Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Welcome. Welcome. Good morning. Good afternoon.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Depending on where you are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's good to see everybody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let's take a few moments and get centered and present.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so if it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is right for you, close your eyes, I'm gonna close mine
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and take a few moments to arrive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): paying attention to your body
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and holding space for your body to sync up with your mind
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that all of you can be here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking the time as we step in today
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that you can be present
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to receive what's here for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also to give what you're meant to give.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe with each breath you can even feel yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): taking up more space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): becoming more present
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe with a breath inhabiting your shoulders.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe with another breath, inhabiting your pelvis
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inhabiting your back.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm sledding each breath. Bring you more here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together. We'll take a nice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): deep breath in and exhale everything out with the sigh. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): breathing, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then, if your eyes aren't already open, can open them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, I'm excited for our day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): have a lot to do, and I realized we didn't really use the phrase
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Wise warrior yesterday, even though it's called the Wise Warrior Retreat. And I promise you we will get there today. It's kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the culmination of all of these
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): explorations around boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to get us started. Now, I'd love to hear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what has really been with you since yesterday. What's been feeling important?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's been moving through you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What came through your dreams.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you're wondering about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): would like to share.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kim.
Kim Davies: I got off the call yesterday, and I just started doing stuff.
Kim Davies: And I I did so many different things, and even went to a facilitation meeting for facilitators in person.
Kim Davies: and my energy was different. There was no shoulds.
Kim Davies: I really need to do this kind of thing. It was just like, Oh, I'm just gonna do this.
Kim Davies: It was amazing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But it's it's incredible how just kind of like sometimes just being in the container looking at the pieces right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It can shift something. So I'm so happy to hear it. And Kim, you know it's not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's not always like. And then it happened, and it's gonna be like that forever. But from what you know of everything we looked at, and also from what you know of yourself and human behavior. What
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is one thing that you can do to hold onto or come back to that shifted energy around?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This isn't I don't have. Should I have desires, and I'm going. I'm taking action on my desires.
Kim Davies: Yeah, that's a really good
Kim Davies: question. Because I'm not exactly like
Kim Davies: I can't pinpoint it to anything like what happened.
Kim Davies: thinking about the instant gratification. Monkey like
Kim Davies: I feel like I have that strongly. And
Kim Davies: your when you said align boundaries help me create what I want in life. I really liked that statement.
Kim Davies: I mean, I don't. I don't really know is.
Kim Davies: ma'am.
Kim Davies: but it's a really good question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, so continue to think about it. My intuition.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you know better than me. But so there's an intuition mixed with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're knowing about your inner brat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Says to go in the direction, and because you just mentioned it of there is this flip from like from should to want to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I think that's an important key here for you. So even
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I. So a couple of things come to mind. One is connecting in with that feeling of want to inside of you that you were feeling.
Kim Davies: Yesterday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And plugging into that right like what is desire, feel like? And can we increase that versus have to? So that's an embodied way? And if you want to get at it at more of a logical way, it might be like, Okay, I know I want to move forward on my business. Right? I'm just making this up today, like, I want to take action steps.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are the shoulds that I'm not going to do?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But what's a desire that I actually can connect in with that feeling of desire that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd like to do. I just, I think, just playing around.
Kim Davies: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then you can even like when you get when you figure out what the desire is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): check in with your inner brat. Feel like, what do you think about this.
Kim Davies: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right, and it doesn't have to take a lot of time to do all these things. But because you felt that yesterday I'm wanting you to kinda let's continue to plug back in. How does.
Kim Davies: Integrating. Yeah, yeah, that feels really good. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yay, diva.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are you there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): David? Are you there?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I saw you on the screen before, and now I don't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. I'll come back to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll come back to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): So the biggest thing was that I woke up. Wait! I've just lost you. I woke up
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): having this dream about so many different kinds of boundaries was like I was like, oh, this is a writer, Downer, and it was just all these layers between being with a friend to my kid to being on the New York subway system and like trying to find our new home, and that being with these intelligence officers, and they were trying to get information out, and then somebody was like hitting on a friend, but not me, because I was too bound. It was like all these things coming through.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And anyway, I wrote it all out. But it was. It was pretty hilarious. I was like, Oh, yeah, textbook.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Oh, and then the toilet, just remembering back. And I think this second group also had the dreams for this. This one had a toilet full of vomit and so that was at my friend's place who's like caregiving her mom. So all of that was coming up, and that was like, there's clearly lots to work with there. And then the other piece was last night just sitting with my kid
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and watching the bedtime be encroached upon yet again.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and I and I just got like so clear like. There was no, not even emotion about. It was just like, Hey, I'm actually not getting my nighttime routine, and it is getting like worse and worse and worse. And like, I really want to be there for you. And I wanna connect with you. And I have to have my time, because it's backing up into my days. And it's not working. And so I've I set us a meeting for this weekend where we're gonna discuss
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): the boundaries around the around nighttime and what it looks like, and it can totally shift from the expectation which we're so far beyond at this point, but also just what the routine looks like and which parts I participated in and not, and and that feels amazing because it's like rippling out into my work day and my work night and my
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): my pleasure time, and like my book reading time all the things. So, yeah, so that was.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, all of it. And as you're sharing Kelly, the energy that I'm feeling from you, and tell me if I'm getting this right, is. It's not like a oh, no, I'm gonna hurt someone. If I set a boundary, it it feels like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so loving and coming from like a power
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together. Place yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And and it's reminding me of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): did Shadow retreat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yep.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And yeah, it's like, then it feels like, so next layer. From that I was thinking there were some reminiscent things that I was speaking and writing yesterday, and then I was like, Oh, no, no, it's not that place.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): It's a it's a very different place. So yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Beautiful. I'm so happy to hear it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caroline.
Caroline Holke: Hi! I
Caroline Holke: was noticing that
Caroline Holke: I need to put limits on my zoom because I had an 8 o'clock meeting yesterday, and then this all day, and then I had an immediate another meeting after that, and I was just
Caroline Holke: completely wiped out
Caroline Holke: and all things that I want to do.
Caroline Holke: But they're still a part of
Caroline Holke: yeah, I just I. And so I make sure that I ran around and went to the grocery store, and I got dinner prepped, and I was not on zoom this morning so hopefully. That will help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I, it's it's it's a small big thing. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, yes, we shouldn't be on zoom all day long, so obvious and not and but I really hear in your voice this conviction of I I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): am willing to protect my energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Per way.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): As you're speaking.
Caroline Holke: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Guide.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): melody.
Melody Noll: Oh, gosh! I
Melody Noll: had
Melody Noll: last night I had a
Melody Noll: boundary conversation where a lot of the
Melody Noll: things that
Melody Noll: were talked about came to the fore
Melody Noll: and
Melody Noll: I guess I have a lot of judgments and regrets about how I handled it, and I spent
Melody Noll: like the rest of the evening, kind of thinking. No, wait a minute. You did kind of do this right, which is different from you. But I basically.
Melody Noll: when when we were talking about yesterday, how. It's not really easy to do this, especially when you change the rules on your family of origin.
Melody Noll: And so one of the things that I
Melody Noll: told myself at the Retreat was that I was really going to speak my uncensored truth
Melody Noll: in order to be in that alignment, you need to be resourced, and I wasn't resourced, and so, when my cousin called me last night to deal with some family drama, I should have said.
Melody Noll: I'm really sorry this is important, but I can't have this conversation right now. When blah blah blah we can continue it.
Melody Noll: And instead, he just kind of went off into his thing. And then I did stand up and say some things, at which point, then he gave me some demands and hung up on me.
Melody Noll: And there's a lot of really serious, serious family drama going on right now. And so
Melody Noll: I just sat in my.
Melody Noll: I had my mom all day for 3 days because I'm trying to get her out of that drama cause she's kind of suicidal about it. And so, and I had created a boundary with her the night before that I'm in a retreat. I've got a deadline to edit 2 books this week, and I'm going away this weekend and preparing a circle for a couple, and I've never done a couple before, so I need to take you home.
Melody Noll: And she didn't want to go home.
Melody Noll: So then I had to deal with all of that I took her home.
Melody Noll: This caused more drama, and I spent the rest of the night kind of thinking
Melody Noll: did I handle this well? And then, you know, crying and trying to be let my rage come out, and all of that. And it just felt it was this weird combination of being in that transition. When you're working with boundaries, which is.
Melody Noll: I totally screwed it up, I should know better. And then this is really hard work. And
Melody Noll: yeah, it's not gonna sit route with people. And how am I gonna handle that? And then trying to look back and saying, yes, but you did something different this time, which is you told him?
Melody Noll: Blah, blah blah blah.
Melody Noll: And so
Melody Noll: yeah.
Melody Noll: I'm just really.
Melody Noll: this is what I'm working on right now. So I guess I'm getting this lesson really hard.
Melody Noll: not at the best time.
Melody Noll: So thanks, I just needed to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah, can I?
Melody Noll: Rough, that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): A few things
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that be okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): nothing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): First, I just really wanna honor and acknowledge how hard it is with your family, even without knowing the details. I can just feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through the share how hard it is and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you love and how loyal
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and dedicated
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I just first, really wanna acknowledge that melody because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's incredible. And it also means that you hold a lot
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): all the time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): mentioned. And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I maybe am too excited. Say, thinking back to what you were working on in the shadow, retreat like you did something different. You right you you may have ideas for how to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tweak it. Moving forward now that you did it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But you got over the hump.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you you opened up the gates.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you allowed yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to speak
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your unbridled truth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and for as unpleasant or uncomfortable as that feels right now, and you can tell me if you agree with this for me. There's no doubt in my mind that it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): starting to have this skill and work on the skill of speaking your truth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's gonna serve you so much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): serve you so much?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Can you feel into that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The curiosity that I have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Trying to think? How I want to ask this question.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What would it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): look like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to give yourself, Grace.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for not doing it perfectly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and for being willing to change your role as the super hero nurturer
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in your family?
Melody Noll: I started doing that last night, and I did feel better.
Melody Noll: but it comes back. So
Melody Noll: I staged myself this morning in my house, and
Melody Noll: I need to take some time, and I think, meditate, and give myself some self love and care, and
Melody Noll: all my little tools that I use when I
Melody Noll: get to this point.
Melody Noll: So yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So taking good care.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And what's the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's the little girl part of you that's scared right now?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's the fear.
Melody Noll: It's a combination of
Melody Noll: knowing that when I go to where my mother lives, where all these relatives are, that it can be emotionally dangerous and even physically dangerous.
Melody Noll: Some kind of.
Melody Noll: But I can't leave my mom there, so I'm kind of. So there's that fear.
Melody Noll: And then there's a fear which I'm willing to deal with, which is to cut kind of really back off from these people
Melody Noll: to figure out how my mom works into that, to really back off. And then
Melody Noll: this, the recording. I'm not loved. I'm the outlier. I'm the, you know, that sort of thing.
Melody Noll: But I've gotten to the point where I'm really, really willing. I think someone was saying this yesterday.
Melody Noll: why do I want to be with people like that?
Melody Noll: And it's gonna take a lot of strength.
Melody Noll: because I have a lot of people that are judging me for
Melody Noll: not
Melody Noll: being the one to mend all the fences.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sounds like. That's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you've been that hero in your family
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for so long.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that fear of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not having.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you take better care of yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's the piece, right? You said. You know you can work, continue to work on that, and and that's what I would encourage as well is letting that part of you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's if they cut ties.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're gonna be okay.
Melody Noll: It's me cutting ties.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or if you cut the tie.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is there a part of you that knows that.
Melody Noll: Yeah.
Melody Noll: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sending love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and so much courage. You have so much courage.
Melody Noll: That was my intention for the retreat. Courage.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Melody Noll: This work!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Melody Noll: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Deva.
Deva Munay: Can you hear me now?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Deva Munay: Okay, first, I just wanna acknowledge that I've been traveling. And so I'm sorry. Yesterday I was on and off the screen with bad reception, and I thought I had the tech stuff figured out, and I'm still in a new new situation. But
Deva Munay: the the boundary work is just so incredibly important. And I think
Deva Munay: I'm really seeing it with my family of origin as well and knowing I'm going to have to have some
Deva Munay: difficult conversations. I My
Deva Munay: God, child, niece, is getting married, and I'm not invited to the wedding, and I've shared with some of you that I have a challenging relationship with my father in particular, and
Deva Munay: we haven't spoken in.
Deva Munay: It's coming up on 9 years this summer. And
Deva Munay: I think, like the rest. This is like the first big event where it's gonna be like, what the hell! Why isn't David there? And I told my mom like, Look, I don't want this to be just that
Deva Munay: I don't want to be there. It's like I'm not invited to the wedding and because my dad doesn't want me to be there and
Deva Munay: I think it's slid before. And they've said, Oh, she's just too busy for us, or she's doing this, or she's doing that, and I'm I've just kind of went with it. But, like all my cousins and aunts and uncles have
Deva Munay: who I do really care about, I haven't said anything, and wanting to protect my father.
Deva Munay: And I think there's this issue of the boundary of like, well, where am I
Deva Munay: protecting? My own sense of, you know, having a relationship with these people who've been really important my whole life, and how to respectfully be in my integrity around it, and
Deva Munay: also still honor my father, but not be walked all over by him, so I just feel like a lot of the
Deva Munay: what was brought up yesterday is kind of
Deva Munay: being like, you know, I'm just taking it all into like, how do I implement this into
Deva Munay: being graceful about it, but also like the courage, and like holding to my center and not being walked all over. Because I feel like I've just kind of let them say whatever they want, and I'm done with that I'm like. That's it's not representing who I am. And I'm
Deva Munay: Yeah, just feeling more courageous. So thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): No happy to hear it. I can really feel that this is loosening up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you, and that willingness to stand up for yourself, even if you don't yet see exactly how or how you want to set that boundary or protect that interest. I I'm so happy that this is starting to to rise inside of you and tell me if I'm getting this right, David, what what I'm hearing as you're talking is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a sense of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): deserving.
Deva Munay: Yeah.
Deva Munay: And I think I've you know my whole
Deva Munay: like, early on my mom said, you know, you don't deserve anything. And like really coming into that, like the talk of worthiness and like. I deserve to have a voice in this, and how much my voice was really just squelched in my family of origin, and
Deva Munay: how much work I've done, Stephen, and facilitating and being able to like, own and hold that with compassion for myself and for others. But yeah, disturbing like, I deserve to have a voice in this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, you deserve for your voice to not be erased or muffled, or your story to be twisted.
Deva Munay: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): make sure your father is comfortable.
Deva Munay: Right? Yeah.
Deva Munay: yeah. I've been like trying to protect him the whole for the last 9 years of like, I've already rocked the boat. I don't wanna rock the boat anymore. I'll just stay and hide over here. And
Deva Munay: yeah, it's been really hurtful. And I think
Deva Munay: just very confusing to everyone else like what happened to her. She just all of a sudden disappeared from all the family gatherings and
Deva Munay: the odd.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I heard you so clearly say you're done. You use those words. I'm happy to hear it, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm glad we have today, too, for it to keep on evolving and getting more clear.
Deva Munay: You so much.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In ball.
Inbal Sansani: So.
Inbal Sansani: for, like 7 and a half months I haven't
Inbal Sansani: responded to anything my dad or my first brother have posted in the family chat
Inbal Sansani: until Friday, April nineteenth.
Inbal Sansani: and then both my dad and my first brother like
Inbal Sansani: attacked me.
