, Joanna. But I realize because I'm neuro divergent.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The idea of bringing on a business partner is actually exactly what I need to not feel so much pressure and to help get more things done. And I was like, Oh, my gosh! I didn't check my filters on that, and I was like recreating right so much of what she had already experienced. So anyway, I share all of this number one to say like no myth of perfection ever on anything. We can always course correct.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it is so with all things as well as accountability. It's so important to check our filters and not just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): think, oh, how I operate is how this person
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): operates.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thanks, Kristen. Bruce.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: Yeah, what was coming up for? Can you hear me? Okay. Funny what was going up for me from my perspective?
Bruce | artichokedove.com: And this is where I might be a little loose with my clients. But maybe that's okay, too.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: Is that I was never held accountable for anything
Bruce | artichokedove.com: like I had free reign. I was the youngest of 6. Nobody like nobody was there, you know, to say, Hey, you should be doing this or that.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: So Mike Rebel comes up
Bruce | artichokedove.com: when somebody's asking me to do something. and I wanna do things in my own time. What feels right for me and what my system.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: what wheels feels right for my system. What feels safe because I can very easily will easily get overwhelmed with things.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: So I need to take them in small steps.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: and people that have been traumatized, or all the things you talked about to Joanna.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: I feel like either they go to one extreme or other. They have that rigid way that I have to do this. I've got to get this done, or they go to that chaotic state where it's like
Bruce | artichokedove.com: there's too much going on. It will blug, you know, and it just becomes overwhelming. So, understanding exactly what you're saying, and just knowing where your clients coming from, which we can't always do.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: You know, if we haven't been with a client for a long time, but
Bruce | artichokedove.com: it's just something that was coming up for me. It's like
Bruce | artichokedove.com: that. Awareness is so important just to know. you know, and like, I think you said, which helped a lot again, is always preframing the stuff right like.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: are you gonna do this work, you know, just getting to know, you know, where does this fall for you as a client, you know, it's really important. So thank you for just reinforcing that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, you're welcome. And thanks for that share. And that is another great example
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. So let's keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and let me ask you a couple of questions
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): First one on a scale of one to 5. How accountable are you to your goals and actions when you don't have outside help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when it's it's just you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and yourself. And if it's helpful to break this down into categories. Maybe you're more accountable with your Yoga practice than with your Newsletter, whatever. Yeah, I'll give you a half a minute to just kind of assess
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little bit for yourself. So when you don't have outside help, scale of one to 5, how accountable are you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, Jessica's a 4. That's good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. Next question
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you do have outside support. And this can include friends, family members, reminders, alarms, different kinds of apps.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): coaches, right at any kind of outside support
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on a scale of one to 5. How accountable are you to the actions that you want to take?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And Tanya sang, sing very interesting and poignant in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If it's something accountability to yourself or for you, it's a one. If it's for other people, it's a 4 or 5. I'm definitely higher, too. When it comes to other people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, here's another question to think about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): growing up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or even. you know, into your first job, you know, when any any time in your formative years. How were you held accountable?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whether it was to homework.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to cleaning up, to being kind or nice to guess?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I was held accountable to practice piano every day with one of those old time timers that you had to wind up and like tick to. I hated that time. So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anyway, what are some of the ways that you were held accountable?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And also, as you, as you reflect on ways that you were held accountable, think about, maybe make some notes on what worked and what didn't work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): give you another 10 s on this one?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. Here's another question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whoever was helping to hold you accountable? If there was someone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): could you feel their motivations behind it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And how did it feel?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In other words. did it feel like a parent was, gonna be totally disappointed, or feel bad about themselves. If you didn't do well on your sats.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc. Right? So could you feel their motivations? And how did it feel?
Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so many poignant shares in the chat?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? And so if we've got this stuff, our clients have some of these things rolling around, and it's so important for us to understand that as we go to support them in being more accountable to themselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): by one last question, for now this is complete
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the sentence or complete the paragraph. I'll share it also. Put it in the chat, and then just write
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for a half minute or so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am willing to be accountable.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even if it's uncomfortable when I'm willing to be accountable, even if it's uncomfortable when
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just don't think too hard. Just see what wants to come through as you journal on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another 10 s with that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have time for a share or 2. What's starting to come together for you? What are what's feeling important so far around this topic of accountability?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love so many of the shares in the chat, all of them. I'm just gonna read out loud this last one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): infinity shares. I care about the result it feels aligned with who I want to be in the world, and I trust that the person holding me accountable sees my fullness. I think that's an answer to. When are you willing to be accountable, beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone wanna share a voice to voice. What's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just anything that's coming through? It's clicking. Jennifer.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you're talking, you're on mute.
