Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, Wendy!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, everybody
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good morning. Good morning, or good afternoon.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Give us all another moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who's calling in from the 3? 3 7 number just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): want to make sure
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everyone's here who's supposed to be here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's that from the 3 3 7.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, everybody
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): before we get started. I do need to. Whoever is calling from the 3 3 7 number, because I can't see you on the screen. Can you just come off mute, and tell us who this is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I've never had anyone bomb a zoom call before, but you never know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, I'm gonna have to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): remove
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Last Chance for 3 3 7 number. I'm gonna have to remove you from the zoom. But unless you just come off mute and tell us who this is.
Veronica Jensen: I think it's Carlita. I can see her waving.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I see Carlita separate.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita, are you on 2 lines?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm telling you all I the technology week I've been having
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): has been
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita, are you also calling in from 3 a 337 number? Okay, just wanna make sure. Privacy and confidentiality is important. So I just did it. I didn't know you don't know how to unmute it. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): awesome. So let's get started.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): actually, since I've seen Carlita on the screen, I just want to welcome Carlita to this call. Carlita hasn't been journal journeying with us through advanced 2023. She was in advanced 2022, and she's joining us for this retreat. I'm so so happy that you're here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright! Let's all get centered and settled.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so if it's comfortable for you to close your eyes. You can go ahead and close your eyes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If it is more comfortable to keep them open and go inward. You can do that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and take a moment and really arrive. I don't know about all of you, but I will say things have been swirling here this morning, and I am very excited. To bring myself fully present to this space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with all of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, feeling
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where you're making connection with your seat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): letting some of the energy that might be swirling in your upper body or head. Just let what wants to move downward so that you can feel more grounded.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then giving attention to your breath.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): noticing the breath so that you can be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more embodied
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that you can take up more space inside
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and beyond.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that you can show up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with your presence.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and as we connect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to ourselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through the breath.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let us all connect to each other.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let us feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our circle
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): coming together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let us feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the energetic
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): connection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our container
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): holding us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let us move into sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and held time and space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): each one of us can receive
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): exactly what we're meant to receive
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over these 2 days.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let us be intentional in our hearts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that we can open up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to get
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is here for us, and to give
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what we are meant to give.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so I'll take a nice deep breath in and exhale everything out with a sigh, breathing in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if your eyes aren't already open.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): slowly opening them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking a moment to see
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the other incredible humans
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that are here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): these are our last 2 days in the incarnation of this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): particular circle, to see
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and be seen
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): by each other
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in this way, in this circle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's our last intensive. It's been almost a whole year, which.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): all the same time, at least for me, has gone way too fast. And also there's been so much, so much life has been experienced
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): since we first came together, and my intention, for these 2 days is for us to honor all of that, and we'll be doing that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in subtle ways
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): today into tomorrow morning and then tomorrow afternoon, to more deeply, really honor our full journey and and all that we've been through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for today and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the first part of tomorrow we are going to be devoting ourselves to the topic of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for ourselves and for our clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whereas in a lot of our other advanced
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): intensive. We've kind of we've looked at this specific specific technique or that specific
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): technique
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over this retreat. We're not. Gonna it's gonna be a little bit different.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're gonna look at techniques. But more, what we're really going to be doing is looking at pathways of how to work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with boundaries. And then we're going to be bringing together everything that we've learned over this last year to support with all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so it's really, these these 2 days are also a big integration piece.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so much that I can say, by way of getting us excited and inspired to really dive into the topic of boundaries. For now what I'll say, which most of you already know. But always good to remember what we know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aligned boundaries give us balance
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in our lives.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aligned boundaries are important for our mental, our emotional.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our spiritual.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also our physical well-being.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We cannot have well-being without boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Boundaries can help us have what we want
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in our lives
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and create
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what we want
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in our lives.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a lot of the time are very linked
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to increasing self-esteem.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's a two-way street.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more we increase our self esteem, the easier it is for us to put aligned boundaries in place, the more we put aligned boundaries in place, the more our self esteem increases. They. They work together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The way we're going to be looking at boundaries over these 2 days. We're going to be looking at it in lots of different ways, so it can be boundaries with other people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It can be boundaries with entities as well, email work, time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): boundaries with ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Boundaries can also touch every area of our lives, our personal relationships.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our professional relationships, our work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our personal habits, our health our home.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): most of us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're not taught
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aligned boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Most of us were not taught
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): align boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): don't even
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): consciously
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): think about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aligned boundaries, often enough
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): transforming
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can transform our lives.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): say that again
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): transforming our boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can transform our lives.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that can go from small boundaries like, I'm not going to check social media after 5 PM.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): To
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): medium size boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going to have protocols in my business, so that clients don't reschedule last minute
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): boundaries that look bigger from the outside.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For example, when I finally decided
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to move to Charlotte
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from New York, because I knew I needed more
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of an energetic and physical boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from my family.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Every single one of those
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can be life transforming.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we could spend at least a week, if not many, many weeks, on this work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But we're gonna we have 2 days. So it's it's not gonna be fully comprehensive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But we're gonna get at this from a lot of different angles and a a lot of different ways. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for a lot of people. This is their favorite retreat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for many reasons. It's like the culmination of all the work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And really, boundaries can be incredibly deep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna need after you know, when we break at about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 12
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ish Eastern
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna need to have some paper. And then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you have markers or crayons great, if not, you can use pens and pencils, but if you can, if you have any markers or crayons to grab, that would be great.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so with all of that, let me ask you a couple of questions to start journaling on
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's stirring so far for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just from this little introduction
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): around boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's stirring so far for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): around boundaries?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another half minute on that one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I'm seeing in the chat coming from every angle. Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then here's another question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what lessons are opportunities for growth, whether it has to do with boundaries or anything else? Right? There's just a moment for a little reflection and assessment. What lessons are opportunities for growth have been emerging for you lately?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What lessons or opportunities for growth have been emerging for you lately.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Usually, where there are challenges, there are opportunities for growth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another few moments on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna give us opportunity to all start talking and send you off into
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): mostly groups of 3. And you'll have 6 min total to share anything that's coming through the journaling or anything else that feels important. You know, that's coming up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now and then. We'll come back in the bigger group, and we'll give everybody a chance to check in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you're in a group of 3, you'll have 2 min each.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you're in a group of 6 you'll have 3 min each.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita's asking, Can anybody tell me what to touch on my phone to unmute on Zoom? Does anybody know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I haven't? I've never been on zoom on my phone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does anybody.
Michelle Cohen: Should be a mute. It's there is a mute button.
Michelle Cohen: I mean. You just have to kind of scroll to the page, or you have to like
Michelle Cohen: kind of swipe, so you can see it
Michelle Cohen: for my.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll also come in, Carlita, where you are, and see if I can. You let me unmute you right now, actually.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from your phone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, no, it's just okay.
Karlita: I. I can do it
Karlita: on the on the computer right now. I just.
Karlita: I just have unreliable audio. So like on this on the touch pad on the
Karlita: on the phone is how I'm doing audio.
Karlita: Thank you. So that's I'll try that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. It sounds good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, enjoy.
13375400418: But that
13375400418: Cuba.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hey? Welcome back!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So now that you've started talking. Let's all hear all of your voices together. Well, not together, one at a time we'll do check ins you'll have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You'll have 2 min to check in on anything that came through the journaling, or anything that wants to be shared that's going on in your life that's important to be shared and spoken, and for you to be seen in whatever feels important for you and I'm gonna try something
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that I haven't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tried in a while on Zoom. But when I put my timer on I'm gonna put the sound on on my phone. So instead of me, just like trying to get your attention that the time is over. Hopefully, you'll hear the sound
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): coming. So.
Suzanne Culberg: Sorry to interrupt Joanna. You can put it on the screen so it counts down next to your face, or I can do that if you like, because there's an app.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, how do you put it on the screen.
Suzanne Culberg: You see down the bottom where it says apps next to share screen. If you click on that and choose timer.
Suzanne Culberg: then you can put the time, and it comes up, but I can do it if you want cause, then it will show it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Everyone. Yeah.
Suzanne Culberg: Video.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Meeting, yeah.
Suzanne Culberg: How long do you want them for? Sorry I didn't hear your time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Few minutes.
Suzanne Culberg: 2 min. Yup.
Suzanne Culberg: when the first person says I'll take it away.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I love it from the note coach. And Suzanne, you're gonna have to show me during break how to do that.
Suzanne Culberg: 100%. This is like game changing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, yay, alright,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's start at the top with Caroline.
Caroline Holke: Oh, wow! Okay! What am I doing? Sorry.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Not 2 min to share whatever you want to share whatever came through the journaling or check in on celebration or shitty, or whatever feels important.
Caroline Holke: Okay. Okay, okay. I was just sharing in the breakout that for some reason
Caroline Holke: I've
Caroline Holke: I've been talking about limits more than boundaries. I prefer that language a little bit better.
Caroline Holke: it's just
Caroline Holke: I'll reframe. But whatever that is one thing I am
Caroline Holke: noticing that
Caroline Holke: when I pick up my phone to scroll. When I do. It's really scrolling.
Caroline Holke: I'm now consciously asking myself, like, What am I? What discomfort am I avoiding right here? What's going on? Why am I just like mindlessly doing that? So this is just kind of my process
Caroline Holke: versus going going cold turkey. So I'm just trying to create some understanding or awareness on that
Caroline Holke: and then.
Caroline Holke: feeling a little more excited about, Did the timer go off? I don't see it anymore.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You've got 45 s. It's at the top right of the screen.
Caroline Holke: Okay. It was there for a second, but and then
Caroline Holke: just
Caroline Holke: feeling more.
Caroline Holke: feeling, feeling more
Caroline Holke: comfortable, and grounded about
Caroline Holke: where I'm going next my next steps.
Caroline Holke: So that's what I have to share. And then.
Caroline Holke: yeah, that's what I have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Caroline.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that language of limits, too. I think it's really helpful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, David, you're up next.
Deva Munay: Hi, I'm celebrating. I've moved in pretty much fully with my partner and out fully after 10 years on the other ranch, and it's been such a huge endeavor of like yesterday was
Deva Munay: or no the day before the final like. Okay, the last shelving unit, and the last like
Deva Munay: Bo, old bike and just guitar from the cafe, and things that were kind of like scattered about, and I've had so much help, which is is like I don't. I could never have done it alone. And I'm working with a new
Deva Munay: I guess she's kind of like an assistant, but this real angelic woman who
Deva Munay: is 29, and I was just sharing like having boundaries of like holding my authority of you know I own the business, and and yet like really seeing where she could be super valuable. And
Deva Munay: I guess the boundaries around like, Okay, where do I really need
Deva Munay: the help and like how to implement. And
Deva Munay: big sur is an interesting place of like
Deva Munay: you like, wanna keep your people, because otherwise, if you don't give them enough hours, then they're gonna go get another job. And so just figuring out how to be mindful about bringing her on more more permanently and super excited to have
Deva Munay: her in in the
Deva Munay: container with me are in the studio. We did a total overhaul spring, clean of the sound studio, like, completely revamped like all day, took everything deep, clean, and it's just feeling really good, like a total reset restart on a lot of levels. So really grateful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I see, David.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's very exciting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Greg.
Gregg Berman: My brain is not fully online right now.
Gregg Berman: Which which does bring up a thing of
Gregg Berman: me!
Gregg Berman: Creating
Gregg Berman: better boundaries around what time I go to bed.
Gregg Berman: And
Gregg Berman: there are other thoughts. But I'm just gonna pass and let my brain just be.
Gregg Berman: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): See Greg
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): involve.
Inbal Sansani: Hi, everyone.
Inbal Sansani: have a major like
Inbal Sansani: boundary celebration.
Inbal Sansani: and also that
Inbal Sansani: in terms of like
Inbal Sansani: not doing with some recent things with family not doing the emotional labor for
Inbal Sansani: my dad or one of my brothers. That's been one of my themes in the last
Inbal Sansani: few years to stop doing men's emotional labor for them.
Inbal Sansani: and
Inbal Sansani: yeah, seeing like just how much courage that
Inbal Sansani: that took
Inbal Sansani: And
Inbal Sansani: also it's like.
Inbal Sansani: it's reminding me that.
Inbal Sansani: like boundaries are a constant practice.
Inbal Sansani: and like there's always
Inbal Sansani: Moore.
Inbal Sansani: and I'm in a situation right now. In general, there are a lot of endings of different containers, and
Inbal Sansani: one that has been really supportive to me, like.
Inbal Sansani: I need to terminate an agreement with someone who I've been paying. And
Inbal Sansani: even though it's like, I can see? Okay, I'm like, I'm resentful. I see that my boundaries have been crossed, that maybe I've been too gracious and understanding.
Inbal Sansani: Still, when I'm thinking.
Inbal Sansani: in talking with a friend yesterday I could see that even as, like I was approaching the solution.
Inbal Sansani: I'm still like more
Inbal Sansani: prioritizing, caretaking her than like what I need.
Inbal Sansani: So it's like, I know the boundaries been cross, I can see, like, you know, like the anchor, the resentment. And still it's like there's like that level of like the energy or the spiritual.
Inbal Sansani: And
Inbal Sansani: I think the other thing around boundaries is like.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, like, it's
Inbal Sansani: yeah, I'll articulate it at another time.
Inbal Sansani: The next edge.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): See what Invol
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jennifer.
Jennifer Kittredge: Hi! Everyone! There's a lot coming up as everybody sharing.
Jennifer Kittredge: It's been a bit of a shit storm over here. My aunt just passed away a week ago, my mom starting radiation for cancer. And we have another health issue. And so I have been just scrolling social media.
Jennifer Kittredge: And I think it's I don't wanna deal with the grief. I don't wanna deal with the anger. I don't wanna deal with any of it.
