Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, everybody!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's all to get a moment to get here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna be looking at self love today. One of my favorites.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple of logistics pieces before we get started. First of all, this is our last training. Call for 2023.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, my gosh, if you still want to hang out, though, before the year is over.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We do wait. Let me make sure I'm not telling a lie.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't think I am. We do have one more QA. Call next week we do so. If you're like.
Oh, wanna hang out one more time. Need a little more before the end of the year. Please come
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to our QA. Call our business community call on Monday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then when we come back after winter break
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we are. We have just January and I. The month is gonna go by quickly. Some of the juiciest and I think most fun sessions are in January. We're gonna look at journaling as a coaching tool.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're gonna tow, dip into ritual as a coaching tool.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we're gonna have our very last session is a combination of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): training on how to have a next steps. Conversation with our one on one clients invite them to continue with us, and how do we do that? And then in that session we'll also we'll have our kind of closing ceremony for sacred depth. And I think you're all gonna really love it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I promise you. When we get back from break. I'm not going to do it today, but when we get back from break I will spend a little time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): going over certification
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pieces. I know there's a lot of questions now that we're coming to the end. Don't worry. You don't have to have all of your requirements done by the last day of the program will will look together. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you, this is what I have to say to you now, and I'm going to tell you again when we talk about it in more detail.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you desire to be certified.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you will get certified. We are going like, even if you think you are so behind. we're going to create a plan. You're gonna make it happen. I promise
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): last logistics piece, for now I have been doing a happy dance every time somebody steps into advanced depth. I'm so so excited
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about the circle that is coming together. It is an intimate journey. And it's it's gonna be so so powerful. And really a great next step.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Not only if you want to be able to go deeper with your clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but advanced is is so much for you. It is a journey for you. to look at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to get to know yourself even better than you already do, and to look at all the aspects of shadow that we look at there. There is still plenty of time to step in. The special rate is until this Friday, and there's still plenty of time to have a conversation about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you have been feeling like, I really want to talk to Joanna and not Caitlin or inball about this. I am here. I'm around this week. Reach out to me. I'm happy to have a conversation with you about it. Just shoot me an email or a Facebook message. You know, and we can look together and see if it's right for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I've had a couple of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): questions about money, and the question has been, Oh, my gosh! I really want to do advance, and the investment is a stretch.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I'm gonna be sending out a little more information about that. But for now what I want you to know about it is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can crunch numbers if you really feel called to the program. But we need to just kind of enable some numbers do something different with the payment plan. Split the deposit into whatever it is. We can sort that out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just get in touch.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna be taking a look at cultivating self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And first question is, why are we exploring self love in a practitioner training program?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, for about 100 different reasons. But here are a few
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): number one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self. Love is a vital component
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to either achieving goals
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or for those of us who are. Get it done. People who can achieve goals without self love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Self. Love is also a vital component to being able to reach our goals while being kind to ourselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and to our bodies
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and to our nervous systems.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Self love, in one way or another, is almost always going to be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): part of the antidote
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to supporting a client to moving out of a stock place. It is almost always going to be part of the antidote for that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then. of course. as practitioners, it is so, so, so vital
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for us to have self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it. Energy follows energy. Right? It's hard for us to bring it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): into the container with our clients if we are not feeling it ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and maybe you'll agree with me on this. Check this out. But I have really found that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the journey towards self love, or towards a more self-evolved love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self evolved self-love. It is a journey.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a marathon. not a sprint.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And really, except in just really rare cases. I've never seen it just flip
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in an inst.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I say this to say, really, we're, I believe we're always
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): working on self love in one way or another.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and of course.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): already in sacred death, we've discussed self love in many different ways, and we've looked at activating self love in many different ways. Right? The befriend your fear process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Part of that process is a process of loving your fears, and because of that loving parts of yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The rewiring technique
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one of the layers of rewiring is loving the part of you that is holding these limiting beliefs.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and thereby in doing that you're loving more of yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Everything that we've looked at by way of celebrating, honoring what is right, so much of that. It comes down to many things, but so much of that also comes down to self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So we've already looked at it. But I wanted to spend
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some focus time today looking at some other entry ways or pathways into self love. And of course we could spend. We could do a 6 month course just on this but I'm gonna we're gonna look at some, I think, really potent, important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pieces around this today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So before we look at pathways in or entry ways in. I think the first question is, What is self love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have my own definition, and that definition I've come to see over the years is a living, breathing thing. It evolves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): continuously.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I'm not gonna define self love for you. I think it's a personal thing, and I want to invite you to define it for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So take a moment jot down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is self-love? What is your definition of self love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I'd love to see some definitions in the chat. How would you define self, love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is self-love for you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Susan Hagen is saying. Unconditional.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): open, hearted presence with all aspects of self
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so beautiful. I love that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? What's your definition of self? Love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Katherine? Lots and lots of grace beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jen says, hearing. Oh, I just lost it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hearing, seeing, respecting, appreciating all my parts, beautiful