Jennifer: Did you just call on me. I'm trying to get better. Wi-fi. Okay, I'm I'm I'm coming inside.
Jennifer: Oh, this topic.
Jennifer: I was kind of journaling. Not exactly about this topic. But
Jennifer: it kind of parallels.
Jennifer: I, yeah, I'm realizing, like I have a really interesting upbringing where I was like born and bred to be an athlete and a really competitive community
Jennifer: that produces all Americans and Olympians. And
Jennifer: it was, yeah. It's just like it was an incredible upbringing, but it it was just riddled with
Jennifer: perfectionism and scores and eliteism. And so
Jennifer: even when I'm doing this exercise, there's resistance. And II almost feel like
Jennifer: in
Jennifer: like the last, maybe 5 years now or so, or
Jennifer: I don't know, maybe even longer. It's almost like
Jennifer: swung the other way to balance out what I experienced like. Oh, I get to do it my way. And yeah, just
Jennifer: so much of what
Jennifer: those questions and what you shared is like, we'll do it for me or do it for the team, or do it for my teacher, or do it for the coach, or do it for and like
Jennifer: like, would like literally like, break my body. And
Jennifer: yeah, it's just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's yeah. It's a lot. And I'm glad you're bringing in. This is another great example. A a about the team and sports. You know there is this a different kind of power over accountability structure in there, and almost like you will. You will be ostracized if you don't stick
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with the accountability that is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): expected. etc. Yeah. So it makes perfect sense. It reminds me of Bruce's share coming from a different origin, but like moving to this rebellion side because of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Jennifer: yeah. And it's has so much to do with like the timetable for me like timeframe.
Jennifer: I appreciated that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, the the time, the rhythm. You know, we we want to take that into account with our clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Red.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone else want to share. We have time for one more before we keep on going. What's what are you starting to see, or what is feeling important? Danielle?
Danielle: Hi, I'm on my phone. I'm not doing video. But I wanted to join in, because
Danielle: this for me, connects so much to the core of this approach of coaching. And I know I've shared before that I
Danielle: came into this verse as a client. It was interesting to see without going into detail about my past. Think ways of
Danielle: being
Danielle: that popped up as we got into a little more accountability, gentle. But II needed that reassurance from my coach in her own way, that she could see.
Danielle: like just reassuring, that this is this is about you like any sort of steps we're taking are going to come from your own knowing it's gonna be a vision that you feel excited about, because I was finding myself going into good student mode and having a little layer of anxiety around a visioning session, because I still was in this performative way of being of like, okay, so what is the right thing for you? So she actually spoke to that. And it was really beautiful and freed up a lot.
Danielle: and the flip side of it is when we think of our patterns, and and how accountable we are to ourselves.
Danielle: There is this pendulum swing in my adulthood to like. Oh.
Danielle: I'm only going to really feel that desire to be accountable when it's coming from my own deep knowing and choosing, and I have an intention around it.
Danielle: And then that can be tricky, too, and that's why I love the coaching, because then sometimes that can be a cover
Danielle: for just not holding myself to a certain standard that I actually do care about. And there's always layers, and I've just experienced so much benefit from
Danielle: being a client as a coach, because I'm like we. I was able to get to that myself through like embodied stuff and befriending fear. It was like, this is resistance, and it's not just about oh, II wanna do my own thing now. It's actually my own self sabotage that. So it connects to everything, obviously, that we've already been talking about.