Jennifer Kittredge: yeah, so it's I'm super disconnected. And I don't care cause I just don't wanna deal with any of it, cause it's so heavy.
Jennifer Kittredge: but I have to, and I know I'll get there like I'm recognizing it as everybody's sharing
Jennifer Kittredge: And then, I guess, as involved with sharing like a boundary celebration, is my aunt, who passed away. Her oldest son is
Jennifer Kittredge: not a good person, and my parents are like, are you gonna call him? I haven't talked to him in years. I'm like, no.
Jennifer Kittredge: I'm like I'm absolutely not gonna call him. I'm like, I don't want that person in my life.
Jennifer Kittredge: I sent a sympathy card. That's it. But I'm like I'm not calling him. I don't want him in my life or anything so like I'm not gonna do it to please you. I'm not gonna do it to make anybody feel better. So that felt like a a win there. So yeah, I think this scrolling is just keeping me
Jennifer Kittredge: checked out from what's happening like it's happening. And my parents are here in my house like it's all happening. But I'm just like on the back porch on Tiktok, not giving a shit about anything. So I need to get a handle on that, and I will. It's I'm aware of it. But it's just a lot. Right now. So
Jennifer Kittredge: that's, it, thank you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's see Jennifer
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sending you love, and also sometimes checking out, is self care.
Jennifer Kittredge: Yeah.
Jennifer Kittredge: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: Yeah. Hi,
jessicakuznick: So for those of you who were in the retreat in March you'll, I think, appreciate this. So the big
jessicakuznick: one big boundary. Well, there's 2. One is that
jessicakuznick: I had
jessicakuznick: a conversation, a challenging conversation that I've been wanting to have for a really long time with my oldest child
jessicakuznick: and I felt really good after, because I felt like I was very loving, but very clear. And I said things I actually said to her. There have been things that I haven't said in a long time, and it's really important for me to say them
jessicakuznick: And
jessicakuznick: I said it to her. And of course, in the moment it was, as always, like a lot of flailing resistance. It was actually kind of funny from all the work that we've done on resistance.
jessicakuznick: But then, within the next week, she did about 5 things that she has not done in a really long time, including like reading a whole bunch of books. She'd been telling us for years that she was too depressed to read.
jessicakuznick: so I'm still not entirely sure what I said, you know exactly how it works, but I felt like just being really clear
jessicakuznick: and having that boundary was helpful. And now I need. I'm loving this topic because I know I'm gonna need support to continue to have those conversations cause they're really hard. And then the other one is that of my haha 6 or 7 jobs that I had. I've been sort of systematically ending them. So
jessicakuznick: I think I'm
jessicakuznick: I don't know what I'm down to now, but like one or 2, and I have a lot of
jessicakuznick: a lot more time. And so now, I really have this big question about what I'm gonna do at that time, and
jessicakuznick: I want to be very careful not to fill it all up again before I really know what I want to fill it with. So
jessicakuznick: yay, thank you all.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sounds like you've been eliminating target bins.
jessicakuznick: Yes, totally.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Jessica.
jessicakuznick: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Hi! Oh, it's so good to be with you all. I'm just me hearing you. Life
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): is feeling like there it is, ripe for a lot of boundaries. There's a lot happening. The last 3 weeks have been somewhat upside down. I know they have been for a lot of people.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): We need to move again. So that is up. And I'm just like feeling into all of what that is. And I've been feeling so much grief and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): like, like 13 years of grief, and really moving through a lot there, and looking at boundaries and the need for more spaciousness in my life. But spaciousness to make a way for the things
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and people that I really want in.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And so, after having done a major purge before moving across the country, I'm like, let's get rid of more stuff like, let's make more space. I want boundaries around me like for room to move and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and like feeling into the move and boundaries with my own work, and just feeling how hard I've been working and how I'm just like over it, like so overworking that hard and really establishing different boundaries, but not boundaries of like
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I. I've been totally doing the checking out thing and just noticing that, and working with my demon, and then
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and and I've made my big celebration. Sounds so silly, is I've been reading paper books, and I'm so excited to read paper books instead of reading on the computer. And I've like finished 2 books in 3 weeks. And they've been life changing books, too. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): on that note just really big things with my kiddo, and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I won't in a short time. I'm not going into it, but just like really big things with my kiddo and recognizing the need for balancing, wanting to really keep her feeling safe and protected and heard, and also need for my own spaciousness and wellbeing. And how do I balance like her, angst with my angst, with
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): my my need for for just like breathing room
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and protecting her out, and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): there we are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sue Kelly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita, I'm so glad you're able to be with us.
Karlita: Thank you, and thank you all for welcoming me into your circle of advanced steps. I was so pleased to get to be in this program last year.
Karlita: yeah, I. The timing of this could not be more perfect. I've been
Karlita: studying. It was like the first thing that a coach took up with me in 2015, when I first began getting coached, and it's been a very powerful journey, and so I I'm celebrating that like one of my best friends said that I model good boundaries, but sometimes I'm also where the boundaries, feeling too firm like that. I I met this man in in December.
Karlita: and we had a a short fling, and he was in Seattle, which is, you know, 3 h from me, and it's just not really good fit for like a partnership. But I'm trying to negotiate how to be friends with him, and there's
Karlita: capacity, limitations, circumstances, skill sets and stuff that he doesn't seem to have. But the quality of our communication has been really difficult for me recently. So it's trying to. You know, I thought I was just gonna end our friendship. And then I was breaking my own heart with that. So it's like, how do I actually
Karlita: say what I need to say, but not put things on another person, that it's it that, like honor, like what the capacity of the container of this connection is, you know, and look at like, what are the the natural boundaries of this connection, and not just
Karlita: my own? And how can I negotiate with what I see as a an authentic, beautiful connection, and and who I see he is, you know, instead, it's being like, well, you know, I've always seen boundaries that is, standards. Well, these are Carla's standards for a friendship, and Carlita standards for relationship. And
Karlita: I don't wanna actually exclude this person because of these things. I want to open my heart to like where he is and who he is, cause none of this is personal to me. Things that are difficult for me with him are not personal, they are not abusive, they are not problematic in in this way. They are his journey of growth as well, you know. So this this is a really perfect time for me to be
Karlita: sitting with this topic on a on a whole new level, so excited to be here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Carluda
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kim.
Kim Davies: And this was a good exercise, and just looking over where I do, and don't have boundaries, because I often think I don't have boundaries, but then I was acknowledging that I I do have boundaries with exercise what I eat and
Kim Davies: This week I had 2 things come up with people like somebody reached out to me and energetically, I was just like.
Kim Davies: no, I do not want to talk to this person, and so spent like 24 h coming up with some way to say
Kim Davies: in a way that I can just like cut it off, and without lying cause I felt like people are giving me suggestions to like, stretch it, but and and little is telling. Little is better than saying a lot and then I also met this intuitive that I want a free session with. And I was getting like really creepy lives.
Kim Davies: And so I'm honoring like, I'm not gonna
Kim Davies: the Free Sessions not worth it if the energetically, if things are weird.
Kim Davies: and then time is always been a big conflict of mine like you said. You know, boundaries give you balance, and every day I feel like that. What did I? What did I do today?
Kim Davies: And
Kim Davies: so I need more boundaries with work and and just making myself do the things that need to get done like my office is a total disaster.
Kim Davies: but I just don't do it.
Kim Davies: and
Kim Davies: so, and it's interesting with time like, no matter how much time I have, I always want more time.
Kim Davies: And I have the luxury of having quite a bit of space. As my responsibilities have dwindled. So
Kim Davies: it's interesting.
Kim Davies: The full time piece.
Kim Davies: let's see. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Melody.
Melody Noll: Why, it's like a stall to hear all of these
Melody Noll: struggles
Melody Noll: that I'm hearing from from most everyone.
Melody Noll: Huh? So thank you for sharing.
Melody Noll: I am really, really struggling right now, and boundaries have been up for me.
Melody Noll: That's sort of like my assignment. I can feel it right now for this next phase, and I can feel how important it is for me.
Melody Noll: And and it gets down to that, that very, very fundamental one of if I create a boundary.
Melody Noll: I am going to be. No one's gonna love me. They're gonna
Melody Noll: you know, and
Melody Noll: that sort of thing. And it's it's within my family. And I'm realizing
Melody Noll: that the few people that are left, many of them are very, very, very, very difficult, and really, really toxic and causing great harm.
Melody Noll: And I'm realizing there's I really can't do anything about it except save myself.
Melody Noll: And I'm getting really
Melody Noll: criticized for that.
Melody Noll: And so right now, what's up for me is
Melody Noll: really noticing the resistance in myself
Melody Noll: for not wanting to make that that break.
Melody Noll: and
Melody Noll: and then having the courage to just to to really do it. I've been starting.
Melody Noll: I've been drawing further and further away, but I find when I'm overwhelmed, as I am right now, with so many other things in life, and I mean so many other things in life. I'm just noticing how it's
Melody Noll: important it is for me to create these boundaries set out. I can do those things.
Melody Noll: I forgot I had a point another different point. But that's okay. So
Melody Noll: deep breath. And I'm so glad to be here. I really need this.
Melody Noll: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Melody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle Cohen.
Michelle Cohen: Hi, Joanna! Hi, everybody!
Michelle Cohen: Joanne, I feel like boundaries is something you and I. You've been supporting me on since 2,014
Michelle Cohen: And I feel like this year.
Michelle Cohen: I'm really seeing a shift
Michelle Cohen: in
Michelle Cohen: my boundaries in in my, in that my boundaries are serving me
Michelle Cohen: and are becoming more aligned. It doesn't mean I I mean I still it didn't. It's at a practice, and and that
Michelle Cohen: And seeing that
Michelle Cohen: as I grow and shift.
Michelle Cohen: my boundaries will also grow and shift, so that feels like important wisdom
Michelle Cohen: and
Michelle Cohen: I'm feeling
Michelle Cohen: as I look at my internal boundaries and my external boundaries kind of noticing. Well.
Michelle Cohen: I'm generally a more inner focus person
Michelle Cohen: and and no, and recognizing when
Michelle Cohen: my nature of over giving and just kind of
Michelle Cohen: a feeling both like being able to flow in that direction. Recognizing more of my internal tension.
Michelle Cohen: my emotional tension when my body, like physically, is like I'm going beyond capacity, because now I'm not whether it's expressing or asserting, or I've I've lost my boundaries so kind of seeing how
Michelle Cohen: like that regulation piece. And and also I really liked, when you brought to my awareness about align boundaries, help us, helps us create what we want in life. So so that felt
Michelle Cohen: that like popped out.
Michelle Cohen: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's see Michelle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle, Ridder Taylor.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: Hi, everyone! It's really great to be here.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I'm gonna first say, my celebration is that I was like totally doomed scrolling, and I've been off Instagram for like 14 days now, so I feel a lot better.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I really don't miss it. And so it's kind of a revelation.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And then this week I had an interesting boundary situation, where I smushed a client in like I really made room for this new person, and
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And then, of course, 24 h before his appointment, he canceled. And so I sent a kind of snarky email which I'd never do.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And I was like
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: afterwards. I was, of course, shaming myself for sending this email. And I'm like.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I, I finally realized, it's like it literally has nothing to do with him.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: totally like
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: broke my boundaries
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: by trying to find space for this guy who I don't even know and so it's like I. It was what was really sort of enlightening for me, aside from just notice, was was noticing it so quickly, like, Oh, it's not him, it's me.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: and so sort of taking
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: ownership
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: of when I bulldoze my own boundaries, and when I bulldoze my intuition like I knew, like I had a felt sense as I was trying to rearrange everything to fit this guy in that
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: of like, why am I doing this? What is you know? So that was a awesome thing. And then I'm also noticing that when I set boundaries around some sort of personal behaviors that I want to change, my inner kid
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: is like in rebellion mode, and is so defiant is like, you can't tell me what to do. I wanna do this, and you know, and so I'm I'm working on boundaries with with my inner kid on how to.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: you know, tamp that down and and let her be okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Michelle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I keep on wanting to say like 10 things after each person holding myself back. Say, bless you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique.
Monique: Good morning, everybody.
Monique: So on the topic of boundaries. My first thought was.
Monique: I think I'm pretty good. I feel I feel pretty good about where I'm at.
Monique: And then there was something you said, Joanna, about you leaving New York and moving to North Carolina, and then it made me wonder, made me curious. Oh, I've been all over the world. Is that a boundary?
Monique: Or was it just me being curious and wanting to conquer and explore the world.
Monique: And yes, it was probably those things in the beginning. Yet
Monique: I do know now.
Monique: and you know, over the past few years, whenever I go back home to visit family. I feel different in my body.
Monique: It is heavy, and I we
Monique: to leave and come back home. I need this space. I absolutely need it for all the things mind, body, spirit, you name it so. Yes, thanks for helping me to see that
Monique: and I think another boundary.
Monique: I I guess I didn't realize it was the boundary. But in our small group Tina mentioned something, and it just through fireworks for me, and that is the boundary I have with my inner superwoman.
Monique: She is. Go, go, go, do, do, do!
Monique: And I love her for all the things she's helped me to accomplish. Do with the invites.
Monique: But yeah, I need some boundaries there with her. And after the retreat you guys had given me some homework about, how can you get more help
Monique: and I got the wheelchair at the airport
Monique: twice, and let me tell you guys, it was the best thing. I don't know why I didn't do it sooner. So if anybody's struggling or alien in life get the damn wheelchair, it is so helpful. You guys have no idea. And yeah, that was a hard ask for me, and hard for me to sit in that chair and be worthy of it. But yeah.
Monique: so thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yank
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): less. Zoomoni.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You there, Nicole.
jessicakuznick: You're on mute, Nicole.