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Danielle, a deep and abiding care and delight in the mysterious divine being that I am. Yes, all of these are so beautiful for Bree, holding space for my unique growth journey in this ever-changing life with warmth and compassion. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Helen, the capacity to relate to myself from a place of acceptance, understanding, and compassion
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful for Victoria, supportive connection to myself and all my many parts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): holistic, inclusive, centered calm, nurturing. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I won't read all of these out loud. It'll take a long time, but let's let's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take a moment to just look at them. They're so so beautiful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And let me ask another question another couple of questions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I shared a couple of reasons on why I think it's important to cultivate self, love it. It does help us reach our goals. The more we love ourselves, the more we can achieve our goals, or the more we can achieve them with kindness
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to self. What else
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you as you think about it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why is it important for you to cultivate self love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's so many reasons.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are some of the biggies for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jen, says Dharma, and love that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria says
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's a vow to be a vessel of love. Oh, Karma, Jen. Not not dharma. I thought. Dharma too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Victoria space
capacity to resource. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to all of these. What else? Why is it important for you to cultivate self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone else want to share
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Amy to be with what is unfolding in each moment. Beautiful
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Susan Larkin. I don't think I can be effective for others if I'm not coming from a loving place with myself. Beautiful
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Sharon ripple and role modeling is part of the whole beautiful. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): things are healed when they're loved. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Susan is, Hagen is saying. It's what makes this earth journey palatable. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): genocing, because I matter and deserve to be heard, seen and loved. Yes, because my capacity to be with myself expands my capacity to be with others
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and show up in the world. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one more questions to think about. For right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what have you been holding back from?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Because of not enough
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self love?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is there something that you've been holding back from maybe. Yes, maybe no.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because of not enough self love, or because it's time to cultivate more self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what I'm gonna say next we all already know, but it's still important to say.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even when you are evolved spiritual.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): coachified, therapized.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc., there are still more places to evolve
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when it comes to self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why is that? Why is it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that it is this journey that I've been talking about that? It's it's a marathon, not a sprint
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): well for a couple of reasons. Number one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because culture and we can define culture as culture at large. Our parents, the systems in our culture, etc.,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because culture doesn't prioritize self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): culture prioritizes, devoting time and energy to achievement and productivity. but not so much devoting time and energy to self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So that's reason. Number one, we're just not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): trained to devote time and energy and focus and attention
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to loving ourselves. We're not trained to prioritize it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Number 2,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because culture often tells us that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your valuable and lovable if you produce and achieve.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But it doesn't tell you that you're inherently worthy and lovable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): simply because you are a living, sentient being.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you're worthy of love and self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because of your existence.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Period.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, in other words, love, self, love, and self-worth are often have strings attached
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in culture. We only get to love ourselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if we achieve, if we produce
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): number 3,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because culture is ridden with hierarchical thinking.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When you're taught that any type of person is less than
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because of race, religion, achievement, physical status, physical appearance, gender, marriage, status on and on and on and on
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right then number one. If you're lower in that hierarchy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's not going to be. It's gonna be hard to love yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But number 2,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even if you end up at the top of that hierarchy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because you are participating in the system of hierarchical thinking. Shadow dictates that a part of you is always going to feel less than as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because it is in the collective, unconscious.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another reason why, even when we're evolved.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self-love is still an ongoing process and journey.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): culture often tells us that we are ex. You can insert something negative here, full of ourselves, selfish, foolish, etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If we think too highly of ourselves, or love ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The messaging is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's something wrong with you if you aren't self confident, but make sure that you don't have too much, or love yourself too much, because then there's something wrong with you, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then, of course, because of all of these reasons that I've mentioned
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the ways that maybe our parents modeled self love the way they treated themselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): impacts as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so many messaging and so so many beliefs.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me pause here. Cause that's there's a lot. And what I just said I'd love to hear some voice to voice shares. What's feeling important so far.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even if you already knew it. what's clicking even more deeply for you? What's resonating? We'd like to share
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Volta.
jodigolda: I think I'll just add to it that, like culture and
jodigolda: Hollywood like it. We're so programmed to be outside of ourselves and to look for love outside. II mean, I know my personal upbringing was, Hurry up, get married
jodigolda: right like find someone who could take care of you. And that wasn't I wasn't taught
jodigolda: mostly, I mean, I did have some wonderful
jodigolda: parenting that did occur. But like, yeah, it was mostly taught to like, receive love outside myself, and then I'll be happy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I'm so glad that you're bringing that into the picture of you know you look for love outside of you. It doesn't come from inside of you, or maybe you get to love yourself, but only if it's validated first by people on the outside loving you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good. Jen.
Jennifer Rose Gens: yeah, I love this topic, and I just wanna
Jennifer Rose Gens: well, not just I. Wanna say, how eloquently you're you're sharing this information.
Jennifer Rose Gens: I've had a lot of conversations in the eating disorder recovery world. About this topic. And I really love how you're laying it out.
Jennifer Rose Gens: Yeah, I just wanted to kind of throw the word competition into the mix. It's a lot of what we're talking about and what you're presenting is the competitive culture that is produced.
Jennifer Rose Gens: In society. Whether that's you know, the
Jennifer Rose Gens: the mode, like all a mode of what type of body type is in for, say, you know.