Danielle: But it's so cool to to have that space to work through that stuff. Yes, I love all this, and your coach is a secret depth coach, so I'm not surprised to hear it at all, and I think it's really
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): an important point around.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, we don't want to use it as an excuse, too, of like own. I think this idea of ownership can mean many different things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And one example I'll just share from my own life is there are plenty of things that I do, ways that I am accountable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to my children. That aren't necessarily coming from my deepest desire.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And those things that I'm accountable to. I am doing it for them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But it's my choice to do it for them
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): versus it being put on me from something outside. So there's different ways to look at. This idea of ownership
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): also.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let's keep on going. And now that we kind of have this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): background or this kind of like the foundation of what is accountability. What is some of the human behavior involved in accountability or shying away from accountability or response or reaction to it? Let's look at some tools and structures that we can put in place or use in our work with clients to support them. In all of this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and, as usual, because I'm a Virgo, I have divided th these things into 2 buckets.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): things that we can do preemptively
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): before someone lapses in accountability. And then things that we can do. Once there has been kind of a not following through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on things. A lot of the pre emptive tools that I'm gonna share right now are are reviews
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of things that we've already learned. But I want to now put them into context into the context of accountability. So number one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, you know what? Before I go ahead. I'm so sorry, Tanya. I meant to call on you. I saw in the chat that you wanted to share, and then I got so excited about something I forgot. So before we go into the tools, Tanya, if you still want to share, I'd love to hear from you. I haven't heard your voice in a while.
Tanja Mateljan: Okay, well, just
Tanja Mateljan: kind of briefly, I just wanted to say that for me.
Tanja Mateljan: Accountability that whenever I couldn't be accountable like, whenever I felt this huge resistance
Tanja Mateljan: towards it, it was usually to do with something that felt like. I was trying to fix myself in some way. There was something and you were speaking to before, like, you know.
Tanja Mateljan: is this actually colluding with this internalized conditioning? That I should be a certain way? And and actually, you know, my resistance to being accountable to those things were actually deeper wisdom.
Tanja Mateljan: It was something that new, that actually. this is not the way that to, to my essence, to my core self and to
Tanja Mateljan: my values. And what really, you know might do, why and I and and over years I've really learned to recognize this and value this. And actually.
Tanja Mateljan: I feel like that kind of puts me on also in the position to maybe recognize this in my clients, you know, when there there may be going down that route, and how that can actually.
Tanja Mateljan: you know, maybe support them in seeing the bigger picture and seeing the wisdom, why, they may be having assistances, and to the accountability, and maybe
Tanja Mateljan: this will catapult them to the deeper truth, to actually something
Tanja Mateljan: that will be truly excited about, and they will truly, you know, move them forward, and they want to do it. So just, yeah, absolutely. And that relates so much to what we were looking at. I'm glad you're bringing it into the conversation when we looked at resistance. Archetypes, you know. One of the things we looked at is, we want to check our filters because the resistance might not be coming from a core fear, or something like that. It might be coming from a deeply intuitive
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): place that the client realizes, you know. No, this isn't for me, or this isn't the right moment for this, so we do always wanna be checking for that when it comes to resistance and accountability for sure. Thank you so much for sharing that such an important piece.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): accountability, tools and structures that we
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): want to think about preemptively. And again, we've covered. I'm going to go through these a little quickly because we've covered them or a lot of them. Just not in the context of accountability. Necessarily
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): number one, when we are supporting our clients to create goals
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also to strategize on action steps. We wanna be aware of the difference between a desire and a and a Ne. Or an should. Right so. And this goes to what Tanya is saying, too, because if it's a should, it's not gonna right. So when we are doing the visioning and strategizing, asking questions like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): why is this important to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What makes you happy when you think about accomplishing this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How will this be supportive of you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And and if it is something that they desire helping helping to stoke that desire even more. What could be fun about the process of taking action on this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What will happen for you if you take action on this or accomplish this right. So supporting a client to really number one, identify the the true desire
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or need, and then stoke the desire
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): preemptively.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another thing that can sometimes help
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And again, we have to be very careful when we do this, because we don't wanna put anyone into a place of shame or criticizing themselves, or judging themselves, or, you know, a, a, a anything, but sometimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): helping a client really connect with why they're done acting a certain way. or being in a certain situation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that can help stoke accountability right? I'm done with not being visible in my business. I don't want to not be visible anymore. So I'm willing to make this video.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc. I'm done with being in relationships that don't support me
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where I am not getting the nurturing that I deserve.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and so I'm willing to be accountable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to do, dating in a different way to take this action, etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's just sometimes asking questions like. Why are you done
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with not taking action on this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What will things be like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you don't move forward on this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): again. We want to handle it very carefully again, so they won't go into shame right? But sometimes connecting with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for lack of a better word, like the pain of the current situation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can help with accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another thing we've already looked at is the power of celebration, and the power of celebration also can support accountability when we are strategizing with clients on action steps
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to celebrate how far they've already come to help them acknowledge the strengths that they already have that are going to help them take