TELEPHONE_USER: I was not on mute on my phone, but I realized I had it double muted. Apologies for that. Okay? So first off. I wanna just offer a little bit of an apology to everyone who is part of the retreat. And then I fell off. Because I, as you know, there was that documentary that came out, and so I kind of went through a little bit of a
TELEPHONE_USER: depression whole for the past couple of months, but also
TELEPHONE_USER: reconnected with people from the school that I, the school that I went to
TELEPHONE_USER: Erm
TELEPHONE_USER: wound up, getting into a relationship with a guy who I was at one of these schools with.
TELEPHONE_USER: And now we're not in a relationship. And it was. It was a. It was like a
TELEPHONE_USER: very clear instance of
TELEPHONE_USER: a reminder to have boundaries and to
TELEPHONE_USER: But what I'm proud of in this instance is the way that I noticed it a lot sooner. It was sort of like, okay, I'm seeing these red flags. And instead of
TELEPHONE_USER: gaslighting myself, I mean, there was a little bit of that. I'll be honest. But
TELEPHONE_USER: instead of being like no, you know, let's try to make it work, or whatever after a few times it was just like, Nope, okay, this isn't
TELEPHONE_USER: isn't gonna work
TELEPHONE_USER: So boundaries is definitely a a good topic.
TELEPHONE_USER: Be focusing on right now, because it's sort of a matter of
TELEPHONE_USER: has reminded me that I would like to
TELEPHONE_USER: to reinforce my boundaries, and to, or, you know, to to be more intentional about them, to be to consider them more deeply. And
TELEPHONE_USER: but I, you know, like I said, I do think it was.
TELEPHONE_USER: There's something to be celebrated in
TELEPHONE_USER: the way that
TELEPHONE_USER: reacted quickly to this situation so
TELEPHONE_USER: to be here. Thank you. Everyone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Less unicall.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're still on mute, Maria.
pollymolly: Better.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
pollymolly: Okay. Oh, hi, everyone. I am
pollymolly: celebrating that. The sun has returned to this part of Europe.
pollymolly: All the blooms and and greens, and everything is is just so beautiful. And
pollymolly: regarding boundaries. I am kind of new to that, but I have started my journey.
pollymolly: and it has changed, how I look at myself, and how I value myself!
pollymolly: In a very
pollymolly: positive way.
pollymolly: I am actually very proud.
pollymolly: And I I feel that I've even like.
pollymolly: straighten my posture
pollymolly: walking, which is weird. But that's how I feel. I I have grown
pollymolly: definitely
pollymolly: yeah. And I also wanna say that I have a a terrible headache which I never have. So I'm gonna see if I if any pills can get rid of that. Otherwise I am. I see how long I will last.
pollymolly: but it's so good to be here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Boundaries. It's good!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You're Maria
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Suzanne.
Suzanne Culberg: Oh, I'm celebrating. I finished my year of daily podcasts a couple of days ago. I was like hell, yeah. And that was a boundary in of itself, cause people. I can keep going. And I was like, Yeah, when I feel like it, that's what I said. All the way through boundaries have been really awesome in my business. I've heated the call to close my group program, which was a big deal cause. I've ran that since 2019,
Suzanne Culberg: and I was in the midst of rewriting the copy for my website. But I hadn't updated it yet to say that I was going back to one to one when somebody sent me a message and goes, hey, do you do one to one coaching?
Suzanne Culberg: So I just like trust divine timing. What I was saying in my breakout room. One of the areas for development for boundaries is at the end of last year my mom passed away.
Suzanne Culberg: and my dad then moved in with my sister, which I didn't think was the best of ideas. But
Suzanne Culberg: my input was dismissed. And now my sister's having a lot of issues.
Suzanne Culberg: So we need to have a boundary conversation about
Suzanne Culberg: what's happening. Because it's not like.
Suzanne Culberg: yeah, that's messy. And and I know a lot about boundaries. But I'm looking forward to this workshop because begin a mindset. But
Suzanne Culberg: when the other person isn't in the place to have the conversation, but then the conversation needs to be had like, how long you wait for versus when you're just like.
Suzanne Culberg: yeah, this isn't serving especially the extended family. So yeah, that
Suzanne Culberg: that parts the focus for me for the retreat, but in terms of business. Oh, one quick thing, about 30 Si did a summit thing swap recently, and I said to them at the beginning of it, that I don't use social media anymore. So that's a boundary. I don't use social media for my business in 2024 I put up a 9 breed on Instagram. Anyway, they were like, I don't see promoting it on socials, and I was like. Well, firstly, I never said I would. Second, I've been promoting it to my podcast. And newsletter. And I had the most number of sign ups through my link. So yeah, social media isn't anything.
Suzanne Culberg: everything. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Suzanne!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina!
Tina Dowdy: Hey? Everyone nice to see everyone I am celebrating that. I'm going on vacation finally, in like 2 weeks, and I can't wait. I've been waiting
Tina Dowdy: for such a long time to go. We go every year to Marco Island, and my body, my mind, my soul, just needs it very badly, and I just
Tina Dowdy: my mind is there already, so
Tina Dowdy: as far as
Tina Dowdy: boundaries go, I feel like I've done a lot of work around boundaries, especially where it concerns family
Tina Dowdy: and I. And you're right, Joanna. It does do a lot for yourself, seeing when you create healthy boundaries with people. And I've done a lot of work around that. I'm actually very proud of that, too. I used to have really good boundaries with exercise
Tina Dowdy: until I, the auto immune, popped up on me one day, and I mean I was.
Tina Dowdy: I loved exercising. In fact, I was exercising
Tina Dowdy: when I found out when my left foot was having trouble keeping it with my right. That's how I found out I had an order on you and went to the foot doctor who sent me to the ribatologist. It's just a weird way to find out.
Tina Dowdy: But
Tina Dowdy: so that's really where I need to create stronger boundaries. I used to have them. But now it's more like I need to redefine them.
Tina Dowdy: because
Tina Dowdy: I went from
Tina Dowdy: crush training in the park to getting diagnosed to being in denial, to trying to exercise, to crippling myself to the crab couch, feeling defeated all the time every time I tried to exercise to the point where I went to the other extreme and stopped exercising because I just
Tina Dowdy: couldn't function.
Tina Dowdy: And so there, I need to create more healthy boundaries around that where
Tina Dowdy: I can finally just find my sweet spot around, exercising again.
Tina Dowdy: so I could feel
Tina Dowdy: healthier and keep my body healthy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Tina
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Veronica.
Veronica Jensen: I find myself once again in the mystery. 2 days after we all met last time to integrate my Job said they were getting rid of
Veronica Jensen: my team fired my director and gave my manager and I the option of taking a severance or moving into another role in a different area.
Veronica Jensen: So
Veronica Jensen: since then have been
Veronica Jensen: setting many, many boundaries around what I can and cannot do.
Veronica Jensen: And while helping transition, all of this work that needs to find a place to go. Everyone is all in flux in figuring out what this new world means together.
Veronica Jensen: And examining how in.
Veronica Jensen: whereas I'm can be very clear and
Veronica Jensen: measured and aligned with setting boundaries in that arena, that it's much harder when it comes to myself
Veronica Jensen: and the other ways that I'm
Veronica Jensen: managing my energy and my time.
Veronica Jensen: Outside of that that those like Michelle said. That inner, teenager child is like. Well, I don't want to do that. What are we doing this for?
Veronica Jensen: But also determining what boundaries actually serve the purpose they're meant to? Are they really aligned and fully functional? Or are they just a particular part of me trying to get its needs met at the expense of other parts, so that these different pieces of me setting boundaries with each other has been sort of a a meta
Veronica Jensen: spiral
Veronica Jensen: to go down, and one that I'm still kind of unpacking around a particular belief that had a boundary set around it. That is.
Veronica Jensen: I cannot do something that I really want to do unless I can give it my full attention. So there's many people that I need to catch up with, and things that I need to catch up with in my life that I love, that I've been
Veronica Jensen: just going. I need to wait to the right time. So I can really fully invest. And that's not going to come so clearly. That's a boundary that needs to readjust.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hmm!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Veronica
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: I? It's really eliminating
Vlada Tomova: to hear everyone. And yeah, it's a benefit to go towards the end. Because you're like, yeah, I resonate on that other than that.
Vlada Tomova: What comes up for me is that
Vlada Tomova: I feel
Vlada Tomova: I have been successful, saying no straight up, no to to people where before I would be like wishy washy. And I would say, Yeah, maybe this or that, and
Vlada Tomova: I can see how how detrimental that is for everybody involved, including me and the other people.
Vlada Tomova: recip reciprocally
Vlada Tomova: But what I really am working feel I feel like would be very beneficial for me is actually to set to set internal boundaries with
Vlada Tomova: other people.
Vlada Tomova: They don't have to be spoken. It's just. I realize that I expand a lot of energy, thinking of and connecting to people who might not have any relevance from for my current life anymore. So it's a huge expenditure of energy and thought, going
Vlada Tomova: into completely unproductive direction.
Vlada Tomova: And I've manifested living like leaving behind my beautiful neighborhood of 22 years in Brooklyn.
Vlada Tomova: and it
Vlada Tomova: it felt as a hard transition, actually disconnecting myself from all of that past. As I'm speaking, I feel like, Oh, disconnect from the past, that's a boundary. Just
Vlada Tomova: let's the new let the shape that you put help you
Vlada Tomova: shape the future.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): See you. Vlad, huh!
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, thank, you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Wendy.
Wendy: I just wanna say I
Wendy: the benefit also of going after everybody. I just appreciate so much. Everybody's
Wendy: sharing and vulnerability. And I'm just so grateful that I found Joanna and this space
Wendy: and this community. It's just amazing.
Wendy: So for me, for boundaries. What came up is that
Wendy: I really have not. I mean, I guess I create boundaries, but I've never done it with a real
Wendy: awareness.
Wendy: and I feel like being in
Wendy: this community. It's now I am starting to do it with more awareness.
Wendy: And I see that
Wendy: where it's gonna be coming up for me is I am moving forward with this group that I am forming.
Wendy: and I am not going to be on social media. I have a big thing that I've done about social media, and it's more like word of mouth.
Wendy: and I'm know that I'm privileged to be able to do it in that way.
Wendy: But I am keeping
Wendy: it very organic and natural, and the people that will come to me will come to me.
Wendy: and I am putting it out there.
Wendy: and I'm realizing that, like with starting this group, that boundaries will come into
Wendy: big play. So I am really looking forward to this time
Wendy: these 2 days.
Wendy: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bless you, Wendy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as always.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): without fail
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): after check ins, even though before the check ins that felt like my heart could not be open any wider and love everyone could. It's amazing to hear each of your voices and to hear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just the wisdom being brought forward and the experience all that all of you are holding. Thank you. Just for all of the the everything that you've shared and I love always. This happens to. It's like so much already through your share, so much wisdom around boundaries, different ways of thinking of boundaries. Understanding.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, issues is already coming through. We haven't even gotten started. But I pointed out to remind everybody, as always.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): these explorations that we do together on whatever topic and the conversations there, you know, for us and for us to be able to express and hear and see each other. But it's so. It's also so that we expand our knowledge, our our wisdom base.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for when we are with our clients right? Oh, that kind of thing can happen, and and this it right and that, and that's another way to spot a boundary. Oh, have they been? You're just taking from what Wendy just said. Have they been setting that 10 intentionally or without intention? Right? W. Whatever it is so. I just feel already so much has come through. I appreciate it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's all take a moment and set
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and energetic intention for these 2 days. So what energy would you like to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be bringing to be showing up with for this time what is going to be important for you energetically, so that you can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): receive exactly what you're meant to receive receive here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whatever that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): intention is, that energetic intention is, take a moment, and really set it for yourself make a promise to your heart, or in whatever way is important to you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in terms of how you'd like to show up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and by these acts
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and by our intentions we name this space over these 2 days
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): safe
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and sacred.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): May it be a safe space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for us to poke loving holes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at where we have been gripping too much onto fear or old beliefs
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that hold us from having aligned boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): May this be a sacred space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for us to find deeper self love.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): self-esteem
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and life force power
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together. Our circle is cast.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let's take a short break. As I said earlier, we're gonna be doing some, some not art. We're gonna be doing some stick figures.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You'll see what I mean while we get there. If you have crayons or markers available to you. Grab them, if not, paper and pen will do just fine, and I'll see everyone back at 1230 Eastern.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I'll hang out for a minute. If anybody has a question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's get started. And if you're here at least just momentarily, if you can keep your camera on, please do. But at the very least, just for a little bit, put it on. So I know that we're
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay. We're gonna dive. We're gonna start diving in. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): here's what I wanna just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): kind of say
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for what we're gonna look at over the next hour, ish
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some of it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the next hour, so might
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): seem like basics when it comes to boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): All of you are smarty pants, and very wise, and all the things, and you know a lot. So you might hear some things here that you already know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you have heard me say many times. Don't tune out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you hear something that you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): use it as an opportunity to more deeply embody the wisdom of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right cause. We all know there is a big difference between what we understand
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and what then? How we what we actually do or feel right there there can be in in in congruency there. So if you're like, yeah, yeah, I know, I know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how can you more deeply embody this and some of the exercises that we're gonna do this morning? I've designed especially even though they're basic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But as a way for us, our nervous systems, our bodies, our psyches, to slow it down, to be with some of these basic truths.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that we can embody them more.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? So with all of that, sorry I have this nap. That's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like around me. Okay, with all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when a as a reminder. We're what we're gonna look at next is like a a little bit of shadow. Not exactly. But what I wanna bring from our work with shadow is that whenever
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): an aligned part of ourselves is in shadow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the reaction is on a spectrum. Right. We either go hyper, hyper, hyper in one direction, or hypo hypo hypo in the other direction, right kind of sometimes bopping back and forth between extremes, and missing that aligned place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the middle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The same is true of boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we are not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): willing, because we've rejected it, cause we think that the boundary is going to make us a mean person or people are gonna hate us, or we're gonna sound harsh, or where we need to over. Give right whatever the reasons. And we'll look at reasons for for misaligned boundaries in a little bit. But when we we've decided that it's bad
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to have a boundary somewhere or a part of us has.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're we're gonna go
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in one of 2 directions on it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the place that most of us and what's most talked about when we talk about misaligned boundaries, or needing to set better boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is weak, right weak boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): weak boundaries can look like this list isn't comprehensive, but these are some of the biggies
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): difficulty, saying no
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A weak boundary can be expressed as being dependent on the opinions of others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You're making your decisions based on the opinions of others, or you're feeling you're feeling your feelings based on the opinions of others. Right? And we tend to think of boundaries as I'm I like a boundaries. I'm gonna do this thing. I'm not, you know, answering the phone call, or I'm seeing this thing. But we can also think of weak boundaries as like, we're porous, right? And too much from the outside is coming in and impacting us. Right? We're not in that right relationship.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the flip side or the the extending the difficulty, saying, No, on on weak boundaries we say yes to everything right, and then we know what happens when we do. That
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): weak boundaries can look like letting others take advantage
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or disrespect us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Week Boundary can look like over sharing personal information
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when the boundaries are too porous. Not only does too much come in, but sometimes too much goes out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right, so it can also look like encroaching on other people's boundaries. If we have weak boundaries. We might not even be realizing other people's boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or we might get over involved
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with other people's problems
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when there are weak boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or we might bypass boundaries with our cell.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me pause on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is what's sparking for you and Carlita before I said over sharing personal info, I said, letting others take advantage of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anything wants to be shared in terms of what's sparking in ball.