Jennifer Rose Gens: like typical man and a typical female, and how even that just creates this competition of like
Jennifer Rose Gens: the, you know, in like a
Jennifer Rose Gens: like the
Jennifer Rose Gens: hetero world. It would be like the woman is the trophy, and you know to become that trophy again. I'm kind of thinking of it in like the eating disorder recovery world. And how these like trophies are so different culturally
Jennifer Rose Gens: and also based in time.
Jennifer Rose Gens: yeah. And II love just I love saying, Thank God for beyonce, because she just I. In my opinion, she has a huge
Jennifer Rose Gens: something to do with with reclaiming that the curves and all that. But it's really all about time. It's all about culture.
Jennifer Rose Gens: Yeah, just how our culture is a certain way. But there are other cultures that
Jennifer Rose Gens: really put pet, you know, other types of looks, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's always going to be the hierarchy. And there's going to be the people in power that are deciding what is valuable
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and what's not. Yeah, it's really interesting. Yeah. Danielle.
Danielle: I think someone maybe Amy put this in the chat, but for me it feels very connected to presence and kind of a sense of being awake in my own life.
Danielle: I definitely can see how that would impact us as coaches, and our ability to just fully be present to the unfolding in a session instead of spinning off. And I also think of the word generative
Danielle: with this, because it is a learning to come back into our own nervous system, and a lot of us could call it like re parenting ourselves, but like a a coach that I worked with, or actually she was just a teacher. She called it care. She was really clear for her. She was like, I think, love. Sometimes
Danielle: people can think it's a feeling it she's like when it comes down to it. It's like
Danielle: turning the same, the same care that you would have if you found a child alone or a kitten alone and turning for us culturally, it's like turning a big Titanic ship, slowly turning. That love that care towards yourself is a process like you're saying.
Danielle: and I love that. She would also pair that with like coming back into our own nervous system, and having this kind of imagery of like
Danielle: just taking things off like tentacles from like ancestors or a lot of us with like lines of women of like you've taught on like scarcity mindset with comp competition and sister wound stuff, and and just coming back into ourself, and then that gets me really excited
Danielle: just about life in general. Someone else said that they're like this is why makes life
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): absolutely yes, all of that. And we're gonna look at the care piece, because that is one of the entryways or pathways. And it is so so important. So I'm glad you're bringing it in now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria, saying, what's clicking for me is, even if I'm personally cultivating a self love practice. We are all swimming in the collective unconsciousness of distorted love that's so so well put. And we're gonna we're gonna pick up more on that, too, because that is actually one of our roles as practitioners. And all of this is to challenge some of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Mika Singh
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Fe feel so important all over again to co-create awareness and name all these factors that are not necessarily obvious to some people and normalize the deep, rooted, long standing impacts of them on our lives and our ways of being. Yes, it's like, even if we know right. I know. Also I just shared it with you. It's we. It's so important to come back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to remember the waters that we swim in, and how it impacts, how we feel about ourselves, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because it's the water that we swim in, it is so easy to forget.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then we just take it as truth that this part of us isn't lovable, or that person is better, or we're not worthy because of this right? W. Whatever it is, we. And that is the other reason why it is an ongoing journey, and not a once, and done because we're gonna continue to live in the culture and until the culture radically changes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have it coming in and coming in at coming in. And we want to keep on coming back to ourselves and the deeper truths on this, and supporting our clients to do the same.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Susan Higgins saying, What's resonating that in a paradigm of hierarchy. Even when we're at the top.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one will feel resonance within of the experience of at the bottom as well. Yes, I'm glad you're underlining that again. That's that shadow piece with the hierarchy I was talking about. Even if you're at the top because you are operating in a system of hierarchy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you have a feeling inside of you that you're trying to avoid of. Oh, my gosh! What if I'm at the bottom? Or what if I get to the bottom, right? So it it doesn't actually matter where you are. In the hierarchy that culture lays out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there is going to feel a less than if you are playing in a field of a less than period end of story.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, let's keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we'll pause here for a couple more inner questions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are some ways that you're not loving yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are some ways that you're not loving yourself?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Look back at your definitions of self love that will help spark some things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another question to think about.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How are you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now, if you may or may not be, but if you are, how are you right now tolerating other people, not fully loving or evaluating or valuing you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How are you tolerating others? Not fully loving. valuing you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Susan? And Susan is saying from the last question, the self judgment. Yep, we're gonna look at that, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm asking this question about others, because when we're younger. sometimes we kind of have to, Val tolerate others, not loving us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But when we're adults we can set some boundaries on that. But we don't always
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's good to, you know, and that that kind of can show us more about where our self love is at right. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how are you tolerating others? Not fully loving or valuing you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and none of this is for self judgment. This is all for awareness.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Few more questions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I know that for sure, on the surface. You believe wholeheartedly and loving yourself. She wouldn't be here in the class today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what are some of the below the surface beliefs that you have about loving yourself that are maybe limiting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright. So even if you're like, yes, self love so important as we've sort of been
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): starting to unpack this topic today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are some of those other beliefs that maybe tell a different story?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll I'll add to that to help you think about it. What have you been taught about being lovable or not being lovable?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What have you been taught about being lovable or not being lovable?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or maybe for you, one of the under. But below the surface beliefs is it's extravagant
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to love yourself or to egotistical right? Something like that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): One more question. And then I'd love to hear some voice to voice shares.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This question is a little bit of a shadow question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's an important one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How have you been taught to not love others
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Because again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's it's it's all related. We cannot fully love ourselves if we are also not loving and valuing others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): How have you been taught to not love others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And, Jen, I love the the distinction that you're making in the chat about love and value so true.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, I'd love to hear a couple of shares. What's sparking for you here? What are you seeing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Want to hear your voice? Who wants to share?