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the actions right to help them feel more confident that they can get it done. To see the resources they have to be able to get it done that can help preemptively
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with accountability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more that we believe, if something is truly aligned for us to do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more that we believe that we can do it, that it's doable for us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more likely we are to do it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, asking questions like, what are the resources that you have available to get this done?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why do you know that you can do this?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What will make this easier for you to get done. What's the easiest way to do this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Sometimes people over complicate things. and then it's hard to be accountable to that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for a lot of clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another thing that really helps with accountability. We've looked at this also is to clarify the task and the process at hand.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are the exact actions that you're gonna take this week.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How are you going to do it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When will you do it? Would you like to put it in your calendar and schedule it in as we've looked at in lots of different ways, oftentimes breaking things down into smaller doable chunks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? And this is why we if it works for you to blueprint, etc., and to really understand what the task is can help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We've looked extensively at supporting clients to look at their fears. their willingness to risk to be uncomfortable. Right all, all of it. So all of the fear work, the belief work, the resistance work right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): All of that helps with accountability, as we know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another piece
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that is not to be underestimated, and and one of the powers that we have as practitioners.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When a client knows
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that someone else really cares.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that someone else is invested in them again. Not that it's for us or about us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but that we're in it with them that we really care that we're invested sometimes that can make a huge difference.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So oftentimes at the end of a session, I'll say to a client. will you keep me posted on this? I'm going to be thinking about you this week. I'm so excited that you're gonna take that stretch and do XYZ. Will you keep me posted on how it goes?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I want to hear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I might sometimes say, Will you let me know if you get off track.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because I'm here to support you, and sometimes I might even say, and don't tell me like 4 days after you're off track. Tell me the first day, right? I really want to hear from you. If you get off track
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): no big deal. we'll get you back on track.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sometimes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if a client is okay with it, I'll ask them their permission beforehand. Usually
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I will just go ahead and proactively check in with the client via email in the middle of the week or the 2 weeks. How are things going? I've really been thinking about you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's one of the great gifts that we get to give our clients as practitioners, that we care that we're in it with them, that we know that they can. And and we're invested in their success, not because it makes us feel better about themselves, but because we care deeply about that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We also looked when we looked at strategizing just as a reminder.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because this can help with accountability. We looked at creating the environment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for being able to get things done. So. In other words.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how much time will you need for this? How can you create that time in your schedule? What do you need prepared in advance in order to get this done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who in your family needs to be on board with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc., creating that environment?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I like to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ask clients as early as the welcome questionnaire. How would you like for me to help hold you accountable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to yourself?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are ways that works that work? What are ways that don't work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sometimes even in our first session we might discuss that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that I'm probably me and the client always learn more about that as we go along the way like more unfold. But to just to have a baseline, sometimes a client will know themselves from the get go. You know I don't like it when someone is on top of me too much.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or whatever it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): along those same lines. If I'm strategizing with a client. and it's something
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): stretchy for them. I might, towards the end of the session, ask the the client, how would you like for me to help hold you accountable to yourself?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What would you like for me to do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over this next week or 2.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Every now and again a client will make a request that I can't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): view like, can you check in with me every day. Text right? Like all of that. No, you know. Usually it's a no, but then we'll just. We'll negotiate it out, and I'll tell them what is doable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. Let me pause there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, one other piece I just wanna mention.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sometimes it can be a valuable strategy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to create daily habits for for things that are stretchy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, for example, if a client has been having trouble writing a news, they want to write a newsletter regularly, and they've tried before to write a newsletter in one sitting, and it's just like it never works.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe what might work for them is to write a hundred words a day until they're done. or to do a 10 min workout 3 times a week
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): instead of a right. I don't know 30 or 60 min workout, whatever it is. So sometimes people can kind of get moving and get flow
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's like little daily habits that they can do depends on the client I'm writing right now. I have. I'm doing a really big creative writing project right now. And one thing I've learned about myself is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When it comes to creative writing. I can't just do a little bit of writing every day. I get so involved
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in it that I need big chunks of time. But then there are other things right, or the Daily house can help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. Let me pause here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): thoughts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's sparking for you? What questions do you have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Victoria?