Inbal Sansani: and my 2 youngest brothers
Inbal Sansani: didn't do anything
Inbal Sansani: so, and my mom didn't do anything
Inbal Sansani: so but
Inbal Sansani: and then my first brother was avoiding me, and was just like oozing with anger.
Inbal Sansani: like very passive, aggressive, ignored me on Passover, and my youngest brother was in town, so like we were all spending more time together. So what I shared yesterday is that like
Inbal Sansani: I wasn't fixing. I wasn't like checking in with my mom.
Inbal Sansani: I wasn't checking in with him like I wasn't like trying to make things better
Inbal Sansani: so then yesterday.
Inbal Sansani: and my dad had posted something
Inbal Sansani: that I ignored last week
Inbal Sansani: and then he posted something yesterday, and it was like, I just like.
Inbal Sansani: I'm like, I'm so grateful for the work of like
Inbal Sansani: seeing all the impulses that come up
Inbal Sansani: of, like what I want to say and what I want to do, and like
Inbal Sansani: the scorched earth option
Inbal Sansani: and like everything
Inbal Sansani: you know in between
Inbal Sansani: but I didn't actually
Inbal Sansani: like I I don't want to react
Inbal Sansani: And so I texted my 2 younger brothers. I was like, I don't even understand. Like what like what the fuck is. He even cause my first reaction was like
Inbal Sansani: what the fuck does this even mean?
Inbal Sansani: And so
Inbal Sansani: it was really frustrating, like, I just gotten out of the the gym and was just like immediately activated.
Inbal Sansani: And
Inbal Sansani: the
Inbal Sansani: it's like, ultimately I didn't like. There's a part of me. One of the options like to just leave the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That's what I was just thinking.
Inbal Sansani: And
Inbal Sansani: But in.
Inbal Sansani: if if the kids.
Inbal Sansani: if the nibblings were on there, then I wouldn't even consider it. But
Inbal Sansani: there's 3 different
Inbal Sansani: chats for each of the each brothers.
Inbal Sansani: kids.
Inbal Sansani: and I'm like, do I? So I texted.
Inbal Sansani: you know, my brothers, and it was like, Oh, like you can't leave the family chat like you're part of the family. And I'm like, Yeah, I don't know how, if I can deal with this
Inbal Sansani: like. And I wasn't discussing it. I was like, Okay, for now I decided not to. But interestingly, the youngest one who had said to me last week
Inbal Sansani: they were really ganging up on you, and sorry I'm selfish, but I just didn't want to get into it.
Inbal Sansani: So he actually said something yesterday in the family chat like as a joke.
Inbal Sansani: And I think there's a part of me that's like.
Inbal Sansani: you know.
Inbal Sansani: Do I say something to my mom like, do I give my dad a chance, but it's kind of like I can't tell you what what to post
Inbal Sansani: or not.
Inbal Sansani: yeah. So so far, like I didn't. But it was such a
Inbal Sansani: like getting to kind of like share some of that like with.
Inbal Sansani: you know, with a friend.
Inbal Sansani: but yeah, like, still, not being to like.
Inbal Sansani: willing to leave the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes. So first of all, I'm sorry
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is hard, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): W. What you're sharing, kinda it brings up a couple of pieces that I think, are important for you and important for all of us. So the first is, and you you kind of mentioned it. We didn't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We didn't say this yet, but it's really important to underline this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): setting. A boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): does not mean getting somebody else to do anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Setting a boundary is about your
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): action.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me say this again. Setting a boundary is not about getting somebody else to do anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Setting a boundary is about what action you are going to take.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I think that's the the conflict
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now, because for you, because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the only thing you can do which you might wanna do is make a request
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's attached to your boundary right? And say.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I really want to be part of this chat, it's so important to me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but when you post about app.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's not good for my wellbeing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I will need to remove myself from this chat
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you continue to post about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or post about it in that way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And yes, there's fallout right. I'm not telling you you should do this in ball right? So this is the second piece. But right? The first piece is, what is our action? Not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what right, not. What are we trying to get the other person to do? But what is our boundary? My boundary is, if this keeps on getting posted, I can't right, or maybe the boundary is, I can. I'm willing to. So and that's the second piece here is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like everything, risk assess
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at the end of the day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are you? What I'm hearing is what you want is to be in good relationship with your family? Right? You want that connection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at the end of the day. What's gonna get you that connection?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The best staying in the chat being triggered, having all of these feelings but getting to be part of the chat, maybe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): missing out on what's happening, the chat, but being able to approach everybody, and reach out in different ways with full heart and without so much of the drama.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know I'm simplifying a little bit right, but it's like, if this is the goal.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you know what's what's gonna get me there? The best
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): imperfectly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is it helpful to think about it that way?
Inbal Sansani: Yeah. And I think, like, there's a part of me that wants to like
Inbal Sansani: the
Inbal Sansani: yeah, I can say, Hey, if you continue to post this?
Inbal Sansani: Because.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, one option is to just leave. But I do kind of want to make an announcement. And then there's
Inbal Sansani: different
Inbal Sansani: options of how to make that announcement.
Inbal Sansani: yeah. And I could make the request there rather than to him, like one on one
Inbal Sansani: and like, but
Inbal Sansani: yeah, it was
Inbal Sansani: because then it's also like the
Inbal Sansani: right, like I feel a sense of responsibility to like. And I know he's baiting me like
Inbal Sansani: my brothers are like, why can't he just troll people on Twitter.
Inbal Sansani: like, you know, like normal people?
Inbal Sansani: But
Inbal Sansani: yeah.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, there's a part of me that feels like a responsibility that, like, I need to deal and like respond to him.
Inbal Sansani: And and then I'm like, Yeah, no, I don't have the the energy for this.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Well, that might be a good piece to take into. Where we're going next is you know what?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I love that you're feeling already like. I don't have the energy for this. But what is that fear around? If I don't take responsibility for my father's emotional well, whatever you want to call it, even while he's baiting me like. What is that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, no! The the.
Inbal Sansani: Possibility is to counter the narrative.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I see, I see.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that might still be a good thing to take in, too.
Inbal Sansani: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anything that wants to be shared or spoken, or what sparked for you around. This idea of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's not about getting somebody else to do something when we set a boundary. It's about what we do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Tina, go ahead. I'm not seeing any everybody on the screen, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can raise your hand or.
Tina Dowdy: Help. You
Tina Dowdy: couldn't raise the other hand fast enough, so I raised my own hand.
Tina Dowdy: This really sparked a lot for me because of the boundaries I have tried to set with
Tina Dowdy: E, mostly a particular sister. I have 5 sisters.
Tina Dowdy: so that's a lot of sisters, and they're all older than me.
Tina Dowdy: I'm a younger sister, you know.
Tina Dowdy: and so it's harder to set boundaries with them. In one particular one. No one can set boundaries with her, but it got to the point where I just
Tina Dowdy: I laid it into her like, this is what it's gonna be.
Tina Dowdy: or that's it. You know that this is, it has to be this way because she's just. She knows no boundaries.
Tina Dowdy: and I'm okay with it. You know, it took, you know. I I'm very family. One of my values is family, and such a conflict, when you have to.
Tina Dowdy: Almost it's not like, leave your family, but
Tina Dowdy: set those kind of boundaries with them is that the conflicts of my values to my family.
Tina Dowdy: valuing my family?
Tina Dowdy: And
Tina Dowdy: but I had to do it my own sanity.
Tina Dowdy: And so I just. I don't really hang out with her unless it's a holiday. So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it's there. There can be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there, there can be loss. You. Ca, you know, there, there is sometimes a choice right? And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's it's not that boundaries are without the choice.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but it sounds like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in a very beautiful and courageous way, like, you know, my energy needed to be protected here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right.
Tina Dowdy: Only.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Ink.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What else? We have time for? One more share or 2 more. What else is coming up?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: What's coming up for me is that
Vlada Tomova: in?
Vlada Tomova: It's it's really great. What you said about like, it's not trying to make other people do
Vlada Tomova: something. But it's about what I can do. And I immediately thought also, and what I'm not going to do.
Vlada Tomova: because
Vlada Tomova: sometimes, actually, we do wait too much to try to
Vlada Tomova: enact a change or provoke a change in somebody else, but actually deciding to step back to actually withdraw your energy
Vlada Tomova: can be a very clear boundary.
Vlada Tomova: and that's that's what popped in for me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, absolutely.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll give a real life recent real life example of this in case it's helpful for anyone.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): last. So my parents, as you all know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am the daughter that left. They won't let me forget about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My mother is very, very, very ill
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and for years now, you know I get an onslaught about. I've you know I'm terrible. How could I abandon them? What kind of daughter am I? And those first years
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tried to convince them that they were wrong. Right? I am a good. I love you so much. I'm right, like all the things. All it would do. Was
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it? It would create more, you know, just
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): fighting and and drama, and crying, dysregulation, and and all all the things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And why did I do it. I did it because I don't want to be misunderstood.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but also because love and connection and acceptance, the thing that keep on coming back to right like my family is so important to me and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): me, loving them and them loving me is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And at a certain point I realized I can't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): make them do anything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): last week was a great example. I was at their house. I had.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I was just there a month before, and I was there again, and I'm going to be there in 3 weeks, right? Like all the things I slept, my whole family, and they're in the middle of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My father says you know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you have really deprived
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your mother of having grandchildren, you know, like, yeah, we love them, and they love us. But we don't really have grandchildren. You've really deprived us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what I did was I? I let him finish.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I said, Oh!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then I walked out of the kitchen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and when I came back down later, whatever it was.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we were able to just talk about something else, and I was able to have that connection and that belonging. I'm not saying that's perfect. I'm not saying that's what's gonna happen every time. I'm not saying it's not without its loss
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and pain. But that's my boundary. I will no longer engage
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in a conversation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where I'm being told.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You know that I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that I'm the worst in the world, or whatever it is. That's my boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if at some point my parents decide every time I leave the conversation, if they decide that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know that's not okay. Then I'll have to make the next decision on the boundary right now get there when I get there. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I know for certain I'm not ever going to change
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what they're going to say
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at this point. So what am I going to do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caroline? I think you had your hand up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Did you want to share something.
Caroline Holke: Just that. I think it's so
Caroline Holke: freaking hard to let people be wrong about us, and it's just so hard.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's hard to let people be wrong about us, and then back to in balls share. It's hard to let people be wrong about whatever.
Caroline Holke: Whatever. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is on anything.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's like, where where am I gonna put my energy? If I,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if I am protecting my energy, if my energy and my time is precious to me. Where is it best spent? And what am I gonna get most? What I want?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sometimes. The argument, yes, right? Like, yeah, maybe. But.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Most of the time. No, but absolutely like, how can we be okay with people thinking whatever they're gonna think about us?
Caroline Holke: Which they're gonna do, anyway.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly. I mean.
Caroline Holke: Let quote.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly.
Caroline Holke: It's just really freaking hard.
Caroline Holke: that's all I had to say.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And thank you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in ball.
Inbal Sansani: I think the an additional layer to that is
Inbal Sansani: that
Inbal Sansani: like it reminds for me, it reminds me
Inbal Sansani: that, like
Inbal Sansani: I'm not actually known
Inbal Sansani: or seen.
Inbal Sansani: So it's like kinda like more. It's like insult to injury.
Inbal Sansani: So when my brother is like, you know, saying that like, I'm justifying, you know, rape and murder
Inbal Sansani: I'm like.
Inbal Sansani: do you know who the fuck I am?
Inbal Sansani: And so the question is.
Inbal Sansani: do I take on like explaining to him who I am, and that's what I'm not doing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just got chills when you set that involved.
Inbal Sansani: Like. I don't need to tell you where I stand. You're assuming all these things about me
Inbal Sansani: I could like, but
Inbal Sansani: I'm not taking that on.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah.
Inbal Sansani: but it's like the not being known or seen.
Inbal Sansani: But then I think it's like just
Inbal Sansani: puts even deeper into some like family, you know, wounding.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah, and it's it's not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): fun or comfortable to be with that. But I'm glad
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're getting to that to be with that place. Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina, if you're talking, you're not. You're on mute.
Tina Dowdy: I thought, I am muted. Here we go. I'm just kind of piggy backing off of how long it took me
Tina Dowdy: to be okay
Tina Dowdy: with
Tina Dowdy: not worrying about what other people think.
Tina Dowdy: I mean, because for me it began with family, and yes, you know everybody else, too. But
Tina Dowdy: truly, being a people pleaser, I feel, is part of what got me sick to begin with, because it's constantly this whole fight or flight nervous system, trying to prove yourself thing to the point where my body said, What the heck are you doing? And
Tina Dowdy: just out of self preservation? I can't worry. What about what they think.
Tina Dowdy: because in good consciousness I know who I am. I know my intentions. I know what I'm trying to achieve. There's no shady anything going on, you know. So why do I care what they think
Tina Dowdy: at this point? And my body?
Tina Dowdy: This will not appreciate my body's like an alarm. This is stop, you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, absolutely, absolutely. A year or 2 ago I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I bought this PIN at the gift shop at the Jewish Museum. That said, kiss my tokhas, which basically means to kiss my butt, and I wish I could have bought one for all of you and send it right, which is like we need a big reminder. Just kiss my ass. Right? This is who I am.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay? Good. So let's continue to go deeper with all of this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): first, just a from a practitioner point of view, just a a light review of some of the things that we've looked at
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so far.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And even before that, just to say, sometimes it can be very, sometimes not always, but sometimes it can be very simple, right? You can be working with a client, and they can say, You know my sister keeps on blah blah blah, whatever it is, and it can't take it anymore. And whatever and it can be as simple as you reflecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it sounds like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you could use some better boundaries here. How does that sound?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then asking the question, What would a better, or what would an aligned boundary be here?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And how would you set it?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's your plan.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and how will it feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You'll be able to hear as you have that conversation. If there's hesitation in the person's voice, or if the boundary is not really a boundary, and then you'll know. Oh.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay, there's there's some deeper work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to do here, right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can help.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): One thing you could do is help them create awareness around either a week boundary or a rigid boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and help them like we did. Yeah. And it could be through a drawing, or it could be through talking about it right and then help them create a visceral awareness of what the misaligned boundary feels like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then maybe from there
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you want to do some work around
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): creating awareness on why
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the boundary is misaligned.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then starting to loosen up the why
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for them. So it doesn't grip them so much.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you can do that through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of a friend or fear process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can do that through working with the resistance archetype.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can do that through. The choose your own shadow technique, the memory reconsolidation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can do that using any of the archetypal imagery tools that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we've looked at. So understanding. You know what's the what's the archetype that is having them
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): hold on to a certain belief or fear right? And look at that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can help them create a little archetypal diagram like Tim Urban did in that video yesterday. Of what? What are the the different forces at play that's creating the misaligned boundary, and then maybe do some dialogue with it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you remember from sacred depth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you can draw out a wheel of so a lot of this is wheel of self sabotage, too. Right? A cycle. That kind of gets
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): stronger and stronger each time, like I didn't go to sleep on time right? And then it caused this, and then the next day I couldn't go to sleep on time, because what it caused and the belief got stronger that if I take rest that I won't get it all done right. You can do that and start to break things down. You could do a rewiring
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so let me pause. There is all of that clear in terms of different places and options.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so I wanna give everybody an opportunity to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to kind of get to this last part that we're talking about here, creating awareness of the why which so many awarenesses of the Y of the misaligned boundary have already come to the surface, and then starting to loosen it up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little bit.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): do you have your drawings from yesterday afternoon. The kind of with the the current view of the different areas of your life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Pull that out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pick at least one of the areas, though maybe the one where, you know. The the boundaries could really use some help
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for that area
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): write out the reasons why
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the boundaries, the aligned boundaries are hard to uphold.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why are the boundaries hard to uphold? What is the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): fear? What are the beliefs that you hold
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that are creating weak or rigid, or both
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in this area, or with this person, or even if there's one situation right now that you want to hone in on, you can do that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and give you another minute. With this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everybody have something that you're working with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): give me one sec here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So what we're gonna do is I'm gonna send you off into breakout rooms.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you'll have opportunity to go a little bit deeper.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You'll have 30 min total
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): practice to happen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then we'll take a break and we'll switch partners.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My recommendation is to spend 25 min in session, and then 5 min breaking down, you know, practitioner-wise.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So this is gonna it's gonna be short. It's gonna ask you to use some of your laser coaching skills.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But you can go in here what your partner is working on. If you're the coach, and then make a decision to use befriend or fear, or a spectrum exercise, or right like, pick a tool that you think would be best here, one of the ones
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I just mentioned.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then go deeper and support your client to go a little bit deeper on the Y here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's gonna be one person who gets to partner with me because of, unless you rather, if, unless there's someone who'd rather just observe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina, you'd rather observe
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I was seeing a lot of people that want to observe.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we can't do this. So are you? Are you all up for wanting to do a process or get under the hood or no?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's a bunch of people
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so wrote to me privately.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. So Carlita is now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole is no Jessica. Are you okay? Being in? And, Tina.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can't hear you.
jessicakuznick: Sorry. I said, I'm okay. I'm feeling a little tired, but
jessicakuznick: you know. But.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But you're up for it. Okay, I'm just trying to figure out rooms. And then, Tina, what about you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, this is getting to. There's too many people who don't wanna
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hold on! Give me a moment. Let me think.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna take us all as a group
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so you can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): do as much or as little as whatever your boundaries are allowing you to do
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd love to hear first, just from a few of you, and you can put in the chat. And also, you know, I'd love one or 2 hand raises. What are what are some of the pieces that came through for you as you're looking at the Why.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Caroline.