Inbal Sansani: you know. For me a huge part of like kind of the next level boundaries is
Inbal Sansani: being highly sensitive and and empathetic where
Inbal Sansani: really trying to figure out how to
Inbal Sansani: be aware and engaged in the world.
Inbal Sansani: But also like being so easily impacted by other people
Inbal Sansani: energy. So then it's a little bit like. Well, what are my options?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So some of the work we're gonna do this morning, at least on an energetic. You will get to like cognitive options later, or choices. But we're gonna work on the energetic First Cause. That's right. We want to kind of come into alignment there first and then make decisions from that feeling of right relationship with other people's energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good! I'm glad you're bringing that in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything else that's being sparked right now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): starting to look at what weak boundaries are, Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Totally resonating with what you shared in ball, and and just like the dance that is, boundaries from someone who grew up with not many, even though people talked about them
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and just how much it comes with people pleasing, but then also being highly sensitive, and then the other thing that was just popping in as you were speaking was remembering that I had this job
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): when I was living in New York, and I just graduated, and I was working with these older men, and we were doing HIV needs work. And this one woman came into our working space, and she was like, you have amazing boundaries like you are so shut down like nobody would ever take advantage of you. And she was basically saying, like, you have
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): no sexual sensual energy.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and I was like, is that a good thing? I was like I had just gone such the other extreme to like, be protective and make sure that I was like tending to myself and not in any, and I'd come back from living in Latin America, where you know, you would like touch a person, and they think you're coming onto them. And and then in this, you know, totally different environment. But I was just so over correcting. And I remember being like, I don't wanna feel shut down. But it was just that like hyper hypo.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yeah, thank you. So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly. Yeah, that's such a great example. We'll get there in a little bit. But right, that's that's what can happen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. So let's go a little bit deeper with the the week, right? So that the the kind of this side of the spectrum and the week boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and actually everybody just jot down one or 2 places in your life right now, where you're recognizing you have weak boundaries. They may have already come up today, so far or not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But what are a couple places
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where you're recognizing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You've got some weak boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if you want to share in the chat, please do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): limits week limits with scrolling.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yep, very common. I've been there
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yup, time management and scrolling. Yeah, saying way too much. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): saying yes to all the things I want to do without having time, space, and energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to actually do them all. Yep, been in all these places
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tending to everyone else's needs.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Time. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your 9 to 5 job, which ends up being 8 am. To 12 am. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? It's it's setting a boundary just to be able to be here in this space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right for all of us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so this is where the stick figures start to come in.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And this is a version of the shadow, spectrum
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): exercise. Can you all see the stick figure on my screen?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so this is my version
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it feels like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when I have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): weak boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There I am in the middle. My face is not. I'm not. Have a smile on my face.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and my representation is there's too much yeses. Ha! I don't tend to like over when I have weak boundaries. I don't tend to like over, share or get too nosy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or get to, you know. Go over into other people's boundaries for me. It's just like, let me do more. Let me take over responsibility. Let me. I'm okay that you did that, even though that was not okay. And I'm okay that you did that right. And so this was my, we're like all all, it's all coming in at me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what I want to invite each of you to do right now will take about 3, 4 min.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is first, just like in the spectrum exercise. Almost feel that you've gone over to one side and move energetically into what it feels like when you feel compelled to weak boundaries, even when you know better right when you're over giving whatever it is, saying too much. Yes, scrolling too much, all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then draw your version
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of whatever this is for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of what weak boundaries are for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So give you 3, 4 min. With that.
Gregg Berman: Sorry, Joanna, can you repeat what we're doing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yup, take a moment, just like we did on the spectrum exercise, and you know the shadow work. Feel like you've gone all the way to one side with the boundaries where it's just weak boundaries. Notice what that feels like inside of you, and then draw your own stick. Figure, representation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of what that looks like, and how that feels.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that make sense.
Gregg Berman: No, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, you're welcome.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But yourself really have this exploration for a couple of minutes of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it feels like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you're in that place of having weak boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that visual representation is for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that we move into some more of the 4 levels, not just the cognitive and understanding this, and being with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take another half minute
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you can add, if you want, if there is just like we do in the spectrum exercise. If there is a mantra right? If there is something that you are believing when you're in this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this side of the spectrum, right, I need to do everything, or else everybody will hate me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, if I don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over take over responsibility, everything will fall apart.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is the what is kind of the the mantra or the belief
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of this one?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is this one that is so compelled to weak boundaries? Believe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even when they know better, even when all the other parts know better.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita saying, in my drawing I go from large and radiant to smaller, smaller, smaller.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): almost invisible, dying to be seen and heard.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? I'd love to hear some shares. What are you seeing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): exploration so far? What's feeling important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in ball.
Inbal Sansani: I'm curious, I mean, similar to what Carlita is describing
Inbal Sansani: like.
Inbal Sansani: It's just I got like, really.
Inbal Sansani: Mall.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Move it a little further away from the screen, because it got blurry. I want to see it.
Inbal Sansani: like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Like, we're timing.
Inbal Sansani: And 5.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Liberated.
Inbal Sansani: Exactly.
Inbal Sansani: and like just crossed out. And there's all this like swirl and
Inbal Sansani: But with the mantra like the first thing that came to me is like.
Inbal Sansani: I don't matter, but I think it's like
Inbal Sansani: that feels more like the result. So I'm sharing because the curiosity is like what's
Inbal Sansani: what's underneath that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah.
Inbal Sansani: That the is that like I'm so small and you know, and
Inbal Sansani: obliterated, because that's how I feel right now, like burnt out, overwhelmed
Inbal Sansani: like, not generative at all.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I mean.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this may not be the right path, but
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe complete the sentence.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The only way to blank
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is to over. Give.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, I mean, I think it's like.
Inbal Sansani: survive and stay in community
Inbal Sansani: or being or being community. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right. It's like it's so simple, but it's so deep, right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The only way to stay in community is to over give.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I am willing to obliterate myself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in order to stay in community is the unspoken thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole.
TELEPHONE_USER: Mine. I don't know if anyone will be able to see it, but it's I mean, it's very small. So it's just a little stick figure, and she's got an unhappy face on and she's got
TELEPHONE_USER: he's kind of like a.
TELEPHONE_USER: you know, multi armed Dick figure who's got gifts giving to everyone, and she says she says, Please love me here, do you need this? Do you need this? Do you need this? And
TELEPHONE_USER: so it's just, you know, representation of the over giving and
TELEPHONE_USER: the the mantra is
TELEPHONE_USER: wrote down a few, but they're all around, you know that people won't love me if I if I have boundaries.
TELEPHONE_USER: Yeah, yeah, I mean, essentially, the only way to get love is to over. Give.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I resonate with that one a lot that that was the unspoken rule in my household growing up right. This is the quote of the family to get love you over gift.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Veronica.
Veronica Jensen: I don't know if you'll be able to see mine, because it's not very dark, but it's when I started to feel into it. I was like it feels like I'm light and heavy at the same time, like I have no muscles. And so I got this image of crawling out of a hole, or trying to like crawl out of this deep hole like I had fallen down a manhole or something, and the
Veronica Jensen: part of me that I wrote is like the one that's like at the top trying to pull myself up over the edge. And it's just too weak to do that. And so it feels like have to like. I'm down in this hole.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it's almost like that you're being pulled down. You're trying, but you're being pulled and pulled.
Veronica Jensen: Yeah, like, I just don't have. I've given too much. And now I don't have this strength to get myself out of that. And because I don't have the strength. I can't be out where I want to be.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Even if it's not. And I'm seeing this from a practitioner point of view for all of us, even if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this isn't new taking that time. To see it in this way
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is it's important, right? Even if it's uncomfortable to see it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: See if I can
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: show. Mine is tiny.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: Know if you can see.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A little.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: Little wavy figure. It's kind I didn't know how to what it, what it really feels like having no backbone, having no like. Everything's just spilling out
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And you know I was thinking of it in terms of
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: that idea of not listening to myself or or shoving people in. You know that
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: it's like the more
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: clients I see means that I have value and even if that's at the expense of
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: of having a good boundary around my schedule. And same with like the inner kid. Who's, you know? If I want to change a personal behavior, it's like.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: if I give.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: if I break my boundary for my inner kid, my inner kid feels heard.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: but it does. But it doesn't do any have any value for the adult that needs to make a change.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: So it's like having no backbone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That makes so much sense, and your share sparked something for me personally, too. And you said about not listening to yourself and for me like I got this image and back to the the drawing that I shared is like, I'm so interested in making sure I'm hearing what everybody else needs that. Of course I can't listen to myself when I'm in that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good Jessica.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica, Kim, and Tina, and then we're going to keep on going.
jessicakuznick: Okay,
jessicakuznick: And you see that.
jessicakuznick: So I felt like.
jessicakuznick: sort of like, I'm holding up the whole world.
jessicakuznick: I mean, there's things pressing in on the sides, but also that I'm just carrying an enormous amount. And I wrote
jessicakuznick: a few different things. I need to prove I'm a good person. I need to be there for my family, my community, the world.
jessicakuznick: and if I don't take action nothing will change.
jessicakuznick: I think I sometimes
jessicakuznick: feel like it's almost like a lack of acceptance like, Oh, my God! Everything's so bad! Everything needs to change, and I have to be
jessicakuznick: the one to do it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's all me
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ken.
Kim Davies: Here's mine. No surprise. That inner broth there! Of you can't make me, and I don't want to. I was thinking about like. It's this control that I'm so against control that I'm not even listening to myself. And I'm just saying no to everything
Kim Davies: and
Kim Davies: like, I I hate being told what to do like. That's what my parents would tell me what to do. And and it's like, Okay, they're gone. It doesn't. You know I'm doing it to myself, and I'm not using discernment about saying yes to the things I want. I'm just saying no, it's like I'm stuck in this pattern.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, you've gone to where we're going next, which is what I would call rigid right?
Kim Davies: Yeah, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Serves, neither is actually listening to our own needs. Those are reactions.
Kim Davies: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So for you, where you hang out the most when you're not in your aligned boundaries is is that rigid place? Probably not as much the week I from what I know of you, I think the week comes up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You know, I I was gonna do that. And then I just I didn't hold to that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That I created for myself.
Kim Davies: Yeah, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good. Yeah. And, Michelle, I was exactly. It feels like what Kim was just saying. That's the rigid. And your little kid. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina.
Tina Dowdy: I actually have a question about mine. I don't hold on.
Tina Dowdy: More about that leg area over there. Very fatigued.
Tina Dowdy: Yeah.
Tina Dowdy: I drew that when I wrote over delivering to your audience or client, yet I was taught that you should over deliver to your audience or clients. But sometimes it's just feeling like, is that overstepping a boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, right? It it depends. Every situation is different, right? And we wanna find that middle place where we're over.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're let's use that language over delivering without crossing an internal boundary around our time, our money.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our energy, or the energetic exchange. Right? So if it feels good and it feel like I. I'm generous, and I love to over deliver. But I know where the line crosses into that. That's actually not okay. I've given too much either of my time, or my wisdom, or whatever it is, right. So it's about finding that place that feels good and right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for us, and every situation is going to be a little bit different
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But that's why we wanna start with the energetics, if it feels like the shaky legs and the weak. Even if so, in another situation, that was the right thing in this situation. It's not, and our energy will let us know if it feels we're getting to the rigid in a moment like, no, I just can't ever give that right like that's not right. We wanna find the the place.