Victoria Cali: Hi!
Victoria Cali: Well, the the first thing I wanted to say is that I love
Victoria Cali: that you brought in celebration because I feel like accountability and celebration are so
Victoria Cali: related, and that celebration is such a powerful energy to to bring in
Victoria Cali: But what I really wanted to share was something that happened recently with the client, and it's it's right along what you were just talking about
Victoria Cali: had to do with
Victoria Cali: the client, always being in a state of overwhelm and kind of working her way like around, just sort of chronically overwhelmed.
Victoria Cali: And then the session that
Victoria Cali: T.
Help safe enough
Victoria Cali: and open to the idea of accountability.
Victoria Cali: It was like she moved out of isolation. It was like she was shouldering all this stuff alone. And then she finally felt like
Victoria Cali: safe enough ultimately to involved me in the process, and you like literally feel for coming out of isolation.
Victoria Cali: And it was like
Victoria Cali: such deep work that the accountability is now a part of that deep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): deeper work. Yes, I love that. It's so so beautiful. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it makes me think about, you know, when we only
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): lightly touched on this. But I think it's an important point. And so I wanna like go deeper and underscore. It is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I quickly said before, you know, accountability aligned. Accountability is power together. and oftentimes for clients. If
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): they have been in power over accountability structures or punitive accountability, or for whatever reason, even outside of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there becomes this kind of belief that they can hold inside of. I need to do this alone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nobody can help me, or should help me right. All all the things. And then part of the work becomes then in the container to build that trust, to work on the beliefs and the fears, but also build the trust that we're in this together. I am here to support you. This is this is power together. When it comes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to you getting things done. So that's so beautiful that that happened, Victoria. I'm so happy to hear it, and I'm so glad that you're bringing this piece into the conversation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone else want to share before we keep on going. What's coming up for you? What questions do you have? What's feeling important on some of these strategies that we've looked at, and I put them into the preemptive bucket. But they can come before, and they can also come after, etcetera.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Colta.
jodigolda: you may have missed this, but I I'm wondering about a conversation with the client around like defining accountability
jodigolda: and clarifying what their understanding of it is because it it is. It does feel a little bit of a a buzz word in the coaching
jodigolda: spaces. So I'm just, you know like cause. I think it, and that's why I love that you're saying like, how can I help you to be accountable to yourself?
jodigolda: You know. I think clients come in and they're like, and I know I've created this probably of like, how can I be accountable to you right like there'd be. And so just to clarify that early on feels important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, absolutely, you know, to to share that. And sometimes it's just about sharing it and then having a conversation with it other times, just like every all of our training calls, all of the background information that we're looking at. Sometimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you want to get into that right? You want to co-create awareness on those pieces with clients. Some of the inner work questions I asked on accountability that might be important explorations, either at the beginning of your coaching with someone, or or whenever it's important, but to unpack
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for our clients if they need it. What this means for them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nisha's saying.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I also see a discernment for being accountable to take action and being accountable if you caused harm absolutely. You see, the latter talked about more in the coaching industry. Absolutely. And you know we looked at this a little bit
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in resistance archetypes when we were talking about the judge right again, it comes back to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): checking filters. If if a client is telling you you did this, or whatever it is, you don't want to just say, Oh, they're in resistance. Right? First, you want to see.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): did something go wrong? Was there harm caused? Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So important?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So accountability?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know, for lack of a better way of saying it after non action, right? But only if the non action is out of sync with the clients, natural rhythms or not. Obviously, if they had something big happen in their life and couldn't do it right. But when it when it they're not being accountable to themselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So of course, we can work with fears and all the tools we have for obstacles beforehand, and then also after non action, you know all of that. We looked at
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this a little bit in our visioning, but as a reminder, and this goes to Tanya's point earlier as well. Sometimes it's important to have a conversation around. Is this still aligned for you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right. that it may have changed. This may no longer be aligned for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This one is very simple and surface, but sometimes it's exactly what's needed. Just the simple question of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): why didn't you get done? Sometimes there's deeper obstacles.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but sometimes it will literally, you know, be it's just such an easy shift that they can make
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. Why didn't you get X done sometimes? When actions don't happen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We might want to ask. do you wanna adjust
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the tasks?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And that might be about chunking it into something smaller or doing it a different way. There's almost always more than one way to do something.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or what do you need?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What would be helpful? Right? These are such simple things, but sometimes it's the the simple that can help a client cross the river. What do you need? What would be helpful for you in order to get it done this week