Caroline Holke: Oh, oh, I might be answering the wrong question. But I one of the things that came through, really, and I was getting kind of emotional about it is that when I looked at the picture
Caroline Holke: I've got like
Caroline Holke: armed guard, I mean, not armed. Wall, between
Caroline Holke: me and actually doing the things I'm saying I'm gonna do on my calendar.
Caroline Holke: I completely blow myself off.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Caroline Holke: And so.
Caroline Holke: you know, I put those things on the calendar for a reason.
Caroline Holke: and
Caroline Holke: unless I'm meeting somebody else I do not.
Caroline Holke: I do not do it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is there a belief that you're holding that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is involved in the not doing.
Caroline Holke: A lot a lot. The
Caroline Holke: you know, on the positive side. I like the story of
Caroline Holke: you know, doing the things just in time. I think that's more in the moment I tell myself that it's really nice to have the luxury of time.
Caroline Holke: They're all kind of pretty things,
Caroline Holke: and you know. But when I come down to more the ugly get down underneath the hood, it's
Caroline Holke: I don't know what I'm doing.
Caroline Holke: If I just keep
Caroline Holke: kicking the can down the road. Then
Caroline Holke: it'll be okay. There's no panic monster per se.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if we could turn that into like a little bit of a limiting or unhelpful belief, what would that be?
Caroline Holke: Well, I think it's the I don't know.
Caroline Holke: The and the the belief would be
Caroline Holke: that
Caroline Holke: the unhelpful belief is that it it? I should know.
Caroline Holke: I
Caroline Holke: yeah, just even talking through right now. I just feel the
Caroline Holke: the resistance to it. And it is it doesn't fall into that.
Caroline Holke: I need to pay my taxes by April fifteenth, or whatever it's the it's the bigger ones. And I I did make a commitment to somebody
Caroline Holke: an accountability partner, and
Caroline Holke: for Monday I would have something turned over to her, and I'm just writing about it, and I'm thinking
Caroline Holke: I don't know what the fuck it is, I don't know what I'm doing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It reminds me of your shadow.
Caroline Holke: Yeah, totally. I'll figure it out on Monday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Caroline Holke: I'll have time on Monday. I'll do it on Monday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. Yeah. So it sounds like, it's almost tell you I'm getting this right. Cause we're gonna move towards what I'm gonna lead us all through is, you can work with either a fear or a belief, either one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but so tell me if this is getting kind of close, Caroline, it almost feels like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The belief is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know right now, but maybe I'll know later, so I'll put it off.
Caroline Holke: well, and
Caroline Holke: yeah, and so there's tentacles. But
Caroline Holke: I work better under pressure. I
Caroline Holke: I don't have to worry about it right now.
Caroline Holke: but it's hanging over my head. So that's a big lie.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So which is a good one to work with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): like, pick one.
Caroline Holke: You know the idea that I'll figure it out. I mean, I do believe I'll figure it out
Caroline Holke: and so
Caroline Holke: that's probably not a good one to work on, because.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. That's why I was going more towards like, I don't. I can't figure it out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): now, but there's going to be a magical time in the future where I will. That's why I was kind of more towards a belief like that. Because yes, it is true. You will figure it out, but it's the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't know it now, so I can put it off
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): until later.
Caroline Holke: But if I truly truly believe that I don't think it'd be hanging over my head
Caroline Holke: like if I trusted myself to. I know that between 11 and one I will knock this out. It's gonna be
Caroline Holke: good enough for government work, and.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. So then, what I'm hearing is like, I don't trust myself.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Knock it out.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't trust myself to do it. Well.
Caroline Holke: That would be the only reason why it's hanging over my head, because if I totally trusted that I was gonna do it, and it would be fine.
Caroline Holke: Blah! Blah blah! Then I don't. I don't think I'd feel this. Maybe that's
Caroline Holke: that's
Caroline Holke: hopeful thinking, whatever. But I just
Caroline Holke: I feel like if I trusted myself to do it, it wouldn't be hanging in my head. I wouldn't feel like I wouldn't be telling myself these stories about how I'm terrible about my calendar.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I would work with. I don't trust myself. I'm worried. I'm not gonna do it. Well, whichever about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): works for you.
Caroline Holke: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good and and and that's great cause it feels like in a continuation of that shadow.
Caroline Holke: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good involved.
Inbal Sansani: Where I kind of got to. Mine is around work, and.
Inbal Sansani: you know, went from like capitalism to like I'm just organized to like doing too many things.
Inbal Sansani: And then it was like, actually like.
Inbal Sansani: this is my priority right now.
Inbal Sansani: So how can I cause I'm just doing this consultancy right now that's supposed to be full time.
Inbal Sansani: and then I'm stressed about it when I'm not like putting in the time I need.
Inbal Sansani: So then it's like.
Inbal Sansani: maybe it's about like the boundary is.
Inbal Sansani: or like kind of being like
Inbal Sansani: you committed to this like, figure out how to get it done and being okay, putting other things.
Inbal Sansani: putting on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Decide.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. So maybe for this like little piece of work work with the the fear of missing out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or the fear of missing out on a particular thing.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, that's what I was thinking that it's like all these other stresses, that
Inbal Sansani: it's competing priorities. So that you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, yeah. And you've spoken on the Fomo thing before. So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): okay, good.
Inbal Sansani: Or I could deal with the other thing, which is like.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, just like
Inbal Sansani: saying yes to too many things. And
Inbal Sansani: the calendar and time was like one of the boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I would, say I you could either do the fear of missing out, or the belief of I have to say yes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to everything.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle.
Michelle Cohen: I would just love your feedback to help kind of sip through the layers. So this is
Michelle Cohen: an emotional interaction with a friend.
Michelle Cohen: And let's just say the friend is at the level of like, say, someone from this group, I mean, like that level of
Michelle Cohen: someone with a lot of awareness and ability to hold space
Michelle Cohen: and
Michelle Cohen: it actually just happened yesterday when I went to pick up Hunter cause she was watching him for me.
Michelle Cohen: and it's around my voice.
Michelle Cohen: and it's something.
Michelle Cohen: We had a very
Michelle Cohen: I guess reciprocal conversation so wasn't like you this, and it wasn't like that. But there's some layers in there where I feel as I was receiving what I was perceive.
Michelle Cohen: Sh! Okay, I just wanna set the context. She watches Hunter sometimes for me, and I set the precedent that I pay her for her time, and we're in different situations. So if she if that takes away from her work time I wanna pay for her time. And so
Michelle Cohen: a special situation happened, and she offered to help me. She's like, well, I'm happy to help you. I'll watch Hunter for you. And so that was how I received the initial. I guess you could say agreement.
Michelle Cohen: Oh, so my! In my head.
Michelle Cohen: She's gonna watch hunter.
Michelle Cohen: be. She's just helping me. I I'm not. It's not a transaction. Yeah. Yeah. And so
Michelle Cohen: although
Michelle Cohen: I'm very, I navigate with great sensitivity around all of this, and I will also just say that her daughter, who's older.
Michelle Cohen: While she was going through school I
Michelle Cohen: watched the way I have helped this friend
Michelle Cohen: is very far greater if we were to measure, and I'm not measuring. But
Michelle Cohen: I
Michelle Cohen: just help from my heart because I want to see her succeed.
Michelle Cohen: And so my knowing my boundaries of what I can do, and how it flows into my schedule a. A and and helping Hunter and her so, and
Michelle Cohen: I do lots of things for her.
Michelle Cohen: But I really do that from not expecting anything. I I don't want anything but.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Gonna speed you up a little.
Michelle Cohen: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll just so we can. So.
Michelle Cohen: Okay. So the so basically she confronted me to say how
Michelle Cohen: She?
Michelle Cohen: I had asked, checked in with her like, are we trading this, you know, and I just did it kind of fast and she perceived that as me being dismissive.
Michelle Cohen: And so then, when we she was trying to tell me that like for a week she held this in, and I could feel the shift, and I even asked, Is there something going on? And she never said anything, and then finally let. Yesterday she said.
Michelle Cohen: that it was not okay, that she should have been paid.
Michelle Cohen: And so, and I said, well, and I had to like. And but what my response was this is what I'm interested in. I could feel as having this like stress response as she was like. As I was perceiving I did something wrong.
Michelle Cohen: and then I kind of went back into this hyper tracking like, what did I do like kind of trying to define the moment, and that was the moment
Michelle Cohen: of she said she was gonna help me, and I really took that. If she was helping me. It wasn't a transaction, and that just feels important for me to work through. And then
Michelle Cohen: not that I have to tell her, but I feel like there's something about my inner voice or and we. And it's we're okay. There's nothing wrong. But I'm still like feeling the
Michelle Cohen: you know, landing processing. And she's just basically was like, this is my new boundary. This is what she's trying to assert. So
Michelle Cohen: I'm just trying to work through that because it's like kind of complex.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's a fear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you have in this.
Michelle Cohen: The fear of
Michelle Cohen: of being
Michelle Cohen: like
Michelle Cohen: you did this, you this boundary was crossed because they know her also her patterning. And this is of I will. I'm now you're no longer a front seat, friend. Now you're over here.
Michelle Cohen: Yeah. So the.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Or of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): no, you know, no longer having the French, that that.
Michelle Cohen: Traffic from Trent.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Set up that few.
Michelle Cohen: Yeah, something.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Bed.
Michelle Cohen: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So great thing to work with.
Michelle Cohen: Okay. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Since we we kind of shifted, and we're not going into partners. I think the best thing to do is let's take a 15 min break right now. Hang on if you're if you want to ask me a question, if you're not sure what a core fear is that you want to work with during the 15 min break we'll get to it. But if you're not sure what
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the fear is, I want to just give you also instructions, because you might be able to fit to get to it yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So step one is whatever situation you're working with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's the aligned boundary cause you. You know you know what the aligned boundary is more or less right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then the second question, after answering, What's the aligned boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's your fear? What are you scared might happen
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you set that boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we're all going for a fear. So even like with the what Caroline and I worked through. So you know the belief is around. I don't trust that I can do it. So then what's the fear? There? The fear is, I'm not trustworthy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to do these things right. That might be how Caroline wants to word it, or it might be something else, right. But so so we're just kind of doing a little inquiry into what is the fear that is holding us back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from setting the aligned boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So let's all come back together at 1230 Eastern, and I'm also happy to talk through with anyone who wants to talk through during that time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll see you all at 1230
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): block.
Inbal Sansani: I oh.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, in Bell. Did you have a question or.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, just a quick, clarifying question
Inbal Sansani: that what are you scared might happen if you set that boundary?
Inbal Sansani: And what's holding us back from setting the boundary.
Inbal Sansani: It's kind of the same. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Same question, same question, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: Well, I had kind of 2 things that I was debating about.
Vlada Tomova: One is a really difficult current work situation. Where I am bringing a large group to Cuba.
Vlada Tomova: and
Vlada Tomova: things are coming far beyond my control.
Vlada Tomova: And on one side I feel like
Vlada Tomova: I am responsible for the group, and my reputation will be
Vlada Tomova: severely damaged if things don't go well.
Vlada Tomova: The other thing, the other area I was
Vlada Tomova: debating to work on is actually
Vlada Tomova: a personal boundary around my own creativity, like actually
Vlada Tomova: prioritizing my creativity. So it's a boundary about
Vlada Tomova: not doing other things, but prioritizing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: Working on creative projects.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And what's the what's the fear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's driving the like? You end up doing other things instead of the creative project? What's the actual fear? There.
Vlada Tomova: Here that's coming is that first thing that came to mind was, Why am I not doing it? The the why behind it
Vlada Tomova: is, I have no idea if it would actually be help if it would actually serve people.
Vlada Tomova: and and so would anybody would care about it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So the fear that the creative work isn't actually nobody will care about.
Vlada Tomova: I'm sorry. Say it again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tell me if I'm getting it right. I'm hearing that there's a fear that your creative work isn't gonna serve anyone.
Vlada Tomova: I'm sorry my Internet is breaking up.
Vlada Tomova: Oops. Say that again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is it a fear that the creative work isn't going to serve anyone or make impact.
Vlada Tomova: Yes.
Vlada Tomova: and so the fear is, that is one part of the fear, and if I mid to it I will won't be doing other things, I will prioritize that.
Vlada Tomova: and if it ends up, not being valued, not being
Vlada Tomova: serving
Vlada Tomova: a wide enough community, it wouldn't be supportive to me, so
Vlada Tomova: I might get ridiculed. I
Vlada Tomova: what.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I'm gonna.
Vlada Tomova: Indiana.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going to pause you. There.
Vlada Tomova: Heritage.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I think, working with the fear of being ridiculed for your creative work
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): could be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): great to work with. And I really want you to work with that one Vlada, because of all of the creativity that you have inside of you, and so much of your like right life is about this, but if you're veering away or distracting from it, let's let's get to the heart of some of it.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, it feels really potent. Yeah. And I get myself to working on these like crazy giant projects with other people. Because I'm not prioritizing this work.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good. Okay. I don't mean to cut you off, but I.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, yeah, no, no. I get it. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Be back to what you need.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, thank, you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica. Thanks for sharing in the chat. Yeah, I considered that. But I feel like we're on this track now. So it's all it's all good, and I think this will serve best.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Deva.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, Tina, are you there?