Tina Dowdy: Feel good place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): oops.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly, is it a quickie?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I had said Tina was gonna be the last. But if it's quick, yeah.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): That's fine!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just exerted a boundary.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Only 5.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We'll have time for a lot more shares.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so we've already started going there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let's talk about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): rigid boundaries. Now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hold on. I just lost my notes. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): rigid boundaries is when we're at the other extreme, like Kim just said, we're just saying no to everything right? No, no, no, no, no!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Rigid boundary can look like avoiding intimacy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It wasn't exactly what Kelly said earlier, right? But along along similar lines rigid boundaries can look like keeping everybody at a distance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Rigid boundaries can look like not asking for help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Rigid boundaries can look like being over structured.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I'll give a personal example of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to help spark some ideas. I think many of you know, especially those that were in person with me this spring, that I I do intermittent fasting. And so that's a boundary right? I don't eat until a certain time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Each day. But when I first started the intermittent fasting if I was let's say traveling or whatever. And you know, when you travel you can't always control when you're gonna eat I don't like to eat until after 2. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's say the pocket of when I could eat. Was it 1230 I was like, and then I wouldn't be able to eat again for hours and hours later that we're not okay. But I was like, no, I have a boundary. I can't eat before, too, and I'd end up hurting my blood sugar, anyway, which is the exact reason why I do the intermittent fasting right? That was too rigid of a boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll show you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): my stick figure drawing on this one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? If I go to that place, it's like there's no nothing's coming in and nothing's coming out. It's just no, no, no, it looks a little bit like Kim's actually right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So everybody take about 4 min. Notice what it feels like, and you might not go to this place very often, or maybe you do, but it will actually first let me ask the question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where? Even if it's not recent, but where in your life. Have you had?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Have you gone into this place right where the boundary was too rigid? And it didn't serve
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica. Do you have a question on that.
jessicakuznick: Oh, no, I was gonna answer it, but.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, yeah, give us an example. Cause I think we need more examples. So that's great. Yeah.
jessicakuznick: Well, I definitely think, especially when I was younger, that I was
jessicakuznick: super rigid about
jessicakuznick: relationships like kind of what Kelly was describing. Like. I think I just sent out a huge no signal to everybody.
jessicakuznick: And a very sad example of that is that when I was a junior, this very cute Guy said to me, What would you do if someone asked you to the Prom? And I said I'd say no cause. I was so terrified. And then I was like, why did I do that? So?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica, we need to swap story. I have a very similar story to that saying to a boy in the class. No, I will not go on that walk with you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Good. Thank you for those examples. Okay, give everyone another half minute, one or one or 2 times where it's been rigid
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I see Greg is sharing in the chat
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): marketing companies that leave me a message with the word need, as in I need you to call me back. Drives me nuts, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? And then take a few minutes. Just notice what it feels like in your body when you go into the rigid boundaries place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as if you were going now to the other side of the spectrum.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then take a a few minutes to slow it down even more and create a drawing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that representation for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Kelly's saying, Ocd, about cloud cleanliness. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what's that energy when you go into the rigid.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then what does that look like?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another half minute.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): really explore and slow down what that is when you go into rigid boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if you want to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): reflect on a mantra from this place?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? What is the?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's really a survival belief in a way, right? What it? What? What is the belief for you when you close, when you are so rigid.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you're too rigid.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Blood.
Vlada Tomova: So I was struggling to find an example.
Vlada Tomova: legitness
Vlada Tomova: and
Vlada Tomova: I was grateful that you said that you mentioned not asking for help.
Vlada Tomova: because I've become better at asking for help, but
Vlada Tomova: I believe
Vlada Tomova: I only do when it comes to like like. It's so dire and extreme
Vlada Tomova: that the mantra that I'm that that came to me was like I should be able to manage on my own.
Vlada Tomova: And this is, it will be too needy
Vlada Tomova: to ask for help.
Vlada Tomova: Yet when I finally need to ask for help because it's impossible, it was never supposed to be something done by one person.
Vlada Tomova: it does come out as extremely needy, because it's reached a point of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: Like giant proportions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, it's.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's another great example of the hyper hypo and the spectrum. I don't need help. I don't need help. I don't need help. Strong boundary, strong boundary. And then, all of a sudden, it's like right, like we.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright needs right. It's it's that's such a great example of that. And I'm glad that you're seeing that good.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jennifer.
Jennifer Kittredge: I'll show you. I don't know if you didn't see it. It's like me with my back to people on a big wall. Wall up. I'm really good at keeping everybody at a distance. And so there's 2. It's like keeping everybody at a distance, because people aren't safe.
Jennifer Kittredge: And so I'm not letting you into my life. I have a very small circle of people, I trust. But then it's also not asking for help like. It's week to ask for help, and I should be able to handle it myself. So I become an introvert, and I will not talk to people. I won't answer text like, I'm really good at just. I can sit in my office for days and I'm perfectly happy.
Jennifer Kittredge: I don't need anybody. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good, good, right. It is so important to see.
Jennifer Kittredge: Yeah. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita, sharing some great examples in the chat. Too good for this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The diet lifestyle shift isn't gonna work. If I don't follow all the rules. Right? Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Greg.
Gregg Berman: I was just noticing
Gregg Berman: something based on what
Gregg Berman: Carlito was sharing in the
Gregg Berman: chat which I replied to. But it's this thing of noticing for myself.
Gregg Berman: When I'm enacting a boundary. Am I doing it with this energy of aggression or force? And and if that's there, then it's it's
Gregg Berman: because I haven't honored my own boundaries in the past, and because I'm
Gregg Berman: feeling like those boundaries, some part of me is feeling like those boundaries aren't even okay. And and so it it comes off as like, rather than just this sense of like, Oh, yeah, this is this is my boundary, and and I feel good about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's right. That's another right back to our shadow work. That's what happens is like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we don't have the boundary. We don't have the boundary we over give we over, give we over, give! And then, all of a sudden, it's like a hard
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): no
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. The thing that we were trying to avoid, like the aggressive boundary that's gonna put off other people. It's like, then we just inadvertently
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): go there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, good. These are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): really important awarenesses again for us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also for our clients. I know there's 2 other hands raised.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna keep on going a little bit, for now and then we'll we'll have time for more shares. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): now what I wanna invite
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everyone to do just like we do in the spectrum exercise
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is to find the aligned place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in between.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and before you go there I'll I'll share another
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): picture.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's labeled Healthy. These are a few years old, where I I think I've shared with all of you. I kinda like changed my language on this. So oh, wait! That's the week. Hold on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I prefer aligned to healthy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): give me a sec here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So this is my representation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of aligned right. There's some hard boundaries there with the lines
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): around me when I know like this is not, I'm gonna say, no, it's not for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But then they're also openings
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the yeses. I've because this is a few years old. It's so interesting as I'm looking. I never noticed this one looking at this. Now. I didn't put a yes going out as in. I need some support. So maybe that's a that's a place for me to add aligned for where I've evolved to now. So take a moment for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Come into that that place in between where you're not, where the we're we're boundary isn't in shadow, but you're actually owning the power of boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where there is an aligned exchange and then create a drawing of that representation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Really be in your body as you create the drawing, really lean into what that aligned boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): setting feels like, for you give yourself a few minutes now to be in a body memory of this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you draw.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): then what is the truth that you know when you are energetically in this place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is the truth that you know in this place?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another half minute with this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aren't it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so? Carlita is asking in the chat, why prefer the word aligned over healthy boundaries? For 2 reasons, you know, and for everybody, language is different but one. The unhealthy, healthy is like a little ableist, I think.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's something that's more
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can create. If we're working with clients that can maybe create for some people some shame around the word unhealthy versus the word misaligned.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so that's why I've I kind of made some of those shifts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then Carlita, sharing the stick figure in my aligned drawing is in a dynamic posture, free to move active, and the boundary is a gentle dotted line that mirrors the shape of my own figure in any moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It also affirms that a boundary needn't be a fixed thing in time. I love that that is so beautiful. And, Carlita, I hope that also answers the exploration that you were sharing above in in the chat about like the what if rigid, is actually perfect, too right? And that kind of dynamic inflow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): love to hear a couple more shares? Michelle.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: So I drew my figure super small, but basically
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: it is
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: It's a stronger figure, with maybe a few little
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: wobbles.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: to me. It's like I can be soft and strong at the same time.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I have a bigger container to hold complexity, fluidity, structure, all of those things rather than like well falling apart, or being like
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: super hard.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, I love that. And and also just that second piece of like, there's more space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in there. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle Cohen.
Michelle Cohen: I'm still drawing mine. But
Michelle Cohen: anyway.
Michelle Cohen: this is.
Michelle Cohen: I don't know if you can see
Michelle Cohen: The purple spiral is reciprocity. So.
Michelle Cohen: as I give, I receive as I receive, I give.
Michelle Cohen: I'm connected to my inner wisdom, my heart and my ground.
Michelle Cohen: This is representing, like the ability to come
Michelle Cohen: to take in and give out.
Michelle Cohen: And then what I'm still working on is like, yeah, what was said before about then the fluidity. So the capacity kind of shifts. So as I start to get full, I feel that. And then my boundaries adjust.
Michelle Cohen: And then, as I
Michelle Cohen: feel receptivity, yeah, that shifts so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Beautiful. I love that I love that reciprocity piece, too, which is so much aligned. Boundaries, are about giving and receiving in right amount.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Everyone to say that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): before I get to Vlada in ball, and Jessica and I get to everyone. Is there anyone that hasn't shared yet that would like to share anyone that hasn't spoken on the make space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in case Wendy.
Wendy: So hmm, that.
Wendy: Okay, so I have.
Wendy: My person is
Wendy: in community. So there's other people around, and there's exchange of energy back and forth in between us. And
Wendy: I just say
Wendy: Flowy sees gray, open communication, having loving, difficult conversation.
Wendy: It's my choice what to let in and what to put out.
Wendy: The truth that I know is that this place is that I am aligned, loving me, being strong and confident in knowing what's healthy to let in
Wendy: to my
Wendy: community, and what to let out from me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Beautiful. I love that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that feels so core to what aligned boundaries are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good. Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: My
Vlada Tomova: more lines my line version felt like much more so in my buddy
Vlada Tomova: rather than anywhere else. So the truth that came to me was more about like
Vlada Tomova: actually people sense in my energy.
Vlada Tomova: my true support, or
Vlada Tomova: where there is a boundary and peaking that much, or taking in someone speaking at me
Vlada Tomova: doesn't really matter that much. You can say almost nothing
Vlada Tomova: and be perceived.
Vlada Tomova: and actually sometimes excessive speaking
Vlada Tomova: is very weak. So
Vlada Tomova: so that that was that was the truth that came to me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah. Cause sometimes that boundary is like the person is talking right, whatever it is. But how are we receiving it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 2.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, or us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Inner, but.
Vlada Tomova: Okay, a lot.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Not. Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good involved.
Inbal Sansani: Well, it stood out to
Inbal Sansani: to me is like at first it was like.
Inbal Sansani: you know, dynamic, but it was really about like
Inbal Sansani: also. Then I like, added the floor, of being grounded like
Inbal Sansani: so like being in a place of
Inbal Sansani: being able to make an aligned boundary.
Inbal Sansani: And then, like others said the like.
Inbal Sansani: in and out. And then it was like, I put.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, it's hard to see. But even on these, like in and out. There's like another kind of line here that's like.
Inbal Sansani: you know, I get to change my mind, and I get to have like an extra layer. You know, when I needed. And then
Inbal Sansani: I think part of the reason like that.
Inbal Sansani: like I overdo is that
Inbal Sansani: yeah. Like, there's something here about like radiating and attracting rather than like needing to like
Inbal Sansani: work so hard.
Inbal Sansani: And like just like
Inbal Sansani: being in myself and open to receiving. So it's a much more welcoming posture. The other 2 were like very shut down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that and what I'm hearing, and that is less work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 2
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you.
Inbal Sansani: Right. And the final thing is kind of like this connection like to the earth, but also to spirit, that it's like, if I trusted more.
Inbal Sansani: I wouldn't need like I wouldn't. Maybe.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah. Not have to work so hard at everything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): before we keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's put our practitioner hats on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): cause. What we just did is a exercise we can do with our clients, and we we could do the full exercise of all 3 drawings, or we could just do one right. Come into aligned a a a person is talking about. Should they keep on lending money to their friend? Right? If we don't want to go through the whole thing, we can just come into what it feels like to be an aligned boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on this. Draw it. What do you know from this place? Then, what kind of decision. Do you want to make about lending money, for example? Right? Or we could take them through the full thing? So from a practitioner point of view, anything that you wanna say anything that feels exciting about working in this way. Anything you want to pull on, or any questions you have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I feel like this has come up a lot this week in the client space, and of course, has been mirrored in my own world as well. But
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I have a client who's been doing really big piece making work and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): lots of stuff between the current issue of the day which is so big and divisive, and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): she has been incredible at like weaving the worlds together and moving between and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): like recognizing everybody's different viewpoints on things, and has been so skilled at navigating, and just got to the point
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): this week where she pulled out of the work she's been doing, because, she said, there.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): it's so divisive like I can't. There's nothing that I can do in there.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and I feel devastated because
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): that's like I have all these skills and capacity to do it. And so but what the thing that was really coming out is she was speaking about it was, she's like, and there's not even room for me to talk about my own trauma in this and my own experience what it is to be like navigating social justice here, and totally neglected there, and speaking for everyone else, but not myself. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): anyway, I it felt to me like such, and I spoke to her that I felt like such an important moment for her to be really looking at like where does she get to speak to her own experience and like, have a boundary around what isn't allowed to be said to her, even though she has the capacity
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): to negotiate and navigate, and all the legal skills and all the things. And I I've just been reflecting so much on it. How this is this really big opening for her to be acknowledging her own experience in this and that that in itself is a boundary, and how awesome she pulled out, and she can act in different ways is a more, even more neutral person now, anyway. So I'm just, yeah. I was just feeling into how much opens up when we do set the boundary, and sometimes it takes so long
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and so much feeling like you've so many people talked about getting smaller. And I felt that in mind, too, just the idea of like shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. So there's space for everyone else but me.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And and then it's like, Oh.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): you can breathe again. So anyway, that yeah, I'm kind of taking from what people are saying, but just really seeing that in her.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I love that. That's such a great, just example and inspiring. And of how we and our clients can, even when it feels like never going to. We can set those boundaries really nice.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina.