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): doesn't always have to be some deep. Let's look at the fears, or whatever it is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I will sometimes, if there's been non action for a couple of weeks, and it is clear that the client does want to take the action, and we have looked at the fears, and they they just need a little more support.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I will ask them. I'll usually say I don't want to micromanage you in any way, and you are doing this for you, but if it is helpful, I would love to hold a tighter container with you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over this next week or over these next days. How would it feel for you to check in with me daily?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): As you work towards getting this done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or, if not daily, whatever is right for you, right? So. In other words.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can't do this all the time every week, because it would be exhausting. And and it wouldn't really help the client ultimately build that bigger accountability muscle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But every now and again, just to get someone over the edge. I will, if they would like. I will hold a tighter container with them in between sessions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sometimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): having an accountability buddy or an accountability partner
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is really helpful. I have matched up different clients to uptime, you know. They'll usually set at one time a week together, doing writing or whatever it is, and just having that space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where you know you're gonna show up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with another person. You have one goal that you want to get done in that hour in that hour and a half can really help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's why, in some of my group programs. I have get it done. Time, like right now in life, changing courses whenever I support people to create curriculum. For example, we have get it done. Also, in addition to training calls, we have get it done sessions every week.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Similarly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): now, this is something I don't do often, but I just want to toss it to you to have in your back pocket for moments, that it might be helpful
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): every now and again, if a client is just like they're ready to do it. But they just haven't. They haven't. They haven't, and they need the extra nudge
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if they are willing to spend the session time in this way and give them the option.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We'll do it together
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on the phone or on Zoom. I'm not doing it for them, but it's almost like accountability or get it done. Session one on one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. Not gonna do this again often cause that's not really the purpose of coaching, but sometimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just to get somebody over a hump. To get them in motion is enough for them to keep on going. So you know, one example of this is, I had a client who she was. Just she was so wanted to start a newsletter she was. It was so right for her, she was so ready, she was so ripe. But it wasn't happening.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We spend a session
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where I started the session. And I said, Okay, what's what topic? You know? We talked for a few minutes about the topic of the Newsletter article and some of the points she wanted to hit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I hung out, and she for 15 min she wrote.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then she came back and I said, Okay, what'd you write? What'd you accomplish? How'd it go right? We spoke for a couple of minutes, and then she went back and wrote some more. We never had to do that again. It was pretty smooth sailing with consistent newsletter after that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but that first time it just really helped.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 1. One last thing which can be contentious again. Nothing I ever share is the truth that I, just tossing it, at least with parenting. They say it's not okay, but it's different. I find it works sometimes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's the reward? Right? What are you gonna do for yourself when you accomplish that maybe you want to buy yourself something. Maybe you want to get a pedicure, maybe what you know, whatever it is, but
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sometimes like, Oh. it's gonna be so amazing when I get this done, cause I'm going to allow myself to whatever that can help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Every now and again
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking a break from a commitment that's just not happening
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like asking a client to forget about it for a week or 2. We're not even gonna focus on this. Let's re like Reset, you know. Just let it go, and then we'll see if we wanna restart on this action in a few weeks
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sometimes. That can be really helpful. It can act as a reset
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it can also help a client take back ownership
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's become this thing like. Oh, I told Joan I would do it. Oh, I told you right, even if I'm not making it for me, it can that can just sometimes happen. So sometimes, taking a break on that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): action or that role can help the reset and the taking back of the ownership.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): thoughts, questions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything that wants to be said, or any anything that you want to add in terms of strategies.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jennifer.
Jennifer: Oh, it just makes me so want to re-listen.
Jennifer: So those strategies session that we did the visioning, the strategies strategizing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I like to put this call here because it's like a good right. Learning is cyclical. It's a good review of some of the pieces, but absolutely, there's so much in those training to them.
Jennifer: Yeah, just how? Well this goes with the topic itself.
Jennifer: Yeah, sabotage.