Tina Dowdy: Sorry. Sorry.
Tina Dowdy: mine is
Tina Dowdy: more about
Tina Dowdy: the boundary with the exercise that we were talking about yesterday.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, yeah.
Tina Dowdy: Yeah.
Tina Dowdy: that picture that you wanted to say that I lost.
Tina Dowdy: And
Tina Dowdy: I realized that the picture I drew
Tina Dowdy: was of a broken heart
Tina Dowdy: came to the exercise
Tina Dowdy: because
Tina Dowdy: sorry.
Tina Dowdy: One of the again, one of the things I value
Tina Dowdy: is holistic principles and taking care of the body, the mind, and the spirit.
Tina Dowdy: But I feel like my body
Tina Dowdy: doesn't know how to recover well from exercise like it doesn't know what to do. It goes into a flare up instead.
Tina Dowdy: and I don't know how to appease it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, yeah, and it. And that makes so much sense.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's 2 things that come to mind. And maybe it's one of these 2, or this will spark something else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one might be like the fear that you can't trust yourself to know when enough exercise is enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so yeah.
Tina Dowdy: What I wrote down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay. So that was where I I don't even wanna mention the second one. Then cause that was just like, give her a second.
Tina Dowdy: I actually don't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My.
Tina Dowdy: Body.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I don't like past.
Tina Dowdy: My body could not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, yes, so would it feel valuable to work with that like that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, good. I think that would be so huge to start to get
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you know the next layers of.
Tina Dowdy: Dave.
Deva Munay: Yeah, I have 2 that I'm working on one similar to Vladivo.
Deva Munay: Why am I not really putting time into this album? And I have my excuses of like. Well, I had to clean the. I had to move first. I had to like, clean, and do the deep clean of the studio, and I do feel like those were important layers of like that was a time issue, and it had to happen.
Deva Munay: But then the other one I didn't really have from yesterday, but from this morning of like the family of like my pictures, like family like Yay, it's happy, and I have. I think I'm still stuck in this like
Deva Munay: separation of like, I love my family. My parents are like my best friends.
Deva Munay: and if anyone can heal this, we can heal this. And then actuality of
Deva Munay: like feeling like they're trying to erase me. And
Deva Munay: like the actual like, what is actually happening versus like
Deva Munay: all the good that I wanna remember and think of them as. And so I feel like I have this huge conflict. And and then the anxiety and the abandonment
Deva Munay: and the separation that it's causing that bleeds into other areas.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think both
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): issue both
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): situations are really worthy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): My sense is to not do the second one now, just because it's so big and it's so important. And I'm thinking about some of the pieces you shared around the family situation at the shadow workshop. And it it might be a little bit bigger than the the time we have to hold for it like I would.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You know whether it's with me if you wanna do an add on session, or with one of your friends, you know, partners in this group. I would love for you to devote, like a good hour to do a process on that second piece, because it's so important, and I have a feeling it it will bring up more. So. My my sense is to go a little bit for the easier one, for right now does that land.
Deva Munay: Yeah. And it, it feels very timely as well and important. So, okay, thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Nicole.
TELEPHONE_USER: Hi.
TELEPHONE_USER: so my, what I've been, what I chose to work on was work.
TELEPHONE_USER: And just the way that
TELEPHONE_USER: my boundaries are non existent with work, basically
TELEPHONE_USER: and you know, kind of the first thing that I wrote down was, there's like a sense of if I don't.
TELEPHONE_USER: This camera goes fuzzy sometimes.
TELEPHONE_USER: there's so, to
TELEPHONE_USER: long story short, I
TELEPHONE_USER: I'm in a position
TELEPHONE_USER: where I get paid a certain amount, and I'm you know I'm just a staff attorney. If I were a senior staff attorney I would have more responsibilities. I would be running. I would be managing cases.
TELEPHONE_USER: would get paid more, and I would be a permanent employee.
TELEPHONE_USER: I have consistently been put in a position of a senior staff attorney, but I'm not getting any of the benefits of
TELEPHONE_USER: being a staff attorney, and so I mean being a senior staff attorney.
TELEPHONE_USER: So I'm managing cases and things like that. But I'm not.
TELEPHONE_USER: I'm feeling quite resentful, but there is a sense of like having to step into it otherwise. Everything, you know, everything is. There's a sense of like. Everything's on my shoulders. I have to take on this responsibility, or else the stuff won't get done. But I was kind of like looking, thinking more deeply into it.
TELEPHONE_USER: and because there are a lot of people who are staff attorneys who just say I'm signing out at 5.
TELEPHONE_USER: They wouldn't take on that extra responsibility.
TELEPHONE_USER: But
TELEPHONE_USER: I'm kind of I was trying to get underneath the of like. Why do I feel like everything is resting on my shoulders.
TELEPHONE_USER: and
TELEPHONE_USER: don't know if there's
TELEPHONE_USER: there's there was something that I was kind of getting to like. I'll get in trouble, or people will be mad at me if I don't step into this kind of responsibility.
TELEPHONE_USER: So I'm trying to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
TELEPHONE_USER: Some language around it, or like I don't know clarity around what
TELEPHONE_USER: the fear is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think you're on the right track.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's reminding me of some of the pieces you worked with at the Shadow retreat, too, like this fear of getting in trouble, this fear of if I'm not a certain way people are. Gonna be angry at me. I have a feeling more of the the words that need that you need will come. I think that's enough to go into
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it with. And I mean, you know how it is with the like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): befriending fear that it'll it'll lead to where it wants to go, but that that feels spot on
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to me. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so I think it's a good place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Wendy.
Wendy: I
Wendy: I think I might have just figured it out, but I'd like to run it by you. So I decided to work on the
Wendy: like discipline structure.
Wendy: and with time
Wendy: and
Wendy: exercise, and eating and
Wendy: sleep and
Wendy: work whatever. And
Wendy: I'm realizing that I cause I can get very disciplined and structured. And then I go
Wendy: the other way.
Wendy: and I'm realizing
Wendy: I wrote down that I don't want to listen to anyone, so I'll just do whatever the hell I want.
Wendy: even if it's not great for me.
Wendy: and that it's hard to maintain the structure. And I think I just got
Wendy: that. Maybe the fear is that I'm feeling not worthy
Wendy: of taking care of myself.
Wendy: I I just thought that like.
Wendy: Otherwise, like, why would I
Wendy: be doing this when I know it's not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Wendy: Great for me. So maybe that's what it is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think that's a great yes, and it will, right you'll get to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's very correct, like you'll get if it's not exactly that you'll get to where you need to go. But I could feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just in how you just set it. The emotion that came through an important piece
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to work on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ken.
Kim Davies: I'm focusing on work and the belief
Kim Davies: like I don't trust myself.
Kim Davies: I'm not good enough.
Kim Davies: I think, is the underlying thing.
Kim Davies: What? I don't understand the part about the aligned boundary. Does that have to do with the structure of day? Or is that about working with my internal
Kim Davies: emotions or.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you really believed that you were good enough, and you trusted yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is a boundary that you would have in your work day
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you don't have right now?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is it that you would work on marketing an hour a day?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you wouldn't scroll as much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you really believe that you are good enough? What's a what's an aligned boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's okay. If you don't know that either. Right now, cause.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And ask that same question at the end of the process. So.
Kim Davies: Yeah, yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The inner piece that you want to work with, and we'll.
Kim Davies: Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going.
Kim Davies: Okay. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, I want to acknowledge that it's 1231. I'll take Jessica and Kelly, and then I have to run to the restroom for a couple of minutes, and then we'll get started. So let me just put in the chat here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: Okay, I may have figured this out too. So
jessicakuznick: the boundary that I want to work on is, I really want to.
jessicakuznick: and for for many for a number of years I've wanted to build more time into my schedule
jessicakuznick: for
jessicakuznick: reflection
jessicakuznick: and
jessicakuznick: writing and planning and preparing just sort of all of that. I see it like the glue that
jessicakuznick: would connect everything else.
jessicakuznick: and
jessicakuznick: I just always end up like I'll even put it in my calendar. But then I won't do it like I'll do. I'm very good at doing actions.
jessicakuznick: but I'm I'm not good at making time for that
jessicakuznick: sort of reflection and sort of big picture thinking and
jessicakuznick: I mean I'll do it, you know, just at random moments in my head. But I won't write it down.
jessicakuznick: What's the.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That holds you back.
jessicakuznick: I mean. So the sort of initial belief
jessicakuznick: that I thought of is that
jessicakuznick: it's not substantive like like it. It won't turn into anything.
jessicakuznick: you know, like most other actions, have a concrete result, and that feels amorphous. But I think that maybe the deeper fear is that
jessicakuznick: I'm not.
jessicakuznick: you know, interesting or creative enough for it to really
jessicakuznick: be worthwhile.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good.
jessicakuznick: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Mine is similar to
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): totally blanking who it was. So I'm not. I'm gonna forget that. But basically it's the one of
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): it's with work, and it's the place of preparing, and I know this isn't a new thing, but I'm just realizing
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I have really worked on just trusting myself, and I trust myself when I'm teaching, when I'm in front of a room, when I'm delivering a keynote like I've got it. But there is something about the only way that I know I've got. It is because I did all the prep. And I have the notes written, and I have the
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): you know the Powerpoint. Just so. And I'm do. I'm in the prep right now. And like even this morning before acupuncture versus before this, I was like, Okay, I'm taking half hour. We're gonna finish this piece and it and everything just takes a really long time. And so it's the place of
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I. It just is like never, and like this, abyss of potential work.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And it was the same with my curriculum. But right now I'm actually, really, happily delivering my curriculum, and I'm like, see, it worked
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): like you did all that. And now you're riding on it. And so there is
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): this belief that the only way to actually show up and like really be able to light up the room is, if I have done all of this hard labor before
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): is, I mean, is that the right kind of belief.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think it's worthy, because again, it's not. If you become better friends with this belief, Kelly, I promise you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's not gonna lead to you, not preparing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): becoming better friends with it will eventually lead to you, being better able to assess
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how long and how much to prepare for each particular instance, and it's gonna vary in terms of completeness.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): For it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So that makes sense. So we're not getting rid of this beautiful thing inside of you. That's like you. You need to be prepared.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're just. We're becoming better friends with it, so that it's not from a survival instinct from when you were little. That's like, if I'm not over prepared and have cross dot all the eyes and cross all the t's that everybody's gonna die.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I mean, yeah. And that's how. And it's the I can tell, like, the bigger. And this makes sense, right? The bigger event, or the bigger the thing is, the higher stakes it is, the more I do, which is, I guess, kind of normal. But but like I'm thinking about this keynote I'm like, well, I want to be hired to come back, and if I don't do all the things it's not going to be enough. So it is like, that's the worthy piece, right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly, and a and also the prepared like. Is it true that if you don't do all the things right like you could probably do 8 out of the 10 things, and it will be more than enough.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right so to be in that regulated place, to actually determine which are the things and which are not the thing.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Okay. So the fear isn't is that I don't trust myself that I'm worthy enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You can work that one, or you can work that if I don't
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): prepare every last thing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm not going to be worthy enough.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Okay.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Great. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. I'll be back everyone in a couple of minutes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let's come back together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you're here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just let me know. Put your camera on.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's funny because I got the feeling that I always that always happens in the shadow retreats when we're about to like pick a shadow. That is our God.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know. And what I want to just remind you all is, we're just.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're just right now going into it befred your fear process. We're gonna get at the boundaries and the inner pieces in different ways as we move throughout this day. But whatever fear you're working on, even if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's not the exact words, or you didn't nail it, or whatever it is, it will lead you to another piece of softening up.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's holding you back from a boundary that you want to set right. So we're not going for myth of perfection here. We're not putting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): press so much pressure on this one thing as as with all of our client sessions. Right? We're getting to the next piece.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we're loosening it up. And then we're getting right. We're going from there, and we're going from there. So this is my pinky promise to you that number one, whatever you are working with, even if you're not 100, sure it will lead you to the next right place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And also we're still gonna be doing a number of different
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): different kinds of work and and exercises throughout the rest of the day.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's comfortable, close your eyes. If not, keep them open
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and go inward.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Come back to yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and your body.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and lightly remember the situation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you would like to have
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a more aligned boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): N.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then allow yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to find
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where in your body
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you're holding the fear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that is keeping you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from an aligned boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whatever that fear is for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just notice where in your body. It's living
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and hold space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for this fear, as if you were holding space for a client
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or a child who needed attention.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): having compassion
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the sphere as you hold space for it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and very importantly letting it know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you are not there
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to get rid of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That is not your intention. Your intention is to connect with it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and to be better friends with it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): letting it know that you honor and respect it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and as you hold space for
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the fear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Notice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe you can notice what it feels like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maybe you, if you're visual, you can notice what it looks like inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If it has a shape.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): notice its energy while holding space for it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and whatever this fear is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ask it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to tell you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it's scared of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is it scared of?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): See what it says.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and continue to hold space for it, and honor it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and be with a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if you can. If it feels right, you can even think it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for protecting you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then ask the fear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what event or series of events brought it into being?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When did it first come into being.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): continue to hold space for it to be with it? No need to change it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or fix it in any way. Just be with it, and have compassion and love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the sphere.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Ask it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to tell you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from its highest wisdom.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from its highest, highest wisdom.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does it want you to know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): highest wisdom.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is a truth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then ask it
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it would like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that the 2 of you can work better together. So let it know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the ways
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you're not working so well together right now, and what it's holding you back from that you really really desire.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with honor ask it what it needs from you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that you can move forward
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on this boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then finally.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take a few moments right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you've been parenting this part of you with the holding and the compassion and the love
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): parent it with words.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tell this part of you this younger part of you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what you want it to know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): something probably no adult ever said to this fear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but that you really want it to know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If this beer, one more piece of love, if there's anything else that needs to be exchanged right now between the 2 of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let that happen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you can open your eyes if they're not open
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and jot down any notes you want to jot down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): also a question as you're jotting down notes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from this place from just a little bit of a
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more of a of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): friendliness with the fear.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's the next right aligned boundary. It might be the one that you thought beforehand, but it might be a different one, right or a different version of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more to a weaker side, or more to a rigid side that feels more aligned next right? Or it might be exactly what you what you had thought before.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But from this place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's the next aligned boundary?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright, I'm gonna send you off to breakout rooms. You'll be in groups of 3, and you'll have 12
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): minutes total. So 4 min. A person to share what came through and what's feeling important and what you're seeing for yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Enjoy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Welcome back, welcome back!