Tina Dowdy: I feel like
Tina Dowdy: you know, through the years setting boundaries has kind of isolated me a little more, but not in such a horrible way, but kind of sad, though, because
Tina Dowdy: like Imbal was saying earlier, you want to be part of a community, and when you're setting boundaries you risk.
Tina Dowdy: You know somebody else's emotional immaturity, or whatever it is that you that you can't create a boundary with, and it ends up into a conflict.
Tina Dowdy: But I'm more at peace, a little more isolated than having to be part of anything. And
Tina Dowdy: You know I was 21 when I
Tina Dowdy: I was married once before for a year at 21 years old, and I was married to such a student that I was like, you know what I feel like. I could be miserable on my own. I don't need him to make me miserable, and that was like my
Tina Dowdy: Barr's big step
Tina Dowdy: as a young woman.
Tina Dowdy: you know, taking a stand for herself.
Tina Dowdy: But again, I'm such a people person. It's so sad. It's hard to have those difficult conversations with people because they can't handle it
Tina Dowdy: so absolutely.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Absolutely. And that's that right like that is always the dance and and the risk assessment. But this idea, you know, it's been mentioned a couple of times of you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I won't be part of the community if I have boundaries. I just want to remind everybody that communities
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): function
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alternative families, right family, community dynamics, mirror, family dynamics. So if we felt in our family of origin, I can't be part of this family community.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If I have aligned boundaries. We are going to feel that in friend, community or work, community or religious, right wh. Whatever whatever whatever it is, and so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that doesn't mean that magically. Then the other people in the adult, you know, the community that's not our family are gonna be able to handle our boundaries. But I think it's helpful to remember, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in our family of origin
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it was a survival issue. We had to be part of that commute community in order to stay alive right? Because the adults were taking care of us literally.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whereas
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can risk more as adults in community and still be able to survive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. I wish we can hang out in this exercise forever. But there's so much more that I want us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to. Take a look at. So we're gonna keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And again, let me see what I said a little while ago, which is what we're gonna look at next is is basic.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but also
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to remember, and also things that our clients may not be aware of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we'll do that. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica, thank you almost didn't answer your question I forgot to mention. So our schedule today is similar to how usually our full days are, we're gonna break, probably in a little bit after 2 Eastern until 3, and then we'll have a short break at around 4 30 Eastern give or take, and we'll go until 6 tomorrow. I promise to have us done by 3 30.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hmm.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I wanna go through. This is not comprehensive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's gonna be eye opening, even though you already know these things. But I wanna go through different kinds of boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So the first kind of boundary we can call physical boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Physical boundaries include your needs for personal space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your comfort level with touch.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and your physical needs, like the need to rest.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the need to eat food.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I grew up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with my father when we would go on family vacations. It was like, Go go, go! Time is money, and we like we never stopped to eat. You know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the need to drink water.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And as we all know, it is okay
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to let people know about our physical needs.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so aligned physical boundaries might sound something like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm really tired. I need to sit down right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm not a big hugger. I'm more of a handshake person.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I need to eat. So I'm gonna grab a snack before we keep on going.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm actually allergic to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): X Gluten, so we can't have that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in our house.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Please don't go into my room without asking me first.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? So those are just some examples.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment and jot down just really quick where some of this shows up either for you or for your clients. Physical issues around setting physical boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and side note.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I need to double check if you all
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): got
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada. Thank you. If you all got information that we have the whole day tomorrow, then I'm gonna take okay, great. Then I'm not gonna end by 3 30. Tomorrow we'll we'll go further. We'll go longer tomorrow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm a little discombobulated today. Sorry.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So to be clear. We will go.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe not exactly until 6 tomorrow, but
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna take most of the day tomorrow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Emotional boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Kelly, I feel the same way. Emotional boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): emotional boundaries are all about respecting and honoring
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feelings
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): By the way, you all have a resource sheet on this in the member center. So if you're not catching every word I'm saying you've you've got this, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Setting emotional boundaries means recognizing how much emotional energy you are capable of taking in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): recognizing how much emotional energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're capable of taking, in, knowing when to share and when not to share.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also limiting emotional sharing with people who respond poorly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I have been there where I have like, try right? And it's like you get that that you don't get that response that you need
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): respecting other people's emotional boundaries means validating the feelings of others, coaching skill right and making sure you respect their ability to take in emotional information right? Not dropping a bomb
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in a moment where there's not the capacity to take it in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so emotional, aligned emotional boundaries might sound like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when I share my feelings with you and get criticized.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I feel like I want to shut down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm only going to share with you if you're able to respond respectfully
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another example of an emotional boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm so sorry that you're having a tough time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now. I'm not in a place to take in all of this information.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Do you think we can come back to this conversation later.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's one other example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm having a really hard time and would love to talk. Are you in a place to listen right now?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Greg is saying, this reminds you of people earn the right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to our vulnerability from Renee Brown. I love that. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that violations of emotional boundaries can include dismissing and criticizing feelings.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): asking questions that aren't appropriate for the relationship.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): reading or going through personal or emotional information, like diaries, etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Assuming, we know how other people feel.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): telling other people how they feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): emotional dumping on people without their permission.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sharing inappropriate emotional information with others, and some of us receive this from our parents right? Sometimes appropriate emotional information for another adult gets shared with PE with children.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright. Let me pause here for one or 2 shares
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything that wants to be said or spoken on physical boundaries or emotional boundaries. What's popping for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique?
Monique: All of it's popping up. Everything you're saying is like pew pew pew. The one that really hit me was in regards to food.
Monique: Gluten. You said the word gluten, and I thought, Oh, my goodness, that's a boundary that I'm violating against myself. I know I have. I should have a a more strict diet, and I cheat a lot.
Monique: and when I cheat
Monique: I don't feel good.
Monique: And then, in regards to the emotional I've got a friend right now that I'm questioning.
Monique: but whether to keep this person in my life, and I'm trying to give Grace they're going through a really bad divorce, just all the things. However, there is
Monique: so much dumping. What did you call it? Emotional dumping?
Monique: I I cannot listen to any more of the bashing of the ex-wife. It is just miserable. And all the things. So
Monique: Finally, I guess
Monique: understanding that boundaries
Monique: are just far and wide. So thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, thank you for sharing. And both of those examples are so poignant
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and ones that sometimes we don't realize. Oh, yeah, that is a boundary right like. With that, the the bashing of the partner.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's okay to say. You know, I can't take my friend bashing this, that or the other, like I. I want to set a boundary there. It's too much for me to hold that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caroline.
Caroline Holke: monique. I can totally relate to that. I've got a
Caroline Holke: somebody that I'm a dear friend that's
Caroline Holke: doing that at the moment, too. So I and I actually had to remove myself from the situation
Caroline Holke: last week. But
Caroline Holke: I I actually raised my hand because I was hoping, Jonah, you could talk a little bit more about how, assuming we know how other people feel. Is
Caroline Holke: breaking a boundary.
Caroline Holke: our limit, or whatever.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I mean, obviously, we have our right, especially for those of us that are we. We know people and we are. We're sensitive, and whatever you know, we we
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): oftentimes tell if someone is grieving or someone has gone into their closed up, or whatever it is, it's not that we can't make those assumptions, or, you know, have those ideas, but it's more.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If we then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take action on it without clarifying, first from the person.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's when it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is is crossing a line right? Because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I might, because of my own stuff, think that you're mad at me, and because of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm not gonna show up for the date, or I'm gonna say, stop being mad right. But I don't know yet if you actually are.
Caroline Holke: Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does that make sense.
Caroline Holke: Yeah, it does. It's I mean, I I say this all the time that
Caroline Holke: to my clients that they're terrible mind readers.
Caroline Holke: Like, in a funny way, right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? Yeah, right? But but right it it's it's true. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is kind of like a I don't know. It just made me think of this. I don't know if I've shared this in this group before, but there's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in Jewish tradition when somebody dies, and then the family is sitting. Shiva, there's a there's a like rule that when you go to visit someone who's in mourning and sitting Shiva, you wait for them to start the conversation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because you don't know if they want something heavy in that moment, or if they're actually having a joyful moment where they're thinking about something funny, or what you know whatever. And so it kind of relates to that, like, we can't just assume that we're going into a morning house, that it's all heavy.
Caroline Holke: And awful.
Caroline Holke: Yeah, no, that helps. I think that gives a little more teeth to.
Caroline Holke: You're a terrible mind, reader.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, I love that we we all are right, all of us, Jessica.
jessicakuznick: I was really interested when you were describing physical and emotional boundaries, because it occurred to me that with my family
jessicakuznick: of origin
jessicakuznick: that
jessicakuznick: they were incredibly good about keeping physical boundaries and incredibly bad about keeping emotional boundaries.
jessicakuznick: and I don't think I'd ever really noticed that before, like we always had dinner at 6 on the dot, and we had, like
jessicakuznick: our. The house was neat and orderly, and everything like everything, ran like clockwork. But then.
jessicakuznick: you know my parents would tell us things about their relationship when they were getting divorced, that we just did not want to know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right? That's right. It's crossing a boundary. Right? Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's so. It's so good to have awareness of that. And also when we're working with clients, and that's why I'm taking the time for us to go through all of this for us to create awareness
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with clients when a boundary has been crossed for that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): What Jessica said, just like sparked for me that one of the things that was coming up as you were speaking Jenna is how good I've been about advocating for boundaries for my child with family or with others, and setting the right bedtime and making sure food is in place and all the things, but
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): it has come at times
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): a a at the expense of like relationship or my own boundaries, and so and often just taking care of my kid to make sure she's okay, has meant me neglecting myself. And so it's really interesting that I went from a less boundary place before becoming a mama to becoming much more bounded, but really around the child. But
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): but still the part boundaries I need to work is for myself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Absolutely. And it's gonna look again like back to the spectrum. It's gonna look different in each situation when it's like, where is that aligned place where I'm coming from. My power and my love it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: As we were going in detail about physical boundaries and emotional boundaries.
Vlada Tomova: as was so overwhelmingly clear.
Vlada Tomova: How how poor, if the extent of how poor boundaries I I I
Vlada Tomova: I grew up with, but also like
Vlada Tomova: for example, I was
Vlada Tomova: thinking about touch
Vlada Tomova: and space.
Vlada Tomova: So I I realized, like
Vlada Tomova: it. It mixes with other things. For example, like my primary language, is touch, and having experienced
Vlada Tomova: not enough of that, as a child actually has made that boundary so profoundly weak
Vlada Tomova: that
Vlada Tomova: it's been violated so many times where I've let people way to close where I've opened my personal space. I kind of pride myself on that like, Oh, yeah, I can be adaptable. I love being touched. I love to be like a touchy, feely person. I can share easily, and
Vlada Tomova: in some ways I feel it as a very positive thing. And yet it's such a tremendously. It's like
Vlada Tomova: opening a country's territory.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. One thing.
Vlada Tomova: Completely without any guarding, and be like. Come, take what you want.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Vlada Tomova: And it's like, Wow, it's like Travis to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's reminding me a little bit of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the what you were working with at the Retreat to. I feel like there's a a relationship thinking of your spectrum exercise that we did in the group.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And yeah, and every situation again, like what I just said to Kelly, every situation. What's going to be aligned in terms of touch is going to be different. Where you know. Where is the that right place for your in your power.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know. Then you'll know what that amount that right amount is.
Vlada Tomova: Hmm.
Vlada Tomova: kind of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And melody. And then we're gonna keep on going.
Melody Noll: I'm so happy to have names
Melody Noll: and labels for these things, because it really really
Melody Noll: gives a certain.
Melody Noll: I don't want to say valid validity. But it really helps me. For example, the I've noticed
Melody Noll: when people do things that are invalidating like. No, he didn't say that. No, no, that didn't happen, or you know, at that, responding poorly part of me was saying, I wanna be a brat and just say I'm out if that's how you're gonna talk to me, and then I have judgments about that. So I don't do anything. I just sit there and try to reason with them when there is no reason to be had when it's just.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, so.