Lara Wilde: I'll share something. Can you hear me? Yeah, go ahead.
Lara Wilde: I was just confronted. Bring it up lots of box. I was just confronted by a sibling just last week. where his judgments about me.
Lara Wilde: So when you're talking about yeah, I can sit home by myself and love myself all day long and feel really good. But then, as soon as I go out into the world that contam. And
Lara Wilde: you know all these feelings that people have about themselves, and it's easy for me to
Lara Wilde: think it's about me.
Lara Wilde: you know, like when I see contempt on someone's face.
Lara Wilde: to think, oh, that's contempt for me that makes me a sad person, instead of thinking, oh, that person just has contempt.
Lara Wilde: and within them know. And
Lara Wilde: so my sibling was trying.
Lara Wilde: He he gave me this label of being controlling. and
Lara Wilde: and I was asking myself, Am I controlling like, I know, I used to be controlling. But am I controlling? And then I realized, Oh, no.
Lara Wilde: that's a projection like I could clearly see that was the projection. So
Lara Wilde: yeah, thanks. Thanks for bringing it more to my awareness of
Lara Wilde: in my house, all alone and around all my coaching friends.
Lara Wilde: That's one thing. But
Lara Wilde: to take the going out to the world, there's a whole other level. It takes the deeper level of self love to not take in the projections of others.
Lara Wilde: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm so glad you're bringing that into the conversation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So so true.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kristen is saying in the chat. I was taught that my love ability was dependent on my obedience to my mother. I was taught that as well, and that church and church and cultural expectations. Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Danielle.
Danielle: I was thinking
Danielle: about a moment I had several years ago.
Danielle: I have shared before about exiting a more fundamentalist religious world, and I remember setting this intention and not thinking of it at the time as an intention. But just so with every fiber of my being wanting a different. I felt like a key to turn in my heart to just change the way I see people because I had been programmed to view people mostly based on their behavior
Danielle: and so much superiority of morality. And you combine that stuff and everything is behaviorism. And I love the work we're doing. And I love this and paradigm that, like the more we can understand the roots and the causes of things, it just does breed way, more compassion. And so, when you ask that question of how you were taught not to, I think a behaviorist lens of the world, let alone children. I'm thankful that, like
Danielle: that was
Danielle: very evident from the first time I had a child I was like, oh, I don't see her as a bundle of behaviours. There's more going on here, but it's so limiting, it limits your capacity to love people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's so true. It's so true, absolutely. I'm so glad that you're bringing this in, and so interesting, because what you're sharing, what Lara just shared some of the chat is. So much of this comes down to also working with the root shadows right? Because the things that we've stuffed
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): into the shadow places are because culture has told us that they are wrong, that they are shameful that they're not as good, that they are dangerous, that they are harmful right? And it comes up so much in this topic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good Golda.
jodigolda: Yeah, I'll piggyback on the
jodigolda: and valuing that question of how I was taught not to love, and this still super vulnerable say, but I just had this remembrance of my mother.
jodigolda: in addition to her like, Hurry up, get married! And her also. Her other
jodigolda: impression was to make sure he loves you more than you love him.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just got chills when you said that. I feel like there's something really important there in general. But for for you, even right now. It feels like there's there's something really important there. Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Victoria!
Victoria Cali: I'm having some. I have a kiddo. He's home from school. That's just a little Cobi up there. Might be some noise in the background, but
Victoria Cali: but
Victoria Cali: something's connecting for me with the work we've been doing with time
Victoria Cali: and self love where I've been spending a lot of time on
Victoria Cali: like values and boundaries and priorities.
Victoria Cali: And what's coming up for me
Victoria Cali: just in this last bit
Victoria Cali: was, I was taught that, like I need.
Victoria Cali: I needed to show love by
Victoria Cali: prioritizing others priorities.