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We have a few minutes to hear what's coming through, what you're seeing, what's feeling really
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from that piece of work. Carlita.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: Hi! I'm so delighted! It was so cool to feel the resonance among the the 3 of us in my group with our different things, and I loved it like what I got was just a deep affirmation of I I
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: I'm so tired of
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: thinking in terms of discipline, and the thing I have to do, and that's really broken down for me intensely in the past year. It's just like I just can't, you know, and it was so much about
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: like. What I've been being guided to do is to give an hour, ish a day to writing. That is my passion, that is my joy, and like I can trust my passion and my joy to fuel all of my next steps. And it's it's not around fucking discipline. It's around creating the space for the thing that I love the most. And it was the very reason my business started
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: so that I can write with direction and like. It's it's time for that. It's time for that. I don't have to wait on it any longer. And so I'm just I'm I. It's so nice to receive something around boundaries and discipline that's really about joy. And it's not about like, Oh, you've gotta fit yourself into this box and make this thing happen. I'm just so happy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can feel it, and I like I can feel that deeper embodiment of moving forward from the joy it's like we might. We know the things that we know, and then each time we come back to the work we can embody it more deeply. So I'm so glad. Yay.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: Because I'm not gonna do anything without the joy. Let's face it like I'm not gonna do it if it's not fun. So I can't find a way to make it fun, and the writing is just innately passionate for me. So I'm very happy. Thank you all for holding the space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): That was so great. I was. I, too, just love the space that we were sharing and the reflecting that happened there. The thing that came up in the journey was there was so telling for me was like another layer that hadn't been uncovered before, and that was that my little leprechaun man, who is like binding my heart
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): in addition to the place of like, you won't be noticed. You won't be seen. You won't be all the things. It was actually that it wasn't so much that you were
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): not lovable or like not enough, but that you needed to show you were struggling so you could gain affection
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And that, yeah. So basically, she wasn't gonna like you
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): as you were. But if you were struggling, then you could gain her favor. And so it was. Yeah. It was like a whole other level of this which felt very, very different. And then the more aligned place just felt very magical. It was like, oh, just clear the stuff that's in the way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm so glad you got to that, Kelly, that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feels like a big
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): next piece.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yeah.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): right, like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You deserve to thrive.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): thinball.
Inbal Sansani: What stood out to me.
Inbal Sansani: Is
Inbal Sansani: is there on like the pressure to create and sustain community?
Inbal Sansani: And you know, I know it's related to the the immigration and all of these things. And
Inbal Sansani: so what stood out is
Inbal Sansani: so like when I get to these situations of like they'll look like Fomo, or like, or other pressure
Inbal Sansani: to
Inbal Sansani: to focus right now on sustaining. So like it helped me prioritize.
Inbal Sansani: but also that like rather than like creating, because I'm not generative, and the whole point of like needing to take care of myself and prioritize
Inbal Sansani: is so that you know I'm trusting that like.
Inbal Sansani: it's like trusting myself to follow what I need.
Inbal Sansani: and that everything else will be okay around that
Inbal Sansani: and also and I think this came up in another advanced retreat.
Inbal Sansani: is that like, I'm trying to intellectualize and being like, Oh, but like you have this to do, and it's okay.
Inbal Sansani: But really, what might be more helpful is tending to that part of myself.
Inbal Sansani: right like in a more like
Inbal Sansani: emotional, you know, like the immigrant fifth grader like.
Inbal Sansani: who, like, was stressed out about recess and not being included rather than trying to like
Inbal Sansani: rationalize. It.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Inbal Sansani: I'm like, you know, you're like, you know, you're 48. Why are is this still impact? You know that it's like, No, just tend to her.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, that right there, right. And for all of us in each of our own way, like what you're getting to is what my, you know, 30 s spiel was gonna be after the shares, which is, don't. If this was meaningful for you in any way.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): don't leave it in the dust come back to continuing to tend to the fear, to that part of you like to have compassion for that one, you know that like growing that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is going to, then help you make the best decision.
Inbal Sansani: Yeah, cause one of the things that I wrote was like, you know.
Inbal Sansani: like, you're always like working so hard at this.
Inbal Sansani: So. And I think that tending to her will be like will help me to not work so hard.
Inbal Sansani: And then that impacts like.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, that I wouldn't have to also work so hard, if I were like
Inbal Sansani: better rested and like become more kind of like magnetic and.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes. Well, and I think there's an there's a a piece in there, too, around. I don't have to work so hard
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to belong right in order to belong.
Inbal Sansani: Don't want him.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Deva.
Deva Munay: Hi, yeah, I just found, like, how interrelated all of this
Deva Munay: is from the shadow retreat to my family of, you know, just wanting to create and giving myself that space of like the fear of well, what if I become too big, or you know
Deva Munay: and how it related back to
Deva Munay: like taking the steps of like. Well, I need to be organized, which means I'm not messy, which is like all of these things, are just like boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Coming into alignment around.
Deva Munay: having the line center to be able to
Deva Munay: have an integrity of the conversation with my family, and, like all of the pieces. Just feel like they're lining up, and it's
Deva Munay: being worthy and allowing myself to shine into, take up space and
Deva Munay: empower my voice like that.
Deva Munay: All of these things
Deva Munay: are generative of giving myself creative time
Deva Munay: to be successful, to create the album, and then
Deva Munay: it it might disrupt or expose my family, but that it's coming from the alignment of creativity and self worth and
Deva Munay: shining. So it's it's cool.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Really really beautiful, and I'll I'll thread one more piece if it resonates for you. Back to the that can't be messy. Need to be organized. Creativity needs messiness.
Deva Munay: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Heap
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Vlada.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, it resonate very much with devas. also, it was interesting to me how in our little part of 3, we had
Vlada Tomova: weaving patterns. About writing, about letting be yourself
Vlada Tomova: creative, and how that also related to mothers or childhoods, and
Vlada Tomova: literally I was working with the fear of being ridiculed.
Vlada Tomova: In expressing myself creatively in the deepest way of my creativity, or the most personal way of my creativity.
Vlada Tomova: and remembering how you know, my mom would say laughingly, things about like, Oh, your teeth are too crooked, or this that, and so what came out was that we are loved for those exact things for.
Vlada Tomova: or
Vlada Tomova: or the imperfections that make us real and not plastic.
Vlada Tomova: and how, having
Vlada Tomova: you know, I was seeing this little creature that was stuck in between the lights on the huge stage from everywhere, like the projectors shining, and it's nowhere to hide but in that place of nowhere to hide where you actually let yourself be seen.
Vlada Tomova: You I was struggling was like, where where is the value for others? In that?
Vlada Tomova: And we all are so afraid to be seen for these, for these thing, that
Vlada Tomova: that we find a shameful, or.
Vlada Tomova: you know, UN unpolished.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, absolutely I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I feel through your energy that there is a shift there, right of like. No, it's.
Vlada Tomova: So.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it. I don't have to worry so much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about if they're gonna like it or not. What I have to start with is being me and being in my creativity, and being in my expression.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, and it was hard to find the new line boundary. I already realized that it's exactly what you share. John is about just being with that with that piece every day, a little bit being less rigid to try to shut it down and and be, you know, not seen.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: Just let it show itself, at least to me.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah. So that's that.
Vlada Tomova: Still into other things.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So that's a beautiful boundary. I won't go a day without
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): tending
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to the creative energy and life inside of me.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: And I thought that it it needed to be something outwardly.
Vlada Tomova: But in this moment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it may. It may change, but then that's the next.
Vlada Tomova: Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For you. I think that's such a beautiful next step. Right? I mean, it may not be the words I'm using, but I you know whatever. I will not go a day without tending to this part of me.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Careful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): damn
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): melody.
Melody Noll: I'm really very grateful that you pivoted
Melody Noll: this morning with this activity cause
Melody Noll: defender. Fear, I think, takes us full circle in, advanced in a way, and I'm very happy that we're having this because
Melody Noll: and I cried through most of the the meditation because I was able to put some pieces together. One is when I couldn't find the fear in my body. I remembered. Oh, wait a minute, my beautiful archetype from the retreat, the torch of truth. Show me the light, and it went
Melody Noll: boom! It's there in your body. Okay, great, thank you. And then I asked
Melody Noll: I asked him
Melody Noll: what came up most was with, it's like, what was it trying to tell me? It told me something very deep, which explains why I'm having such a difficult time with
Melody Noll: my 2 abusive cousins.
Melody Noll: The
Melody Noll: The little red, angry guy at the door said, Your mother is Media.
Melody Noll: and then I went holy crap!
Melody Noll: And my.
Melody Noll: I realized that my cousin's behavior and I can't get him out of my mind. These 2 cousins that are attacking me now.
Melody Noll: He exhibits the 3 of these people exhibit all of this behavior. And so of
Melody Noll: the sorts of media like behavior, the and the the anger, the
Melody Noll: don't doesn't play well with others, he said, and there's a violence component, emotional. And I realized, Oh, my God! That's why I can't deal with him because
Melody Noll: he is making visible the invisible of my old mother.
Melody Noll: And so it's really I'm hamstrung because I realize this is about my survival.
Melody Noll: And I kept getting needs, needs, needs, needs, needs, needs needs needs. That's the nice aligned piece that the fear was telling me.
Melody Noll: So it's very, very, very, very helpful.
Melody Noll: And thank you for that. That's
Melody Noll: not sure what I'm gonna do next. But I know that's coming. But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And I just want you to stick with this awareness and letting these truths drop in what happens next. You'll you'll get there when you'll get there. This is about letting this drop in. Now deeply, I have full body chills as you've been talking
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feel so big and so important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Got it. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique.
Monique: I had a reaction, and I didn't like it. So I'm gonna start by saying.
Monique: Yes, I I, too, just like Melody cried through the meditation, and I, too, landed on the word survival. But what came before that is anger. I'm fucking angry, and I probably only got halfway through it, and
Monique: I don't know WTF.
Monique: So in the beginning I wasn't sure which
Monique: topic I was gonna work on. I thought, Oh, money! And I'm thinking, Monique. It's 6 o'clock in the morning. You don't wanna work with that. Let's do the easy thing. Let's work boundaries around food. We that's easy. And then the fears that came out of that were
Monique: basically that I'm not able bodied right now. So I have no strength. And
Monique: when I distilled that even deeper. It was. Well, who's gonna take care of me when I get old, and I can't take care of myself. So that was the big fear. And then it was actually, it's not just food and money. This is your health and wellbeing. So it doesn't even matter what the pillar of strength that you're working on. The fear is
Monique: that I'm gonna get old, and no one's gonna take care of. Superwoman is going to die.
Monique: My inner superwoman will die. And and then what?
Monique: So we get to the point where I can feel it in my body. And then we get to the childlike version of it.
Monique: And where did it come to be?
Monique: Oh, and I already discussed this in the in the retreat. Well, my mom was a single parent. She had to raise 2 kids on her own, and I'm the oldest. So with my mom had to work late. I had to be the one to put food on the table for me and my sister, and that's that's hard. That's not easy. My mom wasn't around well where the fuck was. My dad. Well, he was not available, so I had to do it hence where Super woman was born.
Monique: So then it became you asked the question, and I don't remember it verbatim. But something along the lines of How can you better help
Monique: this version to help you achieve the boundary?
Monique: Yes, something like that. And that's where I got angry. And that's where Superwoman came in
Monique: and said.
Monique: What are you talking about? We've already given you everything you need.
Monique: You need time. You you need the space to heal your body. We've given you 8 years of that. We live in Hawaii. What better place to heal?
Monique: And then it was. And also
Monique: you're not working right now in a traditional corporate. 9 to 5 job you have all the time to heal. So what more do you fucking want?
Monique: And then superwoman is like.
Monique: I need a fucking hug, too, which is exactly what I said in the retreat, and I'm who does. And then the higher version, or me, or whatever it's like.
Monique: Who the fuck am I working with
Monique: the little girl? Does she need the hug? Super, woman need the hug? We all need a fucking hug, and then that's where I got tired and just gave up. So that's where I'm at in tears, trying to figure out
Monique: what just happened.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I, yeah, it feels like a lot. And important.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If you were to name the most important piece to you in all of that?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is it? What is feeling most meaningful.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more resonant?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I.
Monique: Think
Monique: they all kind of tie together, and it's that word survival.
Monique: And then it's it's
Monique: superwoman. She needs help, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And that's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right, that right there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I love this because it's a like we're following through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on all that came through in the retreat, just as you said right, and if you remember, back to the Retreat the moment Monique, where you asked for the hug, and we all had that beautiful process with you and your super woman. It came on the heels of anger. Right? We did the anger process.
Monique: Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Same thing happened here.
Monique: I didn't feel the anger, though, in that process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It was right. Sometimes we need to keep up. That's why we keep on coming back to these containers. They work on us. But it was there underneath, because it was born straight out of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the anger process. So on some level you did right, and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): again. I've said it so many times the last 2 days, and over the last year, like sorry, not sorry. I know feeling anger is is uncomfortable, but I am so happy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you are allowing yourself to feel some anger here.
Monique: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That anger is fueling, your ability to ask for support, for the hug, for the wheel, right the wheelchair, whatever it is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there's a life, force
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in there, for you.
Monique: So I I hear that, and part of me is like.
Monique: well, I have a connection to my anger. I know how to speak up. I know how to push back. Of course I do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I'm not saying you don't. I'm not saying right. But this is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this is kind of a a next level of standing up for yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and standing up for your super woman.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that she doesn't always have to hold the whole world on her shoulders.
Monique: Yeah.
Monique: here.
Monique: So what do I do next?
Monique: Cause I didn't finish the exercise. I know I can go back and listen to it. But there's I just. I'm just feeling a little stuck right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right. Now you sit with this and we're getting to one. I'm gonna take Michelle's share, and we're gonna do one more piece before we break. But what I want for you is to not like, what do I do next but to sit with these truths.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even if they're not right. We? They came up a month ago. They're coming, but I want you to let them sink in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little more deeply.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Monique: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Michelle.
Michelle Cohen: What I learned from this
Michelle Cohen: complex.
Michelle Cohen: deep
Michelle Cohen: patterning
Michelle Cohen: is that like what my rejection was teaching me was
Michelle Cohen: in order to survive. Keep your voice quiet because your voice is dangerous, and it will hurt others. You have to protect yourself and protect others from yourself.
Michelle Cohen: It's like, where does that even come from? Like ancestral?
Michelle Cohen: My parents? Just be a good person, and just be quiet
Michelle Cohen: like and
Michelle Cohen: and so
Michelle Cohen: like, wow! And there's so much more in there. I was like, Shut the fuck, whoever that, you know, I'm gonna speak my voice. But anyway, that that was separate. But it was just interesting what came up
Michelle Cohen: about rejection, and that so? But then, kind of fast forwarding to the wisdom behind that
Michelle Cohen: we have equal voice in this.
Michelle Cohen: and I can start to
Michelle Cohen: because I am so empathic and I can understand, and I and that I can start to kind of lose my neutrality. So, coming back to my neutrality, and also
Michelle Cohen: I can only set my boundaries.
Michelle Cohen: I cannot set your boundaries.
Michelle Cohen: only you can, and that feels so like and I I can feel like I feel like I'm saying it in my like angry voice. It's not angry. It's like this is my truth, because
Michelle Cohen: I can't own
Michelle Cohen: your behavior, only you can. And so, if you said I was being dismissive.
Michelle Cohen: I
Michelle Cohen: I know in my heart of heart that was not being dismissive. I was just asserting my boundary, and you have every right to be like. You know what that doesn't resonate. And can we do this instead and be like, Oh, yeah, of course. Cause I'm I'm I'm a problem solver. Of course, I want to do that. So we only I can set my boundaries. You set your boundaries, and only you know your truth. I can feel your truth once you speak your truth, but I don't know your truth. I'm not a mind reader.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, and I think it relates to the first piece you said to Michelle, which is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): wet in this new paradigm that you're talking about in the end. Then you voicing you, expressing yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can't be harmful to someone else because they're take. You're you're taking responsibility for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and they're taking responsibility for them.
Michelle Cohen: Yeah. And then just the final piece that feels really important because I am trying to voice speak from my my power, and that
Michelle Cohen: I'm not taking your power away.
Michelle Cohen: You withhold your power.
Michelle Cohen: And she was choosing to withhold her power in this. And I I'm not gonna own that that's you.