Melody Noll: Sort of so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Of an emotional boundary, right? And I. So I think validation is a great word for this. And and that's another reason why we're doing this because it's we
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just like when we have something in shadow, we tend to judge it. We tend to think I had that intuition. But that doesn't feel okay, right? But just breaking it down into this. It's like, Oh, no, no.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This. This is okay. Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. There are more boundary types of boundaries for us to look at.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's look at time boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): da da. Da.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Your time is valuable. I know you all know this, but I'm I wanna say it again. Your time is valuable.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it is important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to be intentional
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and how it's utilized and to protect it when you need to protect it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Setting time boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): means understanding your priorities
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over committing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): healthy time. Boundaries might sound like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can't come to that event this weekend
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right for some people just to to to say, that is terrifying to somebody. Right? I can't come.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another example
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of an aligned time boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can only stay for an hour.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I would love to help, but I would be over committing myself. Is there another time?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Such simple words? Right? But we forget to use them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We have family time on Sundays, so we won't be able to make it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright. I'm gonna share one more. You ready? Everyone
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aligned time boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am happy to help with that. My hourly rate is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): violating time. Boundaries looks like asking professionals for their time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): without paying them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): demanding time from people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): people, keeping people in conversations for longer than we told them, or when they say they have to go
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): showing up late or canceling.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because we overcommitted
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and contacting people when they said they would be unavailable.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment and think about where this shows up for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or for your clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A couple more and some of these categories intersect, you know, overlap with each other. So just use what is helpful for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Jessica saying, the Taiwan is so big. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's a big game.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): intellectual boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so intellectual boundaries refer to your thoughts, your ideas, and your curiosity
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aligned. Intellectual boundaries include respect for the ideas of other people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and they can be violated when your thoughts in your curiosity are shut down, dismissed, or belittled.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aligned intellectual boundaries also mean considering when is not, when is a good or not good time to talk about something.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So it's a little bit different than that's too much emotionally, possibly right? So. But again they overlap
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so this might sound like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know we disagree, but I won't let you belittle me like that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I would love to talk about this more. But I don't think talking about it during Thanksgiving dinner is the best time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here is one that I think a lot of people should maybe use more often
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we talk about this we don't get very far. I think it's a good idea to avoid the conversation right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can respect that. We have different opinions on this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it this does not mean that you need to be accepting of all thoughts and opinions right? Because there's some thoughts and opinions that are harmful
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can tell someone that you can't tolerate. You don't tolerate that kind of talk. You can distance yourself from someone right? You cannot talk to them
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at all.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You don't have to have discourse.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If someone has opinions
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not okay with you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I hate.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? And then last one, for now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can call material boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So this refers to items in possessions
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like your home, your car, your clothing, your jewelry, your furniture, your money.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it is good to understand what you are and are not willing to share.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): involving Caroline. I don't know if I shared this with both groups about my socks and my.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): did I share it with our March group, or only our April group about Panina and my socks?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Short story is, Panino was stealing my socks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): my material possession, and I was letting it happen, and I was just letting her steal my socks and letting her steal my socks because she wasn't doing her own laundry and finally, alright. So I was on the week.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then finally, one day I got so pissed that when she wasn't home I went into her room, and I stole all of her socks and give them back. It got really rigid.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We want to have material boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This also presents prevents resentment
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I this can sound like I can't lend out my car. I'm the only person on the insurance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We can't give any more money. We would be happy to help in another way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sure, I'm happy to share that dress with you, but just a heads up. I need it back by Friday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we'll we'll
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): gonna take a break in a few minutes. But before we do, I'd love to hear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a couple of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): shares
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): any other shares from any of this like, what are you seeing again? This wasn't fully comprehensive, but I think it hits a lot of the big areas. What's feeling important? What are you seeing here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caroline?
Caroline Holke: I feel like I'm good about respecting
Caroline Holke: other people's time. I'm just a total jerk about my own time.
Caroline Holke: Like, I
Caroline Holke: yeah, I mean. I'm sure everybody can. Maybe people can relate to putting things in the calendar. I completely blow myself up all the time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We are gonna spend a good part of this afternoon looking at that.
Caroline Holke: Exactly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Cause. I know it is a thing. So yes, stay tuned. We're high. We are going to highlight that one.
Caroline Holke: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Involved.
Inbal Sansani: One of the the things that's like clear
Inbal Sansani: with the boundaries is like.
Inbal Sansani: like, I don't have a problem like
Inbal Sansani: or a major problem like we didn't. It doesn't feel like my problem is like saying the thing like, I can't do that, or it's that like I have Fomo or I'm like, you know, this might not come up again like, I'm so tired I'm having like an early dinner with a friend tomorrow, like cause I get like over stimulated. And then someone just invited me for game night.
Inbal Sansani: and I'm like, maybe I can like fit that in and like I know, it'll be fun.
Inbal Sansani: But I'm also like it doesn't. I know it doesn't work for me. So it's like.
Inbal Sansani: not only am I like now considering it.
Inbal Sansani: but then it's also like all the time and energy
Inbal Sansani: to be like. Should I do this? Should I not do this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, absolutely. And after break, we're gonna spend a little time on that, and then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even more time tomorrow. But there's always a fear, right. So in this case a fear of missing out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's not that one decision is better than the other. Necessarily go to game night or not game night. We just don't want the fear making the decision. We want your highest self to make that decision. And so we we have tools for that right like we, you could do a befriend your fear on Fomo.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and it's not so that you always say no to game night, or you always say yes, or you figure out how to fit all the things in. It's so that you can make an empowered decision and know that you're gonna be okay, and you can still have a great social life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Whether you do or you don't. You want to make the decision
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from that place?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We have time for one more share.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle.
Michelle Cohen: Just ideas that are now percolating is more what I'm gonna share. I was thinking about just like what involve and you which involve sharing. And that balance of like going back to our impulses and our needs.
Michelle Cohen: and also like where we need to.
Michelle Cohen: how we need to follow those needs. And so just kind of seeing that conversation in a different way now.
Michelle Cohen: And then, also, I've been
Michelle Cohen: no surprise. Some of my clients that I'm recently some new coaching clients are been very shut down. And so which, now that I'm getting more language for what that feels like. So I know what that feels like like, seeing how boundaries can start to be a way to kind of open up someone. So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Can you talk? Can you give us a specific example? Feel like what you're seeing is really important?
Michelle Cohen: Yeah.
Michelle Cohen: okay, I guess I can speak from.
Michelle Cohen: I had a client, a new client we had. We hadn't had 2 calls, and then we're taking a pause before we continue, so I can prep her more cause. She's extremely new to coaching, and I sort of went in with an assumption
Michelle Cohen: only because she was so
Michelle Cohen: articulate. And she she actually has.
Michelle Cohen: There's something there that she doesn't see yet. But what was interesting, and I know I didn't do anything wrong, but she
Michelle Cohen: Because she couldn't identify herself. She started to feel shut down.
Michelle Cohen: She no, she she knew I wasn't shutting her down. But her response was of one of shutdown and I started to just now, like, okay. So that was like a freeze response. It was a stress response. And and then I started to just see how, if for myself, in my
Michelle Cohen: going through so much through my fertility journey with Ivf.
Michelle Cohen: and then my Caesarian, and then feeling how that has actually shut
Michelle Cohen: me down on a certain level. And so.
Michelle Cohen: seeing now kind of recognizing behaviors also is to like what? What that's communicating. I hope that makes sense just in sharing those. I I'm still I don't have all the language.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it does. Thank you. Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Last little piece before we break that, I wanna point out, is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everything that we covered in these different categories.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If we are facilitating groups of people as facilitators, we need to be aware
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of all of these boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): babe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that we can hold
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a safe container for everybody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): All right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's take a break. We have a big afternoon. We'll take until 3 Eastern, and then we'll keep on going, so I'll hang out for a few minutes. If you need anything. If not, I will see you all at 3 Eastern.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, if you are back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you're able to put your camera on, please do so. I know that you're here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's resonating? What's moving through you? What's popping?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What do you have questions on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And how are you seeing this can be? So far we still have a lot more to look at, but so far
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what are you seeing ha! Around how this can be helpful in your client work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone want to share what's moving through you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): get.
Monique: So I've got a personal question. So when I was in DC I went to visit 3 of my friends and the first
Monique: friend that I stayed with.
Monique: Well, first of all, the flight to DC. Was horrendous. We didn't get it until midnight, and at midnight all I want to do is sleep, my body aches.
Monique: and my friend says, Well, let me make you something to eat.
Monique: and I'm thinking it's midnight. I need to sleep, and of course I said that out loud, and she says, No, no, no, but you really need something to eat like you can't go to sleep without something in your stomach, I said. Well, I can also argue the fact that if I have something in my stomach so late at night, I want to be up all night, because my body is processing all the food.
Monique: and we both had a laugh. But I felt her.
Monique: and not just in that midnight. But in the 3 days there. Her pushing food
Monique: like food, must be her love language, and you didn't eat enough. Okay, I'll take that. Well, don't take one. Take 3. Take them all you you cannot eat it. So she's like the mom that's like, let me feed you.
Monique: I did not know how to
Monique: navigate that.
Monique: I tried as best as I could, but I just was like.
Monique: this is too much. I don't. I don't want to get in a fight with my friend.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, it's, I'm so glad you're bringing this up because it's it's another example. But in a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it also gives us compassion, right. So we can tend to like, get angry at people that we feel like are taking too much from us, and we're giving to them and giving to them and giving to them. But this kind of turns it on its head of like where we give ourselves away because someone is trying to give so much to us, but it crosses
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a boundary like would do. Do we abandon ourselves when someone is actually giving us too much, and we feel we have to accept it right? So it's another really important example for us and for us to look for our clients. You know. If there, if things are going on there, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to just extend it out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a good it it it makes for yet more good evidence that we don't want to be over giving to our clients
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Because the practitioner that's giving more. And let me do more for you, and let's spend more time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A client might just be accepting it and taking it because they're like, Oh, but I don't know how to say no to this generosity, but it's actually too much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I'm scared then that my coach is not gonna like me, or think I'm not appreciative, or
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whatever it is, right. So it's just. It's it's great example all around. Thank you.
Monique: Yeah. Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Veronica.
Veronica Jensen: I have been kicking around so part of. When Michelle Cohen had shared before the break what she had started with were boundaries as a way to open someone up who's been shut down.
Veronica Jensen: and that kind of
Veronica Jensen: planted a seed and stuck with me. And I start thinking about it because it's not my wouldn't be my first go to. For like, let's look at this area. I think I would typically go to. Okay, we'll go toward like
Veronica Jensen: connection and purpose, reception, and like. But boundaries are a part of safety. And so someone who shut down like being able to do that boundary work, to have it feel
Veronica Jensen: supported enough to be able to let that go and to come out. And I went. Oh, yeah, of course, that goes hand in hand.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, that word of safety, is it? Exactly? Sometimes with a client? It's the question we need to be asking ourselves and then asking our client is, what do you need
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in order to feel safe here, right? Or what boundary do you need
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in order to feel safe here? When there is more of that sense of safety, there is more willingness to be vulnerable and to connect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Guide.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else? What else is moving through you? What's feeling important. What are you noticing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Where do you have questions?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Did you like the drawing cause? We're gonna do some more drawing, too, in a little bit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And a any practitioner thoughts on any of that as well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I find personally, and also like I went on a walk, and I was reflecting on recent conversations with my kiddo, where we're definitely in place of needing
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): boundaries, and we're like she's figuring out boundaries. But I was thinking about it with clients, and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and especially myself, and the ways that I have like bounced between extremes, and I think, the middle.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): We've been talking a lot about the middle way.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): the middle way I find really hard, and I.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): But and and I can see like I draw clients to me that also find that hard, and it's
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): e even, you know, as we're looking at the aligned place like in my mind. It's like that sounds really nice.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): but the
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and I can hear like my resistance voice in here. But the if you set boundaries, you are alone.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And and the truth is
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): that has happened, and it's actually been most of my experience in setting boundaries. It's been really lonely. And I
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): so
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): yeah, so I feel a little stuck on that. To be honest.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This is why we have still another day and a half. Right like we're we're getting kind of the a awareness down and the concepts down and we're gonna continue to look at that and look at different ways. And you know, just spoiler alert that we're gonna be using the word repairing a lot, especially tomorrow.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): along with the warrior archetype.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But again, I can't remember who I mentioned this to earlier. Maybe it was you. I don't think it was you, someone else but
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and and this goes back to our work on fear, right, our very first retreat here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it nothing is without risk in life, right? Anything, any stretch that we make, any ways that we go after a goal right? We can call like having a more aligned boundary in this case a goal, because you get something for yourself. It is never without risk. Right? So we always want to do a risk assessment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And no, we can't have everything we have over here if we're gonna move over here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then. But what's important is to do that risk assessment from our adult
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): resources
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not our child resources. Right? So again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as a child, we needed all of the all the connection right, maybe for some of us, in order to survive
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as an adult.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe we do. Maybe we don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right. But we wanna assess that from where we are right now, and also from the intellect that we have right now in terms of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): well, and then, can I find other people that are more aligned to right? We don't get other parents most of the time, right, or family, or grandparents, or like whatever it is when we're younger. But we do have chosen quote unquote. If we're gonna project family onto others right
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as adults. So I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can eliminate
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tough choices or some loss
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we set aligned boundaries. But what I wanna impress upon or toss to see if it feels like truth for you is that we get to have more choice than we think we do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we can make those choices based on
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): our resilience and our adult resources and intellect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is that helpful.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): That's so helpful and actually right before you said the piece about the making other choices. I'm like
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): what was happening in my mind was, and that's part of what's happened like that's what I'm walking with right now is
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): spent a lifetime over giving and recognizing that I've been setting boundaries. And it. It actually doesn't feel like a fit. And I kept like trying to make it a fit. I was like, Oh, wait! It's not really a fit anymore. Like.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): we're recreating a lot of the social structure in order to make it more of a fit. And that's like
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): me having changed, but also me like having to step in and be change within these new relationships. And it's quite uncomfortable, but really amazing.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): So yes, like, it totally resonates. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I'm just in it right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, which is a hard and also amazing place to be. I can hear just from this last part of your share that you are changing right? You're in that tough place of the change and the discomfort that feels really important to not twist yourself into a pretzel.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: I was just curious, just like you gave some examples of, with all the types of boundaries of, you know, alignment versus violating them.
jessicakuznick: I'm just curious in relation to what you all were just talking about. What are some examples of the risks.
jessicakuznick: or the
jessicakuznick: lonely, you know, like what can, what what is. I'm just having trouble thinking of what that is concretely. But I'm really interested. So if that fits.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Risk setting boundary aligned boundaries.