Victoria Cali: And so that really linked the whole work we're doing on time. Because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): absolutely, this is why this is exactly why this is after the time module. There is a method to the madness. It is very much related. When we looked at time I was saying that time and money are related, but I really actually think it's a trifecta. Time, money, and love, self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are all related, self love and self-care.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, good. I'm so glad that that's popping.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, good. Let's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): keep on going. Of course, like I said earlier, I wish we had 6 months, for there's so much here. But I wanna share now that we kind of have this foundation of understanding about self love and kind of what gets in the way and why it's hard to love self. And all of that. I wanna look at some different pathways in with ourselves and with clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And of course, like I said earlier, we've already looked at techniques. But here here are some other things to think about. The first one is very quick
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to to share, but really important. And I really believe, like II said this earlier, this is part of our role as practitioners
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is to continually challenge
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the dominant culture
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on any topic. Self love especially.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but really any topic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ever want to approach it with ourselves, with a client, that it is only about the personal that it is only about their personal experience, or what happened in, you know, with their parents or their teachers, or their last job. Absolutely right. We do. Wanna look at that. That's why one of the questions, for example, in befriend your fear is what event or series of events brought the fear into being right as an example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the personal. But what we want to understand
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is that the personal is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): always related to the cultural.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Always they they do not, there's not. They don't exist separate or in a vacuum from each other.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What we have experienced personally is rooted
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in beliefs of the culture in one way or the other.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm really underlining this because I want us to all be aware it. It helps so much for compassion, for normalizing, for seeing bigger pictures, for understanding, you know, helping clients understand why it's so hard to move from it. Why, that right? It it's just it's helpful in so many ways. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in order for us to do this work as practitioners of challenging the dominant culture.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What that means is that we have to consistently be aware of the messages that have seeped into us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from the culture
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right cause. We can't challenge anything that we're not aware of. That's what's so. I don't know what the word is evilly brilliant about, like all of like the water that we swim in is that we don't even know to challenge it a lot of the time, because we just think that it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so. This is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you're noticing. I get excited when I talk about this, it's because this is like this is, I think this is the activist part of any practitioner. Even when we're doing personal work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with clients. We get to slowly. Also help
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): change the culture person by person by person.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): By doing this work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll pause on that. Anything else for right now that wants to be said on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jen.
Jennifer Rose Gens: Yes, we're creating a love army. I love it, I mean, that's I joke with my clients some like I'm right here with you. We're just be a part of my Love Army, and I'll be a part of yours, and I know I've said that to this group in the past
Jennifer Rose Gens: I wanted to offer a quote from the Ro. Dbt world. We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): really helpful just to come back to
Jennifer Rose Gens: check out filters. And like, when we get so like, you know, it's like.
Jennifer Rose Gens: yeah, we see it as we are. and that has everything to do with the soup. We've been swimming in so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): completely, completely. And another definition of shadow, you know, projecting out right not only the projecting in, but the the projecting out beautiful. Thank you. This is the revolution, I mean, if we want to be the, you know. See.
Jennifer Rose Gens: create the change. We have to be the change. So it's like, consistently becoming more aware of ourselves. So yeah, thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? So that's a pathway into cultivating self love, challenging with our clients the dominant culture, the beliefs that seeped in through the dominant culture that they've taken in.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc.,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): next pathway to consider for cultivating self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm sure many of you know of Tara Brack. She wrote a book called radical acceptance. I'm gonna play on that. And I'm gonna say, radical self
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): acceptance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what is radical self acceptance? Well. you can't love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you don't accept
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): period.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can't love that which you deny
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): period. You can't love that which you fight against period.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you can't leverage
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you don't accept
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So acceptance
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): doesn't mean that you don't have parts of yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you want to change. I definitely have parts of myself that I want to change Fyi. I don't want to change the parts. I want to change the behaviors even be more clear about that right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it doesn't mean that you're not working towards that change.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's possible to to change those behaviors.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But what it does mean. what acceptance does mean is that you accept where you're
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you've got whether you can change it or not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is simple, and it's also so big it. This is so big.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Because think about how often we fight against parts of ourselves. We fight against behaviors right like we hate on it. We still like. I will not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): accept this about me, or I won't accept this about my situation or right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The the the was. Such a fundamental step is the acceptance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some personal examples I can give you a long, long, long, long list, but I will only give you 3 right now. One of the things that I have had to accept
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in my life. And this is kind of like it seems like a silly thing, but it actually, in some ways, you know, at some points, wasn't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm really shitty at giving gifts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Ask me to give words. Write a card right like that's my love language speaking of love. But but I'm really bad at giving gifts. We're in the middle of Hanukkah right now. My kids are furious because gift giving has been like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's like this every year, and it's like, I'm just not good at it, right? I've been working this year is better than last year, which is better than the year before. This time of year. I'm working at changing that behavior because it impacts the people around me. But I also accept that. This is like I. I'm not good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Add it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): another example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm never going to be the mother that gets her kids to places on time that has fresh baked cookies, chocolate chip cookies waiting for them when they come home that could sit and play dolls for hours, and for so long I made that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): wrong about myself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): really did not accept that part of me
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and made it such a liability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I felt awful about myself for it, and it got in the way for a long time of me. I'm
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): authentically, in some
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cases authentically, connecting with my kids.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because I was so aware of this, and it had me be jealous of other mothers that could do. You know all the things? It wasn't until
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I did some work like for radical acceptance of this part of me that I could then leverage the other parts of me that make me an amazing mother.
Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll give one more example. This is something I am not. I have not yet fully accepted. But I am working on right now. Speaking of culture. I don't look. This is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): guess what I don't look the way I did when I was 25.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And of course, on the surface, I'm like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feminist woman power, age, gracefully right. All the things. And yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the culture I live in other beliefs have seeped in more deeply to me on this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we wanna cultivate
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a compassionate
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): accepting relationship
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to the things
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about ourselves that we've been hating, that we've been fighting, that we've been making the enemy that we've been denying. By the way, this is a very simplified
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): definition of doing shadow work. And this is what radical acceptance is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right, cultivating acceptance, compassion, and having an accepting relationship with everything about ourselves sounds easy. We know it takes some work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take a moment just right now, and jot down, or start to jot down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are the parts of yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you haven't been accepting?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are some of the parts of yourself that you haven't been accepting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Christina is saying. This feels like a beautiful antidote to shame. Yes, absolutely
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Then the next question is, well, okay, all this sounds fine and good. But then, how? How do we? How do we do radical acceptance? How? How does that even happen, but it's a process
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with some of the like most unsavory things we wanna do the deeper shadow work. But that being said, you already have a number of tools that you've learned in sacred depths for this. So number one, just creating awareness like we're doing right now is a step
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Oh, you know I haven't been accepting that I'm really bad at giving gifts
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So honoring what is creating awareness.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the even though, nevertheless.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a really good tool that can help move a client towards self acceptance. Right? So, even though I'm not good at giving gifts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nevertheless.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we still have a lot of fun during the holidays, and somehow I pull it together by the last, whatever whatever it is, right but doing the even though nevertheless
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): doing a befriend your fear. But instead of befriending a fear befriending
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a part of you, that you've been having trouble accepting. coming at it with love and dialoguing with it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): great way to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cultivate a deeper relationship and acceptance with it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For some clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it might be starting with having them just simply state it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then write about the thing from an objective place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? You know I'm not really good at giving gifts. I blah blah blah blah blah blah blah! But to take the emotion out of it, and kind of write a story about it from an objective.
Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Laris saying, I would love to hear more examples of things. People aren't accepting about themselves. I can't see the things I can't see. I know they're in shadow. You'll you'll notice them now that we're talking about this when you're listening to clients you will start to to see where they're not accepting themselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But that being said, if people want to throw some examples into the chat for Lara. That would be great.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): great.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So one last piece for now, on self-acceptance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I believe strongly, and you can check this out. If this is something that you believe as well
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it is our job as practitioners to radically accept our clients, all, all of them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): which is sometimes easier said than done
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be able to accept others except all of who they are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We also need to be working towards accepting more of ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It goes hand in hand.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The more judgments we have on ourselves, the more judgments we're gonna have on others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more acceptance and compassion we have for the behavior, our behaviors, our parts. Like all of that, the more we're gonna be able to show up in that way for others, energy follows energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): next
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pathway, into self, love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): connection to spirit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the sacredness of all of life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what do I mean by this connection to spirit
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the sacredness of all of life. So first back to something I said earlier in session
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that if you're living
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you are of inherent value and deserve love and wonder, and period, end of story. You do not need to do anything in order to be lovable.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And sometimes just this alone
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is a something we want to message to our clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): something we want to create awareness on, because, again. that hasn't been taught
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): by school, by society, by many parents, by religion.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc. Or
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the purest form of religion. It has, but then, somehow it's become adulterated. Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so the sacredness of all of life, because you are part of this world, because you are a sentient being, you are sacred, you deserve love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then, of course, if you believe in spirit, or some kind of higher power.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can bring spirit into this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as well, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what I mean by that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is that spirit, God.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the Great Mother. Right. Whatever word you want to put on it, or that is appropriate for your client.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): W. It can often become a corrective or a How do I wanna say this, we can use spirit as a way to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as the loving parent.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you will
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. My parents didn't give me love. Society didn't give me love. That teacher didn't give me love. That boss didn't give me love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Even the old God right. The God that I grew up with in my family wasn't a loving one or an unconditionally loving one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but that being said.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if we can support our clients to connect to spirit in a different way, or, you know, different kind of spirit
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can be a source that reminds us of how sacred and precious and worthy and lovable we are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So this can look as simple as
what would spirit want you to know about this part of yourself, or about this behavior?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? Whatever it is that they're not loving right? Or what would spirit want you to know about you? Period?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So bringing that spirit level of learning and processing, activating God, whatever God means for that person in in a loving way, and I'll share with all of you that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one of my most persistent personal
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inner work practices
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is writing letters to myself from the goddess. So for me, the goddess is all loving, all nurturing, can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): remind me of how worthy and lovable and okay that I am, and especially in times where I'm faltering on that internally, I will sit down and connect in. So for me again. It's the got this, but it can be anything. I will connect in with the goddess
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and have her write a love letter to me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's not that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): every time I do it. And I've done this hundreds and hundreds of times she ever writes anything to different time before. Right it but it it's I need to keep on hearing it, and sometimes like source, that in order to source it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from myself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If we want to go there with clients, and they have a little bit of a funky relationship with spirit because of how they and they're open to it, you know, because of how they were raised, we might open up an exploration of what they think God thinks about them or feels about them, and start to kind of poke some goals. If there are some limiting beliefs there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another way to kind of bring in this connection to spirit and the sacredness of all of life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Invite your clients to spend time in nature. and to be in wonder and awe of the world.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and in what being alive means. Right we are. We are children of this alive, incredible, wondrous world, that unfortunately we are so disconnected from in this society.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Invite a client to spend time with the wonder of a tree, you know, or with a pet
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or with a child.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and have them be in awe of the spirit of their dog right like. That's that that just that life force, and to remember that that's inside of them, or of the child right? Not the accomplishments, not even the personality. Just the fact that this thing is alive and has a life force moving through it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me pause there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thoughts, ideas, questions on this piece.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Victoria.