Jennifer: There's that, like all of it. Obviously, they just want to. Really
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good. Who else?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's coming up? What do you want to share? What are some other accountability strategies that you've found helpful. Victoria
Victoria Cali: feel like what was coming up for me when I was just listening and pondering was like how how working with accountability really does help a client see what their self-talk sounds like.
Victoria Cali: you know, like just thinking about
Victoria Cali: working with it. And you know how hard, or
Victoria Cali: they on themselves. or how you know
Victoria Cali: what grace do they allow?
Victoria Cali: It's always their fault, or, you know, whatever whatever it is, it really does help shine a light there in that spot of self talk, and how they feel, or
Victoria Cali: or how they treat themselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): absolutely. And it's an opportunity to to shift that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know the the related to what you're saying.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what we don't want is for our clients to get it done by beating themselves up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So it's not just about getting it done, but it's getting it done with self love and self care
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and self-compassion.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And back to those
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): old power structures that are not so helpful. Some people have internalized the like. They're great at getting it done, but it's because they're just berating themselves and berating themselves into it. And so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know. Some coaches might say, oh, it's just our job to help get them done, but I don't think that's true. We really want to help them get it done with that self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bruce
Bruce | artichokedove.com: that brought up for me. And I was thinking about this earlier And I think it's also just like knowing your client, too. But
Bruce | artichokedove.com: just the idea of just being and not being accountable.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: you know, like we don't always have to get things done.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: That's right. And we do way too much.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: and sometimes just allowing and being, and not and just sitting with something
Bruce | artichokedove.com: is
Bruce | artichokedove.com: for me, and
Bruce | artichokedove.com: I think sometimes for my clients those that have. You know I have a client now who's like I always got aids. I was told that, you know, if I didn't get Aids I'd get punt. You know all that stuff, and I'm like
Bruce | artichokedove.com: I gave him. And I'm thinking I'm sitting here thinking because I gave him an assignment last week, and I know he's doing it. But I'm thinking, like.
Bruce | artichokedove.com: you know, what I
Bruce | artichokedove.com: I wanna really visit with him like. How was that for him like?
Bruce | artichokedove.com: And well, we'll see if he got it done first of all. But how? If there was resistance to it, or what came up for him. And then, just like
Bruce | artichokedove.com: delving into that a little bit like it's okay to just be and flow with whatever comes up. And we don't have to do things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): II love that you're bringing this up, Bruce, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our next training call is about supporting clients to be in the mystery and the not doing and the being. Because that is also this is one of the reasons why I'm such a student of the cycles right? And why we have to honor the winter and the being and the resting as much as we honor the summer and the doing all of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So yeah, so that's gonna follow this. And I'm so glad that that's coming up for you. As we're looking at this because it's true, it's not always a moment for getting things done and for accountability. And and well, anyway, I will. I can get really excited about that. I won't say anything more about that now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so before we wrap for today. And just as a reminder I mentioned in the beginning, we're gonna wrap a few minutes early today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you feel like taking this on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I would really love to invite you to do this and and to take it seriously, even if you haven't taken it seriously before and work it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if you've got a coaching partner in the program, work it with your coaching partner.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): think about something that you would like to get done that you haven't been getting done.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It might be a single action like, I really wanted to make that video for XY and Z, or put my profile up on the dating app. or it might be a recurring thing that you've been wanting to get going like a meditation practice.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is my thing, remembering to put sun block on, at least sometimes, if not every day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But whatever it is. take a few minutes over the next day or 2,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and design an accountability plan for yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on it for this week. Take into consideration all the different things we spoke about today don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to put all of them into place. That'll be too overwhelming. But some different pieces. Maybe you want an accountability, Buddy. Maybe it's something to do daily habits around. Maybe one day you want to work on deepening your desire around it, right? Whatever it is. Maybe you wanna bring in someone in your household to help you. Wa, whatever it is, design an accountability plan.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): see if you can make some headway on it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take some action. See how it goes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sound good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, as always. Thank you all for all that you bring. Whether I heard your voice or not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm excited to see how all of this evolves for you, and in your client work I'm around. If there's anything you need.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just let me know. Bruce needs an accountability plan to create the accountability plan. I love it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm seeing Victoria on my screen right now, Bruce. I'm just saying I don't know and I'm just sending you all so much love. Let me know what you need, and I will talk to you soon.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aye.