jessicakuznick: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): give us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 30 about 30 min. And we're gonna or we're getting there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything else
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that is feeling important to share right now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's been coming up, or that you're seeing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I wanna make a quick 5 min diversion cause I forgot to mention this before break.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I sent you all an email about this, and a lot of you have been asking. And some of you have already been stepping in. But I just wanna
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take a few minutes to talk about embody because it is we we are ending tomorrow, ish, and if you are wanting to continue with community to continue with learning in this way. If you are wanting to have containers for yourself, to do the inner work, and to stay on your edge and cutting edge
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with your coaching skills.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Then embody might be the place for you. It is for sacred depth graduates, and we meet about every 8 to 10 weeks for a half day, intensive for 3 and a half hours, where we go into a topic from sacred depths. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's in new ways. So in ways that I've been playing with those concepts
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in my own practice, with my own clients and groups. And so we. It's this beautiful, both a review and getting into more details of sacred depth techniques as well as looking at
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): kind of latest, greatest cutting edge ways of working with it. So, for example, in a recent embodied retreat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we spent some time looking at myth of perfection which we look at in sacred depth, but we looked at it from a whole other perspective with a semantic technique called the Welcome to the World Technique. That allows you to go into your baby body, and be accepted in all of your imperfection. Right? So that's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's just one example. It is not as intensive as advanced. It's just it's 3 and a half hours every 10 weeks. It's but it is this style with deep inquiry and learning of new techniques and sharing in community.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you want a tighter container for some people, they just want to show up every 10 weeks and and get that. But if you want a tighter container as part of embody you have access to the 2 QA. Calls each month with me. You know I'm there 100 for you ask me any question, either. In the QA. Call Facebook group. Some of you reach out to me directly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You know I'm gonna do whatever I can to support you in that way. And we also have practice sessions every month. It's different than any of my other trainings. It's a loose container. It is a membership circle and community. So it's like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): kind of like a a buffet of do you pick what you want? But it is a way to stay connected to me, to my energy, to all the ways that I'm playing with new things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then to to have coaching and community I'm extending to everybody in this group a special Ren. The rate that I extended to people that are renewing and body is something you can renew year to year. So it's $160 a month.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Which is, I think, a steal or 1,920.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you pay in full. There are also bonuses that are included. So I saw some of you all already stepped into navigating client resistance. Yay, if you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you register for embody navigating client resistance like that whole $500 program is one of the bonuses included. So if you already purchased it, and you wanna be an embody. We can. You know what is fix, fix that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's marketing bonuses. I have different pop up marketing trainings. Everybody in advance has already been invited to the ones we've done already. Moving forward. We're gonna do one on how to give and get great testimonials. We're gonna do a whole. Get it done on lead magnets and free gifts.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, and I just have to celebrate back to navigating client resistance, because I just found out it is we just found out. It is our first training that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can get ceus for the International Coaching Federation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What else can I tell you I don't remember all the the upcoming retreat topics. The next one is on activating your intuition
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and helping your clients to activate their intuition.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We have another intensive coming up on the Belief bridge method which some of you have learned
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): already. It's an incredible combination of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): befriend your fear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Belief, work, movement work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's it's really really great.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we have an advanced questioning.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Think tank
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): coming up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): radical self love intensive as well. I think those are the next ones coming up, so I'll put the brochure
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll put the link to the brochure in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): get it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and of course, if you have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): any questions you can ask me during break
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): oh, and the the special rate that I'm extending to all of you, which is, the renewal rate
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is available until this Monday, May sixth, as well as the bonus of the navigating client resistance. So if you register by Monday you get the special rate and you get navigating client resistance.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so we're gonna have more drawing time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I want to show you another picture.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I drew this a few years ago.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): No, that's not it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So it's not. It says current. It's not exactly current. But it's actually really fun to go back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to this from like 3 years ago to see what's the same. And what's changed.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a representation, and we're all gonna do our own in a few minutes of what my boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in different areas of my life
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): looked like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 3 years ago.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So there's me in the middle.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Looks like I might be wearing lipstick and mascara
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): here I have really aligned boundaries, mostly with friends. So this was my reps that my kind of friend and you can pick. When you do this you can represent. However, you want. You can pick whatever topics or quadrants, or whatever you want.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But you know I have friends coming in, and so much love from them, and then, you know, healthy boundaries, and all of that I did recognize. I'm not so great at asking for support. So that was like kind of a hard line, although this heart out is on like really good at giving support.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can already see a boundary with how I call my parents. I still call them mommy and daddy and for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the way I represented boundaries which are really tough with them are. These were kind of barbed wires, and sometimes I can put up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the the barbed wire like the barbed wires, unfortunately, are needed sometimes for me to put boundaries. So there's and but then other things get through. Unfortunately. So that was that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am very rigid around people I don't like. I just don't interact with them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I feel very good about that. That rigid is actually aligned for me. I just don't have time for people that I don't like so that's that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This was the section
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with my kids, and you know lots of hearts. But I do put up some like here boundaries with love versus the barbed wire boundaries with my parents.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And this I put this. This is narcissism, because sometimes I think I may have a little weak boundaries where I'm trying to like get more from my kids than they want to give me, you know. Like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): still be the center of attention for you, my children. So you know, working on that one and technology, you know. So so a little good, a little bad so in a minute or 2. I'm gonna ask you to do this for yourself in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): any way that feels right for you as a way of a of a deeper exploration and slowing it down, and kind of really considering
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where your boundaries are at. Right now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in poll.
Inbal Sansani: This is like
Inbal Sansani: an assessment of the current situation, not what we want it to be.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): No, not ideal. This is the a assessment of the current situation. Exactly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Any other thoughts or questions before
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica is asking in the chat. Did I do? I could do a separate one of these for work, for sure. And if that's what you want to do for yours today, you can do that also, like you can make this whatever is, gonna be important and meaningful and and valuable for you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): any other questions before I I'll give us about 7, 8 min.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Ish little longer for this. Any other thoughts or questions before we go in. Yeah, involved.
Inbal Sansani: So not to over, not to overthink it. But you kind of have like 5 main categories, like.
Inbal Sansani: you know, parents, friends, technology, kids, people I don't like.
Inbal Sansani: So
Inbal Sansani: yeah, I'm just thinking for myself, it might behave helpful to like first, do categories.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can absolutely do that, and you can end up if you just want 2 categories or one category or more than I have. You know, for first for you it might be health, or it might be right, like, I'm just making things up. I didn't do anything with John here. We're
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pretty like ideal in terms of boundaries with each other. So it didn't even occur to me right? But this is a like, make it your own. Whatever is meaningful for you exercise. And I love that idea, if you wanna like, for some people think through.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it'll help to think through the categories first for others. This is also. I want this to be a little bit of like somatic. Not that you're not thinking. Obviously, you're thinking a lot, but you might just want to see what, where the drawing takes you as you do it, and and and don't put the too much planning in either. And and this is a do it as you want.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kind of thing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sound good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, so say 8 min.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So take another minute
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or 2. Hmm.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay, oops
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): trying to work out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): breakout rooms.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Give me 1 s.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It'll so we're gonna go into breakout rooms.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It'll be mostly
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): groups
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of 2,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with a couple of groups of 3.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): David, are you gonna go in on your phone, or the one that says Big sir, or the one that doesn't say big, sir.
Deva Munay: Can you hear me through this one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. So you wanna go in on this one.
Deva Munay: Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. Great.
Deva Munay: Smart. Sensitive.
Deva Munay: Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So you'll have 10 min total to share your drawing and what's feeling important in it. And if you want any reflections from your partner on what they see in the drawing. To get reflections as well, and I'll keep time and also hop in and out of the rooms.
Deva Munay, Big Sur: I got bumped out of the other group, so I'll just wait. We all back in
Deva Munay, Big Sur: Nice to meet you.
Tina Dowdy: Joanna, we can't hear you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, didn't realize I was on mute, David. I'm sorry I was talking to that whole time telling you I was trying to figure out a way to get you in, and the computer wasn't letting me. But I didn't realize I was on mute that whole time. Sorry
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): David got kicked out the last minute.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is feeling? What came through this exercise? When you think about this exercise?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's feeling important?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique.
Monique: I was sharing with Vlada that I did not draw anything. I didn't feel
Monique: I couldn't draw anything. However, I did list
Monique: areas.
Monique: and from there, I journaled, and I don't like to journal. So it was funny that this is how it showed up for me.
Monique: and
Monique: I don't know that I need to share any of it. I'm sure we all relate to most of everything. But there were a couple that lot of shared that I had not even considered
Monique: boundaries around money
Monique: and or your creative time. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh! Thank you for for sharing that. I have to write that down on my list.
Monique: so I think when we're done.
Monique: As Vlada was sharing her her list.
Monique: I could almost see it like a a bullseye.
Monique: So if I'm in the center, this is where I feel good. This is where I feel you know the the the inner rings I feel great about. But then some of the outer rings I was like, oh, I need to bring more attention to this, so I think when I draw it, it might look something like a bullseye.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, beautiful. I love that good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Greg.
Gregg Berman: and awareness came to me as I was
Gregg Berman: sharing my drawing with Kim, and and it was it was around. You know. I'm I'm always trying to navigate how to use my Adhd brain and realizing in terms of the boundaries that I keep around the amount of
Gregg Berman: play socialization I let into my life
Gregg Berman: versus the amount of work that I do.
Gregg Berman: it it used to.
Gregg Berman: I mean, it's it's been
Gregg Berman: definitely, not enough play. And and it's because of this
Gregg Berman: fear slash memory of when I used to try and
Gregg Berman: and play thinking all right. If I spend time with friends. If I spend time being outside, then when I come back.
Gregg Berman: it's gonna allow me to be functional. But my brain still never allowed me to be functional. And and so that
Gregg Berman: beer. But that's not.
Gregg Berman: That's not my current day operating system. And and so it's an awareness of
Gregg Berman: think about how other people often are treating me based on the old me, and I don't think about how I'm treating me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Based.
Gregg Berman: Enjoyed me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love this, this, this. I'm so glad that this is coming through right. It's it's almost like in this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): place you hadn't caught up with yourself, and, like you said you're operating on it with it like on a what an older version of Greg would do or need versus what you know or do or need now. So that's it's so wonderful right cause. Now you have more choice in the moment on it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): involve.
Inbal Sansani: So a lot of things like stood out is kind of like embarrassing. But
Inbal Sansani: because I mean, it's very like of the moment, like, I'm tired. And
Inbal Sansani: so what I'll highlight is like that.
Inbal Sansani: you know, when I noticed toward, you know, feels like I'm being attacked. There's like all these, you know, things coming at me which
Inbal Sansani: is true. I feel like
Inbal Sansani: this whole lower half is about family.
Inbal Sansani: And then I didn't put like community was more like the pressure to create and sustain community. Because the one thing that's chill is like close friends.
Inbal Sansani: It's like they're just there.
Inbal Sansani: You know, and the nibblings.
Inbal Sansani: but like that pressure to create. And then the other thing that stood out is like
Inbal Sansani: all the things that are not on here
Inbal Sansani: like, you know. So it's kinda like in there. It's like pleasure play, like better health and fun and romance. They're like, you know, in a different
Inbal Sansani: direction.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, so that's what.
Inbal Sansani: You know right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think that's that's really
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): important to notice, too. And you know, earlier, when we were talking about time boundaries, I said it quick. But I'll say it again now, like time. Boundaries are part of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): knowing what our priorities are
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right and and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes, there can be competing priorities sometimes, too. But you know, being clear, I just wanna remind everyone
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of an exercise and sacred depth when we were looking at time, that bullseye. It's funny that Monique just mentioned bullseye, but the bullseye exercise. It is good to update your bullseye every year or 2 to kind of see and make some decisions about priorities.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at least for that, even if it's not going to be for the next year like for that month, what are the priorities? Right? Because oftentimes we don't clarify for ourselves, and then things get jumbled, and then sometimes the most important things end up, not in the picture
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at all.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Melody.
Melody Noll: As I was doing my drawing, which I won't show cause I sketched it really quickly in pencil. It's sort of unreadable.
Melody Noll: But what I noticed as I was coming up with a different
Melody Noll: components of the different areas. As I kind of drew this enclosure around myself, I noticed the nature of the types of boundaries
Melody Noll: between the ideas and people.
Melody Noll: Some of them were
Melody Noll: like
Melody Noll: wispy, thin, almost nonexistent.
Melody Noll: and others were like
Melody Noll: Oh, hell, no, you know, like triple lines, triple lines, that kind of thing.
Melody Noll: Others are like people I'm pulling away from kind of sort of a zoom
Melody Noll: line.
Melody Noll: Others were, you know those those lines where you have the no. And then the gaps
Melody Noll: got bigger, depending on the person, or this, or issue of where things sneak through consciously or unconsciously, and how I creep in consciously or unconsciously. So it was really really helpful
Melody Noll: to notice. Just yeah, the nature of the boundaries are different.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I love that, and it's good to name it.
Melody Noll: That.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, for sure. And I'm glad you're also giving the example of in this exercise. You can use specific people. This person, this person, this person, as well versus categories.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, I also didn't get to sketch mine, really, but I had so many categories, and
Vlada Tomova: I sort of energetically felt into them
Vlada Tomova: as like. Oh, with some of them
Vlada Tomova: I actually feel that I have
Vlada Tomova: pretty good boundaries and exchange, and one of them was so good that I even didn't put it on the list. It was health
Vlada Tomova: as Monique was talking about. It was like.
Vlada Tomova: yes, we had a very similar experience with her.
Vlada Tomova: I'm like, yeah, I'm so good at like knowing what I need and doing it. And it is completely non negotiable. It's like, but I didn't even occur to me to put it on the list.
Vlada Tomova: But yeah, I wanted to acknowledge it. And then the categories that I felt sort of that
Vlada Tomova: I am perhaps expanding a lot of
Vlada Tomova: time to work on managing and improving those areas.
Vlada Tomova: Where is there were some areas where definitely need work.
Vlada Tomova: And I'm acknowledging that. And they stay in the resistance.
Vlada Tomova: So I'm like, Oh, okay, alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That right.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah. So even if I put oh, like, when you're when we were talking about the bullseye
Vlada Tomova: like, Yeah, Bullhide. And I know I can put something where I want it to be. And I wanna end and like navigating, our own resistance is is the will I actually get to it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Died.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, eye opening right just little drawings, or spending a few minutes to think on it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: I just wanted to add that when I did my drawing I'll just show it really quick.