Victoria Cali: I'm thinking of this one long-term client
Victoria Cali: that has worked
Victoria Cali: so so much to
Victoria Cali: develop self love
Victoria Cali: of with
Victoria Cali: her nervous system.
Victoria Cali: if we like start doing the work. And then she starts getting activated or a bit dysregulated. We now, over time, have
actually created a place
Victoria Cali: that she goes to
Victoria Cali: and can find herself there, and she can describe it and feel it, and while she might not call it like a place of love or self, love, it absolutely like, has that quality, and that, like regulating supportive
Victoria Cali: energy where, like she can like yes, like do the hard work. But then, like also pause and go, resource herself.
Victoria Cali: and then go back
Victoria Cali: into the work when she feels it's right, like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, that's so beautiful. I love that so much to have this place to go to cause that self love is so regulating. And it's, you know, when we're when we're doing the bigger work with clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it is gonna be dysregulating like it's not right. It's not bad. If someone gets a little triggered or dysregulated. Dysregulation is also a sign of a change of status which we're looking for when we're working we're doing transformational work. But then to have this place to plug back into is so so beautiful. I love that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you. Jessica.
Jessica Dawson: Yeah, I'm not sure where this fits in, but I really feel cool to share.
Jessica Dawson: I guess it's a lens or perspective that someone shared with me once was that like the self level, the self care is on for different. Oh, actually, I'm just thinking it's like the 4 levels of learning and processing. It, you know, it's for a spiritually, emotionally, cognitively, and physically.
Jessica Dawson: and like. For me at the time, it was such a big shift, because
Jessica Dawson: I had been looking after myself really well, spiritually, emotionally doing the like limiting beliefs and stuff.
Jessica Dawson: But I was completely dropping the ball when it came to the physical, and like looking after myself, feeding myself, giving myself meals.
Jessica Dawson: and it felt that when I shifted that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and kind of put that piece into place, that that holistic picture happens. So anyway, I just wanted to share that as a lens for for seeing it as well. I love this so much, relating it to the 4 levels of learning and processing, and it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a perfect segue into what we're looking at next, which is self care right? That that physical level.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is not to be underestimated as Jessica just shared with us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there is a very intimate relationship between self love and self care.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it is very, very hard to have the self love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): without taking care of yourself and taking self care is gonna mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. We'll we'll look at that in a moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I will share with you, and maybe you have a similar experience
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yourself. There have been moments in my life. where. as soon as I started
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): giving myself more sleep. or hydrating more.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or giving myself exercise that I may have needed, or space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): immediately, I was not as hard on myself, and hating on myself as I was before.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Do do you know a little bit what I'm talking about? And I'm seeing like this direct correlation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the thing that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just lost my train of thoughts. I saw Katie's quote in the chat which I love. I just have to read it. Love nature. Let nature love you back. Love that. Okay. So anyway,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the the thing that's so ironic about this self love, self care thing, or that's so tough about it is that when we are not doing as well loving ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self care can oftentimes be one of the first thing that falls away. And it's the thing that we actually need to up more when we are not doing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so well in that moment, on loving ourselves. Does that make sense
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what I'm saying?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Because I'm a Virgo?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I I've divided self care into 2 kinds of categories. But if this doesn't make sense for you. Just ignore it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The first category. And it's important. Sometimes we want to do an assessment of this with our clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? Assessment of ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The first is what I like to call nourishment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll just ask you to define for yourself what nourishment means for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does nourishment mean for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): food for the soul. I love that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as we kind of take a look.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): these different ways of self care I kind of. I have nourishment, and I have pleasure, and again, there they can also be one in the same. But as we look at them, there's one thing I want to point out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And again, this is my truth, so check it out. If it's true for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): true self care
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): different.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Then, checking off the boxes like I did, yoga, I did my meditation. I took my supplements, I mean yes, to those things that helps me do the things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but sometimes we end up just randomly putting things on the self care list that aren't actually going to nourish us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But there, there have to's not desires.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So when we work with ourselves, and we work with our clients to look at at some of these self-care pieces.
We want it to come. We want it to really be led from desire and not become another productivity thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not become another thing we have to do to make us valuable, to be, to love ourselves. Because I went to Yoga class today. So then, now, I'm worthy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does that make sense what I'm saying? Because our culture is so focused on on productivity and getting the list done. That's I mean, even for me. I catch myself in this, you know. That's what it can easily become. I wanna encourage you whether it's for you or with your clients to to really approach it, as like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The whatever the self-care practice is, is not something. Oh, I did it for the day. But this deep care.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right, this this like deep love, and this deep care in the action.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not just the doing it to get it done. The quality of the doing. It is really important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does that make sense?