Michelle Cohen: A. And she was. But it just was interesting how that whole interaction and what I I pulled from it. So thank you for helping me. There.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So glad to hear it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so I want us to look at one more piece before we break
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for some of you. This piece is gonna be
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a continuation of the process that you just did
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for others of you. It's gonna be a diversion and a different angle in to understanding boundaries, and you can choose as we look at it, you can choose to continue to work on the same boundary that you've been working on so far today, or you can pick another one.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I wanna start to introduce or toss this idea
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in many cases
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): having a weak boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is a form of neglecting a part
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of your cell
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or not protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a part of yourself. So in some ways, yes, it's all about self protection, the fears right? But what I wanna also introduce is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a week, and sometimes a rigid boundary, too, but particular weak boundaries are a form of neglecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or not protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a part of ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In other words, when we don't uphold a boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're not protecting something that is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): precious or sacred to us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): In some ways the fear is right. It's all about protection, but in other ways we're not protecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll kind of walk us through this. And again, this is just a toss. It might land for you, or it might not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I ask you some questions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I I'll give you, an I'm gonna ask question, and I'll give you some examples, and then you can answer for yourself. So whatever the week boundary is that you're working on?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The question is, what am I not protecting when I acts right, whatever that weak boundary is, what am I not protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when I so let me give you some examples? What am I not protecting when I offer more client sessions that I don't really want to, I put more clients sessions into my schedule.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The answer to that might be my time
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? Not protecting my time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Here's another example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What am I not protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when I skip marketing time right when I when I don't do the marketing. Maybe the answer is, I'm not protecting my ability to bring on clients.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so take a moment with this question. Whatever the week boundary is, it could be what you've been working with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or something else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What am I not protecting when I have that weak boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): both surface here right, my time, my ability to bring on clients, etc.
Vlada Tomova: In China. Sorry.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You have like.
Vlada Tomova: Yeah, in my case my boundary was more rigid. In this case it was like really like holding everything in and not letting anything out.
Vlada Tomova: So I wonder how to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, so.
Vlada Tomova: Would you say that? It's.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sometimes, I mean in some ways rigid boundaries, because, like, we end up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): not protecting the thing that we're trying to protect, because it's so rigid, so.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If that resonates with you, you can go with that or else pick something else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): next question
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): go a little deeper with this inquiry. So again, I'm gonna ask the question. I'm gonna give you some examples.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is inside of or underneath
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that thing that you just identified.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that I'm not protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is inside of or underneath it. So, for example.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you offer too many client sessions, and you're not protecting your time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe what's inside of your time is your right to spaciousness
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or freedom or ease.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right when you don't protect your time, you're not protecting your right to spaciousness or your right to ease
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for the other example I gave, maybe for you. What if you're not? If you're skipping marketing time, you're not holding that boundary? And then the first answer was, you're not protecting your ability to bring on more clients. What's inside of that? Maybe it's your right to be in your brilliance or your right to your self expression.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or your right to be seen and heard
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? So what is the the thing inside of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you're not protecting the deeper thing that you're not protecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if you want to share in the chat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's coming through, please, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What are you not protecting, or what are you neglecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you have this week boundary?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yup Davis, say, my creative process, that what's underneath even the creative process and the healing is my right to shine, to be whole. Yeah, to be wholly functioning and brilliant
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for Caroline, ironically. You're not protecting your true free time. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): For Jessica.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Self connection, self respect. Yep.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): guide
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to all of these. Yes, thank you for these examples. Please keep on sharing.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And is everybody with me so far?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, let's take this a step further.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna guess that whatever you're answering to this deeper question of what you're neglecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or what you're not protecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going to guess that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on one level it's something sacred to you. Right? This is a sacred, important thing to you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you're neglecting, that you are not
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): protecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so then the next question becomes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you're not protecting this thing that is sacred to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Where did you learn
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that it doesn't deserve protection?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Where did you learn that what is so sacred to you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can be neglected.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who taught this to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whether it's self expression
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or your right to be seen, or your right to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): peace
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or time. Who taught you that this thing is not important enough?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What I'm suggesting here
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): whatever this sacred thing is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it should have been protected
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for you by an adult
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when you were younger.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I'm not blaming any adults here. By the way, right, we're all human and messy, and have life circumstances. I am sure that there's some things for as much as I try to parent. Consciously, I am sure there's some things for Panina and yell, but I am not protecting fiercely enough
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for them. Right? It's just I have to accept that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): W. What I want to get at here is, I want us to build
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the ability inside of ourselves to protect what is sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That is what the warrior does.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's coming up for you. What are you seeing here?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's feeling important.
Inbal Sansani: Please repeat the last line.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I don't know what I
Inbal Sansani: Want us to build the ability in ourselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Say that again.
Inbal Sansani: It was something like, you want us to build the ability.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Put it in the in the chat.
Inbal Sansani: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I want the you to have the ability to protect, to build that protection mechanism
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inside of yourself, so you can protect what is most precious and sacred to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and that's really what the warrior does.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It is that parent, that inner parent that is the protector
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of what is sacred.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is this bringing up?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'd love to hear some shares and voices on this. What are you seeing?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And Bob.
Inbal Sansani: What I'm looking at for this piece is
Inbal Sansani: that I didn't, said
Inbal Sansani: I didn't set a boundary with someone who I'm paying a lot of money for, and they haven't been doing the work.
Inbal Sansani: and
Inbal Sansani: you know, and it would like.
Inbal Sansani: maybe it's too simplistic. So I'm curious if there's something else, but like.
Inbal Sansani: if
Inbal Sansani: you know, she got sick.
Inbal Sansani: So I think ultimately, you know, part of it was avoidance and not wanting to deal, and I was traveling.
Inbal Sansani: But the other piece is that like
Inbal Sansani: not wanting her to feel bad, wanting to give her space
Inbal Sansani: so it was like her needs over mine.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly your, and that's the other piece in this is usually, then we end up protecting somebody. What's precious to somebody else
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for what we perceive as versus pre protecting what's precious to us, and thinking it has to be an either or.
Inbal Sansani: So do you think it's like that? The like
Inbal Sansani: my needs over or like others, needs over my own
Inbal Sansani: like, that's specific enough.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It can be. But I I if possible, I'd love for you to even
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): pinpoint more like. What what were you paying her for?
Inbal Sansani: Like tech support coaching.
Inbal Sansani: So maybe the need to like stay in relationship.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Which sounds like your time. Right? Tech support.
Inbal Sansani: No, my time, my money like
Inbal Sansani: my own care, like my own interest.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Inbal Sansani: But when you were asking the question, What are you not protecting? What did you? Where did you learn that it doesn't?
Inbal Sansani: That this part doesn't reserve
Inbal Sansani: deserve protection.
Inbal Sansani: yeah. Anyway, I think I think I I got it. It was just kinda like, maybe I'd order.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, okay.
Inbal Sansani: Thank you. Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Deva.
Deva Munay: I'm just really seeing how. If
Deva Munay: you know the people parenting us? If they didn't have that role model to them, then how would they know how to give it to us. And then why it's so important to role model, whether we have children or not. But just for
Deva Munay: those in our circle are to change the frequency on the planet of
Deva Munay: the sacredness of boundaries and protecting what is sacred.
Deva Munay: And
Deva Munay: you know, just breaking those societal
Deva Munay: programs and conditioning.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Absolutely 100%. That's why I'm saying this isn't to blame anyone but.
Deva Munay: No, if you don't know, they couldn't give you something they didn't have.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Exactly and it is also culture, not protecting us, which creates the narratives whereby people don't learn but the
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the reason why I still want us to look at. It is because I want to start to like to activate a fierce mama bear warrior, bear kind of protection over
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what it is that's so precious to us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): It's kind of similar to what David was saying, but I was just feeling into how
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): W. They, you know, how could they protect the thing that wasn't protected for them, and they don't know. And it's just this feeling of like in my medicine work we talk about like feeling in this generation like ripples forward and backward in time. It's like this contribution to healing of these old patterns in the generational lineage or the lineage that we come through, and then those that follow as well. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): what a beautiful thing it is to like! Step into this moment, and be able to heal and protect that which is sacred, and how that
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): like in my Shaman mine, it just like ripples out in all the directions.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And I have tears welling.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because it it's so true, like when I think about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the bounce, some of the boundaries that I've learned how to set for myself like holding my health
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more precious and my well being it brings up tears because it's like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm I'm doing what my mother could never do for herself, and there is some kind of ripple healing effect.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Absolutely. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): She never held it precious enough for her.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: Yeah, I just had a big Aha! Moment a minute ago.
jessicakuznick: think sort of I had this image that when I was
jessicakuznick: growing up in most of my life that I spent a lot of time
jessicakuznick: sort of looking outward
jessicakuznick: thinking are the things around me, the things that I want.
jessicakuznick: and not thinking, am I protecting the things that are already within me?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Chills. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): why is that important? And how can that help you moving forward.
jessicakuznick: I just think it's a
jessicakuznick: it's so powerful to think of what I already have.
jessicakuznick: I mean, which I know. But you know, just really seeing that like. Oh, you know.
jessicakuznick: while I'm looking over there wondering if I have like this or that job, like all these precious resources that I have are like running out the back door.
jessicakuznick: And then the other. The other thing that just as you were talking about it, it just really brought back this conversation that I had with my daughter the other day, which you know I'm now interested to reflect on in light of this.
jessicakuznick: like. Very briefly, she has this English teacher that she hates because he's really loud.
jessicakuznick: and
jessicakuznick: she told me that when he says Hi to her in the hall she won't even respond back to him, because
jessicakuznick: when it she thinks if she responded back to him she'd just say it in a really nasty way.
jessicakuznick: And this is something I really struggle with, because I I feel like my daughter.
jessicakuznick: you know, just in my own experience of her. Sometimes
jessicakuznick: I do think she needs to learn to a little bit
jessicakuznick: be aware of other people and their feelings.
jessicakuznick: But like I've started to say something, and I had this image in my head of my mom, saying, Oh, you've always got to be nice. You've always got to be nice, and so like what I said to her
jessicakuznick: was.
jessicakuznick: I am so proud of you that you have the courage to stand up for your own
jessicakuznick: sense of yourself and your own boundaries like I think it's great, and that's something that's really precious. And I want you to hold on to that.
jessicakuznick: And I think a skill that you will learn and continue to learn in your life is
jessicakuznick: how to be gracious to people you. I don't want you to feel like you have to give yourself away to this person, cause he's not important, but I do think that it's important to be gracious to people when they say hello and greet them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's so beautiful and so powerful, and that is you as parent, protecting like being that warrior for that wise warrior, for your daughter
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and also setting herself up to have skills to most adequately protect what is precious.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful.
jessicakuznick: Yeah, thank you. I do feel like some of that came from the retreat. And just really like, I'm just gonna say it, you know.
jessicakuznick: So thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Monique.
Monique: Okay. So I'm still in a little. I'm I'm confused.
Monique: and I think, cause I'm still in my fields. So I'm trying to keep up with all the prompts that have been coming along.
Monique: I know my inner warrior. I know she exists. I have a relationship with her, too. I understand that she's here to protect and to defend and to serve.
Monique: But really my daily life comes from superwoman. So superwoman is protecting everybody else.
Monique: And then I've I've this is a question that I've landed on for the past many years.
Monique: I am the pillar of strength for many in my life.
Monique: Who is the pillar strength for me. So I'm asking that for Super woman. Who is her pillar of strength. Oh, okay, well, that's the warrior, the warrior. Maybe maybe she's been slipping and hasn't protected superwoman lately, and this is where the imbalances. But then I land on.
Monique: Okay. Well, the warrior is. Gonna step up and she's gonna do all the work, and now she becomes super women.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Think it.
Monique: I get to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Somebody outside of like I? I think the answer to that question, Monique, like, yes, you. You want some some pre inner protection of your super woman, for sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But tell me how this lands
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am wondering about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): people who can hold you, who are outside of you like that. I just come back to that beautiful image from our retreat of all of us holding you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and like that is not just an an inner metaphor for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): But I really do wonder. And if you don't have those people in your life.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): where can you find them?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Monique: For sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Monique: Yeah, I've been working on that, and I'd like to think I think I know who they are. But then maybe they don't show up.
Monique: So one of the drawings from yesterday.
Monique: The aligned healthy boundary drawing is, yeah. I drew myself in a, you know stick figure with the Cape. There's my superhero, and the aligned version is.
Monique: I had an army of superheroes behind me.
Monique: so I know they exist. I know they're there. It's just
Monique: I don't. I don't know. Sometimes they're there, sometimes they're not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So that might be. Some of the next outer actions is to to be in communication with those people
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and share some more of your needs.
Monique: Thanks for helping me work through that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it's it's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's big staff.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): you know. I'll just share with all of you personally, because I think what Monique is talking about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in one way or another, probably important for each of us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I know everybody here just because of who you are and also the work that we all do.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We are all holding so much.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so beautifully
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for so many other people.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It is easy to get into a pattern
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of always being the one holding.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and not often enough being the one held.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And honestly, that's one of the biggest reasons
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): among a few big reasons. But that's one of the biggest reasons why I do the work that I do right, so that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): people like you can have places to be held at least every now and again.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if any of this resonates for you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I wanna invite you to start to think
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): who, where the places and who are the people
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in my life
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that I can actually
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): just exhale into sometimes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and be hell.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And only half of us were at the April retreat, where it was just so beautiful, where we all got to hold Monique
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): together right? And that's like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's the metaphor is, where can we be held?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I'll share with all of you that I have not personally been doing enough of that for myself lately.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and and in some cases it's friends and family that we're gonna lean into.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And then, in other cases, we're gonna you know, it's gonna be someone who we pay right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so this week, Sunday night.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm going for 2 days to Massachusetts to be with my mentor, and like the phrase that just keeps on coming up, no matter what the content that we're gonna do and look at be in the woods, but I am going to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): be held
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because we all need it, and we don't, in one way or another give ourselves enough of it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to be continued after break, we're gonna start to move even more deeply into this idea of the wise warrior
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): protector.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): take.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I take a little bit longer than an hour. Let's I have to get you out, so let's take until 10 after 3
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and we'll come back at 3, 10, and we'll spend the next bit of time looking at the warrior, and then we'll take a break, and then we'll move to kind of our fuller completion of our year together.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): During break number one. I'll hang on if anybody has any questions on anything. And also some people sent questions about embody last night. If you have any questions for me around any of it, I'll hang on for a little bit
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): during break. We have worked hard this morning, please set a boundary of taking some care of yourself during break, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): go outside, or lay down, or whatever it is, but please tend to yourself.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): at least for a part of the time. We'll have 70 min. So hopefully, you have a good amount of time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I can't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I think we're gonna end before 6, Wendy. I can't promise for sure, but I'm I'm aiming to have us be done by 5 30, but
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we'll see a little longer.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright. So if you wanna ask me any questions, I am here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if not, I'll see everybody at 10 after 3.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's resonating? What's moving through you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): wants to share
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): impa.
Inbal Sansani: you know. I I
Inbal Sansani: there's like
Inbal Sansani: the big boundary things, and then there's like the smaller ones. It really is kind of like ever present.
Inbal Sansani: and I just noticed, like, during our break
Inbal Sansani: in the place I lived before. My one of my neighbors used to tease me. He's like you're always doing the most like, especially on Fridays.