Yeah, okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes, Susan is saying, I didn't exercise this morning because I needed sleep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sleep was self-care exercise would have just check the box off. That's such a great example, such a great example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So some of the things under, you know, nourishment could be sleep. You'll have a whole list of this. I'm gonna in your resource. In your member center. I'm just gonna quickly say, sleep could be eating well for me it's balancing my my blood. Sugar is such an act of self care.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hydrating. taking supplements. exercising.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): honoring your particular pace or rhythm on any particular day like Susan was sharing. Grooming can be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): part of incredible self care right? Not because you have to, but if it feels like an act of love to get your hair cut, to brush your hair, to wash your, you know, whatever it is to do your nails to all of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anyway, there's a whole. There's a whole list. I'm not gonna go through all of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sometimes for us or for our clients. We have to break through some limiting beliefs. It goes back to productivity oftentimes, but just some limiting beliefs on making the time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the self-care
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the fear that things are gonna fall apart.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Can look at the time module for that as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then I just I put pleasure is a little bit different than nourishment. If it's helpful for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like, I don't balance my blood sugar for pleasure, II balance it because it is nourishing for me, or even exercise. I mean it's not. I don't find it pleasurable, but I do find it nourishing for me personally. But then I have other self care. Things that are about pleasure like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just finally finished Jane the Virgin, I mean, that was so much pleasure for me. I can't begin to tell you doing the New York Times crossword.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Do it every day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Pleasure for me, taking a walk around the block.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): noticing the sunlight as it casts shadows on the sidewalk. pleasure having a cuddle session
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with. Yeah, I'll pleasure right? So for me, I see them a little bit differently. But if you don't, that's fine, too
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): last piece for today. I have to end it like 1 58 Eastern today. But just last piece
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on self care, and self love, self care all of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who you choose to hang around is an active
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self-care and self-love or not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who you choose to hang around to spend your time with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is very much related to self-care and self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it might be time for a relationship detox. If that's a self-care piece you want
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to work on right or look out with a client.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, I know there was so much in our call today. I'd love for you to write down what is one of the top things that you're taking from our call.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And Mika seeing in the chat. It's fun to formulate our personal recipe or menu of self care which keeps evolving. Yes. I'd love to hear, either in the chat, but I'd love to hear from voice to voice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from some of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you taking from our time together today? Are there something that you're gonna do, or a piece that just feels really important and juicy? That's resonating what's coming together for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd like to share. What are you taking from our session today.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Lara saying it's easy to fake it and do something that looks like self care instead of actually caring for cell. Yeah, I'm so glad you're taking that with you. I hope you do as something that's actually caring for yourself over the next days. Sharon.
Sharon Terzza: Yeah, I think that's kind of linked into
Sharon Terzza: around.
Sharon Terzza: I get quite agitated by all the the love and light that can be in the worlds that's not authentic.
Sharon Terzza: and or what I judge is not authentic. And for me. there's something really important about
Sharon Terzza: the acceptance of what's unconditional self love for me that can then
present with that outside.
Sharon Terzza: And
Sharon Terzza: okay, yeah, it's and the phrase that's coming to me is, have a nice day. It's like, What's that about
Sharon Terzza: and and kind of steps of the throwaway comments. So there's something in the authenticity and genuineness
Sharon Terzza: for me. And that reflection in others. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, I love that. It's so true. It's the full. The self. Love is not just loving the light. It's loving all of it. It's accepting all of it. It's being with all of it. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful Golda's saying in the chat. obligatory, free holiday season is an act of self love. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but really appreciating the reminder of the dominant culture, is such a strong influence? Yeah. Yeah. And for dawn to challenging culture, the radical self acceptance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): acceptance. What is even when I wanna change it? Yes. yes, all is an antidote to shame. Yes, Danielle.
Danielle: I'm aware, and myself that I sometimes it takes the greater good to get me into action, to care for myself. And it's not something I'm proud of. I'm aware of conditioning
that has got me there, for example.
Danielle: Oh, I am gonna care for myself as a mother cause that impacts my children. It took me that process to get to care for myself, and I thankful that it I got there. But but in the in the same vein
Danielle: I think about I get pretty like excited when I think about this in the through the lens of
Danielle: shame, being a symptom of power over culture and dehumanizing. And it's basically a tactic to get people to comply with the status quo. And so this work
is this kind of fu, like
Danielle: shame, and reclaiming our agency within ourselves, to be home and to be safe, and to be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): radically accepting. And so that helps me still, because II need a little boost sometimes. Yeah, we all do. We all do, because it's it's it's just it's so persistent.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful. Well, thank you all so much for being here today. It's really such an important class. I can't wait to hear how this evolves for you. If I'm not going to see you again in 2023, if I don't see you till 2024, I'm sending so much love and happy New Year. And again a reminder. If you want to talk about advanced depth. If you want to talk
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about shadow work, please please reach out. I would love to hear from you. I'm sending so much love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll see you soon.