Inbal Sansani: And I realize that there's been this kind of like
Inbal Sansani: implicit like permission, like on Friday evening. I can like
Inbal Sansani: do all like the things for myself.
Inbal Sansani: because it's like the work week is over.
Inbal Sansani: and both like yesterday evening, and like today in the break.
Inbal Sansani: you know, I managed to do like some tasks that I hate, and it also means that I always put off, and I feel great about that, and I don't need. It's like no longer weighing on me. But realizing that, you know, it's like, there's all these like.
Inbal Sansani: yeah, like smaller rules within ourselves, either, like I have to empty the dishwasher right away, or like.
Inbal Sansani: I hate doing this like, I'm never gonna do it unless like, I absolutely have to. So really like bringing in the choice and taking
Inbal Sansani: not responsibility. And like you know, like our leader was talking about discipline, but, like.
Inbal Sansani: you know, kind of like Kim, like from a want from a should to
Inbal Sansani: to a want, but really like the ever presence in so many
Inbal Sansani: areas.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And also this, just this truth that there's there's the big boundaries in the little, you know. There's there's so many things that it's applicable. But I love that shift, and you, forgetting things done that you don't usually get done.
Inbal Sansani: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Deva.
Deva Munay: Yeah, I'm I'm happy to be here. Originally I had
Deva Munay: not thought I was gonna make it for the afternoon. I'm in San Diego at a we're going to a tango festival tonight with my partner and friends. And I I've realized, like how my boundaries are so much around like trying to take care of our lack of boundaries, trying to take care of everybody else, and
Deva Munay: he always had this thing with his ex-wife. She was always so busy and always had to like prioritize her own things. So I was like, Okay.
Deva Munay: I'll just do the morning. And then I can go to this thing. And I was like, no, this is really important. This is a whole year that we've been together, and
Deva Munay: how he didn't really care. I was making a bigger story of like thinking. I needed to do this thing for him. And then, when I just spoke my truth and was like, I really wanna do this session. He was like, that's fine. I'll just take the lesson, and you can come later. It's not a big deal. And
Deva Munay: yeah, how often I think I
Deva Munay: think I'm helping someone or doing something for someone else. And maybe they really they
Deva Munay: they don't care, or they can speak up. If they do or you know, like, if just.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You negotiate or decide.
Deva Munay: Yeah. So it was helpful just to be able to to do that this afternoon. And I'm I'm happy. I'm here with everybody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What a what a gift that that this was like happening in the container! And you could practice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that boundary setting with your partner, and then to be able to receive what you received from him. It's great! I'm glad you're here for the afternoon.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: I'm just putting this together as we land. I just went for a run, and I was. I was used to never be a runner like it. It just something that happened when I my glutes, got strong again. Maybe my body was just so we're gonna run. But when I was a kid. I hated to get sweaty. I hated outside. I hated to work. I hated being uncomfortable. I just wanna read my books, and it's so funny to look now
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: at how different my identity shift is around like I need that like I need some. I need my athletics. I love my athletics. I'm very identified as an athlete like. It is
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: such a different attitude towards this part of my joy. Part of the reason I don't do my work is that like? I'm afraid it's gonna cut into my time playing outside and like taking care of the apparatus and the ways that give me joy. And I was like, oh, that's a connection with
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: like for me, like I am so
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: dopamine, motivated, and so like I need to hitch joy to anything. If I'm going to stick with it and like
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: it's it's neat to look at the whole like writer thing like I'm a writer into my core, but I've been kind of denying that because of all this shit around trying to put money on it and connect it to the thing and all the other things, and I think that like writing has become part of my business because I write to my my my people on my email list. And they love my emails.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: and I love to write them. And when I sit down and write them like I love that. And so I think there's just a little bit of undoing of the the heaviness that, just like a heaviness and displeasure, is to be around physical activity.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: And now it's just so much a part of like we're having this, and you will not get in my way.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: And I think it's it could be the same thing with with the writing. You know kind of taking the part of the industry shit around it, and the anything that is stopping me from doing this thing that I adore, and it fuels everything else, and puts me in a high vibe state, and all. You know all this stuff. That's I think that that's a that's a powerful metaphor for me to keep in mind, as I start to transition more year into this.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it's beautiful. It's so great that you took that run during break, and that it just like all those threads coming through
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): also
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to him.
Kim Davies: I had this thought some come through, and it's this one isn't new to me. But it was the stop trying to get love from the people who can't give it to you.
Kim Davies: But just a second ago popped into my head this question, am I using my business to get the love I want.
Kim Davies: and like I'm so afraid of putting stuff out there, cause I'm trying to get the love from other people instead myself.
Kim Davies: And then I put too much pressure on myself, right for everything.
Kim Davies: so that feels really big.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So big it. Yes, I'm so glad
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that this came forward
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so often, so just the other day I was in a one-on-one, intensive with a client, and I said to my client.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): stop making your business.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Your mother?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right well, whoever it is for us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just like we project sister, mother, father, like whatever we didn't get onto partners or friends, or whatever it is, we can project that onto our business.
Kim Davies: Can.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Business. You are only gonna love me if I am only going to get validation if I need all the validation from you, or else I will feel that, like not exist or.
Kim Davies: Yeah. Here.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so it's so profound for you to have made
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): connection. And so, of course.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your inner brat is like no effing way. Am I gonna work on this right because your inner brat
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it knows where it's at in terms of like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I I don't need to twist myself in a pretzel to get love and acceptance right? And so if you're projecting that onto the business, of course
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's gonna hold you back.
Kim Davies: Yeah.
Kim Davies: exactly.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Beautiful. So what?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how can you continue to embody?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's really important important awareness.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So that it doesn't just in a.
Kim Davies: Everything I do. I do because I want to. And it's for me and what other people say and their responses isn't.
Kim Davies: doesn't have to do with who I am.
Kim Davies: That's right.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I would do writing on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And if this lands it might not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Writing on my business is for me.
Kim Davies: Yeah.
Kim Davies: yeah.
Kim Davies: good.
Kim Davies: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's moving through you? Where are you feeling stuck?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What's feeling important?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I haven't heard from some of you in a little bit. I'm wondering what
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): some of the more the people I haven't heard from in a little bit. What's moving through you.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I'll go.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: was.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I was looking through my notebook, and I found the the shadow notes from, or the boundary notes from last year.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: And
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: I realize that they're they're kind of the same, but not the same like like
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: it's
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: it's like I've just gone a deeper level.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: So where some of this stuff was was similar.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: but it was more like I understood it at a surface level. And now.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: even though it's it's sounds sort of the same. I understand it at a totally different level.
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: So while on the one hand, it doesn't seem like much progress, because I haven't changed anything it it does feel like progress when I really
Michelle Ritter-Taylor: feel into it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That is the definition of embodiment right there. Right? So, yeah, it's great, like new idea, like all of that is sexy and wonderful. Of course, of course, but it's actually the the deeper pieces often are.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I already knew that, but now I really know it, and I feel it, and because I feel it versus just understand it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm gonna act differently
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because of it. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): good. I'm so happy to hear it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Just waiting to see if someone else will go. This is mostly inspired by everything that's just been said.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): but I'm realizing that this piece that came through in that last journey place we did, or the journey we did
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): of like you'll be loved if you struggle or like, she'll actually see you and love you. If you struggle, and then you'll be okay.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I was just reflecting on
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): how much I've got this like.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): go go work hard, that thing that you long for, which is like the joy in the freedom, even though that's supposed to be what you've got right now like. That's you're just holding it away. Because then you look better cause you're struggling. And I'm realizing I'm like, I've just created this life that's really supposed to be about freedom, and I have freedom. My gosh! It feels really hard and trapping. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I and I've been thinking about the writing and then making the newsletters, and, like I write all the flip in time. I love writing. I love sharing my thoughts, but then I have to struggle with them to get them out, and
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I have to struggle to get the curriculum out. I have to struggle to get this other thing out, and I have to struggle
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): with the moves and all the things I was like. Oh, wow! What would it be?
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Carly doesn't seem really spooked to me like, what if I just hitched it all to joy like.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): how fun would that be? And so it's I'm really feeling into that place of protecting joy and actually being okay, protecting joy like even just noticing the conversations I have in my head with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Another shadow piece for you, right like it's it's almost as if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes, cognitively, you know, joy is okay. But another port part of you has put joy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in to shadow, because that's a privilege right.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I I can see it slowly coming out of the shadow today like no, actually, I deserve for real. I deserve to have joy. It doesn't always have to be a struggle. I can be worthy and joyful and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and worthy of serving others who don't yet have that privilege also.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And just on that note
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I I was thinking about my drawings yesterday, and like
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): the planet, was in almost all of them. And you know I'm
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): texting with my friend on house arrest in El Salvador, and he may never have freedom. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I I've really been struggling recently with this place of like.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I have to let go of the idea because he doesn't have it. I don't get it. And
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and it's been. It's been really huge. So it just feels like it's been ripening for this moment. And yes, exactly what you just said. I didn't get your exact words, but I'll listen again. But
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): I'm yeah. I can be worthy and joyful, and I can joyfully serve those who
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): don't yet have all of that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, all of that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): beautiful thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): involved. Before I get you again. I just want to see anyone who hasn't shared.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's anything that wants to be spoken.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and Paul.
Inbal Sansani: I just wanted to share in response to what
Inbal Sansani: Kelly shared. Because I think we're so much, you know, alike in
Inbal Sansani: this way and others.
Inbal Sansani: But I remember
Inbal Sansani: in 2012. So 12 years ago, when I was in my last
Inbal Sansani: humanitarian aid post, and like I was sick and
Inbal Sansani: self-sabotaging, it was like.
Inbal Sansani: really bad.
Inbal Sansani: And it was this idea that, like I shouldn't leave, because, like I have 2 passports, people like.
Inbal Sansani: you know, and like working with refugees, and
Inbal Sansani: you know it's again. It's like another rule.
Inbal Sansani: you know, that I also like continued to work on, and you were my coach at the time.
Inbal Sansani: That's like denying my privilege like
Inbal Sansani: isn't serving anyone.
Inbal Sansani: And it's like a lesson. I continue, because it's still coming up in all the ways. But like I punish myself for over. Give
Inbal Sansani: you know, and and then what I worked on at the shadow retreat around, deserving.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, and power and being in your power.
Inbal Sansani: And that we need to like, include ourselves in whatever it is that we want to like, create for the world.
Inbal Sansani: But it's like
Inbal Sansani: over a decade.
Inbal Sansani: But there is progress for sure.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yup
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alarm.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, so let's keep on going
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a little further.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We want to bring us back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this idea that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): when we uphold aligned boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're protecting something precious and sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to us.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): something that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe we were never taught to protect, something that maybe was never
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): respected, or or something that it like there was
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): there was. It was always set up as a trade off.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If I
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): protect my self expression.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): then I hurt somebody else's.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Whatever self expression.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): safety.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): etc.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): how
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more that we can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): activate and build inside of us
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): an aligned protective
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): mechanism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the more we're willing to uphold
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): aligned boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): many of us have faulty inner protectors.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And it's not our faults.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): family.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): other adults, culture teachers, how whoever, whatever
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): did not protect us or parts of us well.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): one way that we can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): look at working on aligned boundaries
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): is working to make our inner protectors
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): stronger
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): more and more ready to serve.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that's kind of an aspect of the inner parent
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right? That inner protector, one aspect of the inner parents.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And so my name for that inner protector is the wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The wise warrior is the one who holds
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): themselves
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sacred.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and who holds what is important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to them sacred, and is willing to protect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is sacred.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The wise warrior
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): holds boundaries that are clear
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and direct.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The wise warrior
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): doesn't people please?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The wise warrior gives
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): without
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): over giving.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The wise warrior is willing to express
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): knowing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that they have a right to be honored.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The energy of the wise warrior is confident.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): firm.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and loving both to yourself
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and others.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's willing to stand up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it trusts
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): deeply
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that your needs
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): are as important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as everybody else's.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What gets activated for you, or what sparks for you. As I describe
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of the wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria.
pollymolly: I
pollymolly: I just got a oh, got
pollymolly: feeling of egoism.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Talk, more.
pollymolly: What is I mean? Is that the the the
pollymolly: Very. Oh, gosh, my! I.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, no, no, you're.
pollymolly: Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And I know it's late. Right? Ex misaligned warrior, yeah. Can be too big of an ego.
pollymolly: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Aligned warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There's enough space for my ego, and there's enough space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): through your ego.
pollymolly: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Why is that important for you? Why is that coming up? Why is that important.
pollymolly: Cause. I feel that it there is a fine line in between those extremes. I mean, what is too much?
pollymolly: yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And this is where, right? It's like, when we're scared that we're too much
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we go to.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Then we we don't protect at all right. So we're wanting to find energetically, and then from the energetically that turns into expression of what is that? And you involve is saying in the chat. It's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): truly both, and not us or them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): There doesn't need to be the either or.
pollymolly: Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You're so welcome.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Wendy.
Wendy: What it reminded me of was actually my evocation?
Wendy: And yes, it just
Wendy: fits right in with that piece. And that's exactly
Wendy: what it reminded me of.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So glad, and it was such a powerful evocation.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Tina.
Tina Dowdy: Is imbal before me.
Tina Dowdy: Pissiever. Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I apologize first. Just cause we've heard from involved a couple of times this afternoon. I'm gonna get her right after you.
Tina Dowdy: I felt more of an image of a peaceful warrior, because
Tina Dowdy: I feel like all my life I've been combating something, and I just don't want to be that energy, you know. I just want to be in my queen energy now.
Tina Dowdy: And
Tina Dowdy: so I feel like it's more of a peaceful warrior, because there's a piece of knowing that it's okay to protect what is sacred with me.
Tina Dowdy: Yeah, you know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): absolutely. And I love that. You're bringing that term in cause. Actually, we're in a few minutes. We're gonna talk about peaceful warrior. So you're you're on it already. Good ball.
Inbal Sansani: I was just thinking in the
Inbal Sansani: one of the words you said is that
Inbal Sansani: like knowing that they have a right to be
Inbal Sansani: honored?
Inbal Sansani: And it's just making me think of, you know, like what we were looking at yesterday, and that.
Inbal Sansani: you know, at some level like that, you know, we're worthy of our needs. We're worthy of being seen
Inbal Sansani: and just like the connection to to self worth and believing in our fundamental self, worth, our right to have needs.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 100%.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so often again, it was like that trade off that you wrote in the chat. Right? If I have needs, I'm taking away from your right to have needs, etc. But it doesn't. It doesn't have to be that binary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Jessica.
jessicakuznick: Oh, sorry I didn't realize. I don't think I.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Oh, oh! I thought you were.
jessicakuznick: Sorry that was an accident. Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, Tina? Oh, so Tina mentioned peaceful warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Are there any Yoga teachers
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the house or yogis in the house?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Does someone want to
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): volunteer to show us some of the the warrior poses.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'll do it. But you're not gonna get great form. It comes from me.
Deva Munay: And so, and.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: As one.
Deva Munay: I could share a couple of them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Okay, awesome. So I'm gonna talk a little bit about them. And then you can maybe model for us. And we're gonna actually a little bit move into them to just feel the energy. But I always think about the warrior poses
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yoga warrior poses right because
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): those poses are not about aggression.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Those poses are not about taking from someone else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Those poses are about
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): setting boundaries and protect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from a grounded place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a place of taking up space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and protecting right what? However it is. And then there's that that peaceful warrior, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in the mix, which is still very much about protection, but in a different way. So so, David, maybe you can model for us warrior one or 2, and then, peaceful warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you can get
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even the camera.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah. And Carlita sing in the chat you're drawing of aligned boundaries spontaneously, which move spontaneously, appeared in Warrior 2. Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hi, so
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yes, beautiful, if you can just like, hold that for one. I guess you can for a moment right? Can everybody see the energy in that that's called warrior? Right? That's not aggressive. That's not taking from someone else that is protecting and setting a boundary
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): for what is mine.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Hey? Beautiful? Thank you, David. I'm gonna so we'll yeah, okay, get into right? And so also, that's warrior, too. Right?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're not taking anything that's not ours. And that's peaceful. Warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What is this spark for? Yay, David, so what is what is all of this sparking?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What thoughts are coming up?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anyone want to share?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And Bob.
Inbal Sansani: But the
Inbal Sansani: you know, the actual form.
Inbal Sansani: like how important it is, you know, to be grounded.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
Inbal Sansani: You know, to be aligned.
Inbal Sansani: you know, so like you're not like tweaking your your system, and it's always like
Inbal Sansani: you know, shoulders down like you're supposed to be spacious and open. You're not supposed to be like, you know. It's like
Inbal Sansani: Someone knows the probably the
Inbal Sansani: more accurate phrase, but it's like, you know, it's like you're strong and relaxed at the same time.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes, strong, strong route, right? So like, grounded in the feet. With that that flow and that relaxation, but also
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): so that you can be clear and direct cause. That's how we want to set boundaries clearly and directly whenever we start to like. Set the boundary. But it's underhanded. But I'm gonna write like that's when we're not grounded in the power.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Kelly.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): What I was taking was just this memory of my Yoga teacher training where they talked about how the ancient Yogis would say, you know, we learn to be to embody all these poses. So we understand that everything from like the locust to the.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): you know, lie in to the warrior like that. We understand in our bodies what it is to be all of them, and that we be humbled like before these. So that was the first thing, and then just in the embodiment of the poses
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): with just this acknowledgement that in all the warrior poses there is an up and down like earth and heavens, or side to side or front to back
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): energy.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and that is like taking in the both and like, it's very expansive. And it's also rooted. And there's this place of like warrior channels, the energy of like the earth and the heavens, and it's both like rooting down, but also lifting up and like even like I can feel from and like memories of teaching where I'm just like this side of the leg is reaching down into the earth, and the inner part is lifting up. And so there's just like this embodiment of all these different
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): parts and pieces. But it's it's
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): when we're in a well
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): aligned pose. I hadn't thought of this, but when the pose is in proper alignment we're moving down and we're moving up and we are moving forward, and we're moving back. And we are held so strongly in the center. And it's the most powerful place to be in.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I love it, and that's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): energetically like that's what I want us to kind of consider is moving into that energy of the warrior that all of you are so beautifully describing, to set, to protect, and then set boundaries from this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So, Kelly, since you mentioned that you've been through teacher training.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Could you? Give us all easy instruction, so like any ability that you know any of us have on one of the poses?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just so we can feel some embodiment of that energy of the warrior.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Sure.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Yeah.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Very nice.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): This is, this is play, everybody. It's an experiment. We're not doing it perfectly right. We don't have to have like we can suck at all the Yoga things. This is about archetypal energy embodiment what we're doing right now. Okay, so to you, to everybody's ability.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): No myth of perfection. Alright, then go ahead and stand up. If that works for you, and if not, I'm gonna give you alternative instructions as well.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And so first find
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): just find your mountain pose, which is your feet about hips distance apart and your feet parallel, and then we're gonna move from that place, so the steadiness of mountain
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and feel your toes
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): tickling the earth or the ground beneath you, and then find the balance between your heels and your toes. So you're finding your center.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): And if you're seated and you need to be seated, or even lying down, I just want you to do the same with your feet, just finding them hips distance apart on the floor or lying down.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and you're just flexing them and feeling the earth beneath them or imagining earth.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then you're gonna go ahead and step your right leg back so it's about. If you stretch your arms out wide, your
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Your ankles will be just below your wrists. So
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): me see if I can.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): Can. You see me? All right. So your
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): reaching your arms out so that they're they're in the same plane as your legs.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then your
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): left arm above your left
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): leg, which is bent. So you want your need about 90 degrees and your right leg straight back behind you.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then you're gonna deepen forward into that front leg. So you're bending the knee. The knee is above the ankle.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): The back leg is straight and your toes are pointing your right
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): toes. Sorry it's been a while. Your right toes are
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): pointing out to the wall to your right.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then you're going to deepen into this pose just a little more so it might feel like your thigh is burning just a bit. You can do this. Seated. You can also do this lying down. You're just finding the form in your body.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): If you're lying down, you can do it, and just feel the tension in your muscles strengthening them. And if you're seated you can do this right across the chair.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then, as you're rooting down, you're gonna feel the outer edge of your back foot reaching down to the earth while the inner
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): ankle is lifting up like there's a line lifting up from the base of the ground up into your groin area.
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then your arms are extending out opposite directions. And you can really, you can really start to feel the expansion if you let them. If you reach from fingertip to fingertip
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and then go ahead and straighten the leg, come up
Kelly Lubeck (she/her): and we'll switch. Do you want to switch sides, or do you want to come out.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): That was good. So everybody, I'm gonna keep us here for one more moment. So
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): everyone come back to to that pose that Kelly just beautifully led us through. I want us to just be here, and if you, if you prefer, you can do peaceful right? So, either straight out or back.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I want you to take a moment and imagine
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in this pose, feel the strength in your body.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and imagine that you're setting an aligned boundary in order to protect something precious to you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Just notice what that feels like to have your feet firmly grounded and yourself stretched out, not into anyone else's space, but stretched out in your space
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to protect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what's ready to be protected.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and take a moment and embody that energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And you can play with this, for you know, and give us like a half minute. Please play around just what, however, you want to move your body, what, what.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what is the position where you feel you are protecting.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): When you're ready you can
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): come back.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you, Kelly. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Don't.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Were you able all just to feel that a little bit. That
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): energy of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I am protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): anything that wants to be said
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that.
Inbal Sansani: Appreciate the point that.
Inbal Sansani: like you're not in anyone else's space.
Inbal Sansani: you're just taking up like your, it's taking up space. It's not an attack. It's not.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, it's like in in that pose you're taking up so much space. But you're still in your personal space. You're not encroaching
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on anyone else.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Anything else that wants to be said
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): on that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or what you notice about the energy.
Vlada Tomova: It felt so empowering.
Vlada Tomova: It's it's hard to express in words. It really is a body feeling.
Vlada Tomova: I I I yeah, I guess that is really it is the embodiment.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And right, that's what we're talking about when we talk about archetypal energy, right? Is that we can embody these energies
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right.
Vlada Tomova: Know.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): End.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah.
Vlada Tomova: Being in the pose, and then actually thinking.
Vlada Tomova: I am protecting something sacred. That was just such a profound shift.
Vlada Tomova: It's hard to explain any words, but it's really I'm so grateful that we went there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Right, because it's not. Whatever it is that we're protecting. It's I need to protect my self expression. I need to write like it's not that
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): it's
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): no, it is my
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sacred duty
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to protect my self expression, and I will uphold this boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or whatever it is.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yeah, Jessica saying, it feels strong and open hearted, Tina saying, the energy is confident and authentic, currently just saying, I love the feeling with my arms stretched out so wide my legs in such a dynamic, ready position of being ready to whirlwind, to spring, to defend
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): alright. Let's take this a little bit further.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): let's connect in with our inner, wise
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): warriors.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So we'll do. We'll go into another kind of held space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it if you can close your eyes and that feels comfortable. Do that.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): If not, keep your eyes open and go inward.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we going inward for a few minutes
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): start to come back to your body.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and whether you can visualize or not, you might see this, or you can just feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): yourself in this. I want to invite you to imagine that you are walking into a sacred elevator.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): walk in.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if you can see, watches the elevator doors close.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if not, just feel it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feel the feeling of being in this sacred elevator.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then the elevator starts going down down to the deepest.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): most sacred place inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and notice what it feels like to be in
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this elevator, going down to the deepest, most sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): place inside of you as you go down one floor
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and 2 floors.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Who's being in this
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): elevator going down to this important place inside of you, down to the third floor, and the fourth.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm getting closer to this most sacred place, down to the fifth
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the 6,
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then finally at the seventh floor, at the most
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): place inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The elevator doors open.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you walk out
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): into a beautiful scene
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of the most sacred place inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and if you're able to visualize.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): look around and notice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the surroundings of this sacred place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you're not able to visualize sense and feel what this sacred place feels like and regardless. If you can visualize or not feel the sacred place
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): inside a view.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Notice
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if it's hot, cold, medium.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Notice if there are any sounds in this place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): maybe sounds of nature or otherwise
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): really notice what it feels like to be in this place.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then, from the sacred
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): setting in place inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): call down
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): in human form
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your inner, wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the one who knows exactly how to protect what is precious
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with grace.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and the one who knows exactly how to hold aligned boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And maybe you can see
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): this one, your inner, wise warrior, if not sense, into the energy?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does the wise warrior look like?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): What does your inner, wise warrior feel like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): if you can visualize. Notice the expression on this one's face.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or feel.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): even without seeing, feel the expression.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feel
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the way this one holds themselves.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I invite you to connect
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your inner wise warrior
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): also connect through the hands. So take this one's hands in yours.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Almost feel as if you're starting to breathe in unison.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): regulating and in training with the energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of your wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and ask this one
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from its highest wisdom.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what does it want you to know?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Continue to connect with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the wise warrior, feel their hands in yours, breathe with them, be with their energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ask them.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what boundaries are you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): ready to set.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): what boundaries are you ready to set?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Breathe even more with
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): your wise warrior? Really be with the energy of this one who knows exactly how to protect with grace.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and how to uphold boundaries.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and think of a particular situation
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you're in right now, that you would like your warriors, support with.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and ask it. What you need to know
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): about this situation, or what more
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): do you need to know?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Your wise warrior has a gift for you, an object?
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Ask the warrior to present it to you
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): right now.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): It's a magical gift that can help you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): You may see your feel, feel into the energy of the gift and know exactly what it's used for.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): or you can ask not. You can ask your warrior what how should I use this gift? What is this gift for.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then ask your wise warrior to put the gift directly into the part of your body that can absorb it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): The best
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can use it the best.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and just feel as you absorb the energy of this magical gift.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Be in your body as you take in the energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of this magical tool.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then take both your warriors, hands, and your own, making a circle
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): between the 2 of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feeling into that wise warrior energy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and ask your warrior to send their energy from their arms to your arms, round and round the circle to balance out their energy inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then, as you're ready over the next few moments.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Thank you, wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then let that energy fade into the distance, knowing that you have it inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and you have the magic of its gift inside of you.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and make your way directly back to the sacred elevator.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Step into the elevator and feel the doors close
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then be in the elevator as you come back up the 7 floors.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): back to this time in space.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and as you approach the first floor you can open your eyes if they're not already open.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take a moment jot down any notes you wanna drop down.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Inbel. Do you have a question? Because, if not, I'll save it for later, because there's still a little more to the process.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Let me take another
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): half a minute or so, write down any other notes.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and then
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): we're gonna make one more drawing for this retreat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So from the energy
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): feeling that energy of the warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I want to invite you to make a drawing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): of what it is
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): that you are protecting
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): can be all of you like an another stick figure right? And it doesn't have to be high art.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): but I want you to make a drawing of what it is that you're protecting, and what a healthy or the aligned protective boundary around that thing
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): looks like.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I'll put this in the chat, too.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Draw what it is that you are protecting, that you are honored to protect.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and what the healthy, aligned protective boundary looks like
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): moving from that energy of the wise warrior.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Feel that energy of sacred protection
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): as you create that boundary.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Take another minute and a half on this and a half, 2 min
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): start to finish up
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): a.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So I'm gonna send you off into breakout rooms for a few minutes, so you can share whatever you want to share, either. What came through. The process with the warrior. Share the drawing? Anything that's moving through you right now. That's feeling important and wants to be seen and heard will be groups of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): 3. So, and you'll have 4 min each.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): So enjoy.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Sorry I was just taking a bite. I was in with a breakout room. I'm about to call everybody back.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I'm so glad you're back. I was gonna
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): actually email you during break, like, I hope you're coming back before the end of the day.
Gregg Berman: Yeah, I just needed a rest.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I got it. I'm working as hard.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We did a hold on. Let me call everyone back 1 s.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We finally we finally got around to the wise warrior piece. We did kind of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): big piece of work around that. You'll get flavor of it from the shares, and then you can always go back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to recordings.
Gregg Berman: Thanks.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I'm glad you took care of yourself.
Gregg Berman: Thank you.
Gregg Berman: Took a nap in my bed for a little while. It took a nap on the beach for a little while.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Do you live right by the beach?
Gregg Berman: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): I didn't realize that. That's amazing.
Gregg Berman: Yeah, it it spectacular sunsets a hundred feet out my door.
Gregg Berman: It's really nice, and it's a secluded little beach, so there's almost never anybody there.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Amazing, so happy that you have that I'm jealous.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Welcome back, everybody.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Alright.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): We're gonna break in a little bit. But I'd love to hear a few shares. What's feeling important
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): from the wise warrior
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): process that we did.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Carlita.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: I got so much out of that. But one thing that came was my wise warrior was like you. You need to kind of do some archetypal re-patterning like you need to begin to identify with the artist archetype. That is true and natural to you, cause you're not a business woman. I have business, and I'll continue to have a business.
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: But but the the archetype for which to lead is not about business. It is about just being in the creative energy, and somebody was saying in our group,
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: I I think it was Kelly you were talking about leading, starting from the magic and not like doing the things and then hoping the magic comes later. It's like we lead from the magic. We get into the magic, and then it goes from there, and I'm getting chills again. It's just like like leading from the energy of that artist is the way for me right now, you know, and to and to just create the the space for it that is, the boundary is just not to squash it and shove it aside, but just to have this
Karlita Nabours-Palermo: space for that beautiful energy to to be so. Such a rich exercise. And and our groups are like we're in such a magical field. The way these things line up so neat.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): And love it.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): and I can just feel that energy brimming for you. I feel like magic is a foot in Carlita land.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Maria.
pollymolly: Yeah. So
pollymolly: I also had a a very strong experience I shared with with the group, because I have.
pollymolly: for some reason I've been very it's been difficult to go deeper with this. It's like I've been blocked blocking out everything. But these 2 last exercise really took me into another level, and I.
pollymolly: During my elevator journey the the warrior and the gift I got was a key
pollymolly: a key, and for me to
pollymolly: open up doors and and you know, get the flow with everything I need to, and but also have the power to lock the doors if if if it's if it's the wrong
pollymolly: well, I I don't draft. I I ask for the right. If there is too much wind between the the doors.
pollymolly: So it was very powerful for me, like I am. I am in charge of that key, and I can
pollymolly: choose what I want.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Yes.
pollymolly: Yeah.
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): Beautiful. I love it, and so I would. I would recommend coming back
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): to that energy of
Joanna Lindenbaum (she/her): the key being with it. You can use other tools that we've learned here like dialogue, and and write with the key, because that that was one of the pieces that's so meaningful for you. Continue to build that that energy of the key up archetypally inside of you and ask it for wisdom.
pollymolly: Yeah, yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm S.
pollymolly: Still